Monsters Collected. 0 of 6.

The “flag” was a little bigger than my hand, like one of those flags you give to kids to wave at a parade. It was a miniature pair of heart-covered boxers. Not a flag with an image of boxers on it, but an actual pair of heart boxers flying sideways, like they were dangling off a clothesline. Embroidered onto the flag on the top and bottom was a motorcycle club styled patch that read “The Royal Court of Princess Donut.” Centered on the boxers over the crotch area was an embroidered bomb patch, identical to the one on my jacket.

It really was tacky.

“Elle says her squad’s flag has a bag of adult diapers on it. Imani’s squad flag has a butterfly, and it sounds just lovely. Why couldn’t we get something like that? Have you seen the stitching on this? It looks like you sewed it. This is outrageous.”

“It is pretty stupid,” I agreed, laughing again. It was so dumb I couldn’t help but find it funny. “What did Katia get?”

“She didn’t answer. She says it was something dumb, too. Carl, we need to tell them to change it. Something with Mongo would be much better than this.”

“It doesn’t matter,” I said, picking the flag up. The flagpole, stick, whatever was a glowing metal spike, maybe about a foot long. It was enchanted, and it would stick into any sort of creature, even ghosts, as long as the health was below 5%. I wrapped my hand around it and made a jabbing motion. It was going to be difficult to use these things. The metal would be slippery if there was a lot of blood. And there always was a lot of blood.

I stood and wiped myself off. I looked over at Bomo, who had an oddly depressed look on his rocky face. He almost looked... lonely. Like he missed the Sledge already.

“Hey buddy,” I said. “There should be another stairwell location here in the city. Can you see where it is?”

He grunted as his eyes went glossy. He had a spell that could teleport us to any stairwell location on the entire floor. The spell still hadn’t reset from the last time he used it, but he could still load it up, and it showed him all the stairwells. It was a ridiculously powerful spell I was hoping to get my hands on somehow since we’d lose him the moment this floor ended.

“I only see two,” he grunted.

“That’s because we’re not really sitting in Cuba right now,” Mordecai said. “Each little area is its own location. Kinda like the bubbles on the fifth floor. When part two of this thing opens up, he’ll probably be able to see everything.”

“Why are we looking for stairwells now?” Donut asked. “There’s one right outside, and we can’t get to it anyway.”

“Because if there’s anybody else here, they’re gonna be there at the second stairwell. After we nap and reset our buffs, our first step is to find out if we’re alone or not. Step two will be to map out the area and figure out where the best monsters are.”

“Stairs not too far,” Bomo said, tracing a rocky finger along the counter. “Still in big city near coast.”

I’d never been to Cuba, or even looked at a map of Havana, and I had no idea even how big this city really was. I had a general idea of the location of the city on a map of the small island country, but I knew nothing about the city itself. “Okay. Do me a favor and sit down with Mordecai and try to map it out a bit on a piece of paper. Donut and I need to take a shower and do a quick nap, reset our buffs, and then we’re gonna get moving. We’re gonna keep you in the saferoom for now, but we might have you come out with us later.”

Bomo made a sad rumble, and I patted him on the arm. “I still have an old GameCube from that house I haven’t hooked up yet. I’ll make a compatible controller for you. We have a few cool games for it.”

He made a noncommittal grunt.

“See if you can find a real saferoom with a Bopca, too,” Mordecai said. “I’m gonna try to get my eyes on the dungeon newsletter and see what’s happening.”

“Eye,” Donut corrected. “You only have one eye now.”

He snorted. “Things are looking a little different in my menus, and I’m not certain what’s changed. There’s likely been some fallout from skipping that floor, and we want to know what that is.”

“What about me? What about me?” Samantha called, hopping up and down.

I grinned. “You want us to find a mage for that body of yours, right?”

“Yes! Right away!”

I nodded. “We need a monster map of the whole area. The fastest way to do that will be to find a borough boss and get the field guide map. Once we do that, we’ll see if we can find anybody that’ll help you. You’re going to be our recon specialist.”

~

Less than an hour later, we were ready to go.

I wanted to get into the craft room and play with my new automaton pieces, plus my bomber’s studio had just been upgraded, and I wanted to go into there. Mordecai was already making noises about my crafting table upgrade coupons, but I told him we wanted to get our bearings first.

“We’re keeping Mongo locked up at first,” I said. “Let’s figure out how this world works before we unleash him. Come on, Samantha.”

Donut started to protest, but I held up my hand. “This is a city, and there are going to be cars everywhere. They won’t stop, and if he gets hit, he’ll get squished like your cousin Baron Bear Claw or whatever his name was.”

Donut harumphed as we moved to the heavy, double doors. Samantha rolled underfoot, weaving back and forth excitedly. I pulled the doors open, revealing early morning on a warm, humid day. We stood at the top of a long, stone stairwell. The world outside bustled with activity.

Entering Old Havana.

“Her name was Baroness Éclair Exquisite, and she got smushed by a tractor because she ran into a field. She never was the brightest cat. Miss Beatrice was most upset when she heard the news, as was I. I never liked the baroness much, but it’s always distressing when royalty dies in farm accidents. It’s embarrassing to the whole family.”

“Yeah,” I said. “Bad things happen to cats who jump out windows.”

“I saved your life when I went out that window, Carl, and I have yet to be thanked for it.” Donut looked about at the scene spread before us. “Carl, none of these people are on my map. And isn’t it supposed to be December? It’s quite warm!”

I barely heard her. The scene hit me like a sledgehammer.

This is what we lost, I thought, taking it all in. This is our world.

The river, which I had thought I’d left behind on the previous floor, made itself known. Stay down, I thought. Stay back. Not until I need you.

I took a deep breath. The air was humid and smelled of flowers and ocean and the usual smoke of a city. The buzz of insects and cars and life filled my senses.

It appeared to be about eight in the morning. At the bottom of the stairs was a wide sidewalk, a busy, two-lane road, and then a wall of brick and stone buildings. Beyond that, the densely-packed city spread before us. Multi-story and multi-colored Spanish colonial-style buildings spread out in every direction, most of them made of brick and multi-colored, aging stucco.

Various cars and scooters and buses zipped up and down the roadway. It was a mix of cheap Chinese and Russian vehicles with several classic American cars. A bright yellow, 1950-something Ford Fairlane with the top down rumbled by. The shining car looked brand new. A moment later, a 1950’s Chevy Bel-Air passed. I realized the car was a taxi.

“Okay, Samantha,” I said. “Remember what I said. Try to stay out of traffic. We don’t want you crashing any cars or scooters, okay? Especially not near here. Head south and just keep going. Every time you see a monster, let us and Mordecai know what it is. We’re building a monster map.”

I originally wanted to toss her the distance using the xistera extension, but she returned back to me the moment I removed it off my hand, and I didn’t want to walk around with the thing all day, so we decided to let her roam freely. I was hoping for her to get as far from the saferoom as possible and gauge the strength of the monsters at the far edge of the area.

“Okay, I will fuck up any monsters,” she said.

“No, you’ll observe and report. You’re recon, and that’s it. Got it?”

She growled. “And we need to find a mage.”

“That’s right,” I said. “Now get going. You can float now. I saw you do it, so stay above the traffic and people. Try not to touch anything.”

“Okay. I got this. I will fly.” She bounced a few times and then bounced down the stairs like a basketball. She did not fly.

“Fly,” I yelled.

She ignored me. “Hey,” she shouted as she rolled away, narrowly avoiding a strolling couple. She stopped to look at them. “Yoohoo! Are you a mage?”

“Samantha,” I yelled. “They can’t hear you. Remember? They’re not really there. Just their clothes. And stay off the goddamned ground.”

She growled and rolled away.

I cringed as she crossed the busy road, picking up speed. Luckily, nothing hit her. She turned and then zipped down an alley, disappearing. I could still hear her shouting, looking for a mage.

I sighed with relief when she disappeared. That would keep her busy for a day or two. I just hoped she didn’t cause any major issues.

“Carl, she’s not very good at following directions,” Donut said. “It’s a wonder she...”

“Whoa,” I said, stepping out of the way as a group of people suddenly appeared, also coming out of the building. They materialized out of nowhere. It was a group of five people. Tourists by the look of them. From Asia. They’d been in the same building, but for whatever reason, the presidential palace wasn’t a part of the replay. They just appeared at the top of the stairs and walked right through us.

“Help! Carl, help!” Donut shouted, suddenly rolling away. One of the ghosts had kicked her as he strode by. The shoe, sock, and pants just ripped right off the body as the man continued on his way. Donut rolled up in the trousers and fell down the stairs, screeching bloody murder. She thump, thump, thumped down the stairs and hit the ground and stopped just before she rolled into the street. I rushed toward her.

The man, now pantsless, underwearless and with only a single shoe and sock, continued on his way, oblivious. The parts that had been covered with clothes now appeared as a wavy, translucent outline, not fully realized like the rest of him. The illusion was strange, but I was grateful that we wouldn’t be treated to a bunch of naked people walking around.

“Are you okay?” I said, coming up to her. She pulled herself away and shook herself off. She hadn’t really been hurt, despite falling down the stone stairs. Just surprised.

“Why I never,” she said, glaring off at the man who stopped with his friends. He was now holding his hand up, like he was looking at a phone, but there was no phone in his hand. “You should be ashamed!”

“He can’t...” I began, trailing off. She knew perfectly well he couldn’t hear her.

“Carl, I think he dropped his wallet! And his cellphone!”

I picked up the brown pants, which had wrapped around Donut. I shook them so the whitey-tightie undies fell to the ground. Sure enough, there was a wallet and an iPhone in his pocket. I picked up the phone, and it was working, but I couldn’t get into it. It said No Service in Spanish. It had a sticker on the back, indicating it was a rental. I looked back over at the guy, and he was pointing at something on his non-existent phone while his companions looked over his shoulder. They turned and walked off south along the sidewalk toward a palm tree-lined park.

“Weird.” I stuck the phone into my inventory. It seemed wrong that the phone was actually turned on and working. It would turn to dust the moment we left this floor.

His wallet contained a few credit cards and several Euro banknotes along with a few American five dollar bills. There wasn’t any Cuban money. I pulled one of the credit cards. Thanks to the system, I could read the Chinese characters. The man’s name was Bingwen Zou. I took it all, along with the sock and shoe.

I hesitated, then I took the underwear, too. I didn’t want to leave anything behind. We needed to leave as small a footprint as possible, especially near the saferoom.

“Gross, Carl,” Donut said.

“Do you see any mobs or NPCs?” I asked. “Come on. Let’s get out of the way.”

Donut jumped to my shoulder, and we stepped out of the way of a strolling couple. A scooter thing that looked like a driving lemon zipped by on the street. Music blared as it passed.

“No,” she said. “And it’s going to be hard to get through that without touching anybody. There are people everywhere. It smells really good here. I thought it was going to smell disgusting. I don’t smell a single cigar.”

“What about saferooms?”

“Nothing,” she said. “But there are bathrooms.”

“Okay, hang on.” I cast Ping.

The sonar sound spread out, moving out into the city. The spell was supposed to have a range of a little more than three kilometers, but I knew it would be less in the city, especially with such tall buildings. It wouldn’t show mobs or other crawlers, but it would show me all the white-tagged NPCs. Several dots appeared on my map, including Samantha, who’d already gone a good distance, plus some white dots in the ocean north of us. It was showing non-hostile animals, I realized, and I adjusted it. Only a handful of actual NPCs appeared, and none of them were close. If they were in saferooms or even regular buildings, I knew Ping wouldn’t work very well.

I had no idea how it worked with NPCs when they were mixed in with all this chaos.

We needed to go about six miles east. The walk would take us maybe an hour and half or two hours under normal circumstances, but if we were going to be dodging everyone, it would be impossible to do it quickly. We started moving north along the wide sidewalk, evading tourists and vendors. There were people everywhere.

We passed a pair of men, one holding open a paper map, examining it. I reached over and plucked the map out of his hands. His wedding ring went flying off his hand, plinked twice, and fell into the gutter.

“This would be much easier at night,” I said. I decided to leave the ring there, and we continued on our way. I examined the map as we walked. It was in English, and it showed the how downtown area along with transit instructions to outer neighborhoods. As I suspected, we were walking in the correct direction. We were headed toward a different neighborhood outside of Old Havana called Miramar.

“I don’t see why we have to dodge people,” Donut grumbled as we walked. There was a highway that traced the northern coast. We were going to get there and skirt the highway east toward the other stairwell. It looked like there was a sidewalk. If there was, this trip wouldn’t be as bad as I originally thought. “The clothes don’t hurt us when they hit us. As long as we’re not hit by a car, I don’t see what the problem is.”

“I’m worried about chain reactions,” I said, pausing to watch an honest-to-goodness, 1920’s Model T Ford rumble by. “Remember the Iron Tangle? Crashing one little train screwed everything up.”

“Yes, Carl, but that was different. These people aren’t really here. Just their clothes. I say we throw a big rock in the road and get it all over with. We wait for a car to crash into it, which will cause all the other cars to crash, and in a little bit, the road will be free because they’ll all be crashed at that one spot. It’ll just be weird, glowing ghosts floating around the place. And once they move through the crash, they won’t have anything on themselves to hurt us. You still have the royal chariot in your inventory. We’d have an empty road!”

“We’d end up paste if we tried to use the chariot. Do you see those buses? They’re everywhere. A roadblock won’t get everything right away.”

Donut sighed dramatically. “All this walking is very bad for my fur.”

She was sitting on my shoulder and had been since we left the saferoom.

She continued. “I do like it here, though. It’s very pretty, and I like the smell of all the street food vendors. I didn’t know there’d be so many people selling things. Or so many tourists. I thought the country was closed off.”

“This place is a huge tourist destination,” I said. “Or it was. It was hard to get here directly from the US, but people from all over used to come here all the time. Supposedly the beaches are great.”

“Well, I thought this was a communist country and such things as street vendors and beaches weren’t allowed. I thought there’d be tanks on every corner and men in olive uniforms shooting guns into the sky and parades where everyone is smoking cigars while children wait in line for a single piece of bread. And what about those boat people going to Florida? I feel as if the A-Team lied to me.”

“We’re not going to be talking about politics,” I said. “That’s not why we’re here. Nothing ever good comes from talking politics, especially when neither of us know what the hell we’re talking about it.”

Donut scoffed. “Carl, have you been sniffing glue? You are boxers deep in politics! We are sponsors now, and as the former number one crawler, it’s my duty to...”

She suddenly hissed and poofed out. A pack of three or four street dogs strolled by and ran into the street, crossing it, moving toward a street vendor selling fried egg sandwiches of all things. The dogs were part of the illusion.

“Anyway,” I said, changing the subject, “I think you might be right about blocking the road. But if we do it, we need to be really careful about the location. One little crash will cause every car that moves through there to start piling up, and soon it’ll be like that pit of trains. It’ll have a cascade effect, and the crash site will get bigger and bigger.”

“It’s going to happen whether you like it or not. Especially with Samantha out there. Carl, look!” Donut said, pointing.

A man floated by on the road, wearing only sunglasses. He came from the north, the direction we were walking. Only his head and his arms looked fully corporeal. The man just floated down the road. He’d been riding a scooter, but something had happened to it. He’d lost the scooter and all of his clothes. Whatever it was, it had occurred off the main roadway.

“Well, shit,” I said, watching him go. I wondered if Samantha caused it.

Carl: You doing okay, Samantha?

Samantha: NOBODY IS TALKING TO ME, CARL. I DON’T LIKE BEING IGNORED. IT HURTS MY FEELINGS. I AM VERY SENSITIVE.

I grumbled under my breath.

Carl: Again, Samantha. The people aren’t really here. It’s an illusion. We’re inside of a dream, and they do not see you. And why aren’t you flying?

Samantha: I AM GOING TO KILL THEM. AND IT TAKES A LONG TIME FOR MY MAGIC TO BUILD UP. I HAD A LOT OF MAGIC WHEN WE WERE FIGHTING ON THAT LAST FLOOR, BUT I DON’T HAVE MUCH NOW. WAIT, I SEE A RAT MONSTER! IT’S WEARING A HAT.

Donut: WHAT KIND OF HAT?

Samantha: OH, YOU WOULD LOVE IT. IT’S VERY BIG. WELL, IT’S SMALL. IT’S A NORMAL SIZED RAT, BUT THE HAT IS BIG FOR HIM. MUCH TOO BIG FOR ITS LITTLE HEAD. HE’S VERY CUTE. OH NO, HE’S RUNNING AWAY! HE’S REALLY FAST!

I sighed and opened a new chat window.

Carl: Hey, Katia, Imani. Are you guys seeing any chain reactions yet?

Imani: We’re in a rural area, but I-5 is nearby, and only a handful of actual cars have gone by from the south toward Portland. Lots of floating heads and arms. I think something is blocking the freeway down there. Cars are still coming from the north.

Elle: It’s really weird. I just saw a goddamned bigfoot cross the road. He almost got splattered. The thing was wearing Bermuda shorts.

Donut: WHAT ARE BERMUDA SHORTS? THAT SOUNDS LIKE AN OLD PERSON THING.

Elle: Well, it ain’t a sasquatch thing, that’s for sure.

Katia: It’s the same here. The moment we walked out of the saferoom, I saw a Ykur. It’s a type of horse, and it’s supposed to be gray. It was pink for some reason. It did get splattered by a car, and now there’s a growing pile of car crashes. Everything is icy, which doesn’t help. The cars are already blocking the front entrance to our safe area. We’re closing off the area around it so it doesn’t get worse, and then we gotta clear it away. Louis and Britney are trapped inside for now.

Imani: I’m seeing a lot of chatter about this sort of stuff everywhere. I don’t know if they thought this through or if this is exactly what they wanted to happen.

Elle: I think we should make roadblocks away from the saferooms so it doesn’t happen close to the stairwell.

Donut: THAT’S WHAT I’VE BEEN TELLING CARL, BUT HE’S BEING GRUMPY ABOUT IT.

Carl: Make sure it’s really far from the stairwells if you can. Those piles of cars are going to get pretty big and long. Longer than you think. I think in few hours all the roadways are going to be just stopped.

A man walked out of a doorway, surprising me. He walked right through me, and his clothes went flying. Donut sputtered from my shoulder and spit out an ear bud. The man continued on his way, nothing but a floating head and arms with a wavy, translucent outline for the rest of him. I left the clothes on the sidewalk.

“Shit,” I said again, watching the man go. “You’re right. This is impossible.”

To accentuate the point, a loud crash echoed from somewhere deep in the city. Followed by another crash, then another. I cursed.

Samantha: THAT WASN’T MY FAULT.

Everything was already out of whack.

“Come on, Donut,” I said, starting to jog along the sidewalk. “Let’s get to that other stairwell.” I still avoided people, but not as carefully. Clothes and cellphones went flying the moment I brushed past someone. I kicked a baby stroller, and it spun sideways. As we ran, another crash echoed, this time from a different direction. Smoke filled the air as something burned.

~

It didn’t take long to come across our first mob. We reached the northern coast of the island, and sure enough there was a wide, multi-lane highway here that ran east-west. We hit the concrete sidewalk and started to jog west. I didn’t dare use the royal chariot, but I contemplated snagging a bicycle or one of the hundreds of scooters zipping around.

Donut remained on my shoulder as I ran, wind whipping by my face. She made comment after comment on the colorful architecture and clothing and vehicles, plus she was constantly hissing and complaining about the multiple street dogs who skulked around every corner.

The ocean spread out on our right, the blue waves crashing calmly against the beach. The air smelled wrong here. Like Donut said, it wasn’t unpleasant, but it was like they got the ocean scent just a little off. Apartments and other buildings of all sizes and conditions dotted the city to our left, punctuated by an occasional palm tree-filled park. Along the highway, cars still came from the west, but the eastern lanes were mostly stopped. Like with Imani and Elle’s area, it was just groups of people floating on the road, which was really weird.

Samantha was also giving random updates. The further away she moved, the bigger the monsters. Her description skills weren’t very great. The last thing she described was a just a crying lady with a basket, throwing eggs at her.

I was commenting on the strangeness of it all when Donut hissed at me to stop. A red dot appeared on the map, appearing atop a hill in a park adjacent to the road. It screamed, loud and high-pitched. There were no words, but the sound was very human-like. I turned in time to see the creature galloping toward us. It started barking.

Only the barks weren’t... barks. It was like a person was imitating the bark of dog.

“What the hell, man,” I muttered as I formed a fist.

Combat Started.

The message came out of nowhere and was in a voice I’d never heard before. What was that?

The brown and white, four-legged creature was about the size and shape of an extra-large wolf, but its long, straight, forward legs did not bend at the knees, and it loped toward us with an odd, splayed gait, bouncing wildly up and down.

But the strangest part of the creature was the head. It was that of a human, but maybe one and half times the size of a regular person, making it comically large on the strange monster. It was an angry-looking, bearded guy wearing a red beret. The beret glowed, indicating it was magical.

The head on the thing looked suspiciously like Che Guevara.

He continued to bark furiously at us as he charged. It literally sounded like a dude using a megaphone to make barking noises.

“Carl, Carl, what in god’s name is that?” Donut cried as she pumped a magic missile at the creature. “It’s like the dog from that alien movie with President Snow in it!” The missile hit the mob, who howled in outrage. Its health went down about ten percent. She followed it up with a fireball, which slammed into the monster, throwing it onto its back. It caught on fire and started squealing in pain.

I examined the pitiful creature.

The Experience – Level 55

One of the most feared creatures from pre-Colombian Taino folklore, the Experience is said to be the guardian of the world of the dead. Who knows why dead people need to be guarded because, well, they’re dead already. You humans have a lot of weird traditions that make no sense whatsoever. Anyway, this vicious and powerful monstrosity rarely shows itself in the world of the living, but when it does, you best watch out. It’s strong, magical, and quite feisty.

“This is something from their mythology? Really?” Donut asked. “Why is it called that? It sounds like a rejected character from either the Jersey Shore or one of those jerks from the Skull Empire.”

“Uh,” I said, watching the creature pull itself up. It was still on fire. “I think maybe they took something from local legend and Saturday morning cartooned it.”

“I don’t know what that means, Carl, but it sounds offensive.” She shot another magic missile, knocking it back. Its health was down a little more than half. It started to turn in circles, trying to get the fire on its own ass out. It whimpered and howled. It paused to look in our direction and suddenly started scream-insulting us in Spanish.

“You better hit it with your new Mute spell before we figure out his magical ability,” I said.

She cast, and the yellow bolt shot out, moving painfully slow. The creature whimpered and tried to move out of the way, but the yellow blob curved in the air and slapped itself onto the creature. A one-minute timer appeared over it along with a little speaker with a cross through it icon, indicating it couldn’t cast spells.

The monster continued to spin in circles, whimpering

“Do you remember the show we had to go on?” I asked. “The voiceover one. Earth Beautiful?”

“Where I introduced the universe to the truth about cocker spaniels?” Donut asked. “Of course I remember it.” She suddenly gasped and then cast a new spell. A new debuff appeared over the creature. The icon for this one was a head with little wavy lines over it.

The monster howled and then started viciously biting at its own leg. Donut laughed. “Carl, Carl, it works! Look! That’s my Why are you Hitting Yourself? spell!”

I grunted. The monster’s health started to go down faster and faster. It simultaneously rumbled and cried as it savagely bit at itself. Its rump continued to smolder.

“We’ll have to see what else is out there, but I think their interpretation of ‘legendary creatures’ might be a little off. Just like on that Earth Beautiful show. The producer guy for that show told me they got all their info off an incomplete copy of the internet. Their research was a mix of real facts and made-up bullshit. Like they did five minutes of research and filled in the blanks. I think this is the same thing.”

The monster collapsed onto its side. The beret on its head plopped off. The monster was scorched and bleeding. Christ, I thought. Donut did that, and she barely had to lift a paw.

Donut scoffed. “How is it they have a perfect recording of all the people and cars and the things they’re carrying and how they moved around, but they don’t have accurate facts about mythology? The posse members aren’t going to like things to be inaccurate.”

“In this case, it’s working in our favor. There are some pretty messed up myths and legends,” I said.

“Do you think we should stick it with one of the flags?” Donut asked. “We don’t have to keep him, but we have twenty of the flag things, and we should see how they work. But if we do add him to the squad, I’m going to have to insist he shaves. And I get to keep his hat.”

“Too late,” I said as the monster groaned and died.

Combat Complete. Deck has been reset.

“Dibs on the hat!” Donut called as she bounded up the park.

~

Donut looted the monster, which stank like dead, wet dog. She also took the red beret, and she gasped when she read the stats.

While she went through everything, I took in our surroundings. We were in a small park that overlooked the ocean. An old, stone trench cut through the grass. A historical marker sat at the far end. My eyes caught movement in the distant water. Something appeared above the surface and then disappeared again. It was gone as quickly as it came. It was a sea serpent of some kind. How far did they say the area extended into the ocean? I couldn’t remember, but it was few kilometers at least. Then I noticed a few additional red dots along the shoreline. These were something smaller. One slid into the water and disappeared. Seals. We’d have to be careful.

I was also starting to catch up on the group chats that were coming in, getting a handle of this new combat system. So far, it seemed like nothing had changed other than the weird notifications. Nobody knew anything solid yet.

“Carl, look, there’s a card thing,” Donut said. “It was in its inventory. I thought we only got cards when we stuck the monsters with flags.”

“Let’s see it,” I said.

I held out my hand, and the item appeared. It was a large, rectangular card, just about the size of a postcard. It was rigid, like it was made of metal and was decorated with the now-familiar logo of the Syndicate government. The 3D image moved and undulated on its own.

The other side was nothing but a red, stylized plus symbol floating in a field of stars.

T’Ghee Card. Very Rare.

Utility Card.

Combo.

Consumable.

You ever mix two completely incompatible foods together to see how they taste? Sometimes it’s great. Like chicken and waffles! Sometimes it’s... a bad idea.

Like tuna and haggis.

Temporarily combines two monster cards into a single creature. Summoning length is equal to the shorter of the two summoning phases. Post summoning, both monsters are tagged out for the remainder of combat, even if they still have health.

Warning: This is a consumable card. It will be destroyed upon use.

“I wonder how rare these things really are,” I asked, turning the card over. I wouldn’t know how valuable this thing really was until we added some monsters to the squad.

I tried to stick the card into my inventory when I received an error.

Warning: Cards may only be held by the Squad Leader.

“That’s just great,” I muttered.

“So, what do you think?” Donut asked. The red beret appeared on her head. I hadn’t had the chance to examine it yet. “Does it look good? I do prefer my white tiara, but I’m thinking maybe I should embrace the revolutionary look just when we’re...” She paused, turning her head. “There are crawlers here. Over there.”

I turned to see the three crawlers walking toward us from the direction we’d been headed.

“Carl, Carl. Do you see that?” Donut asked, jumping back to my shoulder. She hissed as the three crawlers continued to approach. One of them lifted a hand in greeting.

I grinned and held up my hand to wave. I tried not to laugh. They were still far off, but I didn’t recognize any of them. Two were guys. The third was a woman. The men were both human.

The woman was a cat girl.

Donut hiss-whispered in my ear. “That is the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen in my life, Carl. It’s an abomination. It’s worse than that dog-headed cheater lady.”

I laughed. “It’s like we used that utility card on you and Katia.”

“Don’t even joke about that, Carl.”