The Nav Officer spotted it first, wandering around like a bluebottle trying to figure out how windows work.

"Captain, I have a lost ship on the scanner. Looks like it's been Between space for a while."

The Captain was human, which was probably the luckiest thing that had happened to this wandering hazard for a while. How long a while was still to be determined.

He scanned the signal, "Alright, tell Engineering we have a target for rescue and recovery. Comms, light up whatever the hell that ship is and inform the XCC that we are ghost hunting."

He looked at the scans again and thought about it for a second, "Tell the Medbay to prep for a Xeno fuck up. That ship could be DOA or worse."

------

The Medbay was usually pretty relaxed since most of the crew were healthy and intelligent. Until pizza night, of course, when the Xenos got stoned or drunk and tried to eat human food. The Medic doubled up as the counsellor so his trained and compassionate voice helped them through the highs of Ghost peppers or the psychological horror of eggs. Sometimes they just never read the warnings. Cheese just confused them.

"Shit."

He began by reconfiguring the Medbay and pushing out the walls. Beepers summoned his volunteers and soon his crew were as ready as they could be.

-----

The Captain glanced at the Comms. Nothing yet, but he still needed to try. "Unknown Vessel, this is the human vessel 'Untested Ideas'. We are going to bring you into normal space. This is not a hostile action, I repeat that this is not a hostile action. We are concerned with your trajectory. We are willing to help or release you immediately. Please respond."

Nothing.

Comms added, "Cap, they might be blind and drunk. Nav thinks it's an antique."

Nav spoke up, "If it's been here for a while they are oblivious to us. They might all be dust or on lunch, it depends on which field failed. We won't know until we can have a look."

------

The event itself was straight from the manual. The unresponsive ship was intercepted, held by Engineerings transporter fields and pulled out of transit by the more powerful human ship. It was more uncomfortable and a little more dangerous than anyone was willing to admit.

The Captain looked at his crew, "Alright people, let's get to work. I want the drones out, I want the Xeno Officer on Comms with the XCC listening." He paused for a minute, "Who is that anyway?"

His Second ran through the crew list in his mind. "We gave that one to Rocky, I seem to remember you figured a Silicon species that are impervious to weapons would do the job nicely. You gave it to him a bonus after that incident with the In'tec."

Nearly every crew member had multiple roles, all under the benevolent rule of the AI and the Captain.

The Captain smiled at the memory, "Damn I'm good. Prep the shuttle, I expect we will have to visit our guest."

---------

The Library ship 'Welcome Guest' was, in a long-since discarded attitude, mostly oblivious to how their ship actually worked. It just did, just like it always had. The creeping human influence on galactic norms had almost erased such complacency. The 'Welcome Guest' was a textbook example of why.

Its Chancellor, while a venerable and esteemed scholar, was no engineer. When his ship shuddered and his collection of small but precious souvenirs began tumbling towards the floor he raised his head in confusion and pressed the Comms button.

"Navigation, may I ask why we seem to be experiencing a tectonic shift in space?"

The Navigation scholar felt his interior squirm a little. His people weren't great at interpersonal conflict, not without at least three family members to adjudicate any issues. "Chancellor, we have been pulled out of our planned journey by a strange ship. I have no records of the design…it might be pirates or first contact. They are trying to talk to us but I cannot translate it yet."

His Contact scholar spoke up, "We are equipped for such things. I will begin our first contact protocols. If it is a pirate they may leave us in peace once they search the ship."

He added piously, "We carry nothing that we aren't willing to give away freely."

The Chancellor sniffed at that, "I will remind you of that if they are looking for slaves."

------

The Xeno Officer on the 'Untested Ideas' wore many hats according to his Captain. He was the first one out in an EVA, the last one out in case of fire or failure and also 'another black box if things go to shit.' His whimsical choice to travel with the soggy carbons had proved most entertaining so far.

"Captain…the ship has a name and a transponder. It's pre-contact, for your species anyway." He listened in again to the transmission, "They appear to be sending you homework."

The Captain was looking at the same data. "First contact? They are a thousand years too late. Can you call whoever is in charge directly? I think we need to talk."

-----

"Chancellor, the alien ship wishes to speak to you privately. It seems to have understood everything I sent…in all conscience, I cannot claim anything to do with it. They speak our languages!"

The Chancellor shook his tail at that one. How did an unknown species know more than they did? It defeated the entire purpose of the mission.

He quickly grabbed his ceremonial hat and adjusted it. All new contacts were entitled to his full glory, an act of respect shared by nearly all sapient species. His personnel clerk added a matching cloak and gave him an appraising stare. He picked away some invisible specs of dust, straightened a strand and nodded, “Your Excellency will amaze them.”

------

The Comms officer turned in disbelief…”Sir, you really need to see this. I’m sending you a screenshot, I bought you some time to get ready…I want a bonus for this.”

The Captain stared at the picture and tried to work it out. Eventually, it made a strange kind of sense… “Rocky, why am I looking at a hobbit wearing a Christmas tree on his head? And why is he wrapped in tinsel? Have I missed something?”

The Xeno Officer never really paid attention to what the organics chose to wear, it all looked tiresome to him. Except for the pockets. Those were awesome. “Captain, I believe it is wearing formal gear. Do you have a hat?”

The Captain gestured at his Second, “Okay, go to Cargo One and dig out my formal gear. I think it has a hat and a jacket. Maybe a sword. Find some medals or something and stick them on. This species obviously wants a ceremony. Comms, tell them…tell them I’m having a ritual bath while I play dress-up.”

--------

“A ritual bath? Obviously, this is a very civilised race…unless they think us unclean. Inform them that I am doing the same, along with our sacred oils and …what's that word, unguents? That.”

--------

The Captain stood in his cabin and faced the Comms. He was wearing the uniform of a man in his twenties, a heroic and athletic man. A man proud of his military achievements and with the bearing to show it. Unfortunately, it was now wrapped around a man in his early fifties that had spent too long in low gravity and far from a friendly sun. The hat was in his opinion a success. He denied ever losing a single strand to male-pattern baldness, that ancient evil, but he had to admit that the blond had turned a paler shade of summer than he was happy with.

With a nod, he opened Comms.

-------

The Chancellor shifted uneasily as the oils on his face began to irritate his skin and his magnificent hat started a slow slide backwards. Sacrifices must be made.

The Comms opened.

The creature was huge, at least twice his size and bearing what was obviously a blade as large as he was. The Chancellor feared that perhaps it was indeed a pirate vessel or some warlike race that would despise a mission such as his. It seemed to wear the tattered rags of some uniform with little but faded braid and tarnished silver remaining. A deserter? Or the survivor of some obscure war left clinging to the edge of space? He decided to try and control the conversation.

“I am Chancellor Estimon of the Library Ship ‘Welcome Guest’. We are pleased to meet you. We are protected by treaties with the Galactic Council from interference and attack. Our sole purpose is to share the wealth of nations, the knowledge of Empires and the sum of our wisdom with those that wish to receive it. There is no cost and there is no other cargo. What we have we give freely.”

Another glance at the blade made him blurt out, “We are Emissaries of the Galactic Council. Attacks on us will be met by the vengeance of all, for no gain or purpose.”

The creature seemed to hesitate and then surprised him. It bowed.

“Chancellor, we are familiar with the Library Ships and your noble mission. I am Captain Gaynor of the human trade vessel ‘Untested Ideas’ and we offer you no violence. Indeed it was meeting with one of your gentle kind that gifted my people access to greater space and that is not a gift easily repaid.”

The crew of the ‘Welcome Guest’ sighed in relief in what would have made for an awkward chorus had comms not stopped it from transmitting. Just a recent uplift, young to space and unaware that pulling a ship from its travels was, at the very least, rude but outright dangerous even for a warlike species like this one appeared to be, should they pick the wrong ship to interfere with.

“Captain, I am thankful for your understanding. That being said, perhaps you could explain why you interrupted our journey?”

--------

Captain Gaynor bowed again, checking as his AI swept through the Xeno ship and finally presented him with dates and data. Shit. This Library ship was from before everything. Before First contact, the Burning, the In’tec, the…the everything. His AI was practically ready to seize the ship as an important historical object. Shit, it was even before human AI and nanotech had been introduced to the galaxy.

The next line chilled him as the AI redlined him a message. ‘Extinct Swarm species detected, temporal incursion declared.’

“Chancellor, this is a delicate topic. Are you familiar with temporal displacement? I find that my understanding of time is not what I thought it was and that the galaxy can play tricks I find difficult to understand. I have no wish to disturb my crew, nor yours but I feel certain that if all was as it should be we would be familiar with each other.”

------

The Captain wrote silent orders to Nav and Comms to find the nearest Library ship and tell it to shift its arse out here faster than the Gods can think. This was not going to be easy. Then he updated the XCC that they may have uncontacted Swarm species onboard the rescue. Certain red lights started to glow and crewmen within a thousand light-years were kicked out of bed as the Fleet geared up.

The AI tightened its control over the Xeno engines and began containment procedures not used in four hundred years.

-------

The Chancellor relaxed a little. The human vessel had become confused, a thing easily dealt with. Any species taking their first steps in space made this kind of mistake, sad for an individual but ultimately harmless. These ‘humans’ were obviously a little lost in time. He pulled his hat back into its correct position and settled into his more familiar guise as a teacher.

“Captain, we have dealt with these things for a thousand years. You are a little out of step with the rest of the galaxy but such things are to be expected with early technology. We can, I believe, get you home safely. We all have our time and place and a year or two really doesn’t really change that much. The fields are quite narrow and can hold you for some time if your people are unfamiliar with the concepts behind them. I’m sure your people will just be glad to have you back.”

He had expected the human to relax with the reassurance but instead, he had seemed to stiffen. The ragged uniform seemed to tighten around him until it was forcibly tailored to fit and the sword straightened in a strange way that seemed to make it seem …awake? Was that a bizarre twist from their primitive comms?

-----

“Captain Gaynor, you are recalled to HDF service immediately. Codes to follow. AI ‘Untested Ideas’ has been issued new directives by the AI Alliance and XCC. Continue First Contact with the rescue designated ‘Welcome Guest’.”

------

The Captain almost felt his ship begin to twist its purpose as uncalled-for changes interrupted his personal designs and began to conform to the HDF battle-ready standards required. Almost only because his body was also being returned to the sort of generic health the HDF felt was required for his rank. His uniform, HDF property, of course, adjusted him to fit. Its inbuild designs removed the signs of wear and even took out the dents he had made on the sword. Then it added rank. Bastards.

---------

“Scholar, I believe we need to talk.”

---------

The Librarian readied himself for an awkward conversation. Those that found themselves lost in time could become violent, refusing to accept their new reality or that some quirk of time had misplaced their assets. According to the records, those that found themselves in such a position were prone to violence. He added an extra layer of jewels to his glorious cloak, determined to impress his rank and importance on these lost souls.

Captain Gaynor waited for the laughter to die down as he regarded his crew.

“Yes. Funny, haha. Are we done?” He waited again as his staff began to calm down.

“You know I was HDF. Most of you know what that means and those who don’t are about to find out. Our ship has been called into service and so have I.” He shrugged his new uniform, “Take a deep breath and get ready. Or did you think this was only going to happen to me?”

Across the board, his crew received messages that, depending on their terms and conditions, immediately summoned them back to HDF service. The AI appeared on screen with a bright smile and informed them that she had prepared their uniforms.

------

The Scholar watched as the Xeno shuttle made its way across the short distance. His staff kept updating him on the strange behaviour of the alien ship as parts of it seemed to twist and change in space. All he had was what they always carried, goodwill and knowledge for all. He was also aware that it didn't always work.

-----

Captain Gaynor shifted in his seat on the shuttle, uncomfortable with the changes the Human Defense Force had seen fit to inflict on him. It was all fun and games when you signed up but then age added a new perspective. He reflected that with all the cool tricks the human race knew how to play…sometimes you forgot that his people could be absolute bastards if they felt the need.

He commed his ship, "Anything?"

"Sir, we have practically nothing to add. This ship is from before we had even hit space. Intel is putting it together but it could take days. XCC just says to play it like a first contact and secure the Swarm species 'by any means possible.'

The Comms officer paused, uncertain of what exactly that meant. "Excuse me for asking, but why all the fuss? This is not exactly our first contact. It's a Library Ship"

Gaynor checked that the AI was securing his communications and scowled out at the dark. He sat back, "I'm sure you have heard about the Swarm wars, the victory, the changes…"

He needed his crew aware of the situation. "Tell the ship to give you all a full briefing but our job is to keep this ship alive at all costs and that isn't going to be as easy as you think."

------

The problem with Intel is that you have to ask questions and when humanity starts looking for answers in the deep past other people start looking for the reason. Mostly to questions like “What the fuck are the humans up to this time?” or slightly more urgently, “What have they found and where is it?”

One or two looked at the requests being made and hissed, “Bring my Fleet to me. It seems we are not finished. Now!”

------

Probably the only person thoroughly enjoying themselves was Rocky as he watched his humans twist themselves into something new, an ability he had never seen or heard of. The whole 'time lost' aspect meant little to him. What were a few hundred years to him? It would be like complaining you had to wait for a shuttle. As the Xeno Officer he got to listen to everything so he began taking notes, certain that this would make a popular post on his blog "The Ten Weirdest Things Humans Do!!!"

-----

The meeting seemed cordial as the Second Scholar met the Hu-mn Captain at the airlock and bowed, "It is a privilege to meet you, Captain. I have many questions as I'm sure you do." He squirmed slightly under the predator eyes of the new contact. Such species could be unpredictable and his Curator's comment on slavery seeped into his mind.

The 'hu-mn' returned his bow and spoke in perfect Galactic standard, "A pleasure for both of us, I'm sure. We always welcome contact with the Library ships. Indeed, we offer our Engineering skills to them free of charge. I have brought my Xeno Officer and Engineer to engage with you. I, of course, am looking forward to speaking with your Curator."

The Second thought quickly, aware that letting some early-contact species examine the engines might cause culture shock, "Guests are always welcome and the crew is looking forward to it. They have prepared an excellent meal and a briefing for the occasion! Please don't be disturbed by all the questions, all our crew are curious about you!"

The Xeno Captain opened a mouth full of slightly worrying teeth and nodded, "That would be wonderful. No doubt you have many interesting foods and customs for us to enjoy."

With a casual gesture, the Hu-mn commed his shuttle and another of his kind entered the ship. From his fascination with every blinking light and hiss from the doors, this must be their Engineer. He felt a little pity as the poor creature was about to see his professional abilities rendered obsolete. Then arrived a true surprise as a Silicon species followed him in.

The Second Scholar hesitated for a moment as he tried to work out what relationship the two species could possibly be doing together. At least he knew now that this was no pirate ship since those creatures would never travel on such a vessel. Perhaps it explained their surprising abilities with languages. A strange and unexpected alliance! What stories might these Xenos have…

------

Captain Gaynor had laid down strict guidelines for his Xeno Officer and his Engineer before they engaged the shuttle.

" You will make small talk, you will appear fascinated by their every word. Eat whatever they offer and get me Intel on the Swarm crew members. Half of these stupid fuckers got killed off before we had a chance to alter them. Remember that. This is the last chance for their entire species. So, no pressure."

He turned to Rocky. "You do most of the talking. My history lessons were a long time ago but you were probably there. Keep it simple." He frowned, "As I recall, your people weren't particularly well respected at the time. Use that."

Rocky leaned back at that comment. He had forgotten that humans were the first contact to truly engage with his people and to welcome them as crew. Now any species that refused to carry his kind would be blacklisted by humans, ignored and despised until they learned their lesson. Sometimes it took the fall of entire empires before they got the point.

" Aye, aye Captain."

The Engineer piped up, "Not a problem for me, Boss, this is…awesome. Pre-contact engineering? I always wondered if it was truly as bad as I was told." He grinned, " This is like finding a dinosaur in the wild."

The Captain frowned, "Don't start fixing anything until I give you the word. They think that we just got into space, Don't even mention our AI. " He smiled slightly," She's already got her nose into their systems, she'll tell you what to say. Or not say."

" Off we go."

------

The meeting between the Scholar and the Captain had perhaps more viewers than either of them suspected as the AI shared it live. Upvotes were frowned upon in the deep dark of humanity but it would have been awesome…

“Thank you for meeting me in person.” said the Christmas hobbit.

The Captain nodded, “Thank you for the invitation.” He turned to the door and waved, “Please don’t be disturbed but my orders are clear.” It slid closed with an ominous click. Suddenly all the displays went blank for a moment and then began playing some sort of human noise, silencing his information thread to the crew.

The Chancellor raised his hands, “Captain, I know you are a little lost but please don’t interfere with my ship! There is so much that you don’t understand, it could lead to the end of all of us!”

Gaynor sat down on the only piece of equipment that looked like it would bear his weight, “I appreciate that but you and I are in a difficult spot. My people want you all safe and well. I’m going to show you something and I need you to remember that this is your ship and you have responsibilities. Take a deep breath and put your map of the Galaxy on the screen. Please.”

In his confusion, the Scholar pulled up his annotated version, filled with unauthorised notes and scribbles.

‘A tiresome people, nice vegetables. Very entertaining shapes.’

‘They take erotica to extremes. Fascinating in art, difficult in person. Avoid the bathrooms, they are not what you think.”

‘Cheerful, helpful and optimistic. They will drive you to self-death in a week. Fond of romance and self-help books. I believe their obligatory oils caused a rash.’

‘A martial people. I pray to the very gods they never meet someone that actually understands tactics. I have issued them with all our militaria (against custom but I feel challenging an invading Xeno army to a duel will end badly)’

‘The Queen is charming, as are they always are but I suspect she dislikes us. We were loaded with food and gifts and swiftly shown the door. The food was disgusting and the gifts were unwanted shiny trifles that evaporated as soon as we left their space. Nice mosaics, terrible apples’

‘Fascinating world that is definitely not ruled by Witches. The witch that doesn’t rule was very polite but had little time for our books. We have provided their universities with much information. Their turtle was extraordinarily polite. A must for any tourist.’’

He quickly swiped away his notes and showed the standard map, knowing that it must seem unreal to a species new to the greater space. He looked at the map and added, “We have added fifty worlds to this map. We got a medal. You are safe here, please refrain from interfering with my ship.”

The Captain grinned, “I guess this is where I show you mine.” He waved at the map and a new overlay covered the wall. It was nearly seventy per cent bigger and far more detailed. In a dark corner was a species that seemed to have threads everywhere, a twisting corridor that led to every corner. The Captain highlighted it and looked at the Chancellor. “That's us. Me. Take your time and have a really good look.”