《WTF》7 - Wasting Time Frivolously
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Some might call The Church of the Wolf a “cult”. And sure, those people may have a few valid points. Like, ok, maybe the way it only recruits people with easy-to-exploit personalities and has them give up all of their life’s possessions so that they may better serve the cause was a little bit questionable. But let me ask you this, does your church have a giant wolf who will eat all of your enemies for you?
Anyway, the church's ultimate goal was a simple one: take over all of humanity and enslave all the non-believers. Such an extreme ideology attracted appropriately extreme people. Thus, absolute faith was essential. That is why when an important member of the church was having a crisis of faith, the head priest came to counsel the individual personally.
The head priest knocked on Tomas’ door, before letting himself in. As usual, Tomas was sitting on the sofa, playing video games. A pout was on his face.
“Greetings, brother Tomas,” the priest said, pulling over a chair and sitting down in front of Tomas. The smiling old man in extravagant white robes had let himself in so suddenly that Tomas hadn’t had time to finish his game before his view of the TV was blocked. The priest ignored Tomas’ distressed attempts to look around him and kept talking, “I’ve heard you have some concerns about the church's plan. I’ve come to offer you clarification and guidance.”
As ‘Night Monsters’ was an online game, Tomas couldn’t pause it. He managed to crane his neck around the priest just in time to watch his character get shot and die. Sighing, he put his controller down and replied, “It’s more than concern, Roy. I finally got my power, something I thought we were all looking forward to for the same reason. But you guys just wanted to sacrifice me! That’s not cool! Why do we even have to make the Matriarch stronger in the first place? She's plenty strong already, no?”
The old man’s eyes fluttered at not being called ‘Head priest’. He had once beat a man unconscious for not addressing him so. But he kept smiling and managed to restrain himself this time, “I understand. Yes, it must feel very troubling. We live in turbulent times, you see, Tomas. That’s why now, more than ever, we must be unified. I’ve brought this to help you understand.”
In his hands, he held a thick tome titled, ‘the New Wolf Chronicle’. The Chronicle was Roy’s magnum opus, containing pages upon pages of extravagantly worded stories about the church's rise to power, its philosophies, and its strategies for achieving its goals. He opened it to a bookmarked page.
Tomas got annoyed, “I’ve heard the Chronicle a thousand times, Roy. It’s mostly nonsense...”
Roy snapped the book back shut, sprung to his feet and raised the Chronicle above his head, ready to bring it down on Tomas’ skull. There was enough ‘nonsense’ filling the Chronicle that its thickness could do some serious damage if used as a weapon. There was a tense moment between the two men as Roy stared down, face red in anger, and Tomas stared back in alarm.
Several seconds passed as the priest ruminated on the pros and cons of braining Tomas with his book, before ultimately deciding not to risk damaging it. His fury vanished as suddenly as it began, the smile returning to his face. He sat back down and shook a finger as he admonished Tomas, “You must not blaspheme, brother Tomas. The words of the Chronicle are sacred. Listen. All shall be made clear.” He found his place in the book again and began reading.
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“AHEM. The evil tribe rolled rocks down the mountain, onto the entrance of the mountain, sealing the two great huntresses inside." Roy's reading voice was as passionate and extreme as his personality, "Despite the huntresses’ wondrous strength, they could not move the enormous rocks blocking their way. Days passed and they were driven mad by darkness and starvation within the mountain. The lioness was the first to break, succumbing to the evil within her heart. In her madness, she challenged the wolf to a duel. Power vs power, to the death. The loser's flesh was to be eaten by the winner. The wolf had no choice but to accept as the lioness wouldn’t take no for an answer and it was the only way for one of them to survive.
Their ensuing battle was legendary. The whole mountain shook as they exchanged blows. The shaking drew the evil cowards who had trapped them in the first place to the sealed entrance of the mountain where they watched the rocks in fear. For three days and three nights the mountain shook. On the dawn of the fourth day, it went silent. The evil tribe breathed a sigh of relief, believing that the huntresses had finally killed one another. However, they were wrong. Their relief was short-lived, not long after the mountain stopped shaking, the rocks blocking its entrance burst outwards and the victor emerged. The wolf walked out, covered in the lioness's blood.
She was not the same as when she entered the mountain; she was better. Bigger, stronger, and faster, she was the most beautiful thing the evil tribe had ever seen. They immediately fell to their knees and worshipped her. By consuming another great hunter, she had absorbed their power, adding it to her own. She was no longer just the greatest huntress in all the land, she had become a goddess.
Furious at the evil tribe cowering in front of her, she ate them up, leaving not a single morsel behind. Then she vowed to the moon that she would never again allow evil to take root in the hearts of those around her. She vowed to lead the pure-hearted on a crusade to wrest back control of the world from the hands of evil.
She knew that evil existed in many forms across the globe. She would hunt down the unspeakable horrors lurking in the shadows, and weaken their holds on the hearts of men. The Church of the Wolf would rise triumphant against all evil and create a utopia for humanity, led by those who were most devoted! …Also she vowed to eat the next person who had powers like the lioness so she could grow stronger,” Roy stopped reading there, closed the book shut and looked up with his manic smile.
Tomas frowned, He wasn’t exaggerating when he said he had heard the Chronicles a thousand times before. He could just about recite it from cover to cover. He had never heard that last sentence before in his life. The way it was just kind of tacked on there was very odd.
Before Tomas could voice his concern, Roy put the book down and stood. Sweat ran down the old man’s face from the passionate reading. His eyes shimmered in zealously, “So you see, since you also possess the power of a… great hunter, like the lioness, the Matriarch should consume you and grow stronger. It's guaranteed to bring us one step closer to universal domination! Everyone benefits! Your sacrifice will be the greatest thing anyone could do for the church! We are all so envious of you!”
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Universal domination? And why did he pause before calling me a great hunter? Tomas’ head was getting jumbled up by all the inconsistencies Roy was throwing out. He shook the thoughts away and tried to focus on the most pressing issue, “No Roy, not everyone benefits. I really don’t see how this is beneficial to me. I don’t wish to be eaten.” Tomas protested.
“Ohoho, but you must! It’s written in the Chronicles.”
“That’s another thing, that last sentence wasn’t there before. Did you just add the part where…”
Tomas was cut off as Roy reached his arm back and slapped him across the face, “WHAT HAVE I SAID ABOUT BLASPHEMY, TOMAS?! THE MATRIARCH TOLD ME HERSELF WHAT IS IN THE CHRONICLES! THEY MUST NOT BE QUESTIONED!!! DO NOT QUESTION ME!!”
Tomas stood up and held his cheek, “What the hell Roy!?”
“YOU MUST NOT BLASPHEME!! PROMISE ME!!!” spit flew from Roy's mouth, his face bright red.
“You hit me!” Tomas whined, rubbing his stinging face.
“PROMISE ME!!!” Roy screamed even louder.
“Jeez, ok! I promise I promise!”
“Good boy,” Roy calmed down instantly and pat Tomas on the shoulder, the smile was back on his face, “I’m glad that I could help you understand. Alright, I must go prepare now. The sacrifice has been moved up to tomorrow. Rest well young, uhh… hunter. Big day tomorrow!” Roy picked up his copy of the chronicle and promptly left.
Tomas was freaked out and annoyed. He mumbled to the empty room, “Why does he always pause before calling me a hunter. Just what is he implying? … Wait… Tomorrow?!" Tomas was pulled out of his grumbling and thrust into panic.
Roy had already left and locked the door behind him. Tomas turned and shook the door handle, but it didn't budge. He banged on the door and called out, yet no one answered. He realised that he was trapped all alone in his room with less than 24 hours left to live.
Tomas was actually kind of a big deal within the church. His room was quite luxurious. He had a king-sized bed and a comfy, leather sofa sitting in front of a big screen tv. There were computers, games, and several other comforts that regular members of the church didn't get to enjoy. Tomas had it good. What he didn't have was any windows or escape routes except for the now locked front door.
He left the door for now and walked over to his mirror to inspect his face. His cheek was still red from the slap, “YoU mUsT nOt BlAsPhEmE." He mocked the mirror, "I should show him how great a hunter I am next time I see him."
He grumbled all the way over to his computer and slumped down into its chair. Opening the browser he searched for ‘best ways to blaspheme’ and scrolled through the useless results. Next, he glanced over at his locked door before searching ‘how to pick a lock’. He watched a few videos on picking padlocks before getting bored. It wasn't like he was going to escape anyway.
Sitting there unhappily thinking about his situation he decided to search for something he knew he wouldn't find a good answer for. He typed in ‘how to not get eaten by the Matriarch’ and hit enter.
The first result that came up was an eye-catching news article titled: "Circus brawl ends in police intervention." Intrigued, Tomas clicked the link and read on.
‘Police were forced to use tear gas to end an escalated confrontation on the streets of Chook’s Creek last Tuesday between the local cricket team and a travelling circus troupe.
Witnesses say the confrontation arose when a local spiritualist, known only as ‘Madame Wanda’, removed a curse from the freak show attraction ‘Mr. Tree’, allegedly ridding him of his signature leaves and branches, and leaving him a regular man. As he was no longer able to man the freak show, circus officials demanded compensation from the spiritualist.
Hostilities arose after Madame Wanda refused to reimburse the circus officials and they grew hostile. The infamous Chook's Creek cricket team, known for ending every match they've ever attended in violence, then rallied to her defence.
About 30 people were involved in the ensuing fight before police were called in and were able to disperse the crowd using tear gas. Despite the size of the conflict, no arrests have been made at this time.
Editor's note:
We reached out to Mr Tree for comment and he replied stating that he was thankful to Madame Wanda for ridding him of the curse that had deformed his body and is regretful that so much trouble occurred on his behalf.'
Tomas finished reading, "Hmmmmm. Is that what my powers are? A curse? If I get my curse removed like Mr Tree did, they'd have no reason to sacrifice me anymore! What was it again, Madame Wanda? Chook's Creek? That's actually not too far from here," Tomas excitedly researched travel routes to the town in the article.
After a little while, his excitement faded. He looked at his locked door again and sighed, "I can't even get out of this room. How am I gonna get to Chook's Creek? This is a waste of time," He left his computer as it was and went back to the sofa to resume the game he had been playing earlier.
And that's how he decided to spend his last night alive.
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