Angela’s eyes widened as she took in the male figure that was now standing where Ennàd had been. Rocks sprang from beneath the earth and settled around the god’s body, forming a cloak of stone. Vines immediately began to grow across the stone, feeding their way into the cracks and crevasses before tearing the rock apart, crumbling it into gravel. As the stone cloak fell apart, new pieces of stone filled the openings, prompting more vines to grow over those stones, repeating the process anew.

“Who da hell is that!” Leonard shouted. Then he clutched Angela’s leg hard enough that his claws dug through the fabric. “Oh man, you’ze Shev, isn’t you?”

The black-haired man gave an ornate bow like an old-timey magician. “In the flesh, as it were.”

Leonard scrambled up onto Angela’s shoulder. “Lady, we gotta go. Dis guy is a bad piece a news.”

Shev rolled his eyes. “Not this again.”

The god sat down, a flat rock bursting from the earth just in time to catch him, while a tree simultaneously grew behind it for him to lean against.

“I am not ‘evil,’” he said. “If I were, then Ennàd would be evil, and I think most anyone would agree that’s not the case.”

“Yeah, then what did ya do to her!” the squirrel shouted, jumping down to Angela’s knee and waving his fist at Shev. Angela was quietly impressed with the squirrel’s unwillingness to back down. Apparently, his Brooklyn persona extended past a mere accent.

“I didn’t do anything to her,” Shev insisted.

“How do we know?”

“Because I am her,” he said.

Leonard stopped waving his paws around, clearly not expecting that defence.

Angela jumped in. “Okay, someone has to get me caught up. Who is Shev, why do I need to be afraid of him, and what’s this about Shev also being Ennàd?”

Leonard spun to face Angela. “Shev is da god of everythin’ thats—”

“Oh look, a peanut,” Shev said. A massive peanut suddenly appeared in Leonard’s mouth, cutting off his words. The squirrel tried to keep talking but, instead ended up stumbling around, struggling unsuccessfully to dislodge the enormous legume that now took up the pouches on both sides of his mouth.

“Here’s the thing,” the god said, “when Arenia came into being, Ennàd was more than happy to be the living embodiment of Nature. Who wouldn’t love to be venerated for bringing a bountiful harvest while also being celebrated for keeping the ecosystem healthy? Great work if you can get it, except that wasn’t the full job description. After all, it is not the nature of Nature to give without taking. Earthquakes are forces of destruction; vines and roots pull apart city walls; tsunamis flood fields and homes. Hurricanes, tornadoes, volcanoes…you see where I am going with this. While those things are universally considered ‘bad,’ they are a part of Nature, are they not?”

Angela nodded.

“Good. Well, obviously people weren’t pleased with that aspect of Ennàd’s portfolio, and she grew distraught when her followers cursed her for carrying out those aspects of her role.”

“Yeah, but that’s how nature works,” Angela said. “I mean…it’s a package deal, right?”

Shev tapped his nose and pointed at her. “Exactly. Unfortunately, Ennàd is rather insecure, at the heart of it. Over time she became so torn by the dichotomy of love and hate directed her way that she literally tore herself into two separate consciousnesses: Ennàd, the lovely goddess of Nature, Balance, and Fertility; and Shev, the big bad god of Destruction, Plagues, and Vermin.”

“Kind of a shitty resume to saddle you with,” Angela noted.

“I know, right?” he said, looking annoyed. “People believe we’re separate gods, so they venerate her and revile me. We’re the same god! It’s a raw deal if you ask me.”

“Pmmfph mrp,” Leonard mumbled, still trying to gnaw his way through the peanut.

“You want me to prove it?” Shev said to the squirrel. “It’s not enough that I am sitting in a location holy to Ennàd, where no other god may enter without her—or I should say, ‘our’—permission?”

Leonard nodded.

“In that case, perhaps it’s not me you should be hearing this from.”

Shev’s head abruptly returned to a plantlike shape, shifted into the visage of Ennàd before turning back into flesh.

“Ugh, fine!” Ennàd said when the head reformed. “Yes, we’re the same. But I’m not ‘insecure,’ as my other aspect says. I simply decided that it was more effective to—”

The head shifted back into the shape of Shev. “Are you happy now?”

“Wait,” Angela said. “Nobody realizes you’re the same god? How is that even possible?”

“They don’t want to believe we’re the same,” Shev said with a shrug. “It’s far more convenient to have a scapegoat when things go awry. And that’s not even getting into the truly evil fools who worship ‘The God of Destruction.’” He rolled his eyes. “I’ve never even granted them a single prayer! Trust me, dealing with that lot will most certainly be a part of your resume once you’re one of my druids.”

“You mean they just go around—” Angela paused. “Wait, what was that last part?”

“Did I not mention that?”

“Nope. That definitely got lost in the fine print.”

Shev leaned forward and steepled his fingers. “I would like you to be my druid, Angela.”

“You have your own druids? Like, separate from Ennàd’s?” she asked.

“I do.”

Angela tried to wrap her head around the idea. “How many druids do you have in Palmyre right now?”

The god leaned back and shook his head. “Sadly, the Mage’s College has never been a big fan of my druids. I’ve been able to work around it in the past, but lately, someone has put quite a lot of effort into murdering them and it has grown rather annoying. So, to answer your question, you would be the only one.”

“Because the other ones were murdered.”

“Yes.”

Angela stared at him, wide-eyed. “Is that supposed to be a selling point?”

He waved her off. “It’s not all that important.”

“Isn’t it? It sure seems important.”

He shrugged.

Angela closed her eyes and pressed her fingers to her temples. “Okay. Fuck. Alright, let’s just ignore that tidbit for one second so you can give me maybe a thimble’s worth of details. Like, what would I even be doing? Because I’m sure as shit not running around and spreading plagues or becoming some sort of eco-terrorist.”

Shev looked skyward and sighed. “Didn’t I just say that I’m not evil? I don’t deliberately spread plagues any more than Ennàd deliberately causes carnivores to eat meat. As for your environmental obsession, what was commendable on Earth is irrelevant on Arenia. There are no fossil fuels here because the process that creates fossil fuels on Earth creates mana here.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes. Bury a ton of plant matter at the bottom of the ocean and squish it under sediment, and all you’d do is squeeze out the mana and turn it into a big rock.”

“Wow,” Angela said, stunned. “That’s…I’m not going to lie to you; that’s awesome.”

“Yes, well, it’s not like we don’t have our own issues. I’m sure you can imagine some of the difficulties caused by people having access to powerful magic. People who feel they should be able to control things like the tides, floods, weather, volcanoes…basically everything that falls under my domain.”

“Oof,” Angela said, realization sinking in. “Kind of messes up the balance, doesn’t it?”

Shev nodded. “Yes, it does. Some things are not meant for mortal meddling. Floods, for instance. They fertilize the soil, but if a magician tries to stop a flood from destroying a village and a druid steps in to oppose them, how do you think that druid will be perceived?”

Leonard tugged on Angela’s hair, having finally dislodged the peanut. “Hey boss, I know dis one. They’d think yooze was a grade-A scumbag.”

“Thanks, Leo,” Angela said. “I never could have unlocked that mystery without you.”

“No problem,” Leonard said. “And don’t call me Leo.”

Shev started to speak, but Angela held up her hands. “Hang on. What if Ennàd wants to provide a bountiful harvest, but the fields are supposed to flood that year? Doesn’t that mean you’re essentially opposing yourself?”

“Yes,” Shev said. “And that’s why we are balanced. Left to my own devices, I would eradicate all civilization.”

“Whoah, hold the phone!” Angela said. “How is that not straight-up evil?”

Shev looked confused. “Because I am only half of a whole.” He shook his head. “Honestly, how is this not getting through?”

“It’s getting through, but half a god or not, I don’t want to work for a boss whose goal is to kill everyone.”

“Why does everyone think I want to kill people?” Shev muttered. He leaned forward and looked directly at Angela. “If a wolf eats a sheep from a shepherd’s field, is that evil?”

“No,” she said. “It’s fucking inconvenient for the sheep, but the wolf is just being a wolf.”

“Correct. What if the wolf keeps coming back until it has eaten all of the sheep, and the shepherd starves to death as a result?”

“That’s one shitty shepherd.”

“Yes, but does that make it an evil wolf?”

“Hardly,” she said. “It’s the shepherd’s job to watch the flock, not the wolf’s.”

“Okay. Now, what if the shepherd follows your advice and defends their field vigilantly? Maybe the wolf gets an animal occasionally, but for the most part they exist in a tentative truce.”

Angela nodded and circled her hand. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get what you’re saying. You’re the wolf, but you’re not being evil. You’re just doing your thing, as is the shepherd. Balance.”

Shev grinned. “Now, what if the shepherd gathered all of the other shepherds and they went into the forest. They slaughtered all the wolves they could find, thus ensuring the safety of their flock. Is that evil?”

“Of course it is! It’s—”

She paused. Was it? Or was it the same as the wolf eating all the sheep?

Aw, shit.

“I mean…” The words were hard to choke out. “I mean, I guess it’s not technically evil? But it’s still super bad. The repercussions on the ecosystem would be huge.”

“Yes, they would,” Shev said, nodding. “It’s too bad, really. If only there were someone to guard the wolves. To work from the shadows and ensure that enough wolves survived to maintain the balance of the ecosystem.”

Angela sighed. “You mean a druid.”

Shev smiled and leaned back. “I embody the never-ending forward momentum of nature. I am constantly attempting to tear down cities, for they seek to bend Nature out of its determined course. Civilization opposes that, and I have no objection to that opposition. Balance is the goal, not the obstacle. If Palmyre were suddenly left abandoned, I would not reclaim the city through increased effort. My vines and seeds would not grow any faster; my creatures would not redouble their efforts. I would merely begin to win the daily battles between decay and maintenance that are a fact of life in cities because my plants would go un-pruned and my animals would go un-scared.

“I care deeply about the natural balance, Angela. Just as a druid of Ennàd would prevent an invasive species from eradicating the local flora, a druid of Shev would prevent a group of magicians from stopping a volcano’s eruption.”

Angela chuckled. “Bit of a scale difference there, don’t you think?”

Shev shrugged. “Blame Ennàd for that. The things that make people fearful of a god tend to be dramatic. Besides, any people living beneath the volcano were likely only there because the lava fertilized the soil. Everything has its place.”

Angela leaned back on her hands to stare at the deity. There were a lot of narratives he’d dropped on her, but she still didn’t feel like she had a good idea of what exactly would be required of her if she switched her druidic focus.

“Living accommodations?” she asked.

“Live wherever you like,” he said. “Nature is everywhere, even in a city. Ennàd may pretend that the city-dwelling crows, raccoons, berrini, leopards, rats,”—he looked at Leonard—“squirrels, and the like aren’t part of Nature, but I have no such illusions.”

Well, that was a good bit of news. If Angela didn’t have to live in the—

“Hang on, leopards?” she asked. “There’s leopards in the city?”

Leonard climbed onto her shoulder and yanked on her ear. “That’s what you’re hung up on? I’ve lived in da city my whole life, and I ain’t never heard a’ no berrini. Least I know what a leopard is.”

Angela closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. Red flags were going up all over the place. “Okay, that doesn’t matter. I can sort out the city ecosystem later. The question is, why me?”

“Aside from the fact that you are a druid who hates being out in nature and is therefore stuck with a class you will despise?” Shev said with a smile. “Do I need another reason?”

“Yes, you do,” she said, rising to her feet and looking down at the seated god. This had all the feel of an epic quest, but you didn’t get an epic quest without an epic problem. There was a piece missing.

“We’re both aware that I’m a Legend,” she said. “There is zero chance that isn’t factoring into this conversation. All this yammering about how Ennàd is a deadbeat who stuck you with the cheque and blah, blah, blah. That’s not what you’re here for. You said your druids keep getting killed. I can’t imagine that’s normal. Someone is killing them, which implies a conspiracy of people who don’t want to get caught doing something really fucking bad. Now you want to toss me in the middle of that? Great! I can respawn. Cool. That changes nothing in my decision-making. For all I know, this is my last reincarnation.

“I see through you, Shev, god or not,” Angela said, “and I’m not going to be manipulated. You want me to get in your game? You better tell me the rules before I sit at the table, because right now this looks like Russian roulette.”

A pebble flew through the air, but Angela grabbed it before it could hit her. She’d suspected something like that might happen.

Intelligence +1

Man, EVERYONE thought you’d take this deal without a thought. I mean…you were really pathetic in the forest. Golf clap for not taking a god at face value.

Angela turned the pebble into a sheet of slate and thrust it towards Shev.

“See that?” she snapped. “Don’t treat me like I’m stupid. I value my life. I’m not going to throw it away just because camping sucks.”

“Yeah!” Leonard shouted from her shoulder. “We got your class change right here!” He punctuated his words by gesturing enthusiastically at his crotch with both paws.

Angela and Shev turned, staring at the squirrel until his gesturing slowed to an awkward stop.

“Dude…” Angela said.

“May have gotten a bit carried away there,” Leonard noted.

Angela turned back to Shev. “What’s going on, man. Talk to me.”

Shev frowned. “You would do well not to presume you understand the ways of the gods. There are reasons we act the way we do. But yes, there are things I am not saying. However, if I tell you now, it will reduce my ability to help you later should you choose to accept my class.”

“Oookay? Then I guess my answer is no,” she said. “I’m not putting a price on my head without good reason.”

Shev tapped his lip in thought. “What if I told you there was a way to get around your limited respawn issue?”

Angela’s eyes went wide. “You know a way to get extra lives?”

He scrunched up his face. “Not exactly. It’s more of a…workaround.”

“Fuck yeah!” she said. Now that was a game-changer. “You set me up with a way around permadeath, and I am so your huckleberry.”

“I would calm that excitement somewhat,” Shev said. “While I can give you a single clue, you would need to deduce the details for yourself.”

“Blargh,” she said with a scowl. “I shoulda seen that one coming.”

A pebble ricocheted off Leonard’s head before hitting her in the temple.

Class Modification Quest Opportunity: “DRUID OF WRATH”

Shev, the Nature god of Destruction, Plagues, Vermin, and Bad PR has offered you the opportunity to become one of his druids.

Quest Completion Criteria: Discover a way to circumvent the rebirth system of Legends.

Reward for accepting quest: A clue.

Reward for success: Become a druid of Shev.

Penalty for failure: Death, probably. You’re not very good at being a druid of Ennàd.

ACCEPT? YES/NO

“Ow, what da hell!” Leonard shouted, rubbing his head. “Why does that keep happenin’? And you’ze a Legend? Nobody told me that.”

“You can read my Tome messages?” Angela asked, surprised.

“’Course I can, I’m your familiar, ain’t I? But what’s with dis Legend business?”

“How did you not work that out on your own? Weren’t you listening to our conversation?”

“I dunno, maybe I forgot ’cause I got hit in da head with a rock!”

“Get used to it,” Angela muttered, bringing up her Tome. Looking over the sheet of stone with the Quest on it, she nodded.

It was clear what Shev was doing here. Typically, being granted eternal life in exchange for some undefined price was a hard pass in any fantasy story, let alone when it came from a self-described god of destruction. But the guy clearly had a larger goal, and her biggest obstacle to helping him was the risk of dying. In a way, this could simply be viewed as him alleviating her concern by offering some extra lives, just like in any videogame. That said, there were still a ton of red flags, and the biggest one was leaping off the page already.

“Before I even consider this quest, you need to change something,” she said. “The quest completion criteria can’t just be me discovering a way to dodge the rebirth system. It needs to be me achieving it. Discovering the method does jack-all if it turns out I need to fellate a mangalore to make it happen.”

“How would one even do that?” Shev asked.

“My point exactly.”

Shev chuckled and nodded. The words on Angela’s Tome changed to reflect her request.

“Perfect,” she said.

“So, you accept?”

“Not quite; I still have some questions. For starters, can I use this trick on my family?” If she could, that would clinch the deal.

“No,” the god unfortunately answered. “In fact, this normally wouldn’t be possible at all. It’s only through a series of unlikely circumstances that the opportunity has arisen.”

Luck +1

Yeah, tell me about it.

Angela absentmindedly reached up and rubbed Leonard’s head where the Tome-pebble had hit him. Not being able to use the trick on her family was a bummer, but somehow it seemed better that it was a one-off opportunity rather than some tried-and-true way people grabbed at immortality.

“And no slaughter or human sacrifice if I join team Shev, right?” she asked.

“Maybe a light dusting of slaughter, but that would simply be collateral damage from earthquakes and such,” he said. “I have no interest in human sacrifice, though.”

Angela contemplated the offer. It would be good to deal with the respawn issue, but it came paired with people actively wanting to kill her. Even with extra respawns, there were still a hundred different ways things could go to hell. Was being a druid of Ennàd really that awful?

The reality was, she simply didn’t know enough to say one way or the other.

“Dude, I can’t say yes,” she said. “Not right now. I just arrived on Arenia and am still getting my feet underneath me. Maybe this is a good deal, maybe it’s not. But at the moment?”

She shrugged.

To Angela’s surprise, Shev didn’t react with disappointment. He simply nodded in acknowledgment of her position.

“I would not want you to become my druid if you weren’t wholly committed,” he said. “Should you change your mind, simply return here and accept the quest.”

“Really? You’re not upset?”

“Of course not,” Shev said. “In fact, I will give you a gift before you leave. Technically speaking, it should be Ennàd giving it to you since you are still her druid, but I believe I will steal her thunder just this once. Something tells me we are destined to meet again.

“Farewell, Angela. Until next time.”

As the tree and rock that formed Shev’s chair sank into the ground, the branches of a blackthorn shrub sprang from the soil, encasing the god. They twisted and constricted, burying the god in their depths as they fused together into a thick trunk that shrank and compressed until all that remained was a single length of polished blackthorn with a bulbous knob on the end. It fell over and lay on its side, waiting to be picked up.

A shillelagh. A real one.

Leonard jumped off Angela’s shoulder and walked over to the weapon. He nudged it with his foot, then walked around it in a circle.

Suddenly, the squirrel hit the ground and covered his head. Angela only had a moment to wonder what he was doing before the rock pinged her between the eyes.

Class Quest: “Get a Weapon!” Part 1 Completed!

Good work! Now you can club cute baby animals to death even more effectively. I hear that’s your thing.

Reward for Success: 500 XP, A proper druid weapon

Class Quest: “Get a Weapon!” Part 2 (converted from quest “Woodsmithing?”)

When you get down to it, what you have there is, well, it’s kind of just a stick. Don’t get me wrong—it’s a super nice stick. But, yeah. Stick. If you want to make those baby animals really pay for their crimes, you need to give that thing a bit more punch.

Quest Completion Criteria: Increase the strength of your shillelagh.

Reward for success: An upgraded shillelagh.

Penalty for failure: This quest remaining open until you die of old age. Or sooner. Probably sooner.

QUEST AUTOMATICALLY ACCEPTED

Angela sighed and looked at Leonard. “So…wanna meet my dad?”