-mudd face-

That night I had a vision of 'an' face.

I saw it sleep right on the moon.

I saw it dance within the stars.

I saw it drink the

Milky Way.

~

A celestial burst.

There seems to be many misconceptions, misconceptions , that are indefinitely true.

I can't love the way existence seems to exist.

I can't love, love the way I loved.

I can't see, see the way I saw.

There's a hole, in the epitome of the things

that I once looked at.

felt.

remember.

There seems to be a cold weather all year around inside of me.

-

That night,

I swayed like a baby in the Milky Way of the sea hidden in the skies. Like the 7 senses that are encrypted inside of human touch, I was widowed to each one that snowed in the heavens. Soft reminisce feathered coughs, thick gold whips of oxygen, I felt everything, and if not everything - all that was given.

Except for my beating heart.

Faces.

I could see the many faces that played inside of those white clouds. Some were friendly, while others were mean, they wanted to quarantine me...I could tell even the friendly ones didn't want me there. Maybe it was the way I looked at them, or maybe the way my eyes met theirs. Either way, I looked. And, looked. And, looked. And, look.

Pink, yellow, blue, green, purple... were the different colors that quilted those faces mm. There was a red one, it out stood all the others. With its long tentacles, and plentiful hair washed up with a slippery smile. It was truly magnificent.

Faces

opped out, popped in, opped out. It was an illusion, a mirror watching a mirror. Colorful water based heads painting the sky like lanterns. Oh, if only the sun could see such sinister operas being orchestrated for the stars...and me.

Maybe I should clap? Or dance? Maybe even paint?

No.

I just needed to watch.

I can could see the shimmered stars fall frozen from the sky like rain. As they fell like the glaciers they were, they erupted my face, a million, trillion, little stars bedazzling my visage. Evolutional. My visage was a face of pure glow, illuminating latitudes of space. I was a ball of light. The cold touch of stars, melting warmly.

It was evident.

A momental anthem,

sung,

praised.

Oh, hail all.

Faces

Gathered together like a ainga, a cult, a worship. Sprung around to me, a collateral field.

Oh, the heat that they brought was terrifying.

Ugly.

I couldn't be mad at their ugliness, their art, for it was theirs. And for me, I just happened to be apart of it. I couldn't help but to shy, I shy, they shine. Oh, what beautiful wonders the world was equipped by. This moment, was surely a moment, a moment that felt like forever and ever and ever.

Faces

The dramatic pauses that circled me of the many faces, mimes. Each face I had turned to, had a dissimilar rhythmic tune that possessed it. Sad, happy, joy, it was all there...like a flash of lightning. I turn, they flash, they flash, I turn. But, these cards of emotions they displayed never had a color code. Green was sad, and blue was not. Red was cold, and purple was hot.

They were unbelievably dysfunctional, unpredictable.

Oh, and how the faces grew, they grew, and grew like a garden. They grew so much I was afraid they might

And, they did. Just like this...Pop. There was no sound, or maybe there was, I can't recall. But, my ears rang, and rang, and ranged. They ranged so much they popped along.

Now, in that space behold only me and the 'head', it had me wrapped inside its tentacles like a newborn bird. I looked up to see it, still blurred of vision, I could only feel it. How did it feel? How did its heart feel? Seeing its family perish so suddenly but, so beautiful. The pops that were rapid came from the arrows down below, that pierced the many 'faces' skulls.

"We got em", screamed the villagers.

And, like that, a tear ran down my forehead, onto my lips, onto the ground, onto the villagers down below.

And they called it rain.

And I called it pain.

The hold 'head' had me by only tightened worse. I didn't make any noise, I didn't move, nor flinch. But, like a bucket, collected all the tears that washed upon my forehead, onto my lips, onto my hands, and never onto the ground. Those villagers down below didn't deserve such rain, they didn't deserve such luxurious water. I wanted to keep it for myself.

Me and head flew deeper and higher into those white clouds, I could feel my lungs and head strength lose it all.

With every pondering turn and swing I felt safe. Maybe it was because, I was afar or maybe it was the way I could feel. Silence in this moment was a present, a gift that we adorned. It was too silent, I thought the 'head' had probably died too. And, if it did die, would it be so bad? I would of thought of it as a blessing. Having a calm death so close to the gates of heaven, it wouldn't be so bad. I don't know. Do any of us really know?

I am only 7, and my brain is already at the brink of lifeless death.

Aged.

I think too much, and feel too less. If only I could have my brain annihilated, would I be emptied enough to leave room to feel? My phantom brain takes up 99 percent of my entirety, of my solar core, it seems to be the beating heart to my downfall. It is the plant that was never watered but, has tried so hard to survive off 'a' light, any light.

I am only 7,

why do I already feel like my life

has already ended, before it has

begun?

The deeper we got into those solitude clouds, the more the space around us became transparent and nuclear. And, the more we got farther away from the moon, the closer we got to the sun, to the light. Merry, merry light. The light opened its mouth like a door, and throughout the entrance like a carpet of endless colors rolled out, some would say almost like a rainbow, with birds, doves, smells, trees, clovers colored in hydrangeas and imaginations. It was a whole world. Chirp, chirp, chirp.

That was the only sound. Chirp. And, like the kid I was I mimicked what have been heard.

"Chirp, chirp". Chirp, Chirp.

I loved this game.

"Chirp, Chirp, Chirp."

That was the last chirp, at-last for the night. Confusion rode my nous, but it was for the better. That light, world, expanded quick and the smells grew more potent, and the colors drowned into air like figment. The birds turned into bright orange fishes with beaks, and the doves morphed into dolphins with multiple human heads. The insanity was gruesome, I gasped. Reaching out to the querying scene, with bulging eyes, and drooled filled lips, leaving the touch of the head. I fell through those clouds.

One by one. Hitting each cloud that flavors the sky. Softly.

As I looked up to the head,

that was now faraway shadowed into the clouds..it didn't seem to move. I was proud. It just looked at me with those twinkling eyes, only we knew. It twinkled at me, I twinkled right back. We both knew we liked this game. And, we'd forever like it. But, as my back grew closer to planet earth I couldn't help but to wonder..where would it go now? We could of had this suicide together. It didn't deserve the loneliness that was prepared for it. If my eyes could talk, unlike my lips I would say, " fall too". But, they couldn't, and they didn't. Dragging 'head' to death with me, would make me like the villagers, and I didn't want that. Maybe I was too selfish. Maybe I didn't care enough.

It's okay.

Those twinkling eyes, were okay.

My twinkling eyes, weren't.

But, it's okay.

I didn't want to go back to planet earth, I wanted to discover space, and live in it like the alien inside of me. I was alienated on planet earth, but in space I felt little bit more normal.

Whoosh

Whoosh

Was the sounds my back made striking the clouds.

Whoosh-

Boom

Was the sound my body made when it hit the floor.

Buried

Feet down below the earth, laid my body on top of P'Lamai's. Closed eyes, closed consciousness, but heavy breaths, it all seemed to torture me. With the soil, and bones that bridled me in that grave was beautiful . And, with the rain that washed over us, was even more beautiful. My mudded.

I was mudd face.