《Retribution Engine》114 - Honest Ping's
Advertisement
Two left in line.
An Ikesian woman in an archaic dress and a Grekurian man balancing on stilt-like metal feet, attached at the knees. He wore nothing of note, save a pair of old military boots.
Old and young.
The former exuded more life than the latter.
Then, just the crippled soldier was left.
A half-minute and a brief exchange later, the soldier left the stall with a reinvigorated stride, a wry smile upon his scarred visage as he bit pieces from a fried turnover shaped to resemble a rat.
Zel stepped past the short curtain, forced to bow her head just to pass. The diminutive peddler looked up at her with only slightly exaggerated awe, oohing and aahing as he intentionally showed off his cartoonishly oversized buck front teeth. His skin was slightly yellow, his facial features slightly childish, his eyes slanted and narrow, but none of it was quite Pateirian. He wore a cone-shaped hat, its front plastered with “HONEST PING” in big brush strokes.
The food cart itself held a great deal of mocking Pateirian-themed memorabilia, chief among them a caricature of the Divine Emperor rendered in meticulous portraiture and very literally enshrined right behind where the peddler stood, in plain sight. Right next to it was a blackboard with a menu listing various “traditional” dishes, from the so-called “three-squeaks delicacy” to “skinned dog”, “vivisected rabbit”, “cat fried in a bag”, and so on, with prices in gelt - ones that included decimal spaces, as if gelt had smaller denominations. Did gelt have smaller denominations? Yet another thing to look into later.
Free space on the board was filled with proclamations of how the suffering of an animal before consumption improved the taste and health benefits many times over, and how boiling dogs alive was emperor-approved.
Not a single animal or butchering implement could be seen anywhere in the impressively compacted kitchen. Just a vat of boiling oil, a great deal of dough, and several animal-themed turnover molds.
Advertisement
“Uh- H-herro? You wan orda, yes?” leaned in the peddler, a Kargarian accent shining through his caricatured performance for a moment.
“Three cats, a rat, and a grasshopper,” she said. Ping sprang into motion like a man possessed, going through a gamut of motions in mere seconds, revealing that the lidded containers by his left held the fillings. Cats were filled with off-colour ground meat, while rats were filled with cheese, and grasshoppers with some green vegetable filling.
He noticed her looking as he filled the second cat, reassuring her without so much as a trace of his cartoonish accent that, “It’s just spiced chicken, no worries.”
She couldn’t stop herself from asking, “You do this schtick everywhere you go?”
Ping’s eyes darted around for people in the line, his hands not slowing down a bit, and only once he saw that there was nobody behind Zelsys he responded.
“Pretty much, yeah,” he said, the Kargarian accent in his voice fully taking over.. “It’s rare that the caravan goes to a place where they like mainlanders. Worst I’ve had in recent months was a couple hundred miles northwards, some town that had gotten occupied too recently for me to know. Dropped the accent before the third day ‘cause the customers kept bringing up how it wasn’t safe to mock the empire like that.”
He fished the cat turnovers out of the oil with steel tongs while he talked, putting in the rest. Grinning, he clicked the tongs, and a killing intent flickered behind his eyes, “As if I couldn’t defend myself. Eight and a half gelt for the lot.”
“Take it you’re not from the empire yourself, then,” Zel continued as she fished up a silver and some coppers from her pocket.
Ping took a copper, snapped it between his fingers, and flicked her a perfect half, pulling the rat and grasshopper out of the oil and deftly wrapping each individual turnover in some paper tissue and wax paper. He kept on talking while he did this, steadily slipping into that accent again as he did, probably due to the person that Zel felt standing behind herself: “Not from the empire, no. From offshore isrand, rast bastion of honorabru ord kingdom.”
Advertisement
Finally, he stacked up the turnovers and handed them over with a smile. Then, as if nothing had happened, the caricature character of Ping returned in full force when he nodded her goodbye and did his song and dance for the next customer.
“Meat, greens, or cheese?” she asked. Sig turned from a shelf to look, glancing over the bundle of turnovers in her arms.
“Cat,” he chose, reaching out a hand, and she obliged. “Makhus is out back.”
So she went, presenting the same choice to the swordsman. Sweating and struggling for breath after having damn near cut a large rock in half, he chose greens, raising an eyebrow when she handed him the grasshopper. Nevertheless, he took a bite, offhandedly asking, “Where’d you get these?”
“I could ask you the same thing,” she chuckled, kicking the boulder. “There’s a food cart across the street. Red wood, shingled roof.”
Then, it was back inside. She just laid out all three remaining turnovers on the kitchen table and sat down, taking a cat for herself and kicking her feet up on the table while she waited for Zef.
It smelled outstanding, the meatiness and spices of the filling seeping through and mixing with the scent of the dough. Biting into the cat’s head, the browned outer shell cracked under her teeth and gave way to a soft, airy body of slightly sweet leavened dough. Yet further under that was the ground meat filling, the flavours of garlic, paprika, black pepper, and several other, unrecognizable spices complimenting the chicken.
Between the savoriness, the spices, the mild heat, and the generous amount of salt, Zel almost regretted not trying to pry the recipe out of that peddler.
Another bite, and another, and another.
The cat was headless by the time Zef finally came into the kitchen, wearing that familiar white sundress, sans bloodstain, sandals on her feet and round-framed glasses with dark-green lenses over her eyes. Zel recalled that there were several pairs of these in the hoard, but just how many?
Advertisement
- In Serial80 Chapters
Rise of the Realm (Dungeon Core)
Dungeons are probably amongst the strangest creatures in the world, creating vast labyrinths and wonders to explore. This is the story of one such dungeon as he makes his first shaky steps into the world, and all of the horror and majesty he will bring into the world. (This is my first fiction and I would appreciate any constructive criticism) Note: Litrpg elements start around chapter nine, and the story is a little slow at first. (copyright 2021) Release Schedule: weekly on Fridays
8 113 - In Serial12 Chapters
Kingdom of the Dead
Follow the apocalyptic story of Daniel Karstein, Lord Protector of the Kingdom of the Dead. A story of survival, epic fights against unfair odds and the rise of a kingdom! The story will contain: kingdom building, minor xianxia content,drama and of course: zombies.
8 185 - In Serial9 Chapters
Elm's Horizon
""""Love can sometimes be magic. But magic can sometimes... just be an illusion."Extend your hands, chase your dreams. Protect those you love and those who love you.This is a story of a boy named Evans in a virtual world known as Reach Your Horizon. (R.Y.H)
8 131 - In Serial54 Chapters
Havens home for boys [bxbxb+]
[SEXUAL, MATURE CONTENT BXB]"Open..." Adorjan drawed out slowly. Before shoving his fingers down my throat. I watch him with wide eyes, batting my eyelashes. He lets out a low groan as I feel Vance dragging his hands down my stomach. He kisses after his finger tips, leaving a tingling sensation flooding my lower region. The twins are on the other side of the bed in their own world of pleasure. Vance slowly slides his member inside me as Adorjan starts abusing my mouth. ~~~All Kalons life he was shunned away, forced into hiding, he was looked down upon by his own parents, they were ashamed of him. That was till they were gone...Years later, his last accident this...was his last and final chance. Havens home for boys...a boarding school tucked away in the dark streets of London, hiding incubus', demons, angels...Where each boy is different, with their own curse, power and differences. He finally feels safe.Till he realizes who's place he took...Ps this will be poly/group relationship, open relationships, and all Bxb, MxB and bxbxb+Please read tags before reading!!
8 227 - In Serial22 Chapters
Magicat
Our main character (a cat) adventures with his friends and encounters many situations.Author's Note:Hello. This is my first story. Though I hesitate to call it such. It is supposed to be relatively relaxed for the most part. Any constructive criticism is welcome. My updates will be slower than a snail and my chapters are relatively short so deal with it please and don't murder me. Romance should come in later. Thank you~
8 76 - In Serial35 Chapters
F.T.Willz poems (prolly frank iero no one knows)
i've scoured the internet for these lol
8 304

