For the next few days, we thoroughly enjoy ourselves during this little vacation of ours in Ocean’s Rest to the fullest extent. It’s kind of funny, really. We’ve somehow managed to turn our forced exodus from Midriver into an ocean getaway for the winter. But I guess everything in life boils down to perspective, right?

If there is one thing I am worried about, it’s Derriv. Whenever he’s with someone else, he’s his same old, cheery self and if you didn’t dig any deeper past that, you wouldn’t notice anything wrong with him. But whenever he’s alone, I’d always catch him staring out a window deep in thought.

Just like he’s doing now. As I make my way over to him in his little, secluded corner of the inn’s dining hall, I set a mug of ale down right in front of him, the mug clangs against the table and jostles him from his staring contest with the western horizon. I take a big gulp from my own mug as I take a seat in front of him, asking, “A copper for your thoughts?”

Derriv smiles at me with a surprised expression, still wrapped up in his thoughts, “Hmm? Oh, nothing. I was just enjoying the view from here. It’s a beautiful place and I’ve never seen anything like it before but I’m glad I got the chance to see it in person. How are you doing Isaac? Are you enjoying Ocean’s Rest?”

I smile back at him, amused by his attempt to change the subject before responding, “I’m doing great and the city’s been amazing so far. But you know, I’ve been noticing you’ve been staring blankly out windows anytime we leave you alone. If I’m not mistaken, you should be staring at where Midriver is. Am I right?”

Derriv takes a moment to study my face with a grin on his and chuckles, “Fuck, I haven’t been the most discreet, have I?”

“No you have not. I normally wouldn’t have asked about it, everyone has things they want to mull over sometimes and that’s alright, it’s not my business. But Ilya came up to me this morning upset and told me she saw you staring out the window in your room last night. She seems to now think there’s sea monsters in the waterways outside and you were watching them to make sure they didn’t eat her.”

Derriv has a wide smile on his face as he shakes his head and covers his face with his hands. After a moment, he says, “Damn. I’m not a very good father, am I? Because of me being an idiot, I scared my daughter without realizing.”

“C’mon, don’t say that. Ilya loves you with all her heart. I took her and the other girls to get some honey candy afterwards and she was back to normal in no time.”

Derriv sighs heavily and takes a swig of ale before he stares back out the window again. I just nurse on my mug of ale as he delves into his thoughts. I’m not expecting anything from him and I sure as hell don’t expect him to bare his heart out to me or anything like that. I just think having someone to drink with can help ease your mind sometimes even if you don’t say a word to each other and you only share a drink next to one another.

Imagine my surprise when Derriv actually opens up, “You know, my wife, my uh… late wife, Katherine, was the only glimmer of light I’ve ever had in my dark life. That is, until Ilya was born but I only got a few days to share the happiness I felt back then with her before she passed away. When I deserted, I resigned myself to death and killed all my expectations for the future because I knew what they did with deserters. I didn’t want to get my hopes up. But being able to meet and fall in love with Katherine and then having Ilya right after the darkest period in my life felt like Itia was taking pity on me.”

I don’t say anything in response because I think right now playing the role of a listening ear is more important than anything else. And it looks like I’m right because Derriv keeps speaking despite my silence, “I think you already know some of this, since we talked about it a little back when you and Wraine told us you were deserters, but we didn’t tell you everything back then. It wasn’t only me and Bertrand who left the army back then, Alira deserted with us too.”

I can’t believe my ears. Alira? That Alira? “Alira was in the army with you and Bertrand?”

Derriv is amused by my shock and there’s a huge grin on his face as he says, “Don’t be too surprised yet. There’s a bigger kicker coming your way. But yeah, Alira’s not his real name but it’s not my place to reveal it. We didn’t know each other before we got recruited but you have to make friends in situations like those and the three of us were pretty close with each other back then. You have to. If you don’t have someone you trust watching your back then you won’t last long on the battlefield.”

“Wait, I don’t understand. The war with the Ribier Kingdom started this year. What battlefield did you guys take part in? Who were you fighting?”

“The war we’re in right now officially started again this year but you have to understand, our war with the Ribier Kingdom has never ended from the moment the very first war between our two kingdoms sparked off centuries ago. We’ve been in a perpetual state of war ever since. Even without a sanctioned, overarching war between us, the border between our countries is constantly covered in blood even during the past 20 years when we were supposedly at peace.”

“So you, Bertrand, and Alira were all fighting on the border then?”

“That’s right. But that place was fucking hell on earth. The casualty rate for new recruits was something insane like 30% and we received hundreds of new recruits every month. You can work those numbers and see for yourself what sort of place that was. The three of us had a few years of experience under our belts at that point and we should have been promoted to a rank where they stopped stationing us in the frontline every fight but our general was an evil fucking bastard. Aethelbrande gave him the job because I think they’re related somehow.

“Anyways, a spoiled brat that never had a day of hardship in his life becomes a general and he has a hatred for commoners that runs deep into his bones. You can predict how that turned out. One day after a really bad skirmish, we couldn’t take it anymore and we just left. Made our way to Midriver because we heard rumors of how it had become a city outside of the kingdom’s laws. We spent some time drifting around, searching for something we could do to make a living but in the end, the criminal lifestyle fit us best and the three of us together founded Candle in the Dark.”

Okay, wasn’t expecting that. I guess this is the kicker he was talking about. “Alira helped you and Bertrand establish Candle?”

Derriv chuckles and shakes his head as the smile on his face slowly disappears. “Yup. In the beginning, everything worked out well as we carved out a place for ourselves we could call home using our blood, sweat, and tears. We had an idea of the type of outfit we wanted to create and though it may have been difficult, we had conviction in ourselves and our beliefs. That’s around the time I met Katherine and we fell in love. But that’s also around the same time Alira splintered off from us.

“It was just a difference in what we ultimately wanted in life. I was content with what I already had at the time but Alira wanted more than what we had and he was willing to do anything to get it. He went off to create his own group and quickly became one of the most powerful figures in Midriver while I had to raise Ilya by myself with her mother gone.

“Raising a child is hard. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve had to do in my entire life. That’s why when you were talking about adopting Mary, I was dubious because I didn’t think you fully understood what you were getting yourself into. I’m glad you proved me wrong though.”

Derriv’s eyes are staring absently at his empty mug as he reminisces with a snicker. “Raising her was harder than any of the fights we went through fighting for control of the entertainment district. But I got through it all because the memory of my wife was driving me forward.

“The house Ilya and I lived in back in Midriver was the same house I shared with Katherine. That’s what I’ve been thinking about for the last couple of months. I’ve just been imagining being back in that house. I didn’t expect myself to get this way over a house, but here we are. I can’t get it out of my head and whenever I have some alone time, I’ll find myself looking towards the west without realizing it. Pathetic, right?”

Derriv still has his eyes glued to his empty mug and I think that last bit was more so him talking to himself than asking for what I thought. But I’ll at least try to get him back. “No, it’s not pathetic at all. We all need something that keeps us going.”

Hearing my own words, I’m surprised by how similar this conversation sounds to the one I had with Wraine back in the graveyard. “I’m not sure if I’m the best person to talk about this with because I never really had that for myself. I’ve already talked with you about how I grew up a few times already but I never had anything that I could miss like you do for your home.

“Until I met you and joined Candle, that is. Candle became my home and it also became the first family I’ve ever had. If you and everyone else in Candle disappeared, I’d think I’d be feeling the same things you are right now. So, no, I don’t think it’s pathetic at all.”

There’s a smile on Derriv’s face that’s completely different than all the other smiles he’s shown me today. This is the first time I’ve seen him genuinely happy in the past few weeks that doesn’t look like he’s holding himself back from. He stands up and quickly moves over to me, wrapping me in a giant bear hug before I can even react. The sudden contact with him surprises me and I’m not quite sure how to respond other than to squeeze back.

“You’re a good kid, Isaac. Thank you, really. I think I needed to hear something like that to get myself back on track. I think I’ll be fine now. You really are Candle’s golden boy.”

I’m ignoring that, I’m ignoring that, I’m ignoring that. I completely ignore that last bit and squeeze out, “Alright, glad to have you back.”

At that moment, everyone from Candle enters the mess hall, ready to get themselves some food. Derriv greets some of them before looking back at me and saying, “How about we get ourselves a reindeer for the winter solstice. We’ll offer it as a tribute to the winter father and hopefully he’ll give us his blessing.”

“Wait, what? The winter father? You mean Sinti Boss? He’s real?”

“Of course, not only is he real but he holds a pretty high position in the Winter Fae Court. Pretty sure he’s their seneschal.”

What the fuck is a Winter Fae Court?