《Retribution Engine》114 - Honest Ping's
Advertisement
Two left in line.
An Ikesian woman in an archaic dress and a Grekurian man balancing on stilt-like metal feet, attached at the knees. He wore nothing of note, save a pair of old military boots.
Old and young.
The former exuded more life than the latter.
Then, just the crippled soldier was left.
A half-minute and a brief exchange later, the soldier left the stall with a reinvigorated stride, a wry smile upon his scarred visage as he bit pieces from a fried turnover shaped to resemble a rat.
Zel stepped past the short curtain, forced to bow her head just to pass. The diminutive peddler looked up at her with only slightly exaggerated awe, oohing and aahing as he intentionally showed off his cartoonishly oversized buck front teeth. His skin was slightly yellow, his facial features slightly childish, his eyes slanted and narrow, but none of it was quite Pateirian. He wore a cone-shaped hat, its front plastered with “HONEST PING” in big brush strokes.
The food cart itself held a great deal of mocking Pateirian-themed memorabilia, chief among them a caricature of the Divine Emperor rendered in meticulous portraiture and very literally enshrined right behind where the peddler stood, in plain sight. Right next to it was a blackboard with a menu listing various “traditional” dishes, from the so-called “three-squeaks delicacy” to “skinned dog”, “vivisected rabbit”, “cat fried in a bag”, and so on, with prices in gelt - ones that included decimal spaces, as if gelt had smaller denominations. Did gelt have smaller denominations? Yet another thing to look into later.
Free space on the board was filled with proclamations of how the suffering of an animal before consumption improved the taste and health benefits many times over, and how boiling dogs alive was emperor-approved.
Not a single animal or butchering implement could be seen anywhere in the impressively compacted kitchen. Just a vat of boiling oil, a great deal of dough, and several animal-themed turnover molds.
Advertisement
“Uh- H-herro? You wan orda, yes?” leaned in the peddler, a Kargarian accent shining through his caricatured performance for a moment.
“Three cats, a rat, and a grasshopper,” she said. Ping sprang into motion like a man possessed, going through a gamut of motions in mere seconds, revealing that the lidded containers by his left held the fillings. Cats were filled with off-colour ground meat, while rats were filled with cheese, and grasshoppers with some green vegetable filling.
He noticed her looking as he filled the second cat, reassuring her without so much as a trace of his cartoonish accent that, “It’s just spiced chicken, no worries.”
She couldn’t stop herself from asking, “You do this schtick everywhere you go?”
Ping’s eyes darted around for people in the line, his hands not slowing down a bit, and only once he saw that there was nobody behind Zelsys he responded.
“Pretty much, yeah,” he said, the Kargarian accent in his voice fully taking over.. “It’s rare that the caravan goes to a place where they like mainlanders. Worst I’ve had in recent months was a couple hundred miles northwards, some town that had gotten occupied too recently for me to know. Dropped the accent before the third day ‘cause the customers kept bringing up how it wasn’t safe to mock the empire like that.”
He fished the cat turnovers out of the oil with steel tongs while he talked, putting in the rest. Grinning, he clicked the tongs, and a killing intent flickered behind his eyes, “As if I couldn’t defend myself. Eight and a half gelt for the lot.”
“Take it you’re not from the empire yourself, then,” Zel continued as she fished up a silver and some coppers from her pocket.
Ping took a copper, snapped it between his fingers, and flicked her a perfect half, pulling the rat and grasshopper out of the oil and deftly wrapping each individual turnover in some paper tissue and wax paper. He kept on talking while he did this, steadily slipping into that accent again as he did, probably due to the person that Zel felt standing behind herself: “Not from the empire, no. From offshore isrand, rast bastion of honorabru ord kingdom.”
Advertisement
Finally, he stacked up the turnovers and handed them over with a smile. Then, as if nothing had happened, the caricature character of Ping returned in full force when he nodded her goodbye and did his song and dance for the next customer.
“Meat, greens, or cheese?” she asked. Sig turned from a shelf to look, glancing over the bundle of turnovers in her arms.
“Cat,” he chose, reaching out a hand, and she obliged. “Makhus is out back.”
So she went, presenting the same choice to the swordsman. Sweating and struggling for breath after having damn near cut a large rock in half, he chose greens, raising an eyebrow when she handed him the grasshopper. Nevertheless, he took a bite, offhandedly asking, “Where’d you get these?”
“I could ask you the same thing,” she chuckled, kicking the boulder. “There’s a food cart across the street. Red wood, shingled roof.”
Then, it was back inside. She just laid out all three remaining turnovers on the kitchen table and sat down, taking a cat for herself and kicking her feet up on the table while she waited for Zef.
It smelled outstanding, the meatiness and spices of the filling seeping through and mixing with the scent of the dough. Biting into the cat’s head, the browned outer shell cracked under her teeth and gave way to a soft, airy body of slightly sweet leavened dough. Yet further under that was the ground meat filling, the flavours of garlic, paprika, black pepper, and several other, unrecognizable spices complimenting the chicken.
Between the savoriness, the spices, the mild heat, and the generous amount of salt, Zel almost regretted not trying to pry the recipe out of that peddler.
Another bite, and another, and another.
The cat was headless by the time Zef finally came into the kitchen, wearing that familiar white sundress, sans bloodstain, sandals on her feet and round-framed glasses with dark-green lenses over her eyes. Zel recalled that there were several pairs of these in the hoard, but just how many?
Advertisement
- In Serial181 Chapters
My Girlfriend From Turquoise Pond Requests My Help After My Millennium Seclusion
Gods and demons are everywhere in the Grand Desolate World.
8 356 - In Serial103 Chapters
The Life of Tim
In a world of magic and heroes, Tim, an ordinary law abiding citizen, experiences absolutely nothing bad. Life is just hunky-dory for him. His life definitely does not get ruined by any heroes not doing their jobs, and he totally does not commit several war crimes in the course of getting his life back on track. You cannot prove anything. Nothing out of the ordinary here! Very wholesome, 10/10 experience. -- A proofreader that is definitely not being held at gunpointUpdates every Monday night. Cover art by Dentatus Discord: https://discord.gg/576xkHb9aB
8 195 - In Serial40 Chapters
Pins or Die!
Neku Sakuraba is your average teenager, he aspires to be the ultimate emo and nothing more. His life radically changes when he's dragged into the troubles of a random girl. Suddenly, Neku finds himself in the middle of a dangerous conflict. He discovers his latent talent to wield magical pins, which become his weapon of choice to defeat his pursuers. Every new enemy is stronger than the previous, and Neku's pins always look crappy in comparison. Will Neku defeat the vastly superior enemies? Can he ascend the ladder to become the strongest pin user in the world!? Note: Other than borrowed sprites, character names and pins - there's no real connection between this story and The World Ends With You. You neither need to play the game first, nor will this story spoil the game.
8 518 - In Serial6 Chapters
Teddy Bear
As it would stand, the truth of the matter was that aliens had visited Earth before. Roswell was neither a hoax nor unique. It was simply a consequence of a world growing smaller as communication systems became more and more advanced, partly a result of said visitations. For the most part, past interactions between one of the planet Earth's more intelligent species of lifeform and the alien visitors were along the lines of obscure scientific surveys and tests disturbingly similar to attempts by some human scientists to estimate the intelligence of simians.For any species capable of travelling the stars. Visiting planet Earth made about as much sense as backpacking through the Ural Mountains of Siberia with nothing but a flint and a compass. That is to say, most people would prefer to stay close to someplace within walking distance of a mall or a population density slightly higher than four sapient beings per parsec. Still, statistically speaking, there are bound to be some weirdos who find joy rides though a nowhere solar system fun. Just buzzing a frantic farmer or two and playing chicken with an F-16 for the heck of it. Maybe even bring home a bovine to show off to the guys at the office.
8 129 - In Serial12 Chapters
Reincarnation of The Butcher Alchemist
In a High grade World where the strong killed the weak as they please. Fu was only a common Butcher, but one day he met an injured Alchemist that he saved. After 200 years, from when he became the Alchemists student to now, where he was known as the infamous Butcher Alchemist Fu that stood at the peak of this World has unexpectedly died while fighting a dragon in an Ancient Ruin over a book. After that. He woke up in a different body, in a Low grade World, with a dragon corpse and the book he died for. Will he surpass his past life or will he die along the journey?
8 76 - In Serial21 Chapters
19 | minsung
[COMPLETE] jisung writes up to 19 poems about his crush, lee minho. he never reaches 20.
8 125

