I awoke among Mina's bright walls feeling awful, like I'd barely slept at all, my mind was so full of whirring and spinning thoughts that kept going round and round driving me crazy. I couldn't concentrate on any one thought, images just kept flashing through my mind; my moms face reflecting in our hotel mirror with her bright red lips pursed, Grey on his motorbike, Nico with his head thrown back and fireworks exploding above sending light onto his face, mom's lipstick was now dripping in a fateful, bloody red from her lips, Sawyers fingers lightly running their way along piano keys, Mitch's hand wrapped around mine and then finally the crack of a gun shot. Every image and sound revolved around my mind, slowly driving me crazy, it felt relentless and I had no idea how to sort out each thought from the chaos.

Mom would've known what to do, she would've sat me in front of a mirror and pulled my hair back from my face and tugged my shoulders up. She would've pinched my chin between her fingers and looked me dead in the eyes. She would've told me straight what to do and she would've reassured me but at the same time chided me for being so pathetic. She wasn't here to do that now though. I would have to learn to deal with this without her, all the problems she'd caused that I now had to bare the weight of. I hated her for doing this to me, but at the same time I missed her. I missed her so fucking much that I couldn't even blame her for getting me in this state.

Mina was still asleep beside me but I couldn't lie in her bed any longer, I needed to get up and do something so I climbed out of her bed and yanked on my clothes over my pyjamas. I left a note on a piece of paper beside Mina and left. Most of me felt bad for leaving so abruptly but I knew Mina would understand, she always did.

Once outside her house I rang Grey, I couldn't think of anyone else to call. He answered promptly as I suspected he would.

"Sleeping well I see?"

"What do you want Collins, I've awoken for my nonexistent slumber for you," Grey mumbled trying to sound like he'd just woken up.

"Could you pick me up please?" I felt like a child begging their parent to pick them up from a sleepover in the middle of the night when they were scared.

"Of course, just tell me where."

Twenty minutes later Grey appeared in his car and I was secretly glad he hadn't brought his motorbike cause I don't think I could've stomached that this morning. I was perched on Mina's garden wall thinking about nothing but everything at the same time and couldn't help but smile when I saw him. I was beyond glad to see him and was practically beaming by the time I clambered into his car.

"Want to talk about why I'm picking you up at 7:30?" He prompted cutting straight to the point.

"No," I shook my head, swinging my feet onto the dashboard and closing my eyes. End of discussion.

I was thankful that Grey understood my need to have silence and be alone when we arrived back at Kings Bridge as he let me slip back into my room without prompting anymore conversation.

As I shut my bedroom door I immediately pressed my back into it and sunk to the floor. My head fell into my hands as my fingers curled themselves tightly into my hair. It was too much. Everything was too much.

Subconsciously I reached for my phone and my fingers clumsily found their way to the text.

I'm watching you.

I wanted to be sick, more than wanted I was probably going to. Fear consumed me.

I hated that I was being so dramatic, I hated that I carried this constant issue around with me that weighed in on every decision I made, on every word I said. I didn't want to be that person who lived in the shadow of their past but this man had given the order for one of his minions to shoot my mom. This wasn't a guy who messed around and all she'd done was beat him at poker and made a small dent in his billion dollar fortune. I was the one who could expose him. I dreaded to think what he'd do to me.

***

Mom came back from the game with a look I wasn't used to seeing on her face. She was afraid. Her face was clouded in a shroud of fear and I would see in the way she moved that terror had a tight grip on her.

"Pack your things right now, we're leaving," was the first thing she said to me the second she walked into our hotel room.

"What?" I demanded from my dazed state on the bed. Even though it was the middle of the afternoon I'd stayed up last night waiting for her to finish another game and now I was ready to fall asleep but mom had flicked the bathroom light on and it's artificial glare made me squint. I could hear the clatter of her throwing things into a bag frantically.

"Shit," I heard her mumble after a particularly loud clash that sounded like a perfume bottle smashing on the hard tiles.

"Mom what's going on?" I demanded more alert now as I walked over to the bathroom to watch her scoop all her makeup up and shove it into its bag.

"I'll explain later," she hushed, her voice a whisper even though we were the only ones in the room, "just get your things, we need to leave at once."

"Mom, you're scaring me," I found myself whispering too. I was afraid. I'd never seen her act like this, she was usually so unafraid, so fearless. I didn't like seeing her this way, it made my heart freeze. "Please just tell me what's ..,"

I was silenced when mom clamped her hand over my mouth to shut me up. Now I could hear footsteps coming down the corridor, several sets and they sounded heavy. They were getting closer, moms face blanched and I could practically feel her trembling.

"It's too late," there were tears forming in her eyes, "quickly you've got to hide."

Mom tugged me back into our room and peered around quickly then so fast I didn't have time to react she shoved me over to the floor to ceiling curtains and wrapped them around me.

"Mom what's going on, are you in trouble? Please just tell me, I don't understand, has something happened?" I had tears in my eyes now and my stomach was twisting and churning. Terror was enveloping me too.

"I took money from some powerful people Cara, some bad people. They're not very halt about it. That's doesn't matter now though I only care about you. Whatever happens you do not move from this spot, promise me. Don't let them know you're here, do you promise Cara?"

"Mom," I was crying now, "I promise."

"I'm sorry Cara, I'm so sorry I dragged you into all this. I want you to know that I love you Cara, you were the best thing that ever happened to me and I love you so so much."

She wrapped her arms around me and squeezed me in a hug so tight my breath caught.

"I love you too," I hissed back into her ear.

The footsteps had arrived outside our door now. They were here.

Mom pulled away from me with a face so lined with pain it killed me, distress coated every inch of her. But she reached up to wipe her tears away and set on her poker face. Finally she laid the curtains around me so I would be hidden just a split second before the door was opened by someone who had the key but I didn't even think about that my thoughts were so consumed with fear and the sound of my heart thumping.

"Miss Collins," a voice announced, "I hear someone wants you dead."

That was when my hand clamped over my mouth to stop myself screaming.

***

It must have been early evening by the time I was disturbed but I'd completely lost rack of time I'd been so wrapped up in my own head. I hadn't moved from my room all day not even to eat, I'd just wandered around wondering. That was until there was a knock on my door.

I opened the door to the cautious faces of Mitch, Sawyer, Grey and Nico all staring at me like they hadn't seen me in days. They looked like they'd missed me and in truth I'd missed them too.

"You're still awake," Nico commented for something to say.

"Yeah, what time is it?" I asked suddenly aware of how out of it I'd been today.

"Nearly midnight," Mitch replied his forehead creasing in concern at me.

"Do you wanna talk?" Sawyer asked but the way he said it showed there would be little choice in the matter, they were worried about me and they weren't going to give up until they knew what was wrong.

"Okay," I agreed albeit a little reluctantly, "but not here, let's go on the roof.

Grey led the way up and the rest of us followed with his assistance as I still wasn't used to heaving myself up out of the window. Once up on the roof we all lay in a row on the cool tiles staring up at the pitch black sky above us that was sprinkled with thousands of tiny stars.

The stars seemed more beautiful and more calming than ever. They all appeared to be twinkling like paper lanterns in the breeze and their light stood out extra brightly against the ominous black of the sky that I could feel myself falling into.

"I can see a shooting star!" Nico cried excitedly waving a finger at the sky that could've been pointing anywhere. I squinted in that general direction.

"It's a plane idiot," my search was cut off by Mitch and even in the limited starlight I knew he was rolling his eyes at Nico.

"That's Orion's belt," Sawyer pointed out beside me and stretched a hand upwards to point out several bright stars in the sky.

"How do you know that?" Nico was skeptical.

"Years of summer camps full of stargazing," Sawyer shrugged, "can you see there's a constellation over there?" he pointed out a tight cluster of stars over to the right that were all small but crammed together.

"Cool," Nico breathed.

"My mom was murdered," I blurted out suddenly. The air seemed to drop a couple of degrees for a moment and silence struck our group as each of us held their breath waiting for someone to respond.

"Can you see that bright star right there, that's the North Star," Sawyer spoke clearly into the night. His hand fiercely pointing at the brightest star in the sky. "It will always guide you home."

I reached down and squeezed his other hand in a silent thank you. He squeezed mine right back and I knew that everything was going to be okay.

We spent hours up there, we talked about everything and nothing at the same time. My mom was never mentioned which I was grateful for, we only spoke about school and the future. I learnt new things about the boys like which colleges they wanted to attend and what jobs they wanted to have. All of them wanted to get married one day and have a family, I was surprised by that, as all of them came from crappy home circumstances I thought they might be too afraid to have kids. But if there was one thing they all had in common it was that they wanted kids and they wanted to be good fathers. I had to admit hearing them talk about how dedicated they would be to their children made my heart swell, things like that drew me ever closer to all of them and I found myself sinking further and further into the quicksand of their group. It was inevitable, as much as I tried to struggle against it the more and more fixed I was becoming. I was falling for them, all of them, and it was the most messed up feeling in the world.

How the fuck can you fall for four guys at once? That wasn't what was meant to happen. That wasn't part of the plan, because with falling for four friends came a dilemma, an impossible decision. I would have to choose one of them, or none of them. Or all of them?

Fuck, my mind really was messed up.

I was even more worried about my mental state when we were finally saying our goodbyes at around 4 am and I wanted to kiss all of them. As I hugged each of them goodnight I had to restrain myself from planting a kiss on each of their lips one by one. So much of me wanted to but I wouldn't let myself, it wasn't right.

So I went to bed un-kissed but feeling very content. I'd got what I wanted to say off my chest and in return I'd got a wider understanding of the nights sky and all the possibilities it held.

As I was closing my eyes I heard my phone ping on my bedside table. Tiredly I flung a hand out to snatch it up, I thought it might be from Mina checking up on me but when I pressed on the screen an unknown number popped up. I felt my blood run cold.

I warned you. Someone always has to pay for mouths that don't stay shut.

I squeezed my eyes shut painfully tight. I'd done it, I'd brought them directly into my own path of danger.

They were getting closer.