《The Shattered Circle》12 - If Anything
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Hallen, rumpled and unkempt, followed me out of the hall the moment I disentangled myself from the thinly veiled gossiping of the vampire lords and their spawn. He made no polite excuse to those he hated, instead sliding out of his chair to pursue me as I headed for the exit. With Brydris finally in attendance, Naltheme would feel secure enough to stay without me. “Why?”
I turned to face him, my gaze sweeping across the entrance hall for any sign of servants who might serve as spies. Even seeing none, of course, meant only that the prying ears were skilled. “I rather enjoy spite.”
“I know you well, Aleyr. You are not the kind of woman who offers generosity on a whim.”
I thought of Shira. “I might surprise you.”
Hallen combed his fingers through his shaggy hair. “You needed to do me no favors beyond what you have already. You preserved my life. I have not forgotten.”
“And you were forced to grovel for it. I believe that settles that account.” I studied him closely. “If this is a complaint, General Hallen, I do apologize. I was under the impression that you would enjoy putting an end to such a hated foe.”
“It was most satisfactory. Your motivation is my question.”
A wry smile crossed my lips. “Perhaps we living have to stick together.”
General Hallen stepped closer, into what I considered my personal space. His eyes were grave. “I will remember this display of favor. However, if you want a true alliance, Aleyr, deliver my men back to me.”
I sighed. “The King in Black has spoken, Hallen. He assigned your men to Teth.”
“And you of all people are most capable of changing his mind,” Hallen said firmly. “I know I am weak now, but with their return, I would be a most valuable asset to a woman such as yourself. You must know that Teth and Naltheme both wish to replace you.”
He seemed sincere enough in his words. That Teth would want to take my place was hardly a surprise, but Naltheme’s ambition was a novel threat. Part of me bitterly wished that they would replace me, even for a day, though I knew it would likely spell my end. “Both of them desire power in their own ways. I hardly consider that knowledge a surprise.”
“Precisely. I could be your bulwark against such ambitions.” There was a gleam of desperation in his eyes. Hallen wanted his people back before Teth destroyed or turned them. I could certainly understand the attachment. An edict was no small thing to circumvent, however. “Please, Aleyr, I will do anything. Even kiss the ground at your feet again. They need me.”
They need me. I pinched the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger, cursing my own heart. “I will take it into consideration.”
“Please.” Hallen’s voice softened. “Please, Aleyr. If anything left in you is human…”
I met him with my customary bluntness. “I will consider. I promise nothing. That is more than I would do for most who beseech me in such a way.”
Hallen bowed his head to me, even with defeat lingering in his expression. “Thank you for your consideration, Lady Frostborn.”
We parted without another word, but Hallen’s plea echoed through my mind the entire way back to my home. If anything left in you is human…
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I felt my humanity so clearly in that moment, the ache of sympathy in my chest. I had not met many of Hallen’s soldiers, but I knew Teth would torment them to strike at their former leader. Perhaps she had already turned them all into spawn. There was no way to know without visiting their barracks, which would draw attention I didn’t want. Vex would be too noticeable.
I made a mental note to ask Haven if he would run such an errand. He rarely left the Winter Palace and would be far less likely to be identified.
As soon as I was safely back in my own room, I delicately stripped the dress from my body and deposited it on the bed before turning to the mirror. Vanity was not my sin of choice, not when wrath suited my disposition so much better…and pride, of course.
There was no part of my body without a scar. I traced my hand across my abdomen, following the spiderwebs of raised tissue that shone pale silver in the moonlight pouring through the open windows. So many I had forgotten the source of. The blows were unimportant, just physical memory of those who had dared to cross blades with me. I had lived so long that some had faded into oblivion beneath others, just like the enemies who had left them. They died at my hand or pestilence or famines, or perhaps even old age.
Beneath the scars was the body that had survived so much, strong and flexible. I had never built bulk the way Hallen could, but I had wiry, iron-like sinew and muscle. Flexibility generated enough power to keep up with some of my foes, but for the rest, it required the creativity and diligence of my mind. That was where technique sat as firmly as it did in my body.
I had to be better than them, more careful and clever. My flesh was fragile and human, even trained to excellence. One slip and they could strike me down.
I dressed in my normal clothing, pants tucked into a rider’s boots and a loose shirt beneath a leather jerkin. It felt almost too light without the protective weight of my armor, but I was safe enough in the Winter Palace. This was my domain, after all. Even without magic of my own, my will had molded every inch of this place. Naltheme claimed on some of her visits that she could almost hear the thoughts I battered into the walls, so fierce the workings of my mind.
There had been some such days, but not since the last war started. Such conflicts have a habit of clarifying things.
Now everything was becoming more complicated again. The delicate balance that was the Eternal Kingdom required such maintenance to ensure it continued. As much as I wanted to discard Hallen’s request out of hand, he was right. I needed a bulwark, someone I could count on more certainly than, say, Naltheme. I pinched the bridge of my nose between thumb and finger.
This was not a good time for the Lady of Bones to develop her own ambitions in such a vein. Teth was already plenty of threat.
I barely heard the door creak open, but immediately my hand sought Woe.
“It’s me,” Melody announced, purposefully making her passing enough to hear. She was so graceful that silent movements came with ease, a memory of another life. It served her well indeed. “Vex mentioned you wanted to learn sign.”
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“I do.” I raised one eyebrow ever so slightly, a change that spoke volumes to anyone who knew me as well as Melody. “You neglected something in the briefing.”
Melody’s lips curved into a smile and she took a seat on the edge of my bed. Standing on ceremony was for when we were under the watchful eyes of others. “I don’t lie to you, Aleyr.”
“No, but you omit information when you think it is advantageous to do so.” I sighed. “Do you really think I would have tipped Naltheme off?”
“Well, Hallen told you, which rather defeats my intended point.” Melody laughed when my lips thinned in annoyance. “I was going to break it to you after the party, when the Lady of Bones was safely ensconced back in her ivory tower.”
“I can keep a straight face.”
“You can,” Melody acknowledged. “Perhaps I was in the wrong.”
I sighed heavily and rolled my shoulders, trying to loosen them as much as I could. I turned over the conversation with Hallen in my mind again. What else had I missed? “You were right about Hallen. He wants his soldiers back.”
“Mm.” My advisor’s dark eyelashes fluttered slightly as she considered that, a crease appearing between her brows. “Not easily done. Teth tends to hold tightly to anything that might be useful or powerful. Not to mention the King in Black’s edict.”
“If I asked for them, he would give them.” It wasn’t a good option and we both knew it. Far too obvious, and the King in Black would no doubt find the principle objectionable if I simply handed them back to Hallen. “He needs a boon.”
It was Melody’s turn to sigh. “He would have to earn one. A difficulty, given he just lost his troops.”
I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth, worrying thoughtfully at it. “There are ways to earn such things without a war. In the meantime, I may be able to take them from Teth with the blessing of the King in Black. That would protect them.”
“A move she will not appreciate.” Melody ran thin fingers through her silky hair, currently down loose in preparation for sleep.
My frustration roiled in my chest, boiling just beneath the surface. I moved away from her, over to the oaken writing desk at the corner of my room. “When did this all become politics?” I closed my eyes, willing Teth into nonexistence even as she continued to gnaw at my peace of mind.
“That is the unfortunate nature of ruling a kingdom, Aleyr.”
I let out a hiss of breath and let my hands curl into fists. I ground my scarred knuckles into the hardwood, relishing the discomfort. Normally, I didn’t enjoy physical pain, but sometimes it matched my moods. “Why is it mine to rule, Melody? I tire of being Aleyr who keeps the peace, who warms the throne, who continues to perpetuate this…this..this thing!”
“Have a little faith, Aleyr. We can–”
“Faith in what?” I demanded sharply. “In Him?”
A crease appeared between her brows. “People follow you, Aleyr. They place their trust in you, because you understand them, living and undead alike. Do you truly think they would prefer any other in your place?”
“Then they are fools.” I pressed my fingertips to my temples. “Everything I have done…what do I have to show for it? A kingdom that is perpetually on the verge of shattering just based on the selfish egos of its rulers and a love that died a thousand years ago, leaving nothing. No blood, no body, nothing!”
“Aleyr,” Melody said gently, trying to soothe me.
“The only reason I have not surrendered everything I have for them to fight over like rabid dogs chasing scraps of meat is spite.” As if of their own accord, my fingers touched the ring bonded to my bone, the once molten gold lumpy and uneven. “If the King in Black still loved me, Melody, he would have let me pass. Not inflicted this relentless existence and the management of a kingdom he cares nothing for.”
It was rare that such moods struck me, but when they did, they were typhoons. It was difficult to sweep them away, and Melody knew that better than anyone. “I’ll fetch Haven, Aleyr. You’re tired and need rest.”
“I could sleep for a century and feel the same.” I sat down in the carved oaken chair that matched the desk. “Nothing has meaning any longer, Melody. Only ashes and absence.”
She approached cautiously, but came close enough to smooth a hand down my back. The touch was comforting in its tentative way. “It will get better, Aleyr,” she soothed. “Think of the people who rely on you, who put their faith in you. You can make their lives better. Isn’t that something meaningful?”
I sighed even as I turned her words over in my head. “I break things, Melody,” I said quietly. “That is all I have ever done. Do not ask me to mend them.”
Melody was quiet for a long moment, still letting her hand rub up and down my back. “I know you spend more time at war or preparing for it than any other living thing,” she said softly. “Perhaps it is time to put down the sword and let another take that place.”
All at once, the hardness returned. “No.” I looked down at my fist, remembering for a moment the splash of crimson on the floor from Shira’s hand. I uncurled my fingers, revealing a similar scar. “Have a good night.”
“Do you want me to send for Haven?”
“No.”
Melody knew a dismissal when she heard one. She bowed her head and departed, leaving me with thoughts like daggers pressing into my flesh. Strange that such things could undo me so effectively. I tried to regather myself, recapture the steel that was the Frostborn. My feelings were irrelevant, after all. The King in Black had created the Eternal Kingdom and it would endure by his word. Everything I had done was with his name on my lips, emblazoned on my heart. What room in that cold calculus was there for something as fragile and mortal as simple Aleyr?
If anything left in you is human…
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