《A Heart to Call Home: A Twilight Saga Fanfiction》Return to Innocence
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It was the year of 1948 and I found myself in New York City, the city that never sleeps.
It was definitely a cruel dose of irony, as I was an immortal being that didn't need to sleep and had been for over eighty years. I'd been in town for a few days, meaning it was close to time for me to move on to the next city of unsuspecting victims. I was growing tired of the nomadic way of life, but it was still preferable to the brutal years of fighting wars under my sire, Maria. The ones I fought so hard to escape from, the ones that I was still trying to escape from mentally.
The sun had been down for about an hour and I'd been wandering the streets aimlessly since. In some odd twist of fate, before I knew where my legs were taking me, I walked into The Empire Diner.
It was relatively empty and the emotions inside were calm and relaxed. It looked like every other diner I'd came across, there was nothing special or unique about it. Only a few customers were sitting at the counter which was ideal for me. I took my hat off while I waited to be seated, absorbing the quiet clinks of dishes being washed and the low hum of the appliances coming from the kitchen. The sounds were softly muffling the pleasant conversations at the counter, though I could, of course, still hear every word. Every thudding heart beat.
My throat was on fire with a thirst that could only be quenched by human blood. I knew I probably shouldn't have even been in there. Thankfully, I had learned a few years prior that the horrid smell of greasy human food permeating most diners, masked the scent of their blood just enough that it was tolerable. After waiting for a few minutes the only waitress that appeared to be working finally noticed me. I felt a slight bit of embarrassment emanate from her as she scrambled to grab a menu and bundle of silverware from behind the counter. She was round in the middle, dressed in a yellow dress uniform and had dark hair. She appeared to be in her late thirties to early forties.
Fatigue was not only written all over her face, but seeping from her so strongly that it almost made me feel tired. She was distracted, talking to another patron as she walked over to me. She was completely unaware as my hungry eyes locked onto the pulsing, throbbing vein of her neck. Her neatly pinned up-do had left it perfectly exposed.
When she finally stopped in front of me and her tired human eyes looked over me, she gasped and I felt a jolt of fear roll off of her in waves. I stiffened my body and forced myself to take my eyes off of her throat. Then I swallowed the venom that had been pooling in my mouth with a hard gulp. When I caught a glimpse of myself in the reflection of her eyes, I realized that her reaction to me was justified; I looked awful. My eyes were pitch black and circled with purple bruises—to a human I probably looked exhausted or deranged—I knew it meant I needed to feed.
I sent her a wave of calming energy and focused on making her feel safe and not threatened. I forced a small grin, mindful enough to not bare my razor-sharp teeth and frighten her again. Her heartbeat was slightly accelerated from the initial scare, but I then felt the specific pattern of emotions that let me know she felt silly after being scared by something harmless. I was far from harmless. I wondered what her reaction would have been if my eyes were freshly stained crimson. If I had just fed. She looked down and shook her head, dismissing the whole thing as ridiculous, I assumed.
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"Whew! Sorry about that sweetheart. It's been a long day, follow me." The woman said with a chuckle. She motioned with her head for me to follow her to an empty booth at the far end of the diner. I nodded and let her lead the way. She tried to hand me a menu once I was seated, but I held up my hand to decline.
"Just a cup of coffee, ma'am. Make it black, please." I said, in a way that was polite enough, but sure to leave no doubt that I would just like to be left alone. Betty, as her name tag read, came back relatively quickly with the mug of disgusting brown liquid. She smiled and placed it in front of me, then headed back to the counter to resume her duties.
I hardly registered the thunder that was getting nearer as I stared into the steaming cup, letting myself fall into the abyss of my thoughts. I must've been projecting my low feelings outward, because even as people shuffled in and out of the diner, no one was brought to be seated in the booths and tables near me. I had no complaints. I was a predator and they were my prey.
I wanted more than anything for there to be another way, but I was doomed to this eternal existence as a bloodthirsty killer and had been for almost a century. I had been trying to kill less often, but the thirst always dominated. As a vampire with the gift of pathokinesis, I had to feel everything my victims did in their final moments. Decades of taking life after life were weighing me down and threatening to crack my unbreakable form. In their final seconds, I would absorb all of their pain and fear. I took it on as my own and manipulated it so they would feel nothing but peace and tranquility. Though it was more than others of my kind could offer, it did little for the guilt that stayed with me long after I discarded their lifeless bodies.
The memories of those emotions and events cycle in perfect recall in my mind more often than I'd like to acknowledge.
Somehow, I snapped out of the thick haze of depression long enough to look up at the clock that hung in the middle of the diner. I panicked for a moment, realizing that I had been lost in thought for the better part of an hour. I was suddenly grounded back to reality, hoping I had been smart enough to blink once in a while and move my shoulders enough to look human. I quickly skimmed the faces and feelings of those around me and when I could tell I had been successful enough in my 'camouflage', I relaxed a bit. No curiosity or uneasiness was detected.
I sighed deeply and almost considered downing the untouched cup of ice-cold coffee that sat in front of me, knowing god damn well I'd have to choke it back up later if I did. On the one hand, I was just fed up and maybe I wanted to punish myself. On the other hand, I knew that drinking it and ordering another would also buy me a little more time in the safety of the diner. Time before I would inevitably have to walk out and let the predator within me take another life to sustain my own.
Just as I was about to pick up the mug and bite the bullet, I sensed her. Another vampire. My gift worked perfectly fine on humans, but with other vampires - it was even more fine tuned. Human emotion tends to live on the surface as it's typically easy to decipher and manipulate. Vampire emotions however, are rich and complex. They provide me with a unique emotional aura that helps me identify those I've already met should I cross them again. This vampire was not familiar. Every muscle in my body tensed, despite the fact that her emotions were not hostile in the slightest. I knew in this proximity she could sense me as well.
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I clenched my fists and braced myself as the glass door swung open.
When her eyes met mine, I was instantly hit with a tsunami of overwhelmingly positive emotions. It almost felt as if she had known me a lifetime, like she recognized me as an old friend. I was stunned. I felt a slight pang of nervousness from her, but she quickly replaced it with confidence, hope, relief, and trust as she walked toward me keeping a careful pace.
She was dressed exquisitely with short black hair and pixie-like features. I found it hard to believe such a tiny and fragile looking creature was a vampire. The most interesting thing about her, though, was the color of her eyes. They were the most beautiful shade of sparkling gold. I'd never seen a vampire's eyes anything other than blood red and satisfied or black and ravenous. She came and sat right across from me in the booth showing absolutely no sign of hesitation. Her emotions and demeanor told me that she meant me absolutely no harm, so I tried to relax.
"Jasper Ray Whitlock, didn't anyone tell you it's rude to keep a lady waiting?" She asked me, her voice chimed like a bell. For the first time in my immortal existence, I felt like I was dreaming and I rubbed my eyes to make sure that I wasn't.
"My apologies, ma'am." I said, still in shock. She beamed at me, almost satisfied in her ability to leave me bewildered. Then the waitress noticed that I was no longer alone and made her way over to ask if we needed anything.
"Just another cup of coffee, please," The small vampire responded. My mind was racing as Betty left to retrieve the order.
"Hi, I'm Alice," She introduced herself, extending her small hand over the booth for me to take. I was desperate for answers, as it wasn't often that I was caught off guard.
"I'm Jasp.. well, I suppose you already know my name. By the way, how did you know my name?" I asked, with a furrowed brow, my curiosity and anticipation were practically boiling over by this point. I had to work hard not to project my emotions onto her. She looked as if she was about to respond, then quickly held up one finger. I looked past her and saw the waitress turn from the counter and head back to our table with Alice's coffee.
"Thank you!" Alice said, taking the cup graciously. She began to add the cream and sugar that was sitting on the table as the waitress walked away. I was a bit impressed by her efforts to blend in. When she was sure we weren't being observed and it was safe to speak, she wrinkled her nose in disgust and pushed the coffee off to one corner of the table.
"I'm a little intuitive, it's my gift—much like your ability to feel and manipulate the emotions of others." Her lips turned up into a proud knowing smile and my body tensed again. She's more than a little intuitive. She had known my name and where to find me which was already strange enough, but the fact that she'd mentioned my gift set off sirens in my brain. What if someone was watching me? Maria or someone else from my past could have told her about my gift. If she knew about my gift, she could be trying to mask her emotions or even projecting false ones. Just as I opened my mouth to speak she interrupted me.
"This is going to be a lot easier if you just trust me. I promise I'm not out to get you, Jasper." She said, raising one eyebrow and giving me a teasing grin.
I relaxed again and let out a huff of air—feeling a bit dumbfounded. I wasn't sure what it was but I suddenly felt incredibly silly for even thinking that the vampire in front of me could be suspicious. Something just told me, even then, that I could trust her and I began to laugh. It was the first time I can remember having the urge to do so in a very long time. I wondered how she had managed to waltz in here and bring it out of me in just under five minutes. Not even my bub, Peter, managed that when I first introduced him to this life. She smiled and we sat in silence for a moment.
Trust was not something that I gave out lightly, but something about this pixie was breaking down my resolve. "Okay, I'm listening," I said. She nodded and began speaking in a volume low enough for only our vampire ears to hear.
"Ever since I woke up to this life, I've been having these visions. One of the first that I had was of me meeting you here in this very diner. I can't believe it's finally happening!" She let out a small squeal of excitement and continued. "Even then, I knew it was going to be years before the vision came true, but it still gave me hope. I woke up to this life alone, but at least I saw a future. I worked on my gift and focused on learning who you were. At first it was confusing. It seemed so certain that we had to meet and that I had to find you for some reason. Not knowing what that reason was, I assumed for a while that it was romantic..." She paused for a beat, letting out a fleeting feeling of embarrassment before I felt her determination take back over.
"But then the visions kept coming and things started to become clearer as the years went on. I saw myself falling deeply in love, but not with you. Someone else. He belongs to a coven up North. Well, really, they're more like a family and they only feed on the blood of animals." She paused, seeing my obvious shock over her last part.
I had never heard of a vampire feeding off of animal blood. I wanted so badly in that moment to ask a thousand questions, but I thought better of it and nodded to her to continue.
"I never wanted to kill humans and seeing their way of life gave me so much hope. I saw you struggling with our… diet the same way I was. I saw you and I traveling together to find them. It's the only thing that pulled me through when I felt alone. So, I watched their futures and tried to learn everything I could about every single one of them. I just wanted to feel connected to something, no matter how distant. The same way I have with you. And as soon as I figured out their diet I started practicing." She stopped talking for a moment to point toward her eyes, and I finally understood their unusual color.
"It's not as delicious as human blood, in fact it's rather disgusting, but it's a lot more guilt-free. I've been living mostly on the blood of animals for the better part of the last decade." She said trying to maintain her composure, but the guilt crept in.
"Besides a few slip ups." She whispered, looking down and letting out a long regretful sigh.
I knew exactly how she felt and I had been doing far more than just 'slipping up'. I sent her my strongest waves of reassurance and understanding. She looked up then, big golden eyes glossed with venom, unable to cry. She reached across the table and squeezed my hand. The shame of those slip ups was coating her in a thick fog and I let it swirl with my own, projecting my emotions lightly. I was careful not to overwhelm her, my emotions seemed extra heavy recently and I didn't want to crush her.
I wanted her to know and feel that she wasn't alone. I'd never met another vampire that felt the same guilt I harbored over taking human lives - so I knew how lonely it could feel. In that moment we had an understanding, a bond. I decided maybe it'll be easy to have a friend in Alice.
"This family though," She began again, "They are going to help us become more disciplined than what you or I have been able to accomplish on our own. They can give us a life that feels stable. We can stay in the same place for several years, blend into society, and stop running. We can feel the love of a family. Of a mother, a father, sisters, and brothers. We will find our mates and true happiness in joining this coven. I can't wait to tell you more about every single one of them—they're amazing. I feel like I already know them, but for now... I need you to make a decision." Her words hung in the air and she could tell I was hesitant. "I know this is fast, and I'm asking a lot from you, but I know that if we go, they will accept us." She paused and smiled. "However sudden this may all feel to you, I've waited a long time for this. Every time I would look ahead to see if you were ready my visions would show me that you weren't and I had to wait. But I think you're ready now, am I correct?"
Her confidence held strong, hope dancing around the edges. I could sense no doubt coming from her; she believed every word she had said and I would know. I'm basically a walking talking lie detector.
I still couldn't believe that in less than fifteen minutes this complete stranger could come here and completely flip everything I thought I knew onto its head. I didn't say anything as I let her words seep in. I would have to be just plain stubborn to say no. I had been—quite literally—sitting here hoping for everything she just walked in and offered me, mere moments before she did. Yet, for some reason, I didn't feel I was worthy of it. I didn't feel like I deserved her friendship, let alone to have a family and a mate of my own.
The burn in my throat was intensifying.
Can we really survive off of animal blood? In depriving myself of my natural food source, could I ever fully feel satisfied? Would the thirst still find it's way through and take over? Alice was living proof that it could be done and she was sitting in front of me, waiting for me to answer.
"If you do refuse, you're going to kill that waitress." Alice said. Her tone was serious. "You will follow her on the way to her car after her shift and you will drain her dry before she even has a chance to scream for help."
The utter conviction of her statement brought me out of the spiral of questions in my mind. My gaze shot towards the other end of the diner where Betty was setting a burger down in front of an older man. He was shamelessly flirting with her, despite his wife being present. Betty kept one hand resting on her stomach. Alice's feelings shifted to worry.
"She's pregnant, Jasper. Will you think about that for a moment? I know you don't want to take her life or her unborn child's. I can see that it would put you over your breaking point and I don't know if you'd be able to return. I chose today to find you because I know how close you're coming to self-destructing. I've watched it get worse for you and I want nothing more than to be your friend, to take you with me and show you another way. I can only do that if you make the right choice though. I can't make that decision for you."
I thought about the years I'd spent as an immortal and the thousands of human and vampire lives that had been taken by my hands along the way. The memories overwhelmed my senses and my whole body felt like an exposed nerve. All the pain and agony settled into my bones and felt as raw and new as ever. Alice was right, I was unraveling quickly and the thirst was beyond excruciating.
I looked around at all the faces in the diner. They were eating, smiling, warm, and content. All completely unaware of the ticking time bomb sitting in their midst. When my eyes landed on the waitress one last time—a fuzzy human memory of my own mother pushed through, leaving as fast as it came. Suddenly, I had no more questions. I would not take her life or the life of her unborn child. They would live to see another day.
I looked back to Alice and the urge to get out of that diner was ripping through my body. I gritted my teeth and said the two words that would change my life forever as I knew it.
"I'm ready."
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