Goblins are Supreme.

That is the core tenant of Goblin Supremacy. The sole reason our God, Jeezus brought us to this world and molded us from the dirt and rocks found in the Cave of Wonders was to spread the fact that we Goblins are SUPREME. Over the elves, over the dwarfs, and especially over the humans!

“Can you help me go potty?” the human child repeats.

We SCREAM!

“What’s that noise?!” a human voice, older and more dangerous, inquires from the giant wooden box they call a room. The place where humans sleep in big warm beds and a wide open door.

“Mommy, I met three friends!” the child shouts back while still staring at the three of us with large menacing eyes!

“Dagger, grab the food!” I shout and grab Spoon before she has a chance to protest.

We run.

“It’s the middle of the damn night, woman. I’m checking!” a deeper voice growls in the darkness. It’s the large human from earlier.

I pump my little legs as hard as I can, and Spoon doesn’t question the necessity behind running for our lives as her shorter legs try to keep up. Dagger races out with us as we burst through the back door. Three Goblins screaming in the darkness, running to safety-

But fuck safety!

“The clothes!” I shout to Spoon before turning to Dagger. “Get the food out here!”

Dagger’s face scrunches in confusion, “But you’ll be-”

“I know, just GO!” I shout, not wanting him to remind me that Spoon and I will be trapped.

Dagger veers off to the right, taking himself and the pot full of stew with him back the way we came and hopefully to the safety of the tall grass.

Now it’s just me and Spoon. And a family of angry humans behind us.

The cloth lines are just ahead as we run toward them. Three lines of clothes between six wooden poles stand tall and high and would require me to jump to even reach one shirt moving softly in the night breeze. And each line has clothes in a variety of sizes, types, and styles, from colorful shirts to simple shorts and even dresses. Some are bigger than I could hope to fit, while others would be comfortable to wear, but I couldn’t think about that because I was outpacing Spoon as we ran, thanks to being Level 2. But I don’t want to leave her behind for the humans, so I stop to grab her so I can pull her along.

Spoon doesn’t appreciate that. She curses and shouts for me to slow down while she desperately tries to hold on to her spoon. Something like a loud creak echoes from behind us as no doubt the large male human from before finally comes outside.

“Honey, those filthy creatures are trying for our clothes!”

“I see that!”

“And one of them stole my favorite stirring spoon!”

“I can see that too!”

“Well, go out there and catch them!”

I look behind me and see the large human not sprinting out to meet us, and his equally large mate still pointing and shouting at us.

For a moment, I consider that a small blessing then I realize why.

We are trapped. The humans set their clothes out strategically as far from the house as possible! Meaning that Spoon and I are surrounded by barbed wire fences as far as the eye can see. Forget running, the humans need only to walk. And that’s exactly what the large farmer does while cursing under his breath.

I hit the side of the post that marks one end of the clothing line without looking-

Rock has taken 4 Physical Damage.

For being stupid, I want to grumble at the System as I rub my head. Damn, that hurts. Spoon then smacks me with her spoon.

Rock has taken 2 Damage from Spoon’s spoon.

“What was that for!”

“For dragging my ass for 10 minutes!” she shouts back while rubbing the side of her butt covered in dirt, grass, and rocks.

I want to shout back about her being slow, but then I realize that the farmer is about to reach us, so instead, I point to the clothes hanging high up on the line.

“We need to climb up and grab them.”

Spoon looks at me, again like a large dog with that stupid titled head and floppy dumb ears, before a wicked smile spreads across her face.

“I got a better idea.” She then proceeds to tear a strip of her own clothes and uses that strip to tie her spoon around her waist. She looks at me with beaming pride as if to say, “Oh, I’m never dropping my precious,” before putting her hands together and closing her eyes.

“Boom boom spark spark,” she whispers. And as if releasing a group of fireflies from between her fingers, she dramatically swings her hands up and out, and magic fire follows.

I watch the strange missiles shoot out and smack the four corners of four wooden poles with strange accuracy, dropping two of the three clothing lines on the grassy dirt.

I look at Spoon in amazement. “How?”

“Little boom or big boom, makes no difference!” She smiles.

I nod but point toward the now-running human. We pale.

And we run, each grabbing a string laden with shirts and dresses as we run blindly into the barbed fence.

I look at Spoon whose eyes look at the fence but from a faraway perspective. She intends to blow a hole through it. But then-The heavy huff of the human farmer is heard closer and closer. Manic energy seems to emanate from him as he picks up speed, eyes burning with murderous intent.

And his grumbled curses are getting louder.

“STINKING GOBLINS! DIRTY LITTLE GREEN RODENTS! MALFORMED DEVIL SPAWN!”

Spoon’s eyes are still far away. And the human is mad.

I stop and shake Spoon from her trance. Spoon wants to grumble, but I point toward the ground beneath the barbed fence.

“The ground, Spoon!” I insist.

“But-”

“No buts!”

“GIVE ME BACK MY CLOTHES, YOU DIRTY THIEVES!”

Spoon shrugs and hands me the clothes she stole before putting her hands together. Both palms face each other as something begins to glow hot and purposeful inside her mark… the mark that looks like a spoon.

“BOOM BOOM SPARK!”

A ball of heat and force is generated between her tiny hands, and the image of the bush exploding with squealing rats running for safety fills my brain, which prompts me to face away from the incoming explosion.

BOOM.

And where there was solid ground before, there is a giant hole underneath the barbed fence. Spoon looks proud, though a little exhausted.

“Many many mana,” Spooned huffs.

“I’M GOING TO GET YOU!” roars the farmer from behind us, and we dive into the hole in a panic. I drag the clothes into the hole with us, pulling desperately as an exhausted Spoon helped. We pull and pull until the hole becomes more clothes than Goblin. And then we dig.

Or try to. The dirt is hard and full of rocks, and the rumble of the large human’s approaching steps fills us with a panic that doesn’t help us make any progress. He is going to catch us, and we’ll be trapped.

And soon as I think that, a large hand shoots out from the darkness, pushing past the tangle of garments, and nearly grabs Spoon by her leg! Spoon screams as the rough hand brushes past her, missing flesh. In fact, if she didn’t cut off pieces of her dress, he would have had something to grab. He reaches in again, a big wide smile on his face, hate gleaming in his blue eyes. We are going to die!

But Spoon just found her namesake! How was it fair for her to die! I throw a rock at that big blue eye that dances with hate and cruelty, no doubt personally witnessing the death of many goblins. So I make sure the rock is a red one!

The farmer cries out as he stumbles back. The rock bounces from his big stupid face and back to me, returning with a bit of blood.

Farmer has taken 5 Damage from Rock’s rock.

I scream in triumph despite knowing five damage can mean nothing to a human! But still! STILL!

“Spoon dig!” I scream as I throw more rocks at the human! The System announces pathetic damage number after number, but I ignore them as I throw more rocks, catching the ones that bounce back before tossing them again. The human shouts. Curses. Spits corrosive bile! But he doesn’t stick his hand into our hole as Spoon desperately tries to dig us out, even using her spoon to help!

I throw my last rock at the farmer, who catches it and then tosses it aside. I reach into my satchel for more but can’t find anything. I reach around me, risking my hands and arms becoming tangled in the mass of linen, but I can only find pebbles that I, of course, threw! The human smiles. And reaches down. But this time aiming for me!

“Gotcha, you little bastard!” he says with triumph and hot stinking breath.

He squeezes my arm and pulls.

And then lets go and shouts out in pain I never thought a human could express.

Farmer has taken 75 Critical Damage from Dagger’s dagger

The farmer puts both hands between his legs to cup his under region as blood flows freely down. And after a moment of confusion, Dagger comes into view, dancing out of the way as the farmer stumbles backward and falls to one knee.

“Fuck-fuck-FUCKIN-GOBLINS!” the human screams with a voice twisted in pain!

Dagger looks back at me and smiles before charging at the kneeling farmer.

“HENRY!” the female human screams just as Dagger is about to stab him something good!

Now, Dagger isn’t distracted by the human female’s voice. Why would he! But the large male human seems to find something in that shrill shrieking voice. And he lets go of himself and stands upright quicker than Dagger anticipated. Dagger only has time to stop short before the farmer’s large foot kicks- no punts- Dagger up and over the fence.

Dagger only has time to yelp.

Dagger has taken 8 Damage from Farmers Martial Kick.

“Dagger!” Spoon and I scream, but it is too late. The human falls back down, and multiple footsteps are heard, thundering behind them. I could finish the human off. Get revenge for Dagger! But Spoon grabs me by the shoulder, eyes puffy with tears.

“Please dig!” she sobs. “We can still find him…”

And without realizing it, I start digging, desperately and without care. We have to escape. We have to find Dagger!