《Souls of Red》Chapter 7: Wisdom of the Darkness
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"Seek wisdom when you are alone with the moon. Knowledge is a double-sided sword. If used wisely, it can prove fatal to every corruption."
I couldn't respond. As a young child, my only wish was for them to come back and tuck me into bed. I would look for them during cold rainy nights, but they were never there. I always wanted revenge for those wonderful times they took away, and for all the times, they forced me to be independent. But when the time finally came, everything I planned to say suddenly disappeared.
"Now that I'm hopeless and in prison, you decided to call!" I answered with tears.
"No, Aryn listen please-"
"Listen to what exactly! You left me a young child with my ruthless Uncle. When I graduated and finally had a job, you called me to ask for money. I waited for months and years. And at last, you send a stupid letter!"
I recalled how Uncle William always reminded me that I wasn't his child. I was a victim to his punches and kicks for something I didn't choose, nor could control. With the innocence of a ten-year-old girl, I would only silently cry in the rose garden, which Aunt Olivia grew, trying to ignore the humiliation and insults of Uncle William.
"Time is up! You have to return to your cell!"
I threw the phone, with anger spreading like fire. The guardian couldn't respond to my rude attitude. Instead, she was shocked. As much as I felt proud that I didn't listen to whatever excuses she had, a part of me wanted to know everything. Where did she live? What did she do for a living? And most of all, why they left me like that. At a point where nothing can be done, I just sat this night staring at the grey walls.
I looked at the white sticks, which I used as a calendar. Seven months have already passed. My arms became very thin- they were just bones. Drawing with the last bit of energy left in my faint fingernails, I observed everything that happened the last few months. I lost a lot of my strength, and only doing the cell's chores sometimes made me pass out. Days went on without eating, and even water seemed like poison to me.
Whenever Cherry talked to me, her eyes stared at my pale lips and dry eyes. She always tried saving me my portion of food, but eventually, she gave up when I always faced her with rejection.
Even those prisoners who ate weren't any better and were very underweight. Their only reason for endure is because they learned to adapt to the rough conditions of this place. The meals they offered could not sustain any living creature. We were offered no lunch, and only two meals- which were fourteen hours apart. While prisoners struggled with hunger, I was unable to finish one meal.
Cherry tried teaching me the little hobbies she could do in prison- rock shaping, wood carving and even drawing. But nothing snapped me out of reality. I was stuck a prisoner of the dark loop of thoughts, and not in this place. With a cold heart and dark eyes I didn't respond to any call or visit. 'Rules of Death' was covered in dust and dirt, begging to be held and read.
Every voice and every hiss made me rage. It was a war between my isolation and everyone who dared to break it. I didn't realize how many bruised faces or how many afraid souls I hurt for the sake of this war. But, solitary confinement, was more than enough to remind of the splattered blood and still bodies. And, who won. Looking at my hand, I would witness blood and revenge carved on the little flesh they had.
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It was a place I wouldn't wish for my enemy.
Every prisoner now avoided contact with me, even Pereth- who is here as a result of serial killing. I wasn't proud of who I became, even if my actions showed otherwise. The little prisoners who still spoke to me said that what I achieved was what they called the success of the century.
Every night, I would see myself killing every prisoner here, and with pride, in a very dark nightmare. Sometimes, when I went on days without sleep, I would witness those dreams come into reality when a knife is grasped onto by my thin fingers. In a second, everyone would be dead, because of me. It was only then I felt like a true criminal.
When I thought that everyone stepped away, Cherry would come and talk to me. She didn't see me as a psycho, or a 'success'. She just saw me as Aryn, who came here with nothing left to lose.
When I talked to her, I would remember the old happy days. She would remind me that I'm not the vicious monster everyone thought me as, but merely an innocent girl who slept hoping for a better day. And, when my solitary confinement was over, she would rush and protect me from everyone's eyes. It was only because of people like her that I knew I had to fight and not give up yet.
"Aryn Anderson, you have a visit,"
"I don't want to see anyone."
"Aryn, this is the tenth time you reject a visit. See whoever it is, it will make you feel better. Those people come a long way just to see you for a few minutes, and they never gave up despite your constant dismay," Cherry commented.
"My decision is final, Cherry. I don't want to see anyone. Three months are left anyway. Only then I would say they didn't give up."
"I've been in prison for years, and I never saw a friend this determined. Don't lose them, Aryn," she said, as she left.
Ellena never stopped visiting. I never accepted to see her either. Every time she came, I would remember how she once dragged me away from a dark loop of darkness. I would recall the memories of my little room, and waking up the sounds of birds and rustling leaves.
It was one late night when unusual noises rang beside my house. I rushed to the window, surprised to see that someone finally had the audacity to move into the 'haunted house,' which everyone feared. The neighbourhood believed that the last person who last lived there left a curse after his suicide. They even reported having heard mysterious voices. I often laughed because I knew the mischievous-young boys climbed each night into that house and howled in the hallway, creating the 'ghost effect'.
It wasn't long after before, a teenage girl about my age, knocked on my door, with a pale face and shivering limbs.
"Ghosts. The neighbours are saying that the house is haunted," she stuttered.
I hid my laughter and figured that she must be one of the 'brave ones'. We sat together and talked for hours that day. But it wasn't her funny jokes or sass that captivated me. It was her smile. She had the same broken tooth Aunt Olivia had. Over the years, Ellena was the only person I trusted. We had our fights and arguments, but we developed a strong bond of friendship.
It was frigid, and I couldn't help but remember that at this time of the year, I'd sit by the fireplace, writing my goals for next year. Shivering in the green blanket, Cherry gave her coverage without hesitation. When I refused, she replied that she was used to living in harsh weather and I needed the extra warmth to regain my strength.
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When she didn't allow no for an answer, I smiled, thanking her for her warm gesture.
Days continued passing as the weather got colder, and candles got brighter. It wasn't only Cherry, but now all the prisoners took care of my nutrition, and at times they even offered their meals. It was a slow process, but I slowly started regaining my energy back. My hands were now capable of writing stories- and not only one page.
They'd happily read them around the candles. We eventually became a family, which wasn't happy news for Pereth-who never bothered to join us. At some point, they requested me to tell them about the cases I faced as a Doctor. It would sometimes be a misery of tears, as I expressed my attachment to each patient who left the wolf peacefully. But always a session of recalling everything I lost before coming here.
What changed their hatred was the little challenge the guard offered. At the end of the month, she will give the most well-mannered cell a wool blanket. Of course, many prisoners saw this as a joke- including me. This was probably some trap the guard placed when she saw that ninety percent of the problems came from our cell. But many prisoners believed in this. Who could blame them? They just wanted to survive the harsh winter, even if it was with a simple wool blanket. Perhaps, they also wanted to feel some luxury- one they lost a long time ago.
"We'll miss you and your stories very much, Aryn. We must say, this little challenge made us realize that you're surprisingly a great person," they smiled.
With an assuring hug, I replied, "Thank you, guys, for everything. And honestly, I could say the same about you."
"Before you leave, we have a gift for you."
"We made this necklace for you out of the rocks in the yard. It's nothing fancy, but we thought you'd remember our story nights," they said.
One year finally passed, and Ethan's flower died. They gave me a simple necklace, yet the effort they all put was apparent. The pendant was shaped into a candle, and the chain gaps were consistent throughout the entire piece. And that was where I saw their ruptured hands, bruised and reflective of the amount of effort they've spent.
I thanked and hugged them for the last time, cherishing every moment I spent with them. However, the saddest goodbye was Cherry's. It was hard imagining I may not see her again. She looked at me with happiness, accompanied by a yearning for freedom.
"I won't leave you here, Cherry. This isn't the last time we meet, I promise," I assured her.
"Don't bother. I'm used to it here. I'm not upset about it anymore, because it was meant to happen. Enjoy your freedom, Aryn. You deserve it. Don't linger over the past, and stand fiercely against every difficulty you encounter," she advised.
With an aching heart, I hugged her tightly, forgetting that I was still surrounded by the rusty walls of the prison. Sometimes, I felt Cherry was an angel sent to lean my days. When the sonorous sound of the metal bars rang through my ears, her soft-voice and words of wisdom came to heal my open wounds. Although she was a prisoner for ten years, she never complained and gave the knowledge needed in such darkness.
Her embrace reminded me of the late nights she spent making bandages for my injuries, and the cold nights she sacrificed her blanket for my warmth.
"Cherry, protect yourself from everyone who dares to hurt or change you. You never gave up on me, and I won't. It's my turn to stand by your side. No matter what it takes, I'll come back with proof that you're innocent."
"Good-Bye, Cherry," I said in a brittle voice.
I walked through the empty black-hallways. Those were the final minutes of my handcuffs. I wouldn't be under the mercy of the guardian anymore. Staring at her brown eyes, I saw in them the same malice she held when she viciously bet me. It was the last time I'd wonder what the fence held beyond, and the last time I'd be forced to obey commands.
One year ago, I never knew what freedom felt like. My Aunt once told me that freedom is one of the hardest things to achieve. I never understood what she meant. But those few minutes silently explained that it meant more than independence. Freedom is being deprived from the simplest necessities, and having them back again.
The specks of light gradually began shining on my eyes. With adrenaline rushing through my veins, I heard the thundering voice of the opening gate-which was the most majestic voice I ever heard. Shards of dry grass started appearing as the sun became brighter and brighter, announcing herself as a queen. I felt the pressure on my wrists loosen as she pulled the metallic handcuffs off me.
I was free.
For the first time in a year, I walked freely, without any permission. Ellena and Ethan were both standing on the grey road, with shock and excitement revealed in their eyes.
"Aryn! Finally," Ellena exclaimed as she ran towards me.
Her tone could no longer conceal how much she longed to see me. She rushed, forgetting my constant reject as if I would turn into fire specks. I embraced her, ignoring my bruises and scars, and in a moment, I seemed to forget what happened during the last few months.
"I missed you so much, Ellena! I am really sorry for the way I treated you," I replied.
"Aryn, don't ever go for that long again. The past year felt like hell without you. I missed you so much. I-"Ethan said with a brittle voice.
Without continuing, he embraced me, relieving all his piled emotions and cries. I never thought he'd still stay. I lived in prison with the thought that he'd already given up on me. But his tears only proved otherwise, when I finally saw him after long months of waiting. It was as if he found the miracle he waited for his entire life. Through my eyes, I apologized for all the pain I caused.
Unaware of the future, I stared at the clouds, smiling like a child. But, gazing back at his dark eyes, the book's words suddenly struck. Remembering every detail, I stepped back, and only looked at his startled expressions. Terror collided with the immense thoughts. I could no longer see or feel freedom. I was still trapped in the untouched book. I am risking his life by this relation, and nothing could've changed this fact.
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