💜

🐈 🐈🐈

*Titanic meme* It's been eighty four years...

Ok so it's been four years since dad's wedding. Namjoon is in his last year of university, I'm in my third. Though my education isn't complete, I've already gotten to meet SO many animals in the rescue center. In that time there's something I've learned about myself. I'm not singularly a cat person anymore. Of course they'll always be my number one and they are all powerful in my heart and the universe and I would die happy if they dominated earth. But now I pretty much like all animals. A zoology degree required contact with all types of species.

We usually try to avoid direct contact with all of the animals because they aren't here permanently. The place I inter at is a rescue and rehabilitation center where they are treated and then set free when they're ready for it. However, that doesn't mean that sometimes contact isn't needed.

A couple months ago they found a home where some asshole had bought some lion cubs on the black market and then of course didn't know how to take care of them. So by the time we got them they were in parasitic conditions, malnourished and two had been infected with the Norovirus.

They're so young that unfortunately, means it's going to be a good while before we can safely transport them back to their home country and set them free. After getting their health in order, they'll have to be integrated into a pack so that older lions can teach them how to 'lion'. And when they come of age they get to go home. Then even after that, they'll be tagged and will have to be kept under watch to make sure they're making it. Sometimes it isn't possible to put them back where they belong, which really breaks my heart.

So we ended up having to nurse them back to health and I got to be involved in that. The day I got to hold my first lion cub is the day that I think, I *THINK* I actually died and went to heaven. For babies they were big, but CUTE and their little ears, and the tails!! And don't EVEN get me started on their 'roars'. I think—I mean I-I just- ok I have to stop talking about them before I hyperventilate.

Anyway.

So far I've made friends with a Toucan, shook hands with a chimpanzee, and got peed on by a Mountain Chicken, which is actually a frog and not a chicken at all.

The amphibians and reptiles kind of, sort of freak me out so I tend to gravitate the fuck AWAY from the cold blooded, pointed tongued creatures.

But goats? GOATS!

Goats come second to cats. They stand on top of their little houses and look so proud, before parkouring backwards off that shit and then back again. Sometimes they ram their head into you, but it's usually indicative of their relationship with you whether that interaction is friendly or not. Naturally I've become BFF with the best of them, so I know the lingo. I'm part of the gang now. The goat gang. WATCH OUT MOTHER FUCKERS.

But imagine it. Goats took over the world. Everyone must submit to goats or else pay an extra tax fee cause they don't really care, they just want to eat all the overgrown weeds in your yard. They parkour all over the place. It would be MADNESS!

But then the cats are plotting. Of course they're plotting; that's what cats do. They stay calm and calculative, observing the goat's movements and strategies. Next thing you know: all out goat and cat war. The cats win because this is my imagination.

What was this all leading to, again?

Oh yeah.

So. Namjoon being Namjoon has been extra clingy lately. I'm not sure what started it because we're nowhere close to full moon and I've been giving him an adequate amount of attention. My best guess would be because my lab partner was an excessively handsome guy who's friendlier than a wet dog. I don't give him a second glance but all the girls in my year practically drool over him. But to me, he's not Namjoon. Therefore, he's trash. Just trash.

When I asked Namjoon why he was being this way, rather than giving me an answer, he snapped at me.

"You wouldn't understand. You aren't a werewolf."

This led into one of the worst fights we've ever had. This comment felt unfair. Haven't I been understanding since the beginning? So much leeway was given to him for some of his behaviors, from my perspective. I spend every full moon with him so he doesn't hurt, I'm cool with him licking my neck on a regular basis to show other wolves to back off, I text or call him back right away when he contacts me because if don't, he gets anxious. I chose a school closer to home because I want to live close to him. I put time with him before my friends.

But the fact that sentence came out of his mouth felt like he was neglecting to recognize every good thing I did. Relationships are work and require a lot of compromise, so I don't complain about any of that and I'm not going to say that Namjoon doesn't do any compromising of his own. However, sometimes it feels like I put in more work than he does. Maybe that's true or maybe it's just the thoughts of a stressed mind and hurt feelings.

We haven't spoken in three days. Miraculously, Namjoon hasn't even tried to call or text. This wasn't our first fight, but definitely the most intense by far. A lot was said back and forth. From the tiniest inconsequential things to the biggest, for some reason or the other we had taken this time to air all grievances. And in addition threw all manner of insults at each other.

Why did I call him a rabid dog? Why did he say I was a fanatical cat addict? Was it necessary for me to throw sexy like a pornstar back in his face? Did he really have to point out that I cuss like a sailor and compare me to Captain Ahab? That was a low blow.

Then things had taken a turn for the worse when I spit out in a moment of anger: "Well if you dislike me so much, maybe we should just break up!" And he had yelled, "MAYBE WE SHOULD!" Then ran out, because this was a product of an over dramatic fight.

And like the productive person I am, I proceeded to cry for the next day. Then I was mad, then I cried some more. No word from him, not even a text. Forget being one of the worst fights, this was absolutely the worst. Words about breaking up have never once been exchanged between us, and the moment they came out I regretted it. Three days might not seem like a lot, but for Namjoon and I, the mate bond, the animal instincts, and the overall clingy nature, three days feels like an eternity and a half.

If it had been up to me, this would have been resolved within the first twenty four hours. I called. And called. And called. No answer. After the second day of this is when I got mad. You know WHAT, Namjoon? If you want to be a big baby and run away, go AHEAD.

I'm not running after him and even if I did, it's not like I can fix this by myself. Trying, I failed. Being angry, I'm still failing but at least that feeling is easier to deal with.

By the third day, today, I've decided to fix things.

And by 'fixing things' I mean I'm going to get piss ass drunk off my ass. I don't drink often, so this isn't a hard feat to accomplish. Three shots in, I'm drunk dialing Eun-ji.

My best friend. Married with a baby. She'd had to take an absence from college because of the new addition to her family and now she's a mom and it's like she's wised up far beyond what the rest of us have. Here we are getting higher educations but she's beat us all in maturity levels.

"Jiii Jiii!" Not slurring my words is impossible, but I try to control it anyway. "What're you doin?"

"Y/n? Are you drunk?"

Mom Eun-ji. It's so funny. She's old now. Her voice is all worried. So adult. So mom. So...so...so...

"Stop giggling and answer the question. Actually—why are you drunk is what I should be asking."

Why am I drunk, again?

Oh yeah.

"MAH LIFE SUUCKSS!" I wail into the phone, bursting into tears in the most sloppy, unflattering way possible. Snot and tears mix but I don't care because I SPILLED MY RUM.

"Y/n, calm down-"

I try to say, 'don't tell me to calm down', but it comes out, "Don't tella meh call emown!"

How is this possible?? Two minutes ago the alcohol seemed to do the trick. I was a happy and giggly and felt all warm and toasty inside. Now It's like my pain has amplified into this monstrosity I can't possibly contain. What was a problem before has now become an immovable obstacle.

Obstacle.

Obstacle.

Obstacle is a funny word.

Obstacle. Obstacle. Obstacle. Obstacle. Obstacle. Obstacle. Obstacle. Obstacle. Obstacle. Obstacle. Obstacle. Obstacle. Obstacle. Obstacle. Ooooooobstaaaacleeee.

Now the word has lost all meaning.

...JUST LIKE MY LIFE!

I slam my head onto the bar and cry pathetically, clutching the phone tightly against my face. "Joon said it and I said it and we said it and now he said it and he's gone! There'sa no fixingish! Ji Ji I'm done! I canna do ish."

"Ok. You're going to be ok. Tell me where you are and I'll come fix it."

The bartender, a dyed redhead in her late twenties, plants a box of tissues in front of me and sends a smile my way. "You got a ride, sweetie?"

"Yeah." I chirp happily, plucking one of the tissues out and scrubbing my nose with it. "Ji Ji is coming."

From the phone, Eun-ji continues to speak but I find it hard to pay attention because I notice a really fancy bottle of liquor on the shelf behind the pretty bartender. "Y/n, I need to know where you are, first-"

"Whas tha?" Following my pointing finger, the pretty redhead turns and pulls it off the shelf so that I can see it closer.

"This is Crown Royal whiskey, peach flavor. Want a try?"

At my enthusiastic nod, she goes to pour, thankfully not hearing Eun-ji's insistent voice on the other end of the line. "Y/n, don't drink that! Stop drinking and tell me where you are. Actually, give the phone to the bartender."

I answer only after I've tipped the shot back. HOLY SHIT THAT'S AWESOME! "Why, you think she's hot?"

"I can't see her." she groans tiredly. "Just give the-"

"How come? I think she's hot." I mutter the last bit, but the bartender winks anyway before walking off to serve another costumer. "So, whener you gettin here?"

"You are the most annoying drunk." My bottom lip trembles at these words. Namjoon said I was annoying, too.

He hates me. He wants to break up with me. It's all my fault. I should have just shut up and let him be clingy. I can be the same way sometimes and he loves it. Why can't I be like that? Because I'm terrible. I'm a trash person. No wonder he left me, and really, it's shocking that he didn't leave my pathetic ass forever ago.

Before I know it, I'm crying into the phone again, convincing myself that not just Namjoon, but everyone hates me and always has.

"Y/n?" This time my name is said in a masculine voice, and for a second, I wonder how Eun-ji managed to sound just like Jimin. IT'S UNCANNY.

"Y/n." When I hear it again, I lift my head to see Jimin saying my name this time (instead of Eun-ji pretending to be Jimin wow that was a good impression), his mate halfway behind him and peeking at me with a pair of wide eyes.

Cute.

"Red!" Abandoning my phone on the bar, I bypass Jimin and squeeze her into a bear hug. Embarrassed, she lets out a cute squeak but returns the embrace anyway, if somewhat awkwardly. "Red, you gotta, you gotsta help meh." I hiccup and lean back to get a good look at her face, but it's hard because the room is spinning.

Who knows why that's happening. I SURE DON'T.

"O-ok." At her stuttered agreement, I launch into the whole tale, including how the word obstacle lost all meaning and how it's low-key ruining my life. I barely register that Jimin is on the phone with Eun-ji (I wonder if she's still using the Jimin impression?) and paying my bill.

By the end of the story, I've somehow ended up in the backseat of a car, Jimin and his mate sitting in the front seat.

"Where're we-" I lean foward, but am instantly jerked back due to some sort of restraint stretching across my abdomen. "Whatta fuck?" The question is a genuine one. What is...this...oooh. "Seat belsh." With that, I begin to cackle uncontrollably.

Eeeyyeee am SOOOooOo wasted.

It's great.

"JIMIN SHIII!" My intentionally lower toned voice booms in the quiet of the car, and the ridiculousness of how stupid that sounded gets me to giggling all over again. "YAH, Park JIMAAAN! WAZ GOOD?"

Jimin's mate seems torn between amusement and worry. Of course she's worried, she's the most tender hearted and compassionate person I know. Originally that had been Jimin, but she far outranked him. If they started a care bear army, they would love the whole world.

...wha...?

PEANUTS.

My phone...how did it get there...vibrates from my back pocket, sending a strangely pleasant sensation down my right buttcheek.

Buttcheek. Butt. Cheek. Butt to the cheek.

That's such a funny word.

Buttcheek.

Without sparing a glance at the caller ID, I answer, cause I'm an intellectual.

"Ahoy hoy!"

"Y/n?"

The sound of Namjoon's voice sends waves of relief through my body. Kind of like in those icy hot commercials, except there's no smelly pain patches and Shaquille O'Neal isn't here.

OR iS hE?

He's not.

"Namjoon-ie!" I wail, tears springing to my eyes. I can't decide if I should kiss him or hit him, but for the moment, I'll just bask in the glory that my boyfriend at least bothered to give me a call. I'm so happy. But so mad. But it's all good cause I'm drunk.

"Kitty, where are you? Eun-ji said-"

"You're mean! You're mean and mean anda mean and I hope she tolda you tha you're mean! Cause yer mean!"

"I know-"

"And I'm sooorrryy!" My face, why is so wet? Everything feels so gross, it's a relief that Namjoon can't see me but I'm so glad he can hear me. So. GLAD. "Imma mean but I loshve ya and I can't live withou ya, YOU SMELL GOOD. Anda if I losht you? OH GOD!"

"Uh..."

"I kna, right? Now lemme tell ya bout Ji-ji's Jimin impreshhhion."

"Y/n."

"NO!"

"What?!?"

"I'mma Kitty. Y/n? She's dead."

"...Alright. Kitty-"

"Wha?"

"I'm sorry. We said so many horrible things to each other. You've been mad at me, Fluffy's been mad at me, even I'm mad at me. That's why I haven't tried contacting you or answering your calls...I was so ashamed of the things I said to you...I don't want to break up. Please forgive me, I was wrong. I was so wrong and you're right I am jealous of your stupidly handsome lab partner and that's uncalled for. Please just don't give up on me. I love you, I love you, I love you, please...are you listening?"

I mean, I was until I found this weird orange thing on the seat next me. What is this? A jelly bean? I don't even like jelly beans. But I should totally taste this and see what it is.

That is literally, the only way I can find that out.

"Y/n, put that down." Jimin glances into the rear view mirror and snaps at me. Gosh, why is he so bossy? I don't like it. It makes me want to taste this even more. With narrowed eyes, I move it closer to my open mouth and he begins to panic. "Yah! Yah! STOP IT!"

"Kitty, what's happening?" Namjoon asks right when the orange jelly bean object is put into my mouth.

What the hell?!? This is nasty as fuck! What kind of jelly bean is this?!?

—

Edited 6/8/22