I stood up again, unable to continue sitting. Peggy had been at work for just over half an hour and she still hadn’t pinged us. I knew she needed to make it seem believable but still, I needed her to hurry up.

I couldn’t exactly ping her though. It needed to seem like a completely normal shift. Like she was just at work and Cas and I were just relaxing in our room.

I paced back and forth, resisting the urge to open up our flight bags again and make sure I had packed everything. It was stupid, I knew I had and I’d already checked twice. Checking any more times would be useless.

But I still felt the urge to. I resisted, settling for pacing instead.

Cas sat perfectly still on the bed, his posture a little too stiff. His eyes were still bloodshot but tears no longer shone on his cheeks. He’d managed to keep it together until Peggy had left and our bags were all packed but then he’d fallen apart.

I hated it. It made the wait so much harder. I just wanted to fly to Harvey and tear him apart for how much he’d put Cas through. His mom too. And then maybe I’d just punch Jack.

A loud trilling sounded and I span around, racing towards the screen on the bed.

“Hey, Peggy,” I said, answering immediately. “Is everything alright?”

“Umm… kind of,” she said, sounding shaken. “Are you two busy?”

“No, not at all. What’s going on?”

I tried to make it sound natural, like I truly didn’t know but I’m pretty sure it came out too rushed. Too panicked.

“Umm… do you mind coming down to the war rooms? I found something weird and I want to see if you come to the same conclusion that I do.”

The request made sense and I forced myself to pause before answering.

“Oh, yeah. Sure. Do you want me to bring Cas or just come alone?” I asked, glancing at him.

“Bring Cas,” she said, a little too quickly. “I’d like his thoughts too.”

“Okay, we’ll be right there.”

Peggy smiled at me slightly before hanging up and I found myself staring at the screen for a moment, trying to gather the strength.

I had deja vu. Everything that was happening now felt exactly like it had before. It was the same as when Peggy had found out about Irision and we’d tried to speak to the Council but at least this time I had more hope that someone would listen to us. I shouldn’t have but I did.

We had a plan this time. One that could work.

But still, we were headed towards our death. It felt too much, too final. I knew even then that the mission, this final mission, would be our last. No matter what happened, we wouldn’t be able to continue. Either we’d find a way to free all the Guardians and bring Harvey down or…

I didn’t want to think about the alternative.

I’d lost too much. We’d lost too much. Gem had been ripped away from us, died because of my actions, Tuc too. So many other people had died. Even though I was trying so hard not to think about it, I knew it could happen again and I knew that if something did go wrong this time, I wouldn’t let anyone else die.

Either I was about to die or Harvey was.

“Ready to go?” I asked Cas, trying to sound like I hadn’t just realised that.

“Yeah,” he said, wiping a weary hand over his face.

I nodded and started to walk towards the door, hearing Cas follow.

“Wait,” he said, taking my hand.

I turned back towards him, aware of how close we were suddenly standing.

“Yeah?”

“I just… Are you okay? I mean, this is all feeling a lot like before… I just.” He broke off again, at a loss for words.

“I know,” I said, lifting a hand to cup his cheek. “I’m okay. We’ll be okay.”

I knew the words were a lie and he did too, I could tell, but he didn’t say anything. He just gently pressed his lips to mine.

“We’ll be okay,” he promised.

I hated how final his words sounded. It felt like he had come to a similar conclusion to me. Like he was planning to potentially die on the mission but I wouldn’t let it happen. I was certain that if it came down to him or me, I would jump in front of any bullet, gun or whatever it was.

I would not let another person die because of me.