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I really want to ask him. If I fell in the toilet, would he annihilate it?

This is only one of the questions that have gone through my mind since I entered this room.

This is Namjoon I'm talking to...but it's not. It's hard to properly wrap my head around it in a way that I can understand. I get it. There's Namjoon, and there's Fluffy. They're the same person, but on different sides of a coin.

But. I'm looking at Namjoon, doing Namjoon things and he says his name is Fluffy but he also does Fluffy things. I think naming him made things more complicated. My brain is not built well enough to understand this shit. Or maybe I'm just really sleepy.

The past three days BooBoo has eaten less and slept more. He's still not grooming himself and once he didn't even bother to walk all the way to the litter box, choosing instead to drop a deuce halfway there. I think he's lost more weight, but I can't be absolutely sure of that. I feel like I'm on the edge of a cliff and there's an inevitability that I'll fall over, but the closer I get to that tipping point, the more desperately I cling on.

He's ok. He's going to be fine. He's old but he's healthy. He probably has a cold or something and he's temporarily under the weather.

At least I have my friends. They spent all day trying to distract me, and for the most part, it worked. Granny stayed home and cared for my elderly cat, sending me hourly updates in the form of her holding the phone up to BooBoo so I could hear him purring into the speaker. She understands me.

When I got here I was nervous. It's Namjoon, but it's Fluffy. So it was almost like I was going to be spending the night with someone other than my boyfriend. I guess I've come to think of them as different people, when in reality they're the same person.

Except that Namjoon has never said he loves me. I don't think he's there yet, and I can say the same about myself. Fluffy, however, is obviously there and isn't budging from that stance.

That's...ok, I guess? I'm not entirely sure how I feel about it. Flattered? Absolutely. Of course it's nice to know you're loved. Namjoon has always made me feel special. He listens to me and takes care of me and puts up with my weird ass without complaint. I feel like I fall short of being the same level girlfriend as he is boyfriend. It's kind of hard to keep up when he's so damn perfect.

What the hell is this marking thing about, though? And, is that just Fluffy talking or does Namjoon feel the same?

I know I feel some type of way about wanting him to bite me, and vice versa. The thing I take issue with is, "It's how I can show everyone else you're mine."

What does this wolf not understand about I'm mine?

I'm mine.

It's not that hard of a concept.

Besides that, it makes me uncomfortable. Like, he wants me to walk around with a bite mark on my neck like some sort of trophy he won at a pie eating contest?

I don't even like pie.

Bitch, it's cake all the way. Don't even come at me with that weak pie shit.

I'm not his trophy and I'm not his pie. I'm his mate. We're in a relationship and a relationship means we're partners who support and care for each other, not that one owns the other. Namjoon says to read the book to understand it and I will read it, though I can't imagine I would ever be open to this.

Whatever. Right now I have to pee and Namjoon—or Fluffy—is being super weird. Did he really expect me to go in the trashcan? Honestly, I'd rather die, but this is something I can relentlessly tease Namjoon about later.

We shuffle the last few steps to the door until his chest is pressed against it. He's got a tight grip on my wrist and is adamant I stay behind him, something I find silly and unnecessary but go along with so as not to upset him.

"Go ahead, ask him." he urges when his hand is on the doorknob.

"Through the door?"

"Yes."

Mentally I roll my eyes but does as he says. "Uh...Hoseok's...wolf-ssi," that was the stupidest way I could have addressed him. "I need to use the washroom. Can you go downstairs for a minute?"

For a second nothing happens, causing me to wonder if I just made an ass of myself when there wasn't anyone out there. But in the next moment, the sound of heavy paws tapping against the flooring is heard leaving the door.

It's another whole minute before Namjoon-or Fluffy-deems it safe enough to slowly turn the handle. He seems more anxiety ridden than he did a moment before and when I ask him about it, I understand why.

"He's still out there. Just farther away."

When he meant farther away, it was just down the hall.

To say I was shocked when my eyes landed on Hoseok would be an understatement.

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT!"

Fluffy in his wolf form was cute and adorable, maybe slightly bigger in size than a normal wolf and made my inner crazy lady spazz out. Hoseok's wolf form is like a horror movie. All black with yellow eyes and if that's not scary enough, he's the size of a fucking horse. It doesn't help that the hallway is relatively dark, causing his eyes to glow. They're sharply trained on our every move.

Why the hell is he that big???

That's what she said.

Really, Y/n?

FluffyNamjoon (cause what else do I call him in my own head in this circumstance) maneuvers us so that when we cross the hall, he's constantly between this terrifying form of Hoseok and I. This is only about three steps since the bathroom is placed right across from Namjoon's bedroom, but he doesn't relent until I'm all the way in, and from there he quickly pulls the door closed to give me some privacy.

What. The hell. Was that.

I've never been afraid of the fact that Namjoon is a werewolf and have never once been frightened of Hoseok and the others. But that was undeniably scary.

"Mate?" FluffyNamjoon knocks at the door. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine." I answer, but the answer isn't complete truth as I'm still a bit shaken by that sight. No wonder Hoseok had warned me. At the time I figured he thought I wasn't used to the whole werewolf thing yet. Now I understand.

By the time I'm finished and am dressed for bed in one of dad's old sweatshirts and a pair of thin, cotton pants, FluffyNamjoon has asked me if I'm ok around fifteen times. I forgot how annoying he could be.

I open the door to meet him already facing me. My eyes immediately seek out the intimidating form of Hoseok, all dark and imposing and looking like some kind of twisted animal version of the Grim Reaper.

Ironically, the guy Namjoon and his friends refer to as sunshine is this dark as night, unnerving creature. Talk about split identities.

Why is he so huge??

FluffyNamjoon doesn't give me much time to dwell on it, choosing instead to wrap me up in a side hug, shielding me from the other wolf, and leading me back to the room.

Once we're back inside and the door is shut behind us, his arms envelope me in a tight hug. One hand strokes the back of my head on repeat, as he whispers soft words of comfort.

"It's ok. You don't need to be afraid. I'll always protect you."

"Huh?" I manage to pull back just enough so I can look up at his face. "What do you mean?"

He blinks at me. "You're scared."

"I'm not." I laugh airily, but it's a lie. Maybe it was because I wasn't expecting Hoseok to be that large or maybe it was the overwhelming aura of...dominance I felt. Whatever it was, something inside told me to be afraid.

"I can feel it, though. And smell it."

"Huh?" I ask once more. "You can smell emotions?"

FluffyNamjoon nods, his fingers continuing their path through my hair, all the way through before starting at the crown of my head again. "Yep. But only yours."

Yep. That's a word Namjoon would never say.

"What does it smell like?"

"On you?" He tilts his head to the side as he thinks, and the cute gesture brings a small smile to my lips. "Sort of like...lemons? But not that acidic. I don't like that smell." he frowns. "It makes me feel crazy protective."

I smile again and reach up to peck him on the chin before I ask, "what do I smell like when I'm happy?"

His frown disappears and a euphoric look plasters itself on his face. "Natural. Like sunrise after it rains."

"What about when I'm sad?"

"Ice. Not the kind out of the freezer that humans make. The real kind."

"Angry?"

"Spicy." his nose wrinkles. "It makes my nose itch."

"Nervous?"

"It's the same as scared, but not as sharp."

I want to ask, 'turned on'? but refrain from doing so, deciding I don't actually want to know. Not that it stops him from answering it anyway, though I can't say he's aware of what he's admitting to.

"And when you kiss me you smell the BEST. Like, like," a huge grin stretches across his face, "sugarcane. But still with your natural smell. And all together it makes me go crazy! It makes me want to kiss you all over and lick you and bite you and—where are you going?"

"To bed." I fall face-down onto the mattress, feeling defeated. Does this mean I can't hide anything from Namjoon? Certainly it means I can't hide my true feelings from him. Why had he never mentioned this?

I prop myself up onto my elbows when I feel the bed moving. My eyes seek out the source, finding FluffyNamjoon pushing it against the wall.

"Why are you doing that?"

He doesn't answer. Instead he makes sure it's as close to the wall as it can get and then motions for me to scoot across to the other side, the side that is now pressed to the wall. I oblige, expecting him to climb in next to me. Rather than that, he surprises me when he sits on the floor.

My eyes stare in his direction, expecting him to explain these actions. He simply smiles my way. The only part of him on the mattress are his elbows, which are being used to prop his chin in the palm of both hands so that he can return my gaze.

"Why...?" I begin to question before it hits me.

Me, afraid. FluffyNamjoon feeling protective. He positioned the bed as close to the wall as he could get it, then placed himself between me and the door.

He's protecting me.

My heart feels as if it could burst out of my chest. I've never felt so...cherished in my life, yet he does it so effortlessly. Hoseok won't hurt me and I know that. I think even he knows that. That isn't the point. What he's trying to achieve is to make me feel secure, and it's working.

"Come here." My palm pats the empty space beside me, yet he seems reluctant. "C'mon," I urge in a slightly teasing tone, "your mate is asking you. You won't deny me, right?"

In a split second he's on the bed next to me, scooting as close as he can get. We both lay on our sides, face to face. I giggle at his eager reaction, but he pays it no mind. Sharp and intense eyes, those eyes I now identify with my Fluffy, study every inch of face with the upmost interest. Never ceasing even when I fall silent to watch him.

"I love you, mate."

The words give me pause and nervous butterflies erupt in my stomach. I start to panic, wondering if he'd be offended by my not saying it back. I don't think I'm ready for that. Love is a heavy word and it should be treated as such. I don't want to say it until I'm one hundred percent sure I feel it. That's the right thing to do, isn't it? Grandma said so and as far as I'm concerned, her word is gospel.

"What's your favorite color?" FluffyNamjoon saves me from having to reply to his previous statement. "You told Namjoon it was purple but that's a lie. You smell like dandelions when you lie."

Mouth open in a gape, I stutter for a second before regaining myself enough to answer. "Orange. Because it reminds me of BooBoo."

The comment reminds me of my ailing kitty at home and I fight the tears that threaten to come to my eyes. I won't cry until a vet tells me there's no hope. I won't.

"You love him a lot." One hand comes to rest on my right cheek and it stays there, the thumb caressing against my cheekbone. "He loves you, too." I'm just thinking that I hope that's true when he surprises me with his next words.

"He told me so. Animals can talk without words, don't you know?"

"Uh—NO." I totally did not know that. This gives me so many questions and I plan to ask them all. "Do you talk to my other cats?"

"Well-"

"Does Madam Sparklepuss know her adoption day is coming up?"

"I-"

"Does Voldemort know who he's named after?" I gasp in excitement as all possible questions come at me. "OH MY GOD NO—what does Lucifairy think like?!? Is she normal? Sane? Is she possessed?" I pause. "Why are you smiling like that?"

"You smell so good when you're happy." He grins for a moment before leaning in until the tips of our noses touch. "Are you sure I can't mark you?"

This is gonna be a long night.

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Edited 5/30/22