《Memories of the Bean Times》Chapter 28.1 - Things Couldn't Possibly Get Any Worse
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10PM March 6th, 1588 - Stuttgart, Holy Roman Empire All of the information outlined in this introduction points, in my mind, to a single conclusion: the Beans and the Church of the Beanmeister have executed an exceptional strategy to take over the European continent, perhaps even the entire world. Bean infection and Bean multiplication present frightening possibilities of spies and double agents, some of which do not even know that they are aiding the Beans. Do not let yourselves be fooled by the Beans and the Church of the Beanmeister like we were.
Schmidt’s crotch felt like it was on fire. The soldiers had left Besançon six days earlier, stopping only to sleep and allow their horses to rest. They were pushed to their limits as they raced across the French countryside to bring what they had discovered about Bean infection to Captain Bösch. And now, as the silhouette of Stuttgart formed in the distance through the growing storm, Schmidt thought that they would finally be able to rest.
Heavy rain poured down upon them, as though God Himself was trying to make Schmidt as uncomfortable as possible. It had started earlier that day as a light drizzle, but worsened as the day went on. Not only that, but the temperature had gotten noticeably warmer since they left Besançon; warm enough that the Beans would surely be able to move again soon, though the rain still felt icy as it lashed against his face.
Lightning flashed in the east, giving the buildings of Stuttgart a warm white backdrop. After a few seconds, thunder rumbled over the countryside. Schmidt’s horse reared wearily, causing Schmidt a flash of pain as he pulled on the reins, calming it down.
“What, Marvin?” Greg asked, his voice raised over the sounds of the rain and the horses’ hooves on the cobblestone road. “We can’t hear you!”
“Did anyone else see that?” Marvin shouted, though it was barely loud enough for Schmidt to hear. “In the sky, when the lightning struck?”
“No, and we don’t care, either,” Rolf said.
Lightning struck again, this time behind them. For a split second, the clouds above Stuttgart lit up.
“There!” Marvin shouted. “There’s something in the sky, above the belltower!”
“It’s nothin’!” Rolf shouted back, though he was scanning the sky around the area Marvin had pointed out. Thunder rumbled across the countryside, and this time, Schmidt’s horse didn’t complain. “Stop tryin’ to—”
Another flash of lightning.
Among the clouds above the skies of Stuttgart was the silhouette of a large, winged creature. It vaguely resembled a man, though it would have to be huge to cast as large of a shadow as it had. As quickly as it appeared, the sky darkened again, leaving Schmidt with one thought; an angel of death was waiting for them in the city.
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“My God,” Rolf said. “The hell was that?”
Rob let out a yell, his head tilted back towards the sky. “Oh my God, can we just go one week without some new Bean bullshit?”
“How do ya know it’s a Bean, we—” Rolf began.
“It’s a Bean because of course it is,” Rob replied. “We can’t just tell Captain Bösch what we know, oh no, we gotta fight some flyin’ Bean monster while we’re at it! I’ve seen enough movies to know that whatever the hell we’re walkin’ into is no good, and I’m sick and tired of it! God damn it!”
“There haven’t been any flying Beans yet… which means it has to be an abnormal, like the Ashen Bean from Dijon, right?” Greg asked.
“We don’t even know that it’s a Bean,” Schmidt said, though he didn’t believe it himself. “Greg’s right, we haven’t seen a flying Bean yet. Is it even possible for them to fly?”
“Barry, they’re baked beans that kill people and you’re questionin’ if they can fly or not?” Rob asked.
“It’s a valid question,” Schmidt replied.
“Have you heard of Occam’s razor? Are you sayin’ it’s some unknown species of bird that just so happened to appear—”
“Oh my God, shut up!” Rolf shouted. “We get it! You don’t want to fight the Beans, now shut up!”
“Sorry, Rolf, but I have a limited supply of optimism, and I kinda used it all up when I had to put a positive twist on Kaplan gettin’ shot in the head and Greg having a mental breakdown!”
“It wasn’t a breakdown,” Greg said. “I’m sorry about—”
“Everyone shut up!” Rolf screamed. “This doesn’t matter! None of this matters! What matters is what we’re going to do when we get to Stuttgart! We still have to get Bösch to believe that Kaplan was infected without a growth. We can’t do anythin’ before we come up with somethin’!”
“He’ll believe us,” Schmidt said.
“How can ya be so sure?” Rolf asked.
“He’s been through just as much as we have. He knows what the Beans are like, and he’s reasonable; he’ll believe what we tell him.”
Lightning flashed again. The shadow of the flying Bean, the angel of death, was gone. Schmidt prayed to God that it had just been a trick of the light.
They continued the final leg of their journey in silence, and at a considerably quicker pace. They arrived at the gates of Stuttgart to find them closed, patrolled by guards on top of the eight meter tall walls. After a few minutes, Marvin convinced the guards to let them in by explaining to them that Lieutenant Kaplan had sent them with information about the advance on Bean territory.
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Greg remembered the way to the military headquarters and led the way there. The streets were wet, empty, and dark; as they rode their horses through the abandoned markets, Schmidt wondered if anyone else was even in the city. Even during the deepest hours of the night in Dijon, a small farming village with a population in the hundreds, there were people present on the main street. But here in Stuttgart, with thousands of people, the main street was still. It reminded him of their scouting trip into Bean territory, the emptiness, the silence, the unnerving sense that they were the only people left on Earth…
They arrived at Stuttgart’s military headquarters. The entrance was open, military personnel moving in and out freely. They left their horses outside, who were finally able to rest after their long journey. Schmidt envied them.
The five soldiers ran through the courtyard of the compound, the occasional flash of lightning lighting their way. They entered the foyer, receiving the confused looks of the people inside as they hurriedly asked for directions. A tactician pointed them down a hallway, and they made their way into the heart of the building, leaving a trail of rainwater behind them.
Schmidt felt as though he was going to collapse at any second. The other four didn’t seem to be in much better condition. At this point, Schmidt had no doubt that the only thing pushing them forward was the hope that, after they explained everything to Bösch, they would be able to finally get the rest they deserved.
It turned out that their rest was much farther away than anticipated.
Outside the entrance to Bösch’s office stood two guards who watched as three familiar Bean researchers whispered amongst themselves.
Various emotions crossed Sauer’s face as he recognized Schmidt and Rob, emotions that Schmidt was too tired to try and recognize. “This can not be good,” Sauer said. “What did the five of you discover?”
“Oh, you know,” Rob replied. “Just some vital information about the Beans.”
“You too?” Schubert asked.
“What do ya mean, we can’t enter?” Rolf roared at the guards in front of Bösch’s office. “Let us in, we know somethin’ important about the Beans!”
“General Krüger and Captain Bösch are not to be—” one of the soldiers began, though he stopped as the door opened behind him. The soldiers straightened, taking their places on either side of the door.
General Krüger was visibly taller than Rolf, who already stood at an impressive height. Instead of wearing his official Empire regalia, he wore his armor, as though prepared for battle. He glanced at the crowd outside Bösch’s office and smiled. “And what do we have here?”
“Captain Bösch,” Rolf said. “We have important news about the Beans that we have to tell ya—”
“Hey, big guy!” Schubert called. “That’s not Captain Bösch, that’s General Krüger.”
Schmidt glanced at Schubert. There was a strange look in his eyes.
Rolf looked Krüger up and down and laughed. “Even better! We’ve found out information about the Beans that may be the difference between us winnin’ or losin’ the war.”
Schubert noticed that Schmidt was looking back at him.
Rolf continued. “We’re soldiers from Lieutenant Kaplan’s platoon, and we’ve traveled from the front lines to speak with Captain Bösch, but while ya’re here, ya should listen too.”
Krüger stood, unmoving, in the doorway to Bösch’s office. His frame was so large that Schmidt couldn’t see past him. Krüger said, “Please, soldier. Tell me what Lieutenant Kaplan has to say.”
Schubert’s eyes widened as he tilted his head towards Rolf and Krüger. Then, he shook his head discreetly, just enough for Schmidt to tell that something was wrong.
“General Krüger, sir… Lieutenant Kaplan was—”
Without thinking, Schmidt shouted, “I’m sorry, General, but Lieutenant Kaplan ordered us to speak only with Captain Bösch…” He paused as he searched his mind for some way to continue the lie without knowing why he had lied in the first place. Krüger turned to Schmidt and raised his eyebrows, waiting for him to continue.
“It’s about his position in the advance on Bean territory,” Marvin said, using the lie he had told the guards at the gates. “Since Bösch was in charge of creating the plan, he would know more about it… And the letter the lieutenant gave us is addressed to Captain Bösch, so we should speak with him instead of wasting your time.”
“Very well,” Krüger smiled as he stepped past Rolf and out of the doorway. “Admittedly, I don’t know much about the specifics of the advance, only the general details. I was unable to attend the briefing this morning, so I had to speak with Captain Bösch privately to catch myself up. He would be much more helpful than I would. I hope that he is able to help you.”
Krüger glanced around the crowd outside Bösch’s office one last time before walking deeper into the halls of Stuttgart’s military headquarters.
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