Chapter 74

Finding Forgiveness

Poof.

Well, there was no sound at my arrival exactly, but there a flash of light as I appeared in the middle of a hospital room. Now I had never been to this hospital room, but that was not the destination of my Total Recall. Instead, I used Total Recall to get me to Goldie.

My eyes first took in the room we were in.

Beep. Beep.

A loud heart monitor chirped in the corner. There was a bed with a woman who was almost see through, then there was a beautiful golden skinned and golden-haired warrior sitting next to the bed. At that moment, I realized two things.

Badump. Badump.

Just seeing Goldie was enough to cause my heart to race rapidly. Just seeing her caused so much repent emotions to come flooding forth in my mind. Looking at her, I could see that I could truly care for this person. Likely not this much, and not the way it was done. But looking at her, I couldn’t help but feel that she too was a victim in all of this. She was forced to be in this position by none other than the person who was laying on the hospital bed.

In all, I was rather surprised to see that Dwenvarians had many of the same medical treatments that humans had. Well, there were many of the same and many oddities as well. The bed she was on was not a soft mattress, but rather a bed made from soft metals like gold and silver. Did that mean Dwenvarians were part dragon?

Shaking my head, I am about to say something when.

Bzz.

My wings start flapping with nervous anticipation. The wings do, what I cannot, or rather could not. Hearing what had to be a large bee suddenly in the room, Goldie turned to see me standing behind her.

“Oh!” She said, as she stood up.

As she did, I was prepared for a lot. I was prepared for one of her patented knuckle burgers to the solar plexus, a gold handed strike to the face, or any other myriad of attacks. What I was not expecting, however, was her to come up and hug me.

Bzz-bzz-uzz

My wings seemed to make the sound. A sound that let others know of the confusion I now felt. Again, not good, I needed to practice keeping my emotions in check. Or at least, I needed a way to not telegraph my emotions, with the flapping my wings. Of course, I could only flap my wings for so long before I felt the overwhelming strength of Goldie nearly crushing my ribs.

“Sorry.” Was all I managed to wheeze out.

Hearing my words, Goldie loosened her grip and locked gazes with me. She really was pretty, unfortunately I knew I couldn’t trust myself around her. Even now, I wondered how much is me, and how much was being forced on me. Still, I needed to be strong, to provide closure.

“No, there is no need. Jenna told me what she did.” Goldie said, using the name Jenna like it was a curse. All while letting me go. With that, I relaxed a bit and quickly used Heal Wound to fix my aching ribs. It was clear from her reaction that she was both excited and nervous.

“She did?”

“Well, she didn’t state what she did exactly. Apparently, it was too embarrassing, but she admitted to being the reason you didn’t come back. Then when she fell ill, she said it was likely karma catching up to her.” Goldie said.

Karma? Well, I guess that is one way to put it. I thought, as I looked on at the rapidly disappearing Jenna Da’anvil.

I was so angry with her, for what she did. For what she forced on Goldie and me, but seeing her like this, somehow felt wrong. Especially after she explained why I stayed away.

“Yeah, there was that. Also, I had to fulfill my prior obligation to the Endarians, where I helped plant their world tree seed.”

“Oh, is that where you got the wings? Does that mean you are a guardian?” Goldie asked.

I was shocked by the rapid processing and understanding of Endarian culture that Goldie seemed to have.

“Yeah. I did the ritual, well after I had to fight off one of the Prolaxian Invaders.” I said.

She nodded, “yeah after we defeated General Wolfram, I have seen more and more cases pop up recently. There was the case of Mave, being one. Then there was this last one. My question is how many are there?”

“That is a good question.” I reply, and it was. I also realized I likely needed to keep a list of these people.

So far, I had: General Wolfram, a beastkin general. Mave, the human diviner. Then now Wild Stag the bland Endarian secretary. That was three, but there were clearly more. Also, I realized I haven’t seen one from the Dwenvarians, at least not from this universe. Again, there seems to be no uniformity between the celestials and Prolaxian infiltrators, otherwise known as heralds. Still, this is good to know and remember as I am about to undo all of this. I pause, as I realize just how much I am going to have to redo. It almost doesn’t seem worth it, fighting three monstrous beings. Being forced to relive this moment in time again, and for what? To have my own sanity back? To know that Goldie and I were not being shoe-horned into a forced relationship that neither of us wanted?

Then I remember the five dead bodies. The friends of Mel who were all decomposing in that awful cellar. I remember their names clearly: Carrie, Lynn, Nicole, Rachel, and Noel. Five people who died due to experimentations. Then I remember the fact that if I act quickly, I could find not one, but possibly two other Prolaxian infiltrators. There was the mind alterer, and another one. Then at the end of the day, I will at least be able to save five people.

“I am so glad you came back.” Goldie says, finally pulling me back to reality. Back to this current moment.

“I am too. Sorry it took so long.” I admit.

“No, it is fine. I am just glad you came back to me. Also know that regardless of what Jenna did, we can work past it.”

Hearing the words coming from Goldie’s mouth, I can’t help but let out a sigh. “You really are too good for me.” I respond. I mean it too. Here I was abandoning her in her moment of need, and she forgave me. Not only did she forgive me, but she welcomed me back with open arms. I knew she was a good person, back from when we first met. But seeing her like this, I could almost imagine us having life together in the reboot.

Then I pause, as I realize she likely won’t be this friendly or forgiving towards me. Just as I likely won’t be as friendly or forgiving towards her, we are dealing with forced emotional states after all. These emotions we are feeling right now, they aren’t real. None of this is real, which is why it hurts so much.

In a way this feels like being in a dream. A dream where you get to experience a beautiful life, with emotions and actions that you know could never really exist in the real world. But you are so caught up in the moment, that you feel everything so deeply. You feel the world around you are growing and fading, only to realize at the end that it was all an illusion. An illusion where everything you heard, felt, and experienced were all wrong.

Still, I couldn’t help but feel that this was for the best. I avoided the unnecessary guilt of having to explain myself to Goldie. With this I could have the closure I so desperately wanted. No, the closure I needed. No regrets, even if it meant I would be alone again.

“Do you mind if I speak to Jenna alone?” I ask.

Goldie looks from me, then to Jenna. It was clear that she was awake this entire time but pretended to be asleep to afford us some privacy.

She looks at me, and opens her mouth as if to say something along the lines of ‘you aren’t going to hurt her, are you?’ But she instead stops herself, then straightening her posture up, she takes in a deep breath. Then she releases her breath.

Maybe she too feels the heat of this moment? Surely, she must know that something big is going to happen.

“I think it is for the best. Given Jenna’s rapidly worsening condition, I think you should make peace with her.” Goldie says, then reaching out to stroke my arm, she then says. “Please forgive her.”

“I will.” I say, but my response is too quick.

Bzz.

Also, my wings are vibrating again, stupid emotion betraying wings.

She locks gazes with me, then I relax slightly and let my wings stop flapping. “I will try.”

Hearing that, Goldie paused for a second, then relaxed as she apparently thought this was enough. With that she sauntered out. I would be lying if I said I didn’t watch her leave. I know it wasn’t right, and it probably would only cause confusion in future versions of the future. But I was a guy, and she was pretty. Also, when she turned around at the door, she let out a sly grin that let me know she knew I watched her the entire way.

Badump, bzzz.

Not only did my heartbeat faster, but my wings fluttered at the way she stared at me. I could feel the artificial pulsing within my brain telling me that this was right. That this was what I wanted, and for this moment I didn’t fight the impulse. I let it wash over me. I focused on the sensation; it was wrong and right at the same time. I needed this, to focus on these artificial feelings, so I could prevent them in the future.

Right now, I could feel nothing but hope for our future. I then cut off the emotions, once I realized I was second guessing this moment, second guessing my actions, my reason for being here.

“See you in a bit.” I lied, as I waved goodbye.

“See you in a bit.” Goldie said, as she stepped out of the door.

Upon her departure, I let out a massive sigh of relief. With her gone, I could finally think clearly. The endorphins or whatever were being forced upon my brain were now gone. I no longer had any external forces impacting my emotional state.

I felt serene, like I was floating in the ocean. My head held high, as I let the waves pick me up and let me down. I could breathe. Even though I felt the weight of an ocean of water around me, I felt calm. No, better than calm, I felt like I was finally able to make peace with myself.

There were a lot of reasons why I needed to go forward, to do what was to come next. But only one selfish and artificial reason to stay.

Click.

Just as I am about to go forward and finally confront Jenna, well the celestial being posing as Jenna the door opens.

I turn back to see Goldie there. “Oh, one more thing. I have something important to tell you.” She says, her eyes glowing brilliantly, as she has an anxious smile filling her face.

“Is it something good?” I ask.

“I think it is great, but it can wait until after you are done. Would you like to go to dinner with me?” Goldie asks, somewhat hesitantly.

“Yeah, I could eat.” I say, then I realize it has been a long time since I last ate.

“It’s a date.” Goldie says, her voice infectious with excitement.

Badump. Badump.

“It’s a date.” I respond, a smile filling my lips, as I feel my wings vibrating, but not quite producing a sound. This is good, it shows I am gaining some semblance of control over them.

“All right, see you soon.” Goldie says, then closes the door.

Click.

With that I stare at the door for a second, then when I realize, Goldie is not going to come in. I let out a sigh, as I turn towards the Dwenvarian who is seemingly fading away right before my eyes.

As I look, the cute Dwenvarian turns her attention to me, then smiles. Seeing the familiar smile, I am certain of my course of action. Taking a deep breath, I begin.

“Hello Mel, I think we have a lot to talk about…”