A seven-and-a-half limbed creature crept around the outskirts of Chook’s Creek. It was on a hunt. A hunt for clothes.

Tomas really needed a new set of clothes to replace those eaten by the yowie. He felt the golden glow of the sun warm his tentacles and hated it. He was suffering from his first ever case of sunburn in his life.

Aside from that he was growing far too comfortable with being naked and worried he wouldn’t be able to return to his old ways, “Jackpot!” he cheered, when he came across a clothing donation box outside of an old thrift shop.

Double checking that no one was around, he crept up to the box and extended a tentacle up through the donation slot. He grabbed onto the first thing he found and pulled it out: A white, extra small t-shirt with a unicorn printed on the front!

“At least the box isn’t empty,” Tomas remained positive as he placed the t-shirt aside and reached in to try again. Next, he found a fishnet jacket. Tomas had never seen anything like it before. He decided it was probably a normal thing to wear in the outside world. He wouldn’t know since he’d spent his life in wolf church robes.

Moving on, he pulled out a bright yellow bathroom slipper, some enormous khaki cargo shorts, a pink bathroom slipper, and then a shoelace. His tentacle scraped across every corner of the donation box as he prayed to find something else. His prayers were not answered.

“It’ll have to do,'' he forced himself to stay positive. Grabbing his loot, he hid out of sight behind the thrift shop.

Before getting dressed there was something he needed to confirm. Pointing the damaged tentacle away from his new clothes, just in case, he transformed for the first time in two weeks. He broke into a wide grin upon seeing that his arm had healed off into a stump. Looking closer, he thought It might have even regrown a few millimetres, “That's the power of octopus healing!” he bragged to his stump, “Ok, time to get dressed!”

A side effect of wandering injured through the wilderness for two weeks was that Tomas had been talking to himself a lot more recently.

Getting dressed one-handed was a difficult process. This difficulty was compounded by the clothes he had available. The shirt was too small and revealed his midriff; at least his nips weren’t exposed to the elements anymore. Inversely, the pants were too large and needed to be held up by the shoestring he had found. His ankles hung off the back of the slippers. And although he kind of liked it, the fishnet jacket provided no sun protection. It took some grunting and groaning but Tomas successfully dressed himself. Well done Tomas!

Now that he didn’t have to worry about being arrested for public indecency, He marched towards the town proper declaring, “Time to find Wanda.”

All roads in Chook’s Creek led to the pub. Tomas soon stood outside it examining the building. Video games had taught him that taverns were where one went to get information. Which was just what he was looking for, so in he went.

Despite being only early afternoon, it was already crowded. There was a bar in the centre of the pub and tables dotted around the bar. All the tables were occupied. Judging by the uniforms, bats, balls, and wickets strewn around them, the occupants were all rowdy, drunk, cricket players.

Tomas got many strange looks for his clothes as he tiptoed over the cricket gear, towards the bar. Sitting down on an empty bar stool, he eyed the various taps behind the bar and saw that they had one for cola. Having drunk nothing but river water for 2 weeks the very thought of the sugar-filled drink made Tomas’ mouth salivate. An elderly bartender, dressed in a cricket uniform approached Tomas.

“G’DAY MATE, CAN I GET YA ANYTHING?!” the man practically shouted at Tomas.

Tomas startled, "Uhhh, hello. Yes, I’ll have a cola, please. Also, I’m looking for directions to…"

"WHAT?! SAY AGAIN." the man bellowed. He turned his head so the other ear was now facing Tomas.

Tomas raised his voice a little, "A Cola!".

"WHISKEY? SURE THING MATE. HANG ON A TICK."

"No... Ummm," Tomas tried to protest but the man had already turned his back and began preparing the drink.

Another bartender came to his rescue. She walked over and grabbed the man’s arm that was now holding the whiskey bottle and pushed it back down. She gave him a furious look and pointed toward the other end of the bar. The man hung his head and walked away.

She turned to Tomas and spoke at a much more reasonable volume, "Sorry about him darl. Even before he was deaf as a doornail, he still wouldn’t bloody listen to anyone. Too busy talking to himself. Unfortunately, he owns the place, so we can throw him out. What was it you were after?" She asked, looking Tomas up and down with a raised eyebrow,

Tomas smiled, “A cola, please. Also, I need directions”.

“Only cola? No booze?” her eyebrow rose higher. Tomas nodded, so she poured his drink and placed it down on the bar in front of him, “That’ll be 4 bucks”.

Tomas blinked in surprise. Money was another concept that he was aware of through video games, but he had never actually used it in his life, “Uhhhh…”

The woman was staring at his stump wrist, “You said you were looking for direction? Let me guess, you’re here for that new prosthetic place over by the post office. What’s it called… Mr Timothy’s, right?”

“What? Oh, No. I’m looking for a person named Madame Wanda. Do you know her?”

Tomas was beginning to think this lady’s one eyebrow was supernatural. Somehow it raised even higher at his words, “Wanda? What on earth do you want to see her for?” she looked him up and down again, eyebrow endlessly climbing, “You’re not one of those circus mongrels, back to cause more trouble are ya?”

“Circus? Oh! I read about that online. No, I’m not part of a circus,” Tomas reassured her.

“Alright, good. You’d have all these buggers up in arms if you were,” she said gesturing to the cricket team, “Anyways, Wanda’s place is only a couple of doors down, swing right outside and head down the street for about a minute; can’t miss it. Hope you find what you’re looking for there. 4 bucks for the cola,” she smiled and held out her hand.

“Yeah, about that..”

A few moments later a bouncer and the deaf bartender heaved Tomas out the front door of the pub and onto the road. He landed with a loud thud.

“It just feels wrong, ya know?” the bouncer said, flinging Tomas’ loose bathroom slipper at the back of his head, “Look at his arm, he’s disabled. Guessing by his clothes, he might be mentally disabled too. Telling ya, boss, it feels like we’re the bad guys here.”

“NA, YOU’RE ALRIGHT, AY. THIS BLUDGER TRIED TO STEAL A WHISKEY FROM SHERYL!” the deaf bartender reassured the worried bouncer. Turning to Tomas he shouted, “DON’T COME BACK YA THIEF!”

Thomas heard laughs from inside as they left him on the ground. He picked himself, and dusted off, then hobbled away towards Madame Wanda’s, a little sad about not getting the cola.

He didn't need to walk for long. A few doors down, a lit-up sign advertised, "Reveal the mystery of the cosmos! Find your true love! Commune with the spirits! Madame Wanda's house of mystery and mystique!"

"Oh! This is it!” He moved closer to inspect another sign.

Aura reading - $12 Palm reading -$15 Tarot card reading - $18 Horoscope - $9.99 BARGAIN! Crystal Aura cleanse - $25 Crystal ball viewing - $19 Aromatherapy - $22 Seance - $47

"Very nice! This is the real deal! I can’t believe I’ve finally made it,” Tomas began to tear up. He’d had a rough couple of weeks. He nearly got eaten twice, had to live off of leaves and fish, and even got his first sunburn. But in the end, he survived and made it here. Riding the high of powerful emotions, he went inside.

Wind chimes jingled with the door, and an overwhelming smell of heavy incense hit his nose immediately at the threshold. The dim interior of Madame Wanda’s gave Tomas shivers at its mystic vibes. Ambient didgeridoo music played from a CD player on a display selling meditation CDs. Dream catchers dangled from the roof. Candles, incense burners and crystals lined the shelves. A poster on display of a wolf howling at the moon caught his eye. A caption underneath read, “The moon is my mother, my spirit is free”. That was almost word for word a Matriarch quote.

“Greetings, traveller. Welcome to Madame Wanda’s house of mystery and mystique,” A feminine voice rang out across the room, “I am Madame Wanda,” a woman emerged from a back door, putting away a celebrity magazine, and greeted Tomas with a flourished wave of her arms, “How may I be of assistance to... AHH! DON’T TAKE ANOTHER STEP, SIR! Your aura is in disarray and threatens to break the feng shui meridians. Stay still!”

Tomas halted, dead in his tracks, “M-M-My aura?!” he stammered, feeling his heartbeat raise.

“Fear not, I shall realign your chakras before they seriously damage your energy cycle,” Wanda reassured him.

She snatched up a statuette of a dragon holding a magic crystal from one of the shelves, removed its price tag, then brought it over and waved it over Tomas’ body. She was given pause once upon seeing his clothes and again when she spotted his missing hand. However, she was a true professional and completed the procedure without any interruption.

“Phew; fixed,” She declared “I believe your lower dantian was in turmoil. You’ve had some difficulties in your life recently.”

Tomas gulped, his eyes going wide. She was right! He DID have some difficulties in his life recently!

“Auras are tricky, you may have to come back for a repeat session in the future. Now, please come in, place your jacket there,” Wanda gestured to a nearby coat rack (on sale for only $800), “Then come join me at the table,”

“Thanks,” Tomas said, relieved that his aura was fixed for now. With a bit of one-handed trouble, placed his jacket on the rack. Wanda, meanwhile, had returned the dragon statuette and sat down at a large table covered in mysterious, spiritual goods, in the middle of the room. She gestured for Tomas to sit opposite her.

Tomas sat down and smiled across at Wanda. She gave him serious ‘master of the spiritual arts’ vibes. Her dark outfit, her intricate make-up, the copious amounts of jewellery and even her intimidating size left Tomas feeling very impressed.

She lit a cigarette and held it elegantly between two fingers, smoke curled up around her, “I hope you don't think this too forward of me, but I simply must read your palm. Those with only one hand express stronger impressions through their remaining palm. Oh, but first,” she chuckled, “tell me, stranger, what is your name?”

“Hello. My name is Tomas. Nice to meet you, Ms Wanda. Would it matter if I lost my hand only recently?” he asked, holding his hand out.

“A pleasure to meet you too, Tomas. Madame Wanda if you will; not Ms,” she took a hold of Tomas’ hand and gazed down at it, “Actually, it’s even better for the reading if you lost it recently. Oh yes, I’m seeing very strong impressions. You have powerful lines. Why don’t you tell me about yourself while I decipher the flows?”

“Oh um ok, my name is Tomas, I’m 22,”

“Haha, oh Tomas, dear, you’ve already told me your name, and I already discerned your age from your life line. Tell me about the real Tomas!”

The floodgates of Tomas' heart opened, “Oh right, of course. Well, I like video games. I grew up in the Church of the Wolf compound nearby. Uh...I suppose you don’t know about that because it's a secret. Anyway, I’m kind of a celebrity there because I can turn into an octopus. That’s why I’m here actually. The other day they were going to sacrifice me and have me eaten by the Matriarch. She’s the leader by the way. But then she got struck by a bunch of lightning so I ran away. I read an article about you curing some tree man or something? And thought, what if she can do that for me too. So I escaped out into the wilderness and had to eat a bunch of raw fish and had my hand bitten off by a yowie. That reminds me, my favourite video game is called “Night monsters”. Which is pretty fun, but I might give it a break now, since one of the playable monsters is a yeti and I kinda have trauma from the one that bit me…”

Tomas looked up to see Wanda was no longer looking at his palm. Instead, she was staring straight into his eyes. Her eyes burned with intensity. Tomas felt very exposed all of a sudden.

“Did you say you can turn into an octopus?” she asked.

“Um.. yes? Here, look,” Tomas turned his stump arm into a tentacle.

Wanda to her credit didn’t even flinch. Rather, the intensity in her gaze seemed to grow, "Is it some kind of octopus curse? I need to look at your soul. Hang on, let me get my gear." her flamboyant tone from before was replaced by one of zeal.

“Wait, what gear?” Tomas asked, confused by the sudden change in Wanda’s energy.

She had already put her cigarette down in a glass ashtray and gotten up. She went into the back of the room and started rummaging around, "My soul gear,” she called out through the door, “So I can take your soul out and get a good look at it."

“Pardon?”

Wanda came back over holding two boxes and a mason jar filled with clear liquid. She placed them on the table next to the ashtray. She sat down and opened the first box, "Let me tell you, Tomas, you’ve come to the right place. Have you ever seen the movie ‘Ghostbusters’?”

“Ghostbusters?” Tomas asked.

“Yes, Ghostbuster! It completely changed my life after watching it. I found my calling, so to speak. I travelled the world, looking for ghosts and the supernatural. And while unfortunately, I didn’t find any ghosts, I’m quite proud to say, I succeeded in discovering the secrets of the soul!”

“Ghostbusters?” Tomas asked again.

“Never mind that,” She pulled a pair of sunglasses from the first box, “These here are soul sunglasses. Made by slicing an extremely rare metal called ectoplasmite, thin enough to be transparent. Here, try them on and tell me what you see." She said, passing them over.

Feeling awfully confused, Tomas took the sunglasses and put them on. He looked at Wanda and could see a blurry light shining out of her body, “Wow! Is that…?”

"Yes, exactly, it’s my soul! You can’t get a proper look at someone’s soul while it's still inside the body, but that's what these are for,” she opened the second box. It contained a pair of gloves and a long pair of BBQ tongs, "Souls disintegrate when they leave a body unless they are contained by something like these ectoplasmite laced gloves. They will let me safely hold your soul without disintegration. And these tongs here are for removing and inserting the soul without damaging your body."

"Disintegration? Damage? Is all this safe?" Tomas asked, passing Wanda’s sunglasses back.

"Yes yes, perfectly safe. I've done it a dozen times before. Now your body is going to enter a coma-like state as soon as the soul leaves, so I’m gonna need you to bring your chair over here and get comfy so you don't fall down. Don’t worry, bodies can live for days without a soul.”

How on earth does she know how long a body can live without a soul?... “Wait, we’re doing this right now?” Tomas was a little bit worried about how casually she planned to rip out his soul, “It’s my first time, I don’t know if I'm ready.”

Wanda chuckled, “Of course, right now. The best time to examine a soul is when the moon is in spiritual equinox, which, as I’m sure you already know, is right now. Hurry over here before the equinox ends!” she urged.

Tomas panicked, “I see, yeah ok. Don’t want to miss the equinox,” he did as he was asked, swiftly dragging the chair behind him over to next to Wanda and got seated.

Wanda smiled. She put on the gloves and sunglasses and unscrewed the cap off of the jar. Tomas could smell the strong alcohol from across the table.

“What’s that?” he asked.

"Oh, this?" she picked up the jar, "This is my special homemade moonshine," She took a large gulp and shuddered it down, "It keeps my hands steady."

She needs steady hands?! Tomas felt himself start to sweat. He tried stalling, “Do you think you can cure my condition?”

Wanda picked up the tongs and pursed her lips, thinking, "Well.. that depends on what I see once I take it out and have a look. I’ll identify the problem, then put your soul back so we can discuss the price,” she picked up on Tomas starting to panic about money, “Don’t fret, realistically you shouldn't be looking at anything more than 120 dollars for curse removal, plus the 25 for the aura cleanse and 15 for the palm reading, of course. So 160 total." Wanda calculated with a smile.

Tomas swore mentally. In hindsight, he should have known better after his painful lesson in economics at the pub. He decided to stop the procedure today and come back with money next time. As he opened his mouth to tell Wanda, She shoved the tongs into his chest. He gasped as they passed through his shirt and into his body as if there was nothing there. Tomas felt discomfort from something tearing away inside his body. He tried to scream, but then everything went black.