《The Bartender at the End of the Universe》Ch 278: Sorting Through the Data
Advertisement
"Hue hue hue!" Harold chuckled and spilled a bit of the alcohol from his mug as he shook from laughter.
"I'm telling you, it's true." Ted replied.
"Hah! That is a pretty wild story," Abraham nodded.
"Yes, it was quite the experience." Sid added. "Trizel had a way to bring things to a head."
"Plus, he was freaking huge!" Og'drimun interjected. "The guy could barely fit through doors because of all of his muscles!"
"Really? Ah, what a shame," Harold reminisced. "Really could have used someone like that on our football team. We've got to make state you know!"
It was strange. Ted hadn't been in school in ages, but Harold reminded him of a teacher. It almost felt like he had been the principal at Ted's high school. Despite being an adult now, it felt weird to just be sitting around and chatting with someone like that.
Ted shook his head. "Yeah, I want to make sure to remember him fondly. He was a lot of things, and most every single one of them was great."
Abraham raised his glass. "A toast then, to this Trizel, and to other fallen comrades called up to heaven's grace far too early."
The others raised their mugs as well.
WHACK
Sid was a little too eager, and thrust his mug into the center a bit too hard. As most of the alcohol spilled over the top of everyone's mugs, Og'drimun was knocked back in the air, and his mug went flying away from him. The mug bounced on the table and emptied itself in mere moments.
"Ugh," Og'drimun groaned as he picked himself up off the floor. "I think I'm gonna...That was...hrrrk."
The tiny demon doubled over and released the alcohol he had pumped himself full of all over the floor.
"It seems I underestimated my strength." Sid explained. "I apologize."
"Hah! No need to be sorry," Abraham smirked. "Demons like him deserve far worse. Let him stew in his own juices for a bit."
"Right." Ted said slowly before he turned to Sid. "But that is strange. Since when do you not know your own strength? Isn't your understanding of yourself important to your core programming or whatever it was?"
Advertisement
Sid nodded. "Quite correct."
"Then what's the issue?" Harold asked. "You're some sort of automaton, right? What, do you need a swift kick or something? I mean, repairs tend to be costly, but a swift smack, and most machines learn their place as they start working properly again."
"Yeah, I'm not too sure what to think about you myself." Abraham added. "You were a machine, but made yourself human? Or at least, you twisted yourself into a sort of mockery of the human form."
Ted shifted in his seat. "You don't have to be so mean guys. Come on, we're all friends here..."
Abraham let out a derisive laugh. "Friends? That's funny." he said. "At best a lot of us are enemies on a short hiatus from tearing each other's throats out."
"So violent!" Harold replied in genuine shock. "I completely disagree. Friends may be a bit strong, but we're most definitely not enemies." He adjusted the glasses on his face. "I simply like all equipment under my purview to be operating properly...at least if it's equipment that matters at all. If say a tuba was in disrepair, or some paintbrushes were broken, that's no real loss."
Sid sat patiently, and as their replies died down, he responded, "Our time in the castle was enlightening. Many things changed, even just within myself in my time down there. I believe many of my capabilities were vastly improved due to various external and internal stimuli."
"Okay, putting aside the enemies thing, and thinking of Sid as nothing but an object, you aren't sure the extent of your abilities anymore." Ted said. "Is that safe? Do we need to go out and make sure you're okay? Like test out how strong you are?"
Abrahm grinned. "I'm down for some testing. But if it goes too far, don't blame me."
"I do not know if that is a prudent idea." Sid explained. "I still have vast amounts of data to process from our adventure. That should be my first priority, not prodding to discover my new limits."
"I'm just a little worried," Ted admitted. "I don't want things to get out of hand."
Advertisement
"I know you're there." Narissa hissed. "You're not exactly subtle."
"I never meant to sneak around of course. You just seemed so preoccupied." Lulu replied.
Narissa glanced back towards the carnival worker with a furious glare that was so intense it could bore a hole through solid steel.
"What have you got hidden away down here?" Lulu asked as she ignored Narissa's obvious anger.
"My business is my own," Narissa replied. "It has nothing to do with you."
"Come on now." Lulu grinned. "We're working together now, right? So you may as well bring me in on more of your secrets. How else can I help?"
"How else can you steal them for a profit you mean?"
Lulu put a hand over her chest, and with a shocked expression exclaimed. "Narissa, I can't believe you'd think so little of me. Why, I've never stolen a day in my life!"
"We have very different definitions of stealing then," Narissa retorted.
Lulu smiled and shrugged.
A stretch of silence followed as Narissa walked forward through the basement. And behind her Lulu walked with her hands on the top of her head and a skip in her step. All while her eyes shifted around the darkness that surrounded them.
"You're really not going to leave me alone, are you?" Narissa asked.
"Nope."
"Anything I can do to change your mind/"
"Nope."
Narissa put the back of her hand up against her forehead and sighed. "Very well. I will allow you to come."
"I knew you'd see reason!" Lulu cheered.
"But!" Narissa interjected. "I'm going to need your help on a couple things, and you absolutely cannot touch anything without me explicitly asking you to do so."
Lulu had a greedy look in her eyes. "What? Of course not. I just want to help after all."
Narissa reached the gaping mouth. She pulled out a small gem from her pocket and set it in the beast's eye. A glowing light poured out and seemed to scan her.
The mouth twisted and contorted as it closed shut.
"Phew. I thought you were going to say we were going in that thing for a moment there." Lulu said.
The mouth opened again. This time the path was straight ahead instead of going down deep below.
Narissa smiled. "Why, of course we're going to go inside of it. Just think of it like crossing into your lovely carnival."
With that, Narissa stepped inside of the open mouth and continued on her way forward.
Lulu frowned. "That's what I was afraid of," she muttered to herself before she followed behind the baroness.
"So, you're Death?" Azrail asked.
Uh, last I checked, yeah. Death shrugged.
"I'm a big fan you see." Azrail explained. "I've also just finished talking with our friend Ted about you."
Oh yeah? Death nodded. I guess that's cool. Oh! Did he tell you about my sick kick flip and all the handstands I can totally do?
Azrail smiled. "He may have been a little distracted. I told him a story you see, and it seemed to cut to his very core. Really made him look at himself more carefully."
Oh, replied Death, who was clearly disappointed. That's cool, I guess.
"We're getting a bit off topic though. You see, I had some things to ask you about your scythe." Azrail explained. "There are a few things I'm curious about."
Sure sure, Death said. Just ask whatever you want.
"Excellent. You see, I just want to..."
Oh wait! What do you think about my shirt? Death pulled his t-shirt down to show off the design on the front.
Death's shirt had a skeleton holding up a bony middle finger with the caption, "You think you're the shit, but you're not even the fart."
Pretty cool, right? Death asked excitedly.
"I uh...I mean...I suppose..." Azrail seemed to be a bit lost for words as Death itself seemed so proud of his...unique...shirt.
Advertisement
- In Serial59 Chapters
The Survival of the Prince
"Life is an interesting thing, it brings us to interesting places, it whispers to us interesting tales, it shows us interesting paths, but one thing that life does not do is coddle us, and that in a sense makes it ever more so interesting" - an interested philosopher I hope you enjoy the story. [participant in the Royal Road Writathon challenge]
8 65 - In Serial19 Chapters
Veiled
Sixteen-year-old Desirae Cradle knows how to survive in the human world, but knowing and doing are two different things. Until her mother disappeared under questionable circumstances, Desirae lived as part of a magical community kept secret from humans for more than 4,000 years. But not all of Desirae's people live on Earth. Some live in the Otherworld, exiled there after an ancient war. They are known as the Faye and still seek a way back to Earth. With feelings of abandonment, and no other family among her kind, Desirae makes her way in the human world using the only skill she has-knowing how to cross between Earth and Otherworld. But when a crossing goes bad, Desirae has to do something she swore she never would - go back home. Determined to not only fix her mistake but to mend old friendships, Desirae returns to the community she abandoned. But the Faye are after more than she thought. With lingering questions about what really happened to her mother and the discovery that her friends have changed even more than she has, Desirae finds that stopping the Faye and regaining her friend's trust might not be as easy as she hoped. This is a completed work, approx 75,000 words. I’m just editing chapter by chapter and posting as I finish them.
8 177 - In Serial15 Chapters
Unexpected Voyage
The main goal of Jasmine's life, like everyone (okay may be not everyone), is to have an adventures life. Who would have been expecting her to find herself in a coffin with a dagger in her heart. Well does it ring any bells? I mean how many coffin with a daggered person do you know in whole 'The Vampire Diaries' series. Yes that's right! Now how will Jasmine , the seeker of adventure, cope with her current situation being a Mikelson or would she be scared to face her reality like every normal human being? Again let's not forget Jasmine was anything but normal and Anastasia is anything but human being. *Most Impressive Ranks: #25 - selfinsert (9/08/20) #13 - selfinsert (19/08/20) #11 - selfinsert (25/08/20) #9 - selfinsert (31/08/20)
8 140 - In Serial52 Chapters
Lightblessed
Driven from her home under dark circumstances, Trynneia Lightblessed is forced to seek the Judgment of Light to atone for her crimes. Accompanied by her best friend into a world they’ve been sheltered from, she struggles to adapt to the burgeoning powers manifesting within her. Bereft of comfort and beset by hardship, tragedy becomes the crucible that prepares her to confront her family’s shrouded past. Will she embrace her heritage, or reject it? [participant in the Royal Road Winter 2021 Writathon challenge]
8 177 - In Serial54 Chapters
Mito's Sister. (Uchiha Madara)
Uzumaki Asami finally joins her sister in Konoha after looking for fellow clan members after the destruction of Uzushiogakure, and she meets Madara there. Their relationship doesn't start very well, but as time passes, they understand each other more and more. Highest in Fanfiction: #159 Second place NWA 2016
8 103 - In Serial34 Chapters
Quem Ri Por Último Ri Melhor
O bullying esteve presente na vida de Matt desde os seus 12 anos. Agora, faltando três meses para o Ensino Médio acabar, ele está cada vez mais ansioso e tudo parece que vai mudar nessa história cheia de reviravoltas, amizades, amores e dilemas. Acompanhe a abordagem de temas como bullying, abuso, desilusões e descoberta de novos sentimentos nessa fanfic cheia de elementos que misturam a cultura brasileira com a americana.
8 70

