"Morning cupcake," there was a finger stroking along the side of my face.

"Mmm," I moaned into my pillow in my just-woke-up deep voice as I stretched out my legs and curled my toes.

"I made you some breakfast," his voice was soft and loving in a way that made me feel dizzy. He had a way of making me feel like I was the all that mattered, the very centre of his universe. I rolled over to see the tray he'd placed next to me on his bed; a plate of fluffy pancakes drizzled with maple syrup and a mug of steaming coffee rested on top. I couldn't help the grin that broke out on my face.

"Thank you," I grinned pecking him on the lips as I curled my legs into a crossed leg position eager to tuck into my breakfast. I'd just picked up the fork Jackson had brought when I noticed how his expression had switched, he was no longer smiling, he was an entirely different person now. Clouds of anger had migrated their way across his face darkening his eyes to the storm I knew to fear. I should have known he hadn't made me this breakfast out of kindness. He wanted to guilt trip me, he was painting himself the good one, the one who cared and made an effort. I placed my fork down, my appetite replaced with knots of fear.

"You were back late last night," there it was, and the accusation that went with those words.

"I went for a walk," I shrugged hoping if I kept my voice casual he would remain calm too.

"By yourself?"

"Of course," I returned shortly but knew immediately that that was the wrong thing to say when a brightness illuminated his eyes with a ferocious heat.

"Of course," he imitated me his voice slicing violently through the air, suddenly he was flipping the tray and the contents on it went flying across the room, I heard the plate shatter but the noise seemed quiet compared to the furious pounding of my heart in my chest. "How the fuck am I meant to know that you're on your own Cara? You don't let me know anything. You stay out late but 'of course' you're on your own. I'm the idiot for not realising? Yet I make you breakfast and you throw everything back in my face like the ungrateful piece of shit that you are."

Suddenly he was pushing me backwards and he was on top of me, when I looked in his eyes they were feral, filled with a kind of unfiltered animalistic anger that made my blood run cold. His hands wrapped themselves around my neck so hard I could already feel bruised blossoming. I gasped for air as panic rose up in my throat constricting my ability to breath. I honestly in that moment believed that he could kill me. I pressed my eyes shut so I wouldn't have to look into his eyes and see who he truly was.

~

My eyes shot open with a start as I gasped in a huge breath like the one you take when you've stayed under water for too long and come back up gulping for air. I kicked my sheets off me as instantly they felt oppressive and heavy, like Jackson's weight crushing down onto my ribcage.

Around me my room was still dark and silent and a glance at my clock revealed it was 4 am. I rolled out of bed not wanting to be there anymore, the smell of sheets and the feel of the mattress only reminded me of him. I knew trying to fall back to sleep would be pointless as well. I was fully awake, adrenaline still pumping through my system. I needed to get out.

It seemed like hours ago when I'd left my room last needing to escape yet it had been mere hours. I hated the thought of that, was I becoming so weak that I could barely go hours without having another meltdown or flashback. Jackson seemed to be constantly controlling my mind, pulling all the strings inside my brain and knowing precisely what each one would do to me. He knew me better than I knew myself.

I shook my head determinedly, he only did if I let him. And I hadn't, I'd got away, I'd escaped and I'd sworn to myself that I'd never let anyone do that to me again. For as long as I lived. In my bathroom I splashed my face with ice cold water that managed to calm me down but didn't fully diffuse the tension coiled up inside me. So I headed out pushing my door open with a creak that echoed down the silent hallway. Then it dawned on me, the cream was too loud to be just one door and in quick succession to my thought a figure shifted out of their room and into the moonlight glancing through the skylight.

"Grey!" I whispered into the darkness, he was unmistakable in the way he carried himself. With a jump Grey spun around to face me his hand on his chest as he sucked in a startled breath.

"Jesus Cara," he cried out, "you scared the shit out of me."

"Sorry," I apologised but half my mouth pulled up in a smile that was anything but sorry. I was beyond grateful for bumping into him.

"It's alright," he took two steadying breaths and I took two steps closer to him. He was holding swimming trunks in his hand. "Can you not sleep either?"

"Nope," I shook my head,

"Up for a swim?" He held up the trunks and my smile widened the tiniest millimetre. He always seemed to know exactly what I needed before even I did.

"Let me grab my things," I nodded, once I had my bathing suit in hand Grey and I fell into step side by side as we made our way towards the swimming pool.

When we reached the door to the pool, still shrouded in a shadowed light it dawned on me that I hadn't set foot in the building since the shooting. I hesitated at the doorway cautious to set foot inside in case it triggered a reaction and I'd had enough of those tonight.

"Hey," Grey reached out and took my hand, his voice coaxing my eyes upwards to his, "it's okay. It's only me and you here."

I nodded letting his voice reassure me, we were going to be fine. My heart rate slowed a little as Grey guided me in, his fingers gripping onto mine. He didn't let go until we had to split into our separate changing rooms.

"I'm fine," I told him, he looked like he didn't want to leave me alone in the changing room, "I swear."

"Yeah I know," Grey nodded but he wasn't quite meeting my eyes before he turned and let the door to the boys changing room swung shut behind him. That's when it dawned on me that maybe he was the one having difficulty being here. After all he'd been the one that was hurt. He had more of a reason than I did to fear this place and the memories that came flooding in with it. I'd been so absorbed in myself that I'd failed to notice him and I hated myself for it. When had I become to self absorbed?

As I changed into my sticky costume I made I promise to myself to be more aware of the boys, not notice their feelings just as the were always so hyperaware of mine. They were the ones who'd taught me that friendship was a two way street.

"Cara?" Grey knocked on the door, his voice anxious.

Immediately I pulled the door open, he was standing right there in his full glory and I felt my breath catch in my throat as it hit me again just how handsome he was. I gave him my best reassuring smile,

"I'm right here," I promised, "just you and me."

Grey nodded, side by side we made our way to the pool, then we were there. Simultaneously, Grey and I reached for each other's hands as the swell of memories came flooding back with the smell of chlorine and the ripple of the turquoise water reflecting off the tiled floor. When I blinked I could still see Grey lying on the floor lifeless and feel the way my entire body had become rigid with terror.

"Ready," I squeezed Grey's hand, he looked at me as if to say 'for what', "one, two," I was tugging him along until we were running up to the pool edge and leaping into the air, I screamed, "three."

I was plunging down through dense water my eyes wide open and burning as its cold touch struck into my skin. A wave of nausea came up over me as I remembered floating through the water seeing water tinted red everywhere. So much blood. But as quickly as that feeling had arrived it was overcome by exhilaration. My heart was racing in my chest and my feet kicked through the water in a way that made me feel powerful as I exploded through the surface sucking in breaths of refreshing air.

"I can't believe you did that," Grey's voice was in my ear, panting as he adjusted to the coolness of the water.

"Race you," was all I said as I dived back under the water needing to feel it against my skin as I furiously kicked my way through its denseness. I felt strong as the energy coiled up inside me could finally be realised in an explosion of movement. The feeling of water pushing against me made me aware that somewhere to my left Grey was swimming alongside me.

We kept going, swimming back and forth so many times I lost count. Grey had lapped me a couple of times as well. He alternated between swimming like a shark as chasing him down and lazily laying on his back kicking his legs as he floated along beside me keeping in time with my steadily slowing pace.

Finally, when it felt like my lungs had given up on me and I could go no further I stopped at the edge placing my forearms on the side to pull my top half out of the water. I rested my chin on my arms as I panted trying to get my breath back. After a minute Grey joined me in the same position, both of us staring out through the glass window at Kings Bridge.

"Have you been back here since?" I asked into the empty space.

"No," Grey's voice was hushed.

"How are you doing?"

"Surprisingly okay," I felt the heat of Grey's eyes on my face so turned to watch him back. He gave a weak half smile; his eyes were a mass of rain clouds, "thanks for coming with me. I think I would've backed out if I was on my own."

"Me too," I admitted,

"I didn't want this to be his place you know," Grey's voice was filled with a quiet anger, "I didn't want to think of him when I was here. I used to love it here and I couldn't bear it if he took that away."

"Then don't let him," I told him forcefully, I reached out and touched the scar on the side of Grey's head, a tiny white mark that stood out against his clear skin. "He's not here. It's just us."

I could hear Grey's breath become jagged at my touch on his skin and the closeness of our proximity. In the small space between us our breath began to mingle as my own heart picked up. Slowly, as if waiting for my permission Grey let go of the wall and wrapped his arms around my waist, I felt myself let go of the wall, my body slipping down into his arms as he held me in place. Our legs kicking side by side to keep us above water.

As I looked into his eyes, the arrogant angry eyes I'd looked into so often in the past months, I only saw emotion. Conflicted eyes torn between desire and doubt that I was sure were as confused as my own about how we'd ended up like this, our chests pounding against each other.

We stayed like that for I didn't know how long, just staring at each other with our faces close enough to touch although they never did. It was the most intense moment I'd ever shared with anybody but we weren't even kissing. There were moments I thought he might kiss me, I got that feeling in the pit of my stomach, the one I always had before I was kissed but he never did. There was always something between us, a million reasons why we couldn't. Simply being like this was enough though, it wasn't hurting anybody.

So, that's where we stayed, floating across the pool just looking at each other and being, okay.