Cas and I tried not to run as we moved towards the war rooms where Peggy was waiting for us. I didn’t want to draw attention to ourselves but it was taking everything in me not to run. We were wasting time. I knew the risks. I knew that if we took too long, Harvey would do something. The longer we waited, the more people we let die.

Almost there, I told Peggy, stepping around someone who was walking slowly in front of us.

“Captain Aries?” the man asked.

I debated continuing walking and not looking back, pretending that I hadn’t heard him, but it felt wrong. I turned slowly.

“Hi,” I said awkwardly.

“Oh, I thought it was you!” the man cried. “I’ve only just got here. I was on another ship, waiting to come here, but I just got transferred. It is an honour to meet you!”

I smiled uncomfortably, taking in the man’s bruised face and how heavily he was leaning on his walker. One of his legs was covered almost entirely by a brace and there were barely healed cuts on both of his arms.

I wanted to hurry him, we were in a rush, but it didn’t feel right.

“It’s great to meet you too,” I said, trying hard not to cringe under his adoring gaze.

“And… are you Cas?” the man asked, leaning towards him.

“Yeah, what’s your name?” Cas asked, sounding much more friendly than I did.

“I’m Deneb!” the man said, edging closer to us.

“That’s a constellation, right? Were you a member of the Space Corps?” Cas asked.

That’s one thing I always envied about him, he was good with people. Is. He’s still good with people.

I’m not, I know that.

“Yes! I grew up on base one hundred and eight!” the man cried, grinning widely and displaying several missing teeth. “I was in the Corps until recently. The Council took my crew hostage because they thought we were funnelling information to the fighters. We were, of course, but those bastards never found out.”

“Thank you,” I said. “I’m sure your information was really useful for us.”

The man’s smile grew even wider.

“Oh, it was? I’m so glad. My crew would have been thrilled to hear that!” Deneb said.

What’s taking so long? Peggy asked.

“Well, it was lovely meeting you,” I said awkwardly. “We have a thing we need to get to.”

I gestured towards the war room behind us and the man nodded.

“Of course, of course! Go, bring down the Council! Those assholes deserve to pay!” he cried before looking at Cas uncomfortably. “Sorry… I know that’s your dad.”

Cas smiled politely but I could see the strain on his face.

“That’s alright, I plan to make him pay,” Cas said.

Deneb nodded.

“Good. Have a good meeting.”

“Thanks.”

We turned and walked away from him in silence.

I was glad that the door to the war rooms wasn’t much further because I could feel Cas ruminating. It happened every time someone brought up his dad and I understood why. He felt guilty for his dad’s actions, even though they had nothing to do with him.

Even now he does. That one makes more sense though.

Sorry, we’re here now! I told Peggy as I tapped my hand on the scanner, unlocking the door.

It took too long for the door to open and I could feel Peggy’s irritation. It rolled through the door in waves. Although, maybe that was just my irritation.

Finally, it opened and my eyes immediately fell on Peggy. Orion stood next to her, his hand snapping into a quick salute as he saw us.

He looked worried. He was clearly relieved to see us but he still looked concerned. He must have known what was going on.

Does he know? I asked as I started to weave through the room.

Yes, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know how to ask him to leave and then he just happened to look up at the worst time possible and he just started asking questions. He has been really helpful though, Peggy sent back quickly.

“Hey, you called us?” I said as we approached their desks, trying to sound confused rather than worried.

I needed it to seem like we didn’t know what was going on. Like Peggy (or actually Chal) hadn’t already told us everything.

“Yeah, I found something pretty worrying. Do you mind if we talk in the secure room?” Peggy asked, pointing at the heavy metal doors.

“Oh… yeah. We can do, if you want to?”

Peggy nodded and locked her computer before starting to stand.

“You can stay here, if you want, Orion. I know this is going to be a pretty tough conversation,” Peggy offered and I could tell how much she wanted him to agree and stay at their desks.

“No! I’ll come and help. I can help explain everything,” he insisted.

Peggy glanced at me.

“Are you sure?” she asked, somewhat desperately. “I mean… this is going to be pretty tough.”

“I don’t mind,” he said, standing too. “It’s my duty! Unless… do you not want me to come?”

He looked like someone kicked a puppy or something. He looked so hopeful, so ready to help us.

What do you think? I asked Peg quickly.

He could be helpful, she thought back reluctantly.

I don't know if we did the right thing by letting him come with us. I could've insisted. I could have told him that I just wanted to speak to my crew. That Peggy could have explained everything, but he didn't need to be there. I'm glad he was, obviously. His help was invaluable but I know that we put him in such a difficult position.

“No, don’t worry,” I told Orion. “We’d love to have you help out too.”

We started towards the inner war room and my heart started to speed up. I still hadn’t really worked out what to do. I was hoping it would come to me but it didn’t. It was just another difficult decision. I knew what the right thing to do was, I knew what the safest thing to do was but… I didn’t want to be the one to make the decision.

It’s silly for me to complain about it, I know that. I just… I felT like I’ve had to make so many decisions over the last few years and they never get any easier. I don’t want to be the one who keeps making them. I wish I could just retire and sit back, let other people make the decisions for me. Maybe once this is all done I’ll be able to.

If it’s ever all done.

I don’t know. I wrote this all out of order but it’s done now. It was difficult, you know? Writing everything that happened to us as we were doing it. I felt like I was always playing catch up and it was never enough but then at the same time, I didn’t always want to write. I mean, who does?

Part of me wishes that I never started writing. It’s so hard. I feel like I started writing because I had no other options. It was either that or just die. But now I have thousands, maybe millions of people waiting to hear what we did and how I felt about it. I feel like I don’t get that bit across well. I just don’t want to write about the many nights we spent crying or numbly staring at the ceiling, too exhausted by heartbreak to even sleep.

The weight of everything that happened, everyone who died, continues to crush me. Even now.