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Y/n. I have always loved you.

I will always love you.

And really soon I'll be gone, but I will continue to love you.

You are my favorite person. My shelter, my protector, my baby, my pet, my companion, and someone I trust with my life.

You have always been good to me.

Even in times where I didn't deserve it, you took care of me. Food was always given, time was always allotted, cuddles were in abundance, and whenever I felt bad and had to go to that awful vet you took me.

I know I had a life before you, but that life paled in comparison to the time we spent together. That life was a dark tunnel not worth remembering and you were like the brightest sunshine that chased all of that darkness way.

Only you were worth remembering.

The first time I saw you, you were a cute little toddler with chubby knees and pigtails. You squealed and made grabby hands when you saw me and I put up with your less-than-gentle petting sessions because I loved you at first sight. You were just a little kitten then, so I knew I had to be gentle. Your mom said I was three, but in cat age, I was in my late twenties.

I was the only man in the house at that time, so that made me the protector of the household. This meant that I had to sleep in your bed and put up with your cuddles because you were the weakest human. You had to be protected at all costs.

You followed me around all day and at times, this new babysitting/protecting job could become very exhausting. But your happy smiles and bubbly laughter filled me with a sense of pride and belonging.

I love you.

Your eyes filled with wonder no matter what I did. It was so easy to entertain you. Jumping into high places was not easy with my weight back then, but I did it just for you.

The older you became, the more gentle your petting got. By the time you were old enough to leave to that place called 'school', I considered you as my daughter and that expanded my love and loyalty for you tenfold.

School. I didn't like it. I hated that you were out of my sight for so long. What if something bad happened and I wasn't there to protect you?

But as time progressed, I realized that this wasn't such a bad thing. I used those hours when you were gone to catch up on my sleep. If I was going to take care of you all day, I needed the energy that only sleep could provide.

There was a fear that you might forget me when you were gone for so long, but you never did. You always remembered me, and before long we had developed a routine.

I learned from experience exactly what time you would be back. Listening out for that clicking noise the door makes, I'd know you were home. Always excited to see you, I'd run straight to your arms and without fault, every single time for years on end, you always greeted me back with the same enthusiasm.

I love you.

One day your mom disappeared. I don't know where she went, but it made you cry a lot. I don't like it when you cry. I'm not absolutely sure why humans do that. And while all humans do it, it only makes my bones hurt when you cry.

Not long after that, our lives changed. We moved to a strange new place with new humans I never met before. Every night you would cry and every night those new humans tried to console you. Every night I pushed them away, partly because I didn't trust them yet, but mostly because you only stopped crying when I comforted you.

I love you.

Sometimes you would grow four legs and tail, just like me. In the beginning I think you did it on accident. Later on, you did it by choice, but those times were few and far between.

For some reason that I can't understand, you don't love yourself like I love you. I wish you could see yourself from my point of view. You are perfect and I'm blessed to have had you in my life.

I love you.

Remember the time your dad accidentally left the door open and I went outside? I'm sorry I did that. I should have thought about how it would make you feel. It wasn't my fault, nor yours that there happened to be a big, scary dog that hurt me out there. Even so, when you took me to the vet afterwards, you cried and apologized over and over. Your tears are the worst thing ever. That was enough for me to come to the resolution to never step outside again.

Enemy invaders (and now dogs) weren't the only thing I needed to protect you from. I also had to do everything possible to keep you from crying.

Because I love you.

Eventually you started to bring more four-leggers into our home. This is why you needed protection. You willingly bring an enemy into our territory and treat him like family. I thought you were crazy! Over time Steve proved himself trustworthy and his joining turned out to be a good thing. His arrival meant that there was another four-legger to love and protect you, which gave me a break from having to be constantly vigilant.

Then you brought in more, then more, then one more of my kind. It was ok. Any other human would have forgotten me, an old man way past his prime, and would have gravitated to the baby.

You never did. As a matter of fact, you paid me more attention each time you welcomed in a new addition to the household. You said it was because you didn't want me to get jealous. But I know your secret. It was because I'm your favorite. And that was ok, because you are my favorite.

I love you.

Our lives were peaceful and happy. Until that day.

You did something I never thought you would do.

You brought a dog in the house. Except, he didn't have four legs. He only had two. There's no way you could have sensed what he was because you never brought dogs around me. I didn't think you even liked dogs, which is a good thing cause they're scary.

This dog was strange. He pretended you were his and the way he looked at you was like nothing I'd ever seen. I didn't like it. I didn't like him. You've always been unaware of how dangerous it is to bring in enemies within our borders so I didn't hold it against you. All I knew is that I had to retreat and come up with a plan of attack.

That attack never came. The other four leggers were stupid. They didn't know the danger that dogs posed. Steve was outrageous enough to declare the dog man as his. Queen Sparklepuss ruled that he wasn't a danger, but I was not convinced.

Now, Y/n. This is the hard part. Please stay with me.

For a long time, I've been hurting inside. I don't know what it is, or why it's happening, or even why is started. All I know is that I hurt, and we can't fix it.

We can't fix me.

This pain isn't like normal pain. It's deep inside and it's black and gnarled and has taken root, intertwining with everything that makes me alive and well. It hurts. I hurt. Leaving you behind is the last thing I want to do. But I don't want to hurt anymore.

I won't get better this time. But that's ok. You are going to be ok.

Before that day I broke my rib, I was dead set against leaving you. I didn't know how I would do it, but I wasn't about to let go of you and our life together. You have other four-leggers to protect you, but that wasn't enough, you needed more. You needed me. I needed you.

Then that day happened. That thing you call arthritis causes my knees to hurt all the time. But that day they were extra painful for whatever reason. I was trying to get to the bathroom sink—you know that's my favorite spot—and I misjudged my jump and injured myself on the way up.

It hurt, of course, but what hurt me most that day was that I wasn't there to greet you when you came home.

That's my favorite time of day.

I love you.

You came in and you almost cried, but you didn't, which is good. The dog man held me as we got in that scary car and went to that awful vet place.

It was then that I knew. You were going to be ok without me.

That dog man...he's isn't simply a dog man. He's a dog and a man. I talked to him. That dog inside of that man. He told me you were his mate. He told me he loved you. He promised he would always adore you and treasure you and take care of you and protect you. And then he promised that he would help me and that I was going to get better.

I believed everything he said. Animals have a special instinct that humans don't. We know when other living beings are good or bad. The dog man and the dog inside of him are some of the best. Hold onto him. He's going to take care of you from now on. And just between me and you, the fact that he loves you makes him worthy in my eyes.

Don't worry, I warned him. If he hurts you, I'm going to be reincarnated as a tiger and come after him.

There won't be any replacing what we had. I'll always be your BooBoo and you'll always be my Y/n.

Please don't feel sad when you remember me, because that would be a disservice to my memory. I worked far too hard on loving you, only for it to make you cry after I'm gone.

I'm falling asleep now, so don't cry. I want to see your face before I go, so I'm struggling to keep my eyes open, but it's getting harder and harder. Please stop crying. You are strong; I know you can do this.

I love you. So much. With every single fiber of my being, I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

And I can die with peace and the purest, most overwhelming form of happiness in my heart, because I know that you, Lee Y/n, love me too.

I promise I'll see you on the other side. When you get there, I'll make sure to greet you just like I do everyday when you come home.

Count on it.

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Edited while crying 6/2/22