Chapter Sixteen

I lay on my stomach in front of the fire, picking up a twig to prod at the burning embers nearer the sides. Everyone eventually gave up with the boy scout approach and the boys came up with the ingenious idea to make the fire with their lighter rather than hunting out better twigs. That's also when they began drinking and lighting cigarettes - which Parker hadn't been too happy about having me near but eventually joined in anyway.

Matthew had fallen asleep after drinking his chocolate milk. He had claimed that like me, it usually woke him up, yet he had fallen into a deep sleep barely two minutes afterward. He was lying in a slumped heap on the ground looking rather dead, face pressed into the mud. Nobody had bothered to move him to the tent. I rolled onto my back and prodded him with the stick to make sure he was still alive seeing as he was next to me.

He grumbled something incoherent, nuzzling his face farther into the dirt.

"So why do you hang around with our Parker?" Topher inquired. He and Axel had been asking me lots of questions for a while now. I couldn't remember when it began because my head felt muddled but they seemed to be finding it entertaining.

I rolled away from the fire until I came to a stop at four pairs of boot clad feet. I fiddled with someone's shoelaces as I mulled it over. "I don't- I don't really know." I tied the lace of one shoe to another. "He's like fungus."

Topher and Axel burst out laughing. I wasn't sure but I think I even heard a snort of amusement escape Hayden's lips.

"Not in a bad way," I looked up to search for Parker's face and found him already staring at me. Fortunately he didn't look hurt, just a little concerned. I wondered why. "It's like- you were disgusting at first. Gross and annoying. But then you started to grow on me and I kind of thought, well, I'd miss the fungus a bit if it left. It might not be perfect, a bit mouldy and green and smelly, but, like-" My brain felt so foggy. It almost hurt to try and think of words, let alone remember how to move my mouth in order to speak them. I wasn't even sure if I was making sense. "I like it being there."

Parker was smiling but it wasn't quite reaching his eyes. He was worried.

"That was deep for someone who's acting as if they're drunk." Topher nodded as if impressed.

"So who do you think is the hottest here?" Axel snickered. I flopped onto my back to look at the night sky. It was so dark, a stretch of neverending black like the colour of a television screen tuned to a dead channel but with the added bonus of little twinkles. Stars.

"I don't like this," Parker stated. "Something's wrong with her. She's..."

"Getting into the camping spirit!" Topher finished. "Most relaxed I've seen her."

"Getting nervous she'll say I'm better looking than you?" Axel teased.

It didn't take much thought on my part. "Obviously Topher."

Topher started hollering in victory. "Don't take it to heart, Parker. You just can't beat the T dawg."

"Has she had anything else other than that chocolate milk?" Parker sounded distracted. I felt like moving my head to see him but I couldn't remember how to do that. I giggled. How silly. "You guys haven't given her drink or anything? Because you know that if you have I will actually fucking slit your throats open."

I winced at the violent thought.

"Nah," Axel quickly dismissed him, more interested in other topics. His face was suddenly hovering over mine, eyes sparkling with something I couldn't quite pin point. I reached out to bop him on the nose. "Why are you afraid of touching?"

I froze. For a moment I forgot lungs existed, and then I was rolling. I was rolling my body away from their feet, unable to remember the procedure that allowed one to walk away. I knew using the lower half of my body would help but I felt so numb that I wasn't sure if I even had a lower body anymore. Was I an amputee?

"Holy shit." Somebody was cursing.

The great expanse of night and stars seemed so pretty and I wanted to be there. I wanted to be away from here and I got the idea in my head that if I counted all of the stars quickly enough then maybe I could join them. I couldn't. There were too many. Millions and billions of stars and my eyes were swimming and I wanted to hold Parker's hand and get him to take me away from this horrible place where they were asking unnecessary things, questions I couldn't answer.

I could hear faint shouting but I couldn't make out words. Their voices sounded distorted and the faces that loomed over mine were warping into indistinguishable shapes, elongating and sweeping around as though they were an abstract painting. Somebody had taken a brush to them, smearing their features to one side.

I was vaguely aware that I was hyperventilating. I started to claw at my throat because perhaps if I managed to scrape away enough skin it would reveal a new, shiny Flora Montgomery that wasn't afraid of touching and questions and slightly tipsy boys that mothers would disapprove of.

I caught the words "hair" and "fire" as I lay there uselessly, watching legs stomp the ground around me in a manic dance. The warmth I'd been feeling disappeared and the smell of something burnt invaded my nostrils. I put two and two together, presuming that my hair must have fell into the flames. It came as a slight disappointment when I realised that the legs hadn't been dancing to cheer me up, but to extinguish the mini-inferno that had taken place behind my head. When the legs stopped and I found three panicked faces - there was another but he didn't look panicked, more indifferent than anything else - staring at me from above, I failed to keep my laughter inside. This was all so ridiculous.

"Damn. There go my dreams of becoming the brunette Rapunzel." I choked on giggles, covering my mouth in a futile attempt to stop them. I tugged at the bottom of a muddy jean leg and Parker squatted down next to me, face a mask of concern. "Why are you so grumpy?"

He looked almost upset. He shook his head, turning and talking to the other guys about something in a stern voice. I cocked my head to the side, trying and failing to make sense of their words. They were shouting now, clearly another language if I couldn't grasp it.

"It's not nice to leave me out!" I called. "You know I can only speak English. That's a lie actually, I'm fluent in street talk."

Parker's shouting only seemed to intensify after that.

"What do you mean nothing?" Parker was being extraordinarily loud and I winced as it seemed to pierce through my skull.

"I added in syrup! Just syrup!" Matthew screeched. Had he woken him up? Rude. "Let go of me, I'm trying to smoke my-"

"Come on, man. Easy, yeah? Let go of his collar."

I managed to look up, watching as Topher tried to detach the pair. Parker looked livid and even being a metre away and lying on the ground, I could see the green vein bulging rather prominently on his neck. Topher managed to prise his fingers from Matthew's shirt.

As soon as Matthew was on his feet, he wedged a cigarette between his lips - something that I still didn't think suited his child-like persona at all - and his tired eyes focused on me. He looked like he was finding it difficult to concentrate too.

"You were pouring it with him," Parker pointed an accusing finger at Topher's chest next. "Did you think I wouldn't know it was one of you? Think I'm some kind of idiot? What the fuck did you slip into her milk, Christopher? She's acting like she's high and Matthew's completely out of it."

I burst into giggles and rolled onto my back. "Camping. What a wild ride."

Topher let out a weary sigh. "I didn't put anything in it, bloody hell!"

There was a face looming over mine that seemed incredibly far away. I tried to reach out to touch it but couldn't manage. I was confused for a moment before I remembered I was lying down and they were standing up. A thin stream of smoke was blown in my face as I laughed.

"She looks like she's been drugged."

I pointed at Hayden above me. "You know what's funny? Your name."

More smoke blew in my face. "How so?"

"You're called Hayden Cross," I waved my hand about the thick smoke that hovered before me, trying to swish the grey clouds into a shapes. "Which is ironic because you're always cross with people." I paused, admiring the pretty, toxic cloud of cigarette fumes. "Look! It's like an elegant swan."

"Definitely drugged." He concluded, sidestepping away from my line of sight and taking the swan of smoke with him.

"No shit." Parker sounded like he was having trouble forming a coherent sentence. Whether that was because he'd been drinking or he was simply too frustrated, I was unsure. Either way, he was becoming a party pooper.

"Relax," Hayden's voice sounded off, slurred maybe. "I went to medical school."

"You studied medicine for three days before dropping out."

"Bad room mate."

"What did you give her?" I'd never heard Parker's voice so angry. I tried to sit up to see him, prop myself up with my elbow or something. I couldn't so I settled for wriggling about on the grass, stifling more giggles. I had now decided that I loved camping.

I wasn't hard to please. Avoid certain questions and we'd be fine.

"Me? I didn't give her anything you fuckwit. I'm trying to diagnose her. Look on the bright side, she's less sarcastic now."

There was the sound of a scuffle and a whack. Then there was silence.

"You didn't need to knock him unconscious." Someone muttered quietly.

"He was being annoying. Anyway, he's got a thick skull, he'll survive." Parker snapped. "Take him back to the tent, yeah?"

Seconds later I spotted Axel and Topher carrying Hayden's unconscious body into a tent. They tripped along the way, someone cursing about their shoe laces being tied together, before resuming their walk. Matthew was trailing behind, almost staggering as he rubbed tiredly at his eyes.

Parker came over, trying to hide them from view as he sat directly in front of my line of sight. Unfortunately for him it was a beat too late.

"Did you do that?" I inquired curiously, referring to Hayden's limp form.

"We'll talk about it in the morning. Right now I need to get you to our tent. Can you walk or do you need me to carry you?"

"What am I, two?" I snorted. "I can walk by myself."

He eyed me doubtfully but stood up anyway, extending a hand out as if to help me. I didn't take it, wanting to prove I could manage on my own. Turns out I couldn't even sit up.

"What a turn in events," I declared dramatically, arms flopping to my sides. "My legs usually work. This is rather peculiar."

Parker tugged at his hair in distress. "Right... I give you full permission to punch me in the nose or whatever tomorrow for touching you but... for now, honey, I'm going to need to pick you up."

"That's okay, I don't mind you touching me so much." I sighed, shutting my eyes. I felt his hands freeze behind my back and under my legs.

"You don't?" I was off the ground now, pressed against his chest instead. It was nice. Much nicer than the floor and the questioning and the sky. I snuggled in closer.

"It's not bad when Parker touches me and that scares me." I admitted. "Promise you won't tell him I told you? He'll get too cocky."

He chuckled under his breath and I felt it against my forehead where his chin was resting, warm with the faint hint of smoke and spearmint. His clothes smelled better, like a mixture of cheap detergent and oranges and boy and safety. I put my hand against his cheek, splaying my fingers. He seemed shocked by the contact. "Why are you always so warm?" I asked.

"Because I'm hot twenty four seven, I thought that was self explanatory." He joked, ducking into the door - if you could even call two flaps of material a door - of our tent. He gently set me down and it was the first time I realised how he touched me; as if I were a fragile piece of china that he needed to handle with extreme care in case I broke in two.

"Not hotter than Topher." I mused, taking off my sneakers before dropping to the floor and rolling around my sleeping bag.

Parker watched me for a few seconds as I wound the thing I should have been sleeping inside around the outside of my body instead. "Is that so? You seem to really like him all of a sudden."

Once it was wrapped sufficiently around my legs and waist, I stopped rolling and looked up at him. "Don't take it personally," I hiccupped. "I like you the best. They all have sucky personalities but you don't. Plus you're also annoyingly hot."

He seemed satisfied with my answer, maybe even smug. "You think I'm hot?"

"Like a house on fire kind of hot that children and families and cats are all burning inside and the firemen can't put out."

He sat down next to me, tipping his head to one side. "Thank you... I think."

"No problemo, matey."

"That's the first time you've admitted that you like me." He smiled after a few moments, hesitantly brushing a strand of hair behind my ear. "Why do nice things have to happen when one of us is intoxicated?"

"I'm not intoxicated." I pouted. "I've only drank chocolate milk."

He rolled his eyes. "How are you feeling?"

"Just peachy." I tugged at the sleeping bag that seemed to have been wrapped horizontally around my body and tugged at it. "Why is this on me? Get it off."

"I have a feeling that if you ever drank, you'd be a terrible lightweight." He was smiling a little as he tugged at the hood of the bag, forcing me to unravel from the tight confinement of my temporary bed. I sighed in relief once I was out, assuming the position of a dead starfish. The dead quality came to it when I shut my eyes.

"I'm good at street talk." I told him, just in case he hadn't heard me earlier.

"You're not exactly street material, honey." He lay down next to me.

"Word to your mother. Four twenty blaze it my brethren- ha. Wicked. Absolutely buzzin'. I got more ladies than Jay Z got Mercedez, dude. One is about to hit the town in order to have a cheeky drink and shack up with some hot ass-" His hand moved up to cover my mouth, stopping me from continuing. He was laughing and I think it would have taken perhaps a book trilogy just to describe that smile, page one starting with the unadulterated fondness that was shining in his eyes.

The overwhelming urge to thank life for somehow managing to crush his own into mine, a person who didn't run off screaming when I did silly things or opened my mouth and said something stupid (which was basically all of the time), washed over me like a tidal wave. I was here with someone who appreciated me and I felt like I'd seriously unappreciated him. He was patient, tolerated my weirdness and I never once had to thank him to make him continue. He was just there. He was always there.

"Please never say any of that again." He shook his head, retracting his hand. I caught it before he moved it completely away.

"Parker Heywood, I don't like touching." I felt the need to confirm that as I gripped his fingers tighter - which I guess was completely contradictory.

"I know." He replied softly, capturing my hand in both of his as we lay facing one another on our sides. "It's okay. Ignore the rest of them. Ignore Axel's question. Don't ever feel like you need to tell me anything if you-"

"But I don't mind you touching me and I don't know why." I continued as I frowned at our intertwined hands. I watched as he took one of his away from mine, bringing it up to hesitantly trace his fingers over the scratches on my neck which I'd made outside. His face looked worried as he did so. It was already hard to concentrate on words but it felt near impossible now with the feather-like touch of his fingertips.

"I think I like you quite a lot." I said.

His fingers stopped brushing against my skin and his steady gaze met mine. "I like you quite a lot, too."

"Are we going out?" I blurted.

"I'd like to think so but," He hesitated. "Let's wait until morning, yeah? Your feelings might be different then. I'm not sure what's wrong with you right now, Flora, but I don't want you waking up and regretting things."

I felt like I'd been rejected. "Is this because I can't touch? Well maybe I'll be unable to bare your young, sonny boy, but I-"

"Christ," He looked appalled. "Of course not! Have you any idea how much I want you to be my girlfriend? We haven't even gone on a date and I still want you. I don't even do relationships."

I suddenly felt bold. "Touch me." I demanded.

His jaw fell slack. "I... what?"

Regardless of his question, I knew that he'd understood me. His eyes had darkened considerably and his hands had subconsciously tightened around my own.

I took another deep breath. I wasn't going to be Frigid Flora anymore. I didn't want to be her. I wanted to be Flora Montgomery, a normal girl. "Touch me, kiss me, whatever. Just do something."

"Flora..." He trailed off, detaching his hands from mine and shuffling away as if trying to distance himself. "Don't tempt me. You're drunk or high or- honestly, I've no idea what's wrong with you but you're currently not in your... right mind. I'm not going to take advantage of you-"

I had no idea what I was doing and was severly inexperienced in the intimacy department what with the whole fear thing, but I leaned forward and crushed my mouth against his in the attempt to initiate a kiss. I tried to mimic Parker's actions from when we had been in his truck and awkwardly moved my lips back and forth. It felt strange.

I was either doing a horrific job to cause his lack of response or he was simply taken aback. He brought up his hands, resting them on my stomach as if he were just about to push me away from him, until I caught his lower lip between my teeth. A low, almost animalistic groan escaped him, a surprised sound, and then he was suddenly bunching up the material of the shirt around my stomach to pull me closer to him.

I didn't need to try at all after that. One of his hands gripped the small of my back whilst the other moved upward to tangle in my hair, both pressing me closer to his body as if he couldn't get me near enough. My hands had somehow found their way to his face and I decided to let them slide down and wind around his neck. I tried to stutter out an apology when his lips had latched onto my throat but he quickly shut it down, apparently finding my inexperience endearing and claiming he could teach me. My skin felt as though someone had struck it with a match, igniting me from the very tips of my fingers to my toes. I was aflame but it felt good.

Just as quickly as my confidence had appeared, it fizzled out. I had no idea what I was doing and I was longing for my space bubble to return because at that moment, it felt well and truly popped. I couldn't pretend I was prepared for this yet. We'd been taking baby steps as friends and this was a massive leap as something more.

Parker seemed to realise I'd had enough when my arms fell limp and I stopped trying. He pulled away slightly, keeping his forehead pressed against my own and hands resting on my waist rather than my back and head. His breathing was laboured, as was my own.

"I shouldn't have-I'm sorry-I-" He shook his head, blinking as if to wake himself up. "Shit. Oh Christ. I-"