/kɒlɪwɒb(ə)lz/

●●●

For all things my hands have held, the best by far is you.

●●●

Maybe Rose didn't notice.

But ever since their little talk in the backroom, Aaron couldn't stop smiling. He couldn't stop even if he wanted to.

While he worked the rest of his shift, he did it entirely with a smile. And considering how his regular customers were always used to his grumpy frown, it was a big surprise to see him happy; let alone smiling.

He could feel the adrenaline going, his heart racing, his hands trembling, but Aaron was too busy smiling to even notice. He didn't care that he looked weird or abnormal, the only thing that mattered was that Rose knew.

She knew what she was able to make him feel, she knew what kind of power she possessed over him, and she knew that he was probably just as lovesick as she was; if not more.

After dropping Rose home, Aaron took a while as he walked home. He had no idea why, but everything seemed brighter. Everything looked more beautiful, more enchanting.

And Aaron scowled himself for it. "You're acting like a pussy," He told himself. "Fucking man up."

He heaved out a small breath, while a small smile climbed up his lips. Even though it was a bit chilly out today, Aaron was all warm. This fuzzy feeling from the center of his brain was reaching the tips of his toes that even as he entered his apartment, he didn't shiver once.

Surprisingly Luke was already there, putting his stuff back where they belonged. When Aaron entered he looked up. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

The scowl was back on. "Well hello to you too,"

"Why are you smiling?"

"I'm fine, thank you for asking."

Luke's hazel stare was burning holes into Aaron's back. "Yeah well I'm not, it was fucking raining the entire trip. It was shit."

Aaron shrugged. "Tough luck,"

"You scaring the fuck out of me."

He frowned. "Why?"

"You seem so-" Luke physically shivered. "-so happy."

Aaron made a face. "Really?" He sighed, the annoyance laced in his tone.

Luke nodded, and Aaron could already see some peeling blisters on his forearms. "Yeah," Luke shrugged. "It looks weird."

Aaron just shrugged in response. "Whatever," He grumbled, walking towards his room before he called out. "Good to have you back,"

"I knew you would miss-"

Aaron already shut the door of the room.

He let out a small breath as he sat down on his bed, his eyes flickering to the protein bar on his bed stand. And when he looked at his stiff unmade, make shift bed that he set up last night, a smile tickled its way to his lips.

Her hands.

They were the softest thing he has ever touched. Aaron was never really a guy that went along well with thunder; it was one of those things that Aaron usually tried to suck up and ignore, but with how much noise it was making last night and how he could feel every single strike made him swallow a gulp of saliva just thinking about it.

He found that you do not truly trust someone until they see you sleep. Sleep is one simple act of being dynamic, but the impassional secret behind that simple gesture was something not many could understand.

Sleep was one vulnerable deed; one where Aaron had to be unconscious while he did it. And he did it because he trusted Rose just as much as he trusted himself.

Rose was there when he slept. She was there when he temporarily left this world. And she was there when he woke up. Aaron was probably overthinking again, and he was most likely being ridiculous, but it was the truth.

Rose was Rose, and he didn't expect any less or any more of her.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban caught the corner of his eye, and Aaron was already drawing towards it before he could say otherwise. He could remember staying up til 3 am for this book, and being only 9 years old, 3 am was a huge deal.

He grew up with the boy with duct taped glasses, and sometimes, Aaron would like to feel like him.

Because he wasn't brave, or handsome, or special; he was just Aaron. The boy who liked wearing all black, the boy who often tried to hide the way he felt, and the boy who saw things no one ever deserved. H̶e̶ ̶h̶a̶t̶e̶d̶ ̶i̶t̶.

Maybe it was just the way things sorted themselves out that upset Aaron, or maybe it was the way things ended that hurt him. Either way, he was far from sad right now.

People, Aaron thought, were God's tests in this life. Some will stay, others will leave; some will heal, others will break; some will hate, others will love.

Aaron couldn't remember the last time he felt this happy; as though a bird had just took flight from his tight chest, loosening all the knots along the way. He always had this feeling whenever he saw James, and it was just as beautiful every time.

James never called.

Aaron never expected him to, but it was always more painful when that circle of hope popped in him. Aaron missed him as he always did.

He was already a 100 pages through Harry Potter before his phone beeped. And after that he had a small chat with Rose, his heart beating right underneath his typing fingertips. Rose had that effect on him, and he would never be able to unravel the science behind it, but he didn't even care.

Because Rose was slowly mending him.

B̶u̶t̶ ̶h̶e̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶s̶t̶i̶l̶l̶ ̶s̶o̶ ̶s̶o̶ ̶s̶c̶a̶r̶e̶d̶.̶

★★★

Aaron never had a proper girlfriend before.

And when he flipped Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban to page 250 and realised that, he could feel his entire heart go ballistic inside his chest. Putting his bookmark in, Aaron sat up on his bed; legs crossed as he thought about this.

He never had a proper girlfriend before. D̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶r̶e̶m̶e̶m̶b̶e̶r̶,̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶r̶e̶m̶e̶m̶b̶e̶r̶,̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶r̶e̶m̶e̶m̶b̶e̶r̶.

He let out a small breath, running his fingers through his hair. For some reason, uncertainty imprinted itself on his bones, screaming at Aaron to not get involved with Rose, to push her away, to hate her.

But he couldn't.

Because while every bone in his body was shrieking at him that this wasn't going to work, his heart was whispering how beautiful would it be if it did. And Aaron listened to it; he listened to the part in him that was wounded the most, the part in him that died a few years ago, and the part in him that only belonged to Rose.

Maybe he was being melodramatic again, but it was the truth. And he was tired of lying.

Aaron never looked wrongly at a girl. No girl had ever interested him enough for him to. He only took glances and that was probably all he would want to get anyway, but with Rose - with Rose it was different.

He wanted to looked wrongly at Rose.

And by wrongly, he didn't mean a filthy way of looking at a woman; he meant looking at her like she was the world right before your eyes. Your shooting star in a sky of black. Your everything in just one thing.

Because he wanted to look at the soft arcs of her collarbones, and he wanted to admire the delicate curves of her waist, but Aaron was already despising himself for it. Respect, he thought, Stop being a little boy Aaron, respect is always first.

With Rose circulating through his mind, it was when the worry started to settle in. "Good God," He muttered, burying his face in his fingers. "I am losing it."

What if her parents disapprove? He'd convince them.

What if they thought he wasn't good enough for her? He could never be good enough for Rose.

What if they would never allow him near her? He wouldn't be able to live with himself.

And Aaron might have considered that Rose was right and that he was being over dramatic again, but he couldn't help it. All this bubbly happiness in him felt so weird, and so out of place that it was scaring him.

But that was the thing about Rose.

She wasn't going to break him, wasn't going to try and knock through his armor like everyone else did. She could make him happy. She could make him feel loved. She could make him the Aaron he used to be.

And that absolutely terrified him.

Because Aaron knew that once you're happy, it can be taken away. And it is going to hurt even more than before.

A̶n̶d̶ ̶h̶e̶ ̶d̶i̶d̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶ ̶w̶h̶e̶t̶h̶e̶r̶ ̶h̶e̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶r̶e̶a̶d̶y̶ ̶f̶o̶r̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶.

By the time he was already thinking of this, he had already gone as far to the living room where Luke was lazily lounging on the sofa.He gave Aaron one glance before resuming back to the TV. "Okay, so I was right. What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Aaron puckered his lips for a few seconds, clenching his jaw. "Nothing,"

Luke heaved a sigh, rubbing his drooping eyes. "Listen man, it's 9 pm on a Friday and you're acting like this." He yawned. "So what the fuck is up with you? Did something happen?"

"How was the trip?" Aaron was sitting next to look, leaning the back of his head on the sofa.

Luke shrugged. "It was fine, wasn't anything spectacular." Luke's hazel eyes lighted up subtly. "Except for that part when Aiden failed at hitting on a hot chick."

Aaron pursed his lips. "You animals," He muttered.

Luke gave him a knowing look. "You would've enjoyed it just as much." He wouldn't, wouldn't wouldn't.

"No I won't," Aaron scowled, shaking his head.

Luke lazily quirked an eyebrow. "Why?" Rose, Rose, Rose.

Aaron shrugged. "I don't know."

Luke shook his head. "You're weird." Aaron just shrugged once more.

"Oh," Luke added. "And Rose became a runaway."

"What?" He tried to hide the smile behind his voice.

"Yeah," Luke shrugged. "She went with Aiden. I just told the teachers she went to the bathroom,"

"With Aiden?"

Luke rolled his eyes. "Of course not you idiot, I just told them that she got her period or something," Aaron refrained himself from turning pink.

"Did she tell you where she went?" Aaron asked casually, the secret smile tucked between his lips again. To anyone else, it would've looked like he was annoyed, but he wasn't. He was just smiling into a world that took away all his other smiles.

"No," Luke said. "But she's like my little sister, so if she wants to get away from this shit trip, she will get away from this shit trip."

Aaron nodded.

"Did the teachers even notice she was gone?" Aaron just had to know how she pulled this off.

"Aiden told them that Rose was feeling sea sick and that she was reported into the emergency room," Luke was full on grinning, as though impressed with Aiden's work. "And so those damn nosy teachers won't call her parents, Aiden said that they were already with her and that it would be appreciated if they could give the family some space."

A̶a̶r̶o̶n̶ ̶c̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ ̶f̶e̶e̶l̶ ̶h̶i̶m̶s̶e̶l̶f̶ ̶s̶m̶i̶l̶i̶n̶g̶. "Impressive,"

Luke nodded. "I know." He eyed Aaron weirdly once more. "Do you know anything about this?"

Aaron could feel himself smiling. "No,"

Luke narrowed his eyes at him. "You're lying,"

Aaron shrugged. "Whatever you say,"

Luke pursed his lips, his hazel eyes swarming in confusion before he eventually shrugged it off. Aaron could still see the uncertainty lingering in Luke's eyes and chest, but he wasn't going to tell him.

Rose was his own little secret, his personal miracle. And he wasn't about to go tell Luke first before her own parents; best friend or not, he needed the approval of her parents first. The thought made his palms clammy again.

Aaron let out one more breath before he bid Luke good night and rushed to his room. He smiled slightly, he was sleeping on his bed today.

As he laid down on his pillow, he could still smell Rose's lingering scent of raspberries and almonds. He hugged the pillow tighter, already feeling the anxiety tug at his heart.

Aaron couldn't sleep until 4 hours later. Perhaps it was another thing his Mom had an effect on.

No one will ever love you,

not because you aren't handsome or smart,

but because you are miserable and unworthy.

Tell me, who will?

D̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶c̶r̶y̶,̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶c̶r̶y̶,̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶c̶r̶y̶.

★★★

Aaron woke up at 3 am.

He simply couldn't sleep because of all the nerves tangling themselves in uneasiness, making his entire body twitch with restlessness.

It was 6 am now, and Aaron was still rummaging through his closet for absolutely anything suitable to wear. Don't get him wrong, he was still wearing black, but it needed to be a good kind of black. Aaron concluded that there are different shades of black, some more faded than others, and it also depended on the cut of the shirt.

Aaron was probably making this more of a deal than it is, but he didn't even care. Meeting Rose's parents was something he needed to nail, and if it meant spending another 4 hours looking for something to wear, then so be it.

He already texted Rose the night before that he was coming over at 3 in the afternoon, and even though Aaron knew he could get ready in 3 minutes, he was still freaking out over this.

"Dude," Luke creaked his door open, rubbing his sleep eyes. "What the hell are you doing?" He asked groggily, letting out a yawn.

Aaron quickly froze, taking a step back from his closet as he faced Luke. He gulped quietly, taking a glance at the mess of clothing around him, awkwardly scratching his neck. "Uh, cleaning?"

Luke gave him a quizzical look, squinting his eyes at the mess Aaron made. "Cleaning?"

"Yeah, spring cleaning."

Luke rose a questioning eyebrow. "Spring isn't until next week,"

Aaron shrugged. "I guess I like an early start."

Luke scowled, his hazel eyes narrowing in curiosity. "Oh really?" Luke walked over to Aaron, flickering his gaze towards the piles of clothes around Aaron. "Is that why some of your clothes still have their price tags?"

Aaron clenched his jaw, already scolding himself in his head. "I just started, give me a break."

"I could hear you since 4 am,"

"Your point?"

Luke took one more look at the mess. "Are you going somewhere?"

Calm, calm, calm. "No, why?"

Luke grinned. "Looks to me like you're looking for something to wear."

"I'm not,"

"You're lying."

Aaron gulped. "I'm gonna start on some breakfast-"

"Is it for Rose?" Aaron could feel his heart explode from the mention of her name.

"What? No." He already missed her.

Something glinted in Luke's eyes, perhaps it was playful mockery or maybe Aaron was just seeing things. "Is that why I saw her hairband in the living room?"

"What?" C̶a̶l̶m̶,̶ ̶c̶a̶l̶m̶,̶ ̶c̶a̶l̶m̶.

Luke lifted up his wrist, grinning. And just as Aaron expected, around his wrist was Rose's customary lilac hairband, practically screaming at him on what an idiot he was.

"Shit," He muttered completely by surprise.

"So I was right," Luke was full on grinning now, his perfectly aligned teeth on display. "So?"

"So what?"

"What was she doing here?" Aaron hated the way Luke made it sound.

"None of your business," Aaron said, giving a small glare to Luke.

Luke leaned against the door frame, still grinning. "Does it have something to do with why you are losing your shit now?"

"Can you shut up?"

"I'm taking that as a yes,"

Aaron worked his jaw. "How about you go and make yourself a cup of damn coffee?"

"So you can presume to acting like a complete chick?"

"No, so I can decide what's my first step in killing you."

Luke slightly smirked. "You mean like an accident?"

"That's how I'm gonna make it look,"

Luke chuckled before he pushed himself off the door frame, still smiling. "Well tell me how your date goes!" He chirped, before his feet padded to the kitchen. Aaron sighed.

He rummaged through his entire closet by the time he could hear Luke stir his coffee, and he let out a breath as he plopped down onto his bed. He took one more look at all the clothes on his floor before he hesitantly picked up a black button down. Should he go fancy? He tried swallowing down the uncertainty.

She deserves the best.

Nodding to himself, he took a pair of black khaki pants before he started cleaning up his mess. And along the way, he let out a light laugh as he found some thing that he has been looking for. At other times, he also found things he never knew he had. (He had a forsaken pink shirt)

By the time noon rolled around, Aaron already had breakfast and showered and even called in sick at work. He did compromise that he would work extra hours tomorrow until 11 pm.

Aaron was glad Luke was minding his own business, but that didn't help him become any calmer. Every tick of the clock made his hands tremble more, made him drum his fingers against his knee while he watched some show on the telly. It still wasn't doing a good job on clearing his mind.

And no matter how many times he told himself to calm down, he couldn't.

Because anything concerning Rose, never made him calm. S̶h̶e̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶s̶o̶,̶ ̶s̶o̶ ̶s̶p̶e̶c̶i̶a̶l̶.

Taking one more glance at the clock, Aaron got up once more. "Where are you going?" Luke asked, chewing on his soggy cereal.

"To take a shower,"

"Didn't you just take one like 20 minutes ago?"

Aaron looked at the clock once more. He read the clock wrong.

With an annoyed sigh, he sat back down onto the couch, grumbling underneath his breath.

Luke seemed amused though. "What? Bummed that it's only 1:30?"

Aaron just continued grumbling.

"Jesus," Luke mumbled. "You are so pitiful."

He scowled. "You're annoying,"

"Annoying, but not pitiful." Luke grinned.

Aaron scoffed before shaking his head, getting up on his feet. "Where are you going now?"

He gave Luke a look. "To take that fucking shower."

★★★

Aaron ended up taking 3 showers.

He was dressed now, anxiously waiting for the clock to strike 2:30. He even secretly applied some of his cologne concoction; something that Aaron never does on a regular basis. Since Aaron wasn't about to spend 20 bucks on cologne, he decided it wouldn't be bad to make one at home.

And since they were things he could find at home, he couldn't say no. It was too simple really: just lemon juice, vitamin E drops and some castor oil. Mix it up and store.

Now that he was smelling good, he felt a bit more confident and calm.

And then he couldn't take it anymore.

Even though it was probably still early, he took off from home, even bidding Luke a small 'Bye' before he made his way to her house. Canada was a bit chilly today, but it was humid too, considering the downpour that fell on them last night.

Aaron was refraining himself from jogging to her house, but he wasn't walking at his normal pace either. He was scared, but he was excited and happy and-

he felt absolutely amazing.