《His Solace (Book 3) On Hold》Chapter Forty - Two
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A couple of hours passed by and Lee still hadn't come back by. I kept checking my phone trying to see if I had a missed message or phone call, but there was nothing. I let out a sigh as I sat back against the headboard of my bed, drawing my knees up to my chin. I hoped that he didn't go out and do anything drastic. I didn't want him to fight the battles that I knew were my responsibility. They had nothing to do with him, and I hated the fact that I had somehow dragged him into this whole mess to begin with.
I knew that I needed to call him and make things right, but I couldn't. I'd gone and freaked out again about everyone finding out that I was dating him and had hurt his feelings. If anything, I was mad at myself. I wanted to be with Lee, but I still didn't think that I was mentally prepared for what being with Lee fully would actually consist of.
I dropped my head down onto my knees and groaned. Why did relationships have to be so complicated? Why couldn't Lee have just been like any other guy, I thought before that voice in my head popped in, well, if he was like all of the other guys you wouldn't be dating him, would you? The guy PROPOSED to you for heaven's sake and he didn't even KNOW you. Ding Ding Ding, idiot, maybe he's not just playing around with you!
"Goodness, I'm such an idiot." I said to myself, "Who cares if everyone finds out that we're dating?" I told myself, "Sure I might get talked about here and there, but isn't that how Lee feels everyday of his life? At least I get the choice to keep my life just the way it is..but Lee, he doesn't get that choice." I whispered into the empty room.
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What did I have to lose? If we broke up, we broke up. If it didn't work out, then it didn't work out - but if it did? I'm sure that was the part that scared me the most. If a relationship between us did work out and went on longer than just his break from tour, then my entire life would change - probably for the better! That voice chimed in.
I sighed again. If Lee didn't care what other people thought or how the media viewed his life, then why should I, I thought as I grabbed my phone. I was willing to push past my selfishness if it meant that I didn't have to see that hurt look on Lee's face ever again. He was a great guy. He was patient. He was the first man to set my heart on fire, but still give me the room to figure out what I wanted, even if that meant putting his own feelings on the back burner for a woman who still couldn't make up her mind.
I stood up from my bed, slipping on a pair of shoes and grabbing one of my jackets as I headed towards the door.
I didn't know exactly what I was doing or what I was going to tell Lee when I saw him, but I did know one thing, whatever it was that we were building together - it was worth fighting for.
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