《Ruin Me》8. Envy me

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I woke up on Monday morning with no idea where I was. I stared confounded at the unfamiliar room around me. For a moment I believed that I was just in a crappy hotel room and mom would walk out the bathroom any second with a breathtaking smile on her lips.

She didn't of course, she never would smile at me again. Every morning I had to wake up and remember that she was gone, it was like she died everyday time and time again.

In reality, I was at Kings Bridge with a pit of dread wrapping itself tightly around my stomach. Today was Monday which meant the first day of a new school. Though I had been permitted to stay at Kings Bridge I couldn't go to school there. Instead I had to attend the public school twenty minutes down the road. Ainsley High.

It wasn't like I wasn't used to going to new schools and blending into the background. I'd been to more schools than I cared to remember, each time we moved it was a different school with new people and a new system. I eventually gave up on making friends because I knew that inevitably I would have to leave them behind. As a result I'd never really had a proper friend, something I wished I'd had more than anything.

So this was going to be more difficult than other times because now I actually had to get people to like me. Something I wasn't particularly skilled at. I'd been trained to be charming and charismatic but ruthless and cut throat, not kind and considerate. Not a friend.

I'd already resigned myself to defeat, if I set my hopes low I couldn't be disappointed. I wiped the fear from my body, being scared wasn't going to help anything so I went over and put my Arctic Monkeys CD on. As Florescent Adolescent filled the air I instantly started to feel more confident.

I danced around the room as I got ready, pulling on old denim jeans, a plain white t-shirt and baggy burgundy cardigan. I washed my face while nodding my head to the beat and singing along loudly. I swept a coat of mascara over my lashes, some lip balm on my lips and brushed my straight hair to get rid of my tangles. My whole body swayed to the beat and my mouth shaped the words automatically. I was so absorbed that I almost forgot that I had to go to school. Almost.

"Cara," there was a knock at the door, then before I had even moved it was pushed straight open, Nico strolled in casually.

"I could have been naked," I gaped at his intrusion.

"I know," Nico grinned smugly, "that was the aim."

"You're vile," I threw my hairbrush at him which he caught effortlessly.

"And you're going to be late," Grey stick a head in my room, "I'm driving you."

"You're what?" I raised a surprised eyebrow.

"School doesn't start until 9 for us but 8:30 for you and I'm the only one with a car here and your dad will be setting up his lesson, so I'm driving you. It's all sorted."

"Obviously we're coming," Mitch added as he came into my room too. That's when I noticed the uniform.

I'd missed it on Nico because he was just wearing a white shirt and black trousers, Grey was the same but as he stepped more into the room I could see he had a red and gold stripped tie hanging undone around his neck. Mitch however had no tie but instead wore a fitted royal red blazer with gold edging and a gold embroidered logo. I had to admit they all looked like Ralph Lauren models.

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"Cara needs to go, it's 8," Sawyer chimed in as he too came in without asking. He was actually wearing the full uniform; black trousers, crisp white shirt, red and gold tie and the distinctive red blazer. Sawyer, like the other three looked undeniably handsome, the rich red complimented his dark skin beautifully.

"I'm ready," I threw a final glance in the mirror before thinking, to hell with looking nice, who was I trying to impress? "Let's go."

"Of course m'lady," Grey bowed mockingly, "your carriage awaits."

I only rolled my eyes as I swung my rack sack on my back and left my room.

"Nervous?" I was surprised that Sawyer approached me and offered a comforting smile.

"Not really," I lied.

"Sure?" Sawyer raised a sceptical eyebrow.

"Nothing I can do about it," I shrugged, "being nervous won't help anything."

"Being nervous shows you care."

"I guess," I met his thoughtful gaze, he seemed to be looking straight past my eyes into my soul.

As the five of us left the school building our journey was interrupted by an unwanted voice.

"Cara," I huffed irritated as I spun on my heel to face the man chasing us out of the building, "I wanted to say good luck."

"Thanks," I dead panned, did my dad think I'd forgotten our argument? Did he think we could just move on and forget?

I held grudges.

"You'll have to take the bus back I'm sorry Cara, is that okay?" Dad reached us, he was panting obviously desperate to catch up with us.

"Yes," again I kept my answer blunt.

"Well...um...have a good day," dad looked thoroughly uncomfortable as he reached forwards and gave me a deeply uncomfortable hug. I stood frozen as he wrapped his arms around me and gave me a tight squeeze while I just remained limp in his arms.

"Okay," I nodded when I managed to extract myself, "see you later."

"Ready?" Grey who'd vanished to collect his car from the garage appeared around the corner. My jaw dropped open at his gorgeous jet black open top Mercedes, it was gleaming so brightly I could see a distorted version of myself on the side.

"Wow," I mouthed unable to stop my jaw hanging open.

"Cara you're making me blush," Grey smirked taking my amazement the wrong way purposely.

"Shut up," I sighed as I clambered into the back of the car letting the much bigger Mitchell take shotgun.

"Well goodbye Cara," dad was still there unsure of what to do with himself.

"Bye," I gave a half hearted wave as Nico and Sawyer climbed in either side of me and Grey revved up the car.

He hit the accelerator and we sped out of the school grounds, the air whipped up my air and pulled a smile onto my face as we left my dad alone on the gravel. I felt my heart swell as I met Sawyers intelligent eyes and we shared a joyous smile. There was something so liberating about speeding down the highway in the early bright light. My nerves vanished.

They soon returned though as Ainsley High came into view. It was an ugly plastic white clump of buildings grimy with dirt and dotted with the odd piece of graffiti. The contrast between this place and Kings Bridge was shocking. I gulped at the hugeness and awfulness of the place. It was so hideous looking unlike the godly splendour of Kings Bridge Academy.

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Grey, however, seemed to have no problems whizzing through the front gates. His ostentatious Mercedes stuck it like a sore thumb next to the second hand Vauxhalls. I instantly felt the pressure of hundreds of eyes on us as Grey zoomed straight up to the school entance. So much for staying in the background.

A huge target had just been slammed on my back.

"We have arrived at your destination," Grey grinned up at me as he slammed the car to a sudden halt.

"Thank you," I leapt over the side of the car slapping my feet onto the pavement. Swarms of students flooding past all had their eyes fixed on me.

"Good luck," Mitch encouraged.

"Have fun," Sawyer added.

"I'll try," I found I didn't have to force a smile in response.

"See you later Vegas," Nico yelled as I started towards the building, I stuck my middle finger up at him as I sauntered off with the stares of half the student body fixed on me.

As I heard Greys car zoom off I automatically felt less confident and my step faltered. I'd lost my protective shield.

I was completely alone.

"Giiiiirrrl," a voice cried in my ear and an arm linked with mine, "please tell me how you just got driven to school by the Kings Bridge boys."

"Umm," I mumbled not sure how much of the truth I wanted to reveal. I didn't even get a chance to answer though as the girl was already talking nineteen to the dozen in my ear.

"I'm Jenny by the way and I can not believe you're in with the Kings Bridge boys. They never talk to anyone much they just speed around in their fancy cars and keep to themselves," Jenny was powering on so quickly I seemed to be in a constant struggle to catch up with her last word. "I've tried to approach them before but they always seem to think that they're better than us or something. I'm so jealous of you. You better introduce me to them biatch. Now where are you first lesson?"

I felt like a freshman as I pulled out my timetable and glanced at it, I was in English literature first I told her.

"Aw I'm in Spanish but you haven't seen the last of me gurl, you're introducing me to those boys," Jenny gave my arm a final squeeze before she vanished like wisp of smoke from my side. Abandoning me in the middle of the corridor.

Fortunately, from years of having to navigate my way through never ending hotels to find my room I had a pretty good sense of direction and found my English classroom easily. As I stepped into the room a wave of mumbles and whispers spread throughout the class. I straightened up proudly and headed straight for an empty seat in an attempt to look confident.

For the entirety of that lesson and calculus after I kept my gaze on the ground and didn't interact with anyone much. At break I found a quiet corner of the cafeteria out of sight of the in-your-face-Jenny who was surrounded by a gaggle of girlfriends. In history I exchanged a couple of words with the girl next to me, Abbey, who seemed sweet enough but had more interest in sucking her boyfriends face than talking to me. The same happened in philosophy where a girl introduced herself as Holly but soon forgot me as she became more interested in reliving the wild party on Friday night with her close knit group of best friends. I found I couldn't possibly join in and give my opinion on Meghan's ability to deep throat a banana.

Lunch I wasn't so lucky in avoiding Jenny and was grabbed and yanked along to her table while I was innocently waiting to get my pasta.

"Everyone this is ...," Jenny's announcement was halted by the fact she realised that she didn't know my name.

"Cara," I supplied.

"She's the one that came in with the Kings Bridge boys this morning," Jenny looked so pleased with herself that she'd obtained this peice of gossip, like I was a trophy to present to the group.

A quiet conference ensued as Jenny made a space for me to sit next to her which I did regretfully.

"How do you know them?" A girl with chunky red framed gasses asked.

"My dad works there," I kept my answer shirt and simple, if I told them I was living there I knew as sure as my right hand Jenny would be coming over for an uninvited sleepover tonight.

"I wish my dad worked there," another girl contributed her face practically green with envy, "I'm so jealous."

"Courtney's having a party this Friday, you have to invite them," Jenny interrupted, the pretty Courtney didn't look entirely sure about this arrangement but did nothing to object. Jenny who's fiery orange hair was as bright as her personality was already organising things.

"I'll ask them," I obliged but Jenny was already oblivious, she as hard at work planning which outfit would help her pull.

I left lunch entirely exhausted and worn out, swearing that if I heard the words 'slutty-but-classy' one more time I was going to scream. I was so disoriented by the talk of false eyelashes and glitter glue I crashed straight into someone knocking them back into a wall.

"Shit," I reached out to grab the slight girl and righten her, "I am so sorry I wasn't looking where I was going."

"It's fine," the girl already had a tentative smile back on her lips, "you look slightly traumatised. I saw you with Jenny's group, they can be a little hard hitting sometimes."

"I feel like my brains just been fried," I admitted,

"They seem quite obsessed with you," the girl had retro, circular tawny glasses on that covered half her small face, but extenuated her expressive green eyes. She wore a vintage denim dungaree dress and old fashioned black leather shoes with buckles. I instantly found myself drawn to her unique style.

"They shouldn't be," I shook my head quickly, "I'm Cara by the way."

"Mina," the girl gave me a huge friendly beam, "where are you going now?"

I tried to remember my timetable, "art," I concluded.

"Me too," Mina's smile grew even bigger, "this way. So where are you from?"

I answered with a jolt of realisation that this was the first question anyone had asked that was actually about me not the boys.

I found Mina so easy to talk to throughout all the art lesson which I sat next to her in. She was so open and honest straight away, something that I wasn't. I learnt she had an older sister, Poppy, and was the daughter of two doctors so had been pushed into science but much preferred the arts, she loved art but her true passion lay in clothes and making them. She'd made the whole outfit that she was wearing.

"Seriously," I stared at her clothes in disbelief, how could someone be so amazingly talented?

Mina was so friendly I found myself warming to her too and sharing things about me, something I never did. I told her about always moving and going to new schools, that my mum and dad had separated when I was young and now I was living with my dad for the first time in many years. It wasn't the entire truth, but it was something.

At the end of the lesson I'd painted our teacher, a hopelessly romantic woman in a haze of depression after her latest relationship failure in the style of Picasso. I'd always preferred his way of painting people, I found it so much more expressive than linear designs.

"Wow," it was Mina's turn to be amazed now, "you've really captured her lovesick vibe." I couldn't help but laugh at that.

Painting and drawing had always been a constant in my ever changing life, it didn't matter which school you moved to, art would always be the same. From an early age I'd sketched the various interesting people I'd seen at hotels or while mom was playing cards I would sketch her hard faced opponents. I loved to paint people with bright colours and interesting shapes because I found that more could be said about their personality that way. Whether you drew them using soft shapes or harsh lines, with warm tones or obnoxiously bright colours.

"It's okay," I shrugged, it wasn't the best thing I'd done.

"You're not who I expected you to be," Mina regarded me thoughtfully, "when I saw you with the Kings Bridge boys, I thought you'd be another Jenny but you're not, you're not at all."

"Thanks," I was pretty sure that was a compliment. I left the class feeling considerably lighter. A new sense of optimism had been lit inside me.

Maybe, just maybe, school wouldn't be hell this year.

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