《BLOODTHIRSTY》10. Blinded by emotions
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Having no control in situations like this sucked. Not being able to do something to save yourself sucked. However not being in control sometimes was completely okay. Not being able to save yourself was completely fine. There isn't anything wrong with asking for help. There isn't anything wrong with counting on someone else, but that wasn't her.
The guilt will always be there to eat her up. Hearing voices singing louder and louder in the back of her mind. Telling her she should do it on her own. Telling her that she is on her own. People won't always be there when you need them. So you have to be able to handle it yourself- but how?
How was she supposed to save herself?
It wasn't only the 'you need to do it yourself' part eating her, it was also the 'how would I repay them if they did help?' part that wasn't sitting right with her either. So when she found herself outside of the library with tears still in her eyes, and shaking hands. She wasn't sure how to explain to herself what just went down. She was inside just a minute ago. What was she doing outside? She whipped her tears away with the back of her hand and looked around her to understand what was going on.
There wasn't a big distance between them. He was right there and so was she. Her eyes grew big in surprise but she wasn't sure why, because he had told her to just call his name and he would be there. It was still hard to understand that there was more than just humans walking on this earth, but she had to understand that regardless of what they had told her.
Watching her brought an emotion up he didn't know he could feel. It wasn't pity, he knew what pity felt like. It wasn't sympathy either. The spirits had taught him what it was. He wasn't feeling bad for what had happened. It wasn't about what had happened, it was the way she looked. Teary eyes and shaking hands. He could see a few scratches on her exposed shoulders. He knew he was unhappy about the way she looked but he didn't know why. This feeling in his chest as if his heart was about to explode. Was it sadness?
Arculus placed her books back in her bag and held on to it for her. His eyes scanned her body and stopped right on her lips. He walked up to her and took her face in his hand with raised eyebrows.
"Why are you bleeding?" His voice was calm but somewhere Winter caught on. Somewhere and somehow he sounded unhappy.
"I bit my lip....too hard." Winter didn't want to push her thoughts and feelings to the side but she already wanted to forget what had happened.
Winter was terrified but her fears had faded away. Because she wasn't alone in the dark anymore. Her arms wrapped around his torso and she placed her head on his chest, but she wasn't sure why she hugged him. Arculus was hesitating, his hand hovered above her head. He wondered if this was okay. He wondered if it was okay for him to touch her. He placed his hand on the back of her head, and the other was resting on her waist. Pulling her closer towards him.
She had expected him to scold her. Asking her why she couldn't go to the library in daylight. She expected him to put the blame on her. Like everyone always did, like they all have done even herself. Yet he didn't even utter a word about what had happened. For so long she tried to be perfect, he made her feel as if it was aloud to be imperfect. It was as if he told her it's okay instead of giving her disappointed looks.
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"Thank you." She told him while avoiding eye contact and broke out of the hug.
Winter already wanted to forget whatever that had happened a few moments ago but she found herself still looking around with wondering eyes. Arculus saw the confusion writing all over her face but in all honesty he didn't want to tell her. If he told her what had happened she might get more scared than she already was. However after finding out that her tears brought up an emotion he never felt before, he wanted to do something to keep her from crying. He wasn't sure why but he just didn't want to see her cry again.
"Hallucinations." He broke the silence and watched the girl in front of him.
"Hallucinations? B-but I felt everything that happened. I-I'm not being crazy again." She told him but the last part was more directed to herself. She had been here before and she would rather not go back.
"You're not crazy, it's just that you humans don't believe in the 'impossible'." He tried to calm her down because he could hear her heartbeat increasing. Yet her body went back to trembling and the tears that had stopped starting to fall down like waterfalls.
"I don't want to go back there." Arculus did not know what she was talking about. All he did know was whatever was causing her this emotions he had to put a stop on them, before they came back for her.
"Winter." He called out to her but it seemed like she was in her own world. Her arms were wrapped around her own body and she was murmuring something under her breath.
"Winter." He tried to find his way inside of her brain but all he could sense was fear.
Arculus quickly took her in his arms when he heard the ticking noises he grew familiar with. She already went through this once Arculus wondered, she doesn't have to do this again. He tried to cover her eyes by standing in front of her and placing his arms around her shoulder. Making sure his shoulder blocked her view behind them. Right before she wanted to say something he put her to sleep. When he saw the shadow making its way towards them he held one of his hands up as a sign for the creature to stop.
The shadow tried to grab her from under his arms but it knew it couldn't do that without getting past him first. The ticking sound was only getting louder and louder and it only annoyed him more. He tried to just walk away from the creature but every time the shadow blocked his away and hissed.
"What is someone like you doing with a human?" It asked him and he could feel the emotions rolling off the creature. The hate and malice it held within it, reminded Arculus of himself. The only difference between them was the fact he didn't want to act upon it.
"Get out the way." He tried to tell the creature calmly but it didn't budge.
"A hungry stomach has to be fed so move out the way big boy." The creature hissed again.
"Go eat an apple or something." Arculus told the creature and it laughed.
"That was a good joke but we both know I can't do that. I have died ages ago, I can only feed off on energy." The grey cloud like creature spoke again. "The more scared the food is the better."
Emotions had always been something he didn't like feeling, but living in a human world made it impossible. Everything was about emotions even when it wasn't supposed to be. It was rather hard for them to keep their emotions from getting in the way. Arculus saw how it was a blessing but in some cases a curs. He saw how it was something beautiful but at the same time destructive. He always saw everything in a world that was so blinded. There wasn't anything that he couldn't see because his eyes were special. He was special and he also knew that. It was okay for others to lose control over themselves. It was okay for others to snap and have a bad temper. However he wasn't part of that group.
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One snap from him could end anything, and no one would be able to stop him. So he had to stop himself for getting angry. Ignore the creature unnecessary comments, but the more he looked at the creature he felt this need to break it in half. The longer Arculus watched the creature he got overwhelmed by an emotion called anger.
Perhaps it all started when he referred to her as food or maybe it was when he realised that the creature was responsible for her tears and shaking hands, her trembling body, her bleeding lip and the scratches on her shoulders. For a minute he Closed his eyes to regain control over his body and over his emotions, because this wasn't the time to be blinded by emotions. This wasn't the time to be blinded by rage.
However the feeling in the pit of his stomach only grow bigger and his eyes changed to its bright red colour. A growl escaped his mouth and the whole library even shook.
"Listen just let my meal go and I'll be on my way." The creature spoke up again and Arculus couldn't resist his sharp claws that made contact with its chest. Black liquid escaped its body as it fell apart. The grey like creature started to fade away.
The girl was asleep in his arms, small breaths escaped her lips. He can't remember the last time he had smiled but he smiled to himself. She looked so peaceful he thought. He picked her up and teleported in front of her dorm room. He knocked tree times on the door and someone opened it.
"H-hi?" The girl in front of him rubbed her eyes and looked quite sleepy.
"I brought Winter back." He told her and it took her a few minutes to realise what he had told her.
"Oh of course yeah wait is she okay? I'm Isabelle by the way." She told him and smiled.
"Nice to meet you." Arculus told her while reminding her to not tell her his name. "And she is fine she just fall asleep." She tried to tell her but she looked skeptical.
"That's very unlike her but okay." She mumbles under her breath. Isabelle helped him tuck her in bed and he caught the way she was smiling towards Winter. Arculus was certain what he was witnessing was something close to love.
The way she made him turn away to put Winters pyjamas on. The way she made sure to see if she was alright. The way Isabelle was skeptical of him because he was a stranger after all, or the way she fluffed Winters pillow and made sure she was comfortable. Arculus was good at reading people, and from all the Winters friends he had seen so far. She was probably the only one he could trust.
He teleported himself back to the forest making sure not cross paths with Brasa, but when he stepped inside of his house in the secret part of the woods he saw the spirit already waiting for him. His house was in the secret part of the forest since he was supposed to be hidden. They had put a spell on it to make sure it was invisible to anyones eyes but theirs.
Brasa wasn't like the other spirits, somehow it was the leader from all the spirits in this forest, Why or how it was Brasa he wasn't sure, with its emotions always being in the way. Arculus wasn't sure how it was supposed to lead anyone.
He took his black hoodie off his body and was left shirtless. He sat in front of his mirror trying to figure out what to do about this hunger he was sadly still feeling. Until Brasa transformed into a human-like form and still had its eyes on him. Of course he just tried to act like she wasn't there but the more he ignored it the more red it's face got. To stop her from letting steam escape her ears he turned around to see what it wanted.
"You were with that human again weren't you?" There were a lot of spirits in this forest but it was pretty easy to tell who was who by their voice.
"If you already know Brasa why are you asking?" He shot her an question back which wasn't a good idea, because he could feel how Brasa was about to explode.
"You're putting yourself and her in danger what don't you understand child?" It asked him and it's futures softened. It's usually black eyes that represented its emotions changed into a light blue color.
"You all keep saying that yet not even one of you had told me what I'm supposed to fear. Tell me Brasa." Arculus tried to get answers like always, yet it didn't want to tell him anything.
In defeat he sat down on the chair in front of the mirror. His eyes scanned every scar on his body he couldn't remember getting. He wanted to have a story to tell when he looked at every scar. He wanted to know how it happened or even why. There was one scar that had always made him frown. The big scar was right on his heart and the only conclusion he could make was someone had tried to kill him, but why? He didn't hurt anyone never put his nose in others business until now. Never had he harmed someone unless they actually deserved it. Never had he disobeyed anyone until now. Arculus just couldn't understand what he had done so wrong.
"Do you have any memories from when you were a kid?" Brasa asked him out of the blue.
"Yes all the fucking training you put me through." He told her annoyed.
"Well all I was trying to do was prepare you Arculus. I won't tell you what you can and cannot do anymore. It took me awhile to understand you aren't the same small kid that was scared of its own reflection." Arculus laughed at Brasa's words and looked back into the mirror, watching his reflection. Still trying to figure out what he had done wrong.
"Thank you Brasa for everything." The right thing to do was to thank the spirit. He may not know the whole story but what he did know was the fact the spirits raised him. The only thing close to parents he would ever have.
"Don't get sentimental with me son." Brasa raised its voice again and he laughed.
"I'm probably being reckless to you Brasa, but staying seems so much easier from leaving." Arculus wasn't sure why but he knew he had to. To him it seemed like if he didn't do it no would protect her.
"It's okay son just go and eat what I have prepared for you-"
"Brasa you know that I can't eat-"
"Cut me off again Arculus and I'm burning you alive." It threatened him and he smiled from ear to ear because he knew Brasa would never.
"Where was I? Oh yeah eat what I have prepared for you unless you want me to feed you myself. You need to eat unless you want to die and leave your human all alone." Brasa tried to talk some sense into him and it knew using the human would hit a spot.
"Okay I'll try." He told her and stood up from the chair and made his way towards the kitchen. He grabbed a fork and looked at the raw meat in front of him. He took a deep breath and tried to bring the fork towards his lips. Arculus took a big bite and tried to ignore the satisfaction he deep down was feeling.
"Good boy." He heard Brasa mocking him.
"Go away Brasa don't you have anything better the do?" Arculus asked the spirit annoyed.
"Whatever child just remember to use your brain okay? Don't do anything stupid."
Arculus ignored it and focused on his meal instead. Remembering not to be hard on himself but he wasn't sure how not to. Brasa finally went back to its original form and flew away, leaving him all alone in this house. The house was quiet big for one person only but regardless of that he was still thankful. Even when he was leading a weird life, he enjoyed every second of it. It made him feel as if he was where he was supposed to be. Yet he had to remember nothing last forever.
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