„Yet, some of us have more sins than others”

Staring at the wall of the carriage, covered with black velvet, Sophie suddenly felt her eyes wet because of tears, somehow playing in her head as if a kind of shaking took over them. But those tears were born in her soul not because she stared for long at a blind point without blinking even, but because deep inside her the pain was killing her. And… how not to cry his loss when she had been slapped that day for so many times?! Yes, she received painful palms over her face from her deadly enemy, slaps which had been actually controlled by life, which has been also who put high words in the rival’s mouth, bad words invented by the whole world or people who wanted so bad to see Sophie Anderson Bell paying for everything she did in life, especially for her arrogance.

And not only Sophie paid then, for what she did, but also the rest of the people who ever knew Edward Anderson Bell, who was her father, but who she seemed to have never known well. And… Eva was right when she asked her: „how well did you know your father, Sophie?” and the young woman’s question made Sophie shudder from top to toe, even if in Christine’s office, where Eva brought Sophie to talk to her, after the event with Mrs. Huntington and Beth, was warm enough, with a big fire in the stove, with flames that were actually playing with those dried logs which were smacking till turning them into ashes. Thus, hearing the crack of the wood in the stove, Sophie winced, feeling cold drops of sweat running on her back. But she understood that those cold drops had nothing to do with the cold felt outside but it was something coming out from inside her. And… it was there another truth understood so suddenly: while bathing her lost glance into Eva’s beautiful blue sea seen in her eyes, a celestial blue on a sunny day, Sophie understood that she actually didn’t have an answer to Eva’s question as she understood that she actually never knew her father, at least not as he really was.

De facto, she thought about this long before meeting Eva: if she got to know well her father or he has also been a caprice for her like Brian was?! She didn’t know this and she probably won’t ever know this, for right after she started to think about something like this, waves of hatred and negative emotions were taking over her soul and mind, not allowing her to clearly think or normally breathe.

And… Sophie also felt a huge pressure in her throat, like a pliers that was hardly squeezing her soul as if trying to soak even the last drop of life from her. But even so, she felt that she hadn’t enough power to stay against her own feelings and against the world represented by a single person at that moment: Eva, the one Sophie hated so much for occupying her place next to Brian, but who was also someone who Sophie wanted to still have in front of her after she found out that she was the only one who knew more about her father’s death.

Then… Sophie winced again, hearing Eva saying: „yet, it seems to me that you never got to know Edward Anderson Bell well, who has been your father, but also the enemy of so many people during his life, sowing hatred in their soul even after his death.”

„Each of us is someone’s enemy in this life, Eva. The important thing here is to know how to fight against our enemies and of us sometimes, for sometimes we can be our own enemy.”

Eva sadly smiled, for… what Sophie said made sense. Yet, she didn’t want to show her weaknesses in front of her rival. That’s why she stretched her back and looked with pride at Sophie, who she started to commiserate with, so suddenly, for she understood that Sophie Anderson Bell lost a lot lately and so suddenly. „Maybe you’re right, Sophie,” Eva continued her thought, „but there are enemies that try to destroy you only by thought while there are others that do everything to take your breath away and push the dear people away from you.”

„And… which group are you part of right now?” murmured Sophie in a half a voice, feeling that she lacked air because of the tears that suddenly appeared in the corner of her eyes, but which Sophie was stubborn not to let them freely flow on her cheeks.

„I?” murmured Eva thoughtfully. „Till not long ago, I wasn't by anybody’s side, for even if I had enemies, I’ve never been aware of. Or… I was just trying to lie myself because… I think I hated in my life.”

„Who?”

„This life - which took my mother from me while still being a baby, my father - who threw me in this madness of a libertine world, and… each woman seen next to my father,” said Eva sadly, staring at the flames.

„Everything started with a woman and ends with one,” said Sophie randomly, staring this time at her feet and looking for comfort at least from that wooden floor which seemed so cold and unfriendly at that moment.

„And you’re right, Sophie, for the same happened to your father,” said Eva this time, staring at Sophie, who finally dared to look again at that blue sea that fit into a soul, so vividly reflected into a woman’s eyes. „For everything started with a woman called Lorenne Fabeau, who your father wanted in his arms, and also that woman brought his end eventually.”

Sophie shuddered, with all her body, for even if she knew that Edward hasn’t been a Saint, she never thought that namely his huge desire to love every single possible woman will kill him eventually. And… she felt, so suddenly, the strange desire of running out of that office, of letting unfinished a talk about her father’s death when she hoped to finally find out the truth and why she became an orphan, much earlier than she had wanted.

„But… I don’t understand - what could have my father done so bad that he deserved to be killed so cruelly? In the depths of a forest, at night, and… with a cold blade of a knife that cut his throat before leaving this world.”

„Tit for tat,” murmured Eva, tamely or with the desire to take revenge on her rival, for when she heard the story told to her by Lorenne, long ago, in her house in Brighton, Eva felt sorrow for Edward, even if she considered him guilty for what happened to Lorenne and her husband. „Your father, Sophie also took a life. Long ago. Or… maybe he killed more, but we didn’t know about this.”

And again Sophie shuddered, to hearing something that she had never suspected, that Edward killed someone. It was too much for her soul to accept, a soul already so tormented by fate. „You’re lying,” she hissed eventually through her teeth.

„What do I win telling you lies?” said Eva calmly, pitifully looking at Sophie, who she saw tormented by the flames of hell at that moment. Yet… Eva didn’t feel sorrow for Sophie, for she also suffered a lot because of that woman, who she found out that told Emily that she also could lose her child and that namely after that Miss Davis’ madness started. „If I tell you this is because you asked me to do that. I… have nothing to win here, only to lose after this meeting.”

„Of course, you… win,” said Sophie with hatred. „It’s called desire to take revenge on me, for… attacking me by saying such nonsense things, you make me suffer and, seeing my sufferance, you feed your ego with my pain. You feel revenge for what you thought that you had to suffer because of me.”

„You’re wrong here, Mrs. Anderson Bell,” said Eva confidently, something that was reminding the voice of a teacher scolding his naughty students, or maybe lazy that didn’t learn what he taught them. And Sophie seemed to be like a naughty student, for she also heard almost nothing from what Eva told her. „I found out about our ex-Prime Minister’s death many weeks after this, by chance. Also, that day, I found out the story behind that strange death, something that seemed at first a random event, but which actually resulted to be the cruel reality: Edward, ten years ago, has been in Brighton, where Lorenne and her husband lived. And, right after seeing her, he wanted her in his arms. But her denial, of the woman he wanted so bad in his bed, made him lose his head and, eventually, after a duel he had with Lorenne’s husband, a fight asked by Mister Fabeau, who felt hurt because of your father’s shameless request, who proposed Lorenne to pay with her body for her husband’s debts, he took that man’s life.”

„Then… it means that my father is of no guilt in that death. If one goes to a duel, he must kill or will be killed,” said Sophie proudly, trying to defend her father at least this way, for she felt so suddenly that huge desire of protecting him as if she was the parent and not the child.

„Of course, he had. And a lot, Mrs. Anderson Bell, for… if he didn’t long for someone else’s woman, seen at that man’s arm, then… he wouldn’t have been forced to kill someone in a duel and either feel the death’s scent after that.”

„… and either feel the death’s scent after that,” murmured Sophie, wiping her tears which she left free eventually to bath her cheeks while she was staring through the window at the field that was so widely seen in front of her, in that rocking of the carriage that was heading to nowhere, moving away from a place that gave her so many answers at that moment, but which she got to hate so suddenly.

***

A painful sigh came out of Eva’s chest, who eventually bent and squatted in front of the same window where she stood till that moment, looking at the autumn surroundings that seem so calm even if it was so cold around.

Entering the living room and seeing Eva squatted, Mrs. Huntington hurried toward her, putting the tray where she brought some tea on the table. „Eva, what happens? Do you feel bad?” the old lady murmured preoccupied when she got next to Eva.

Suddenly, the young woman started to slowly shake, as if having a fever. Yet, she wasn’t crying, for Alice didn’t hear any sob, and neither she felt tears on Eva’s hands which she touched, trying to understand what was due to that shiver. Only when she touched Eva’s chin and forced her to look into her eyes, did Alice spot a weird smile on Eva’s face.

„She’s going crazy,” the old woman thought and shuddered. Yet… she was wrong, for Eva wasn’t losing her mind. She only grinned at life that was so stubborn to force her to face so many difficult moments lately. „What’s wrong with you?” Alice asked frightened. „Why are you… acting like this?”

„You know, Mrs. Huntington, I always thought that I’m weak, a victim only, but… I got to be a butcher eventually.”

Alice stared thunderstruck into Eva’s eyes, not understanding at all what she said. Yet, Eva understood what was inside Alice’s soul and said: „Sophie Anderson Bell. I’ve been her butcher today.”

„Aaa, this was what you meant,” thought Alice and calmed down, for she finally understood what kind of battle was inside Eva’s soul at that moment. „Yet, child, you have no guilt in that death. At least this is what you’ve told me.”

„That’s right, Mrs. Huntington. I’m not guilty of Edward Anderson Bell’s death. But still… I feel so guilty for this.”

„Why?” asked Alice even more surprised.

„Because it seems to me that Miss Davis did what she did only to protect me and punish Sophie for her daring of threatening me with losing my child as Emily lost one, more than twenty years ago.”

„Yet, Eva… even if that Emily did what she did it’s because she decided this and I don’t know why I think that it has nothing to do with you.”

„Do you think so?” murmured Eva, looking with pleading eyes at Alice and asking her by a glance to tell her that she had no guilt in everything that happened to her.

„Yes, I think so,” said Mrs. Huntington almost in a whisper and touched Eva’s hands with both palms. „Let’s sit on the sofa! You shouldn’t stay like this. Your feet will hurt you later.”

„Your feet will hurt you later,” Eva slurred while listening to the woman’s advice and, still holding Mrs. Huntington’s hand, she stood up and both of them approached the sofa on which they right away sat down. But… she knew very well that what Alice meant was that her soul will hurt her if she kept thinking of what happened. That’s why Alice took her away from the window and forced her to sit on the sofa - to turn her back to reality and keep her away from that cruel world from which Eva wanted to run away. „Mrs. Huntington, what should I do with Christine?” Eva asked eventually, staring into the old woman’s eyes.

„With Mrs. Bircham? What do you mean? Or… better to ask: what did she do this time?” said Alice, hissing the last part through her teeth and raising her right eyebrow.

„She’s who brought Sophie Anderson Bell in front of me today, for Mrs. Bircham told her where to find me after she had visited my enemy to tell her where I’m now.”

„And… what does she win doing this?”

„She’s probably trying to make me leave this house or at least to strike the coup of grace on me, for she knows very well that Sophie didn’t give up on Brian and that she wants to turn back that imaginary family she thinks they had together.”

„Yet, Eva… their family has been real,” murmured Alice. „They’ve been married: in front of people and of God,” she added, squeezing the young woman’s hand into hers, trying to give her some comfort and warmth, feeling those hands so cold, even if a big storm of hatred was boiling inside of Eva, forcing her to face life, not being at well prepared for this.

„What about me then?” muttered Eva and bitter tears flowed on her cheeks, tears that also bathed Alice’s hands. „Who I’ve been for Brian in the end?”

„The woman who he loves so much if he has been able to give up on a lot of things for you. Let’s not forget, child, that’s not easy to get a divorce nowadays. Especially to separate of a woman like Sophie, who we must accept that she could offer him much more material things that you’ll be ever capable to offer him.”

„Then… why he has been with me? Why didn’t he stay with her?” said Eva, offended.

„Because Brian Beneath seems to love more the soul things than the material ones. And what he wanted was to have by his side what he missed the most - love, for he grew up without his parents since little child and he lacked a lot of love. And… even if Bardain tried to always be with him, he couldn’t give Mister Beneath what he was looking for: soul fulfillment and love. Something that he found by your side, Eva. And… a child, who you also gave him. That’s why you must be proud that you could offer him so much all this time, valuable things, priceless, something that he won’t give up on ever, for… he won’t ever let Laura behind him.”

„I have also been my father’s daughter,” murmured Eva sadly.

„You can’t compare, Eva. You can’t compare those two men, for Brian isn’t your father for sure, as you shouldn’t make the same mistakes as I’ve done.”

„The same mistakes?” murmured Eva, confused.

„Yes. Like the one of giving up on love, for… you don’t know how much I regret that I did this more than 40 years ago, how much I regret that I've been selfish then and that I didn’t accept Bardain’s offer to be his wife, for he came into my house then and told me that he didn’t care about gossip and about the world, that he cares only about us. And… I would have liked to at least keep him next to me, even if I wasn’t his wife, for a man who really loves you is priceless, Eva, a treasure that you won’t ever find in another place.”

Two sad souls mirrored in two pairs of eyes after that: a soul that saw a lot in its life and which was so wise, a soul that mirrored on the blue surface of an innocent soul that was struggling so much to live - Eva Stonebridge’s soul.

***

A powerful slap threw Mrs. Bircham on the same sofa on which Mrs. Huntington and Eva stood before. And who dared to slap Christine’s face has been Alice - the only one who ever dared to raise her hand over Christine, who was so afraid by many, but who hated so much at the same time.

Touching the burning cheek, Christine stared like a hunted dog at the one who became her deadly enemy. But she has been so amazed to see an old lady in front of her, courageously staring at her and, in whose eyes, a long time ago forgotten youth was mirroring, something that vividly sparkled in Alice’s eyes when she understood that Eva could be in danger.

„You don’t even know who you are declaring war on,” Christine hissed eventually through her teeth.

„Same as you, Mrs. Bircham, for as I told to Marianne Chesterman Loran a few days ago, I’ll tell you now - be afraid of me, for even if I only look like a weak and powerless old lady, I’m worse than a fighting dog when I must protect someone dear me.”

Christine grinned, taking a normal sitting position on that sofa, but still touching her cheek that started to slowly pulsate, for Alice put enough effort into that slap, to make Christine understand that she wasn’t joking and that everything she said was a real threat. „And… should I understand that lately, Eva became your protegee? Let’s not forget that that „child” didn’t pay me back everything she owes me when her father took money from me.”

„He sold her, you wanted to say,” Alice said with malice. „Yet, Mrs. Bircham, even if you aren't more than a simple human trafficator, shameless actually, let’s not forget that debts might be paid without taking money out of one’s pocket.”

This intrigued Christine, for she never knew Alice before she showed up in her house the night Eva turned back to the house of the „Red Ants.” Yet, something told her that that old lady that was standing in front of her and proudly staring into her eyes knew priceless things which she could use later for her benefit. That’s why she eventually stood up and, stretching her back and taking her famous aristocratic posture, approached Mrs. Huntington. Later, getting in front of Alice and being only one step from her, she looked at the old lady, sketching a triumphant smile on her face. „I’m listening to what you want to say! What will you offer me in exchange for Eva?” Christine arrogantly asked as it was her habit, trying to make Alice confuse and take a wrong step, allowing Christine thus to attack again.

But that time wasn’t the first time when Alice met a poisonous cobra-like Christine Bircham. That’s why she took the last step left between them and, approaching her face of Christine, she hissed through her teeth: „for example telling you where Audrey Thorn’s grave is and who eventually got rid of her.”

Christine shuddered… with all her body and even her soul was shaking like an aspen leaf, for… even if she tried all her life to find out where her mother vanished eventually, she couldn’t find anything. She even thought that she’ll die without revealing that mystery that she wanted so badly to discover. Now instead life grinned again at her, a life hidden inside of an old lady’s soul, as Alice Huntington, who seemed at first a harmless pigeon, but who was in fact a tigress, with a lot of sins in her soul, which made her toothy and more than capable to attack.