Honey broke. She was not just broken, she was broken broken. Broken to the point where her mind completely shut off, apparently. All I was doing was petting her, occasionally rubbing up against her since she was sitting on my lap, and biting her neck and shoulder. All of that combined was apparently enough to thoroughly break her to the point where she could no longer properly function on any level.

No more noises came from her mouth.

The only movements she made were twitches.

Trying to get her attention for anything was impossible even if I waved my hand in front of her face.

If I didn’t know any better, I would have feared that she died or went braindead. Even after I stopped doing anything, just letting her sit on my lap still, she was still twitching without any sort of other activity.

I then had an idea.

If I more or less had the powers of a god, then wouldn’t it be possible to tap into her mind to read it and make sure that she was alright? Potentially invasive, but it could be seen as for her own good since she wasn’t responding to anything.

That settled it.

“If you don’t say anything, I’m going to read your mind to make sure you’re alright,” I warned.

There was no response.

That left me with only one option: to read my girlfriend’s mind for her own good.

Reading her mind was as simply as thinking about it. All I had to do was decide that I had the power to read minds, and that allowed me to focus on Honey’s mind to see just what was going through her head.

And that was when I learned that reading minds was potentially dangerous.

Immediately upon tapping into her mind, my own thoughts were utterly overwhelmed by not just her thoughts, but by her feelings.

I never felt as good as I did in that moment. My entire body trembled underneath her and my mind went blank except for the thoughts pouring into it from her own mind.

And her thoughts were simple, but repeating endlessly with infinite passion.

IlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehimIlovehim.

All of Honey’s love for me overwhelmed my mind.

If it wasn’t for being on par with a god, I probably would have lost myself and got trapped in that loop of love with her, but I was able to separate the link between our minds after a few moments.

Fortunately, all I needed to do was snap my fingers to get a new pair of boxers and pants.

That aside, because of my mind getting overwhelmed by Honey’s love for me…

I loved myself more than ever before.

Feeling somebody else’s love for me like that forced me to realize just how lovable I was.

I really was incredible.

I was good looking, intelligent enough, I knew how to make my girlfriends happy, I loved nature, I was a caring father, I was willing to break the laws of reality to make those close to me happy—how was I not basically perfect?

Honey helped me realize just how much I should love myself.

In fact, I loved myself so much that I wanted to turn myself into one of my wives. The only way for me to properly express love for myself would be for me to make a copy of myself and then express all my love to her, because obviously I would turn any copy of myself into a woman so that she can be my wife.

But as incredible, perfect, and worthy of love as I might have been, that could wait. After all, not only was I all of those above things, but I could also be patient sometimes.

More proof of my glory, I know.

More importantly, I could not properly love myself if I did not love the others first. And I could not properly love them until after the battle was over and both Mariet and Claire were officially mine.

At the same time, I sighed and returned a hand to the top of Honey’s head to pet her.

“Thank you for showing me the light, Honey,” I whispered into her ear before leaning back. “I appreciate myself more than ever before now. It’s good to be me.”

And because I was such an incredible and basically perfect god, I turned my attention away from myself toward my wives on the battlefield. Because that was what somebody as incredible as me did: they paid attention to their wives.

First up was Valkyria, Luca, and Eliza going up against the returned Mr. Skeltal. Mr. Skeltal was an enemy who only wanted one thing: he wanted to doot his horn to the tune of Halloween jingles, and we previously defeated him by playing out-of-season Christmas music.

He was doomed.

Even though he was wearing headphones now in order to block out any potential Christmas songs he might hear, that didn’t stop the tank crew from letting the reindeer loose. After all, Eliza and Valkyria were both old women who came from an era when all the famous Christmas songs came out. Then there was Luca who hadn’t been alive long enough yet to get tired of Christmas music.

Mr. Skeltal was going up against three different girls who all loved Christmas music.

Together, Eliza and Luca stood up through the hatch on top of Valkyria’s turret, looped arms around each other’s back, and sung. They sung with so much Christmas spirit, inspired by their need for the spoiling that I promised them, that the soundwaves from their voices alone were enough to almost shake the boss’s headphones off from his giant, skeletal head.

But he wasn’t going to go down that easily.

Mr. Skeltal raised his trumpet and began dooting away in an attempt to drown out the soundwaves from the girls’ singing… but there was an issue with that plan.

He was going up against a tank.

Valkyria, locking her barrel onto the boss’s horn, fired her load right into his trumpet. In a very cartoonish way, the round she fired went through the trumpet’s entire tube, bulging out whichever part it was currently going through while making a bunch of clanging sounds, before firing out through the mouthpiece and hitting the boss right in the face. The explosion that followed, combined with the soundwaves, blasted his headphones off from his head which allowed the merry singing from Eliza and Luca to reach him in their most powerful, raw state.

Mr. Skeltal ran away soon after. Well, since he was a floating head with hands, he couldn’t exactly run. It was more like he flew away.

Same thing.

Then, in the other lane, Clawdia was going up against Mr. Bones.

Mr. Bones was previously defeated by me leaving a bad review about his amusement park online, but that wouldn’t work this time. I opened up the reviews for his park and saw that there were thousands upon thousands of suspicious, five-star reviews endlessly praising it with things that weren’t even true. Even if me and Clawdia both left scathing reviews together, they would just get drowned out in the ocean of fake reviews.

We needed to defeat him with an entirely new method. The original wouldn’t work again like it did with Mr. Skeltal.

This may be hard to believe considering how perfect and lovable I am, but I actually failed to think of a way to defeat him other than through sheer force.

And that was when Clawdia proved, in her desperate attempt to earn being treated like a worthless object for a week, that she wasn’t a former queen for nothing.

All it took was her making a few calls. The next moment, her mecha popped a giant television screen out from the top of its body to show everybody what was happening.

The scene on the TV was that of Mr. Bone’s amusement park before panning to show the sky.

Flying in the distance toward the park… was a legion of helicopters and cargo planes.

The cargo planes flew over first, dropping hundreds of massive, wooden pallets carrying various construction materials that were slowly lowered to the ground thanks to parachutes. The helicopters then hovered in the air over the ground, allowing dozens of ropes to fall from them, reaching the ground.

That was when the cats arrived.

All of Clawdia’s faithful cat followers rappelled down the ropes while wearing construction overalls and hardhats. Conan and Catrir were there, too, and each one of them wore special badges on their overalls that read, “Construction Supervisor.”

Once everything was in place, it only took a few seconds for them to get to work… to build a rival, cat-themed amusement park directly across from where Mr. Bones’ park was.

Mr. Bones might have made his park immune to bad reviews, but he didn’t make it immune to competition.

Within sixty seconds of the cats and construction materials arriving, the new amusement park, named the Pawsitively Feline Empire 2.0, was ready and a huge line of various undead monsters and animals from the battles were lining up at the park’s entrance gate.

Seeing even his own park employees leaving his park to go check out Clawdia’s new park, Mr. Bones had no choice but to leave the battlefield as he had more important matters to attend to.

Clawdia proved far more effective than I ever could have expected her to be, so I shouted over to her, “Do you think I’d be satisfied with that?! That took you too long! You’re never going to be able to satisfy me if that’s all you have, you worthless cat! Any of the dog sisters would have finished the boss off in a fraction of the time!”

Clawdia’s mecha dropped to its knees, probably due to Clawdia doing exactly that inside, and trembled.

Something else I was able to do, since I couldn’t see her from where I was sitting, was create a small screen that allowed me to look inside of the mecha’s cockpit.

And inside… I saw Clawdia twitching in a way similar to Honey, but she was also drooling and moaning something about being forced to drink “milk” to make up for disappointing me.

I felt a little bad about being mean to her, but all I had to do was remind myself that I was being a perfect, wonderful, loving husband who was only verbally abusing Clawdia because she loved it.

The battle wasn’t over yet, though. The two bosses who came back from previous battles might have been defeated, but that did not mean the battle was over.

What it meant was that it was time for the true final boss of the spooky forest.

Clap, clap, clap.

That was what I heard coming from the mansion’s doors which were in the process of slowly and dramatically opening.

Stepping out from behind them was none other than Claire, the fluffy bat butler, herself.

“You have done well to make it this far, my lord,” Claire said to me, still addressing me as her lord even though we were in the middle of being enemies. “For this next bit, my queen was supposed to ride atop me, but without her body… that would be difficult. Furthermore, I must say… whatever torture you are subjecting her body to, it has made it necessary to frequently replace any blanket I rest her head on given the amount of drooling she has been doing. I would love to discover just what it is you have been doing to her so that I may fantasize about it being done to myself as well, but that will have to wait. For now, my lord, you must face me, and I will not hold back. Furthermore, because my queen will not be able to ride me as originally planned, I have come up with an adequate replacement for her part in this.”

Once the villainous monologuing was over, Claire’s bat wings shot out from her back, surrounded her body, and she took off up into the air right after.

It was time.

I felt it in my bones. I knew it was coming.

The fluff arrived.

High in the air above, Claire transformed into her true bat form. Her bat form was as large as our house and covered in absolute fluff from head to toe. Even her wings looked fluffy once transformed!

However.

Then I saw what she was talking about when she mentioned coming up with a replacement.

Similar to when I saw all of those helicopters from the construction company Clawdia apparently owned without anybody’s knowledge, there was a swarm of flying bat bombers and escorts rapidly approaching our position from the sky.

It was time for the final battle of the final battle, and it wasn’t going to be an easy one given just how heavily stacked it seemed in favor of air superiority.

Fortunately, I had a plan.

Claire was no mere bat. She was a fluffy vampire bat.

And both bats and vampires loved to suck.

The sooner I enacted my plan, the better.

“I’m sorry, Honey, but I need to get you off now,” I said. “I mean, literally off. Not the way you’ve been getting off this entire time.”

It was pointless to explain the distinction seeing as how she was still too broken to say anything, so I just gently put her down on the ground. I then snapped my fingers… and brought Lake to me.

Apparently, she was trying to sleep seeing as how she was in some rather… innocent, cutesy looking pajamas and could barely keep her eyes open. “Huuh? Wha… what’s going on?” she mumbled.

“I need you to transform into your sword form,” I answered.

“Why…? Is there… a fight?”

“Yes, and I can’t win it without your help.”

“Ooh… okay.” She yawned. “I’ll… be right on that.” The next moment, Lake turned into her sword form and fell to the ground.

I picked her up, unsheathed her, and brought her edge right up against the side of my neck.

That was when Honey shot up and shouted, “Mu-Muffin! What are you doing?!”

“Now you come to your senses?” I asked.

“I felt you were in danger! Why are you holding Lake to your neck?!”

“I’m giving my fluffy bat wife an offer that she won’t be able to refuse.”

“I—I don’t understa—”

I slid Lake’s edge over the side of my neck, slitting it open.

“Muffin!” Honey shouted, causing everybody else to look over and see what I was doing.

And that included Claire.

As blood poured down the side of my neck, looking far more dramatic than it actually was given just how shallow the cut was, Claire completely froze in the air. In fact, all of those fluffy bats in the sky did.

I tossed Lake over to Honey and said, “Stand back. I’ve got this.”

“Have—have you gone crazy, Muffin?!” Honey asked, looking like she was going to cry from how worried she was about my neck.

“I’ve gone crazy in love with myself.”

“… what?”

“All you have to do is listen to me, Honey. I’ll spoil you even more later. Now, stand back.”

Honey looked more confused by the second, but she still did as ordered and took a few steps back with Lake held in her arms.

That allowed me to look up at Claire and the bats, opening my arms wide open for them. “Come!” I shouted. “You want blood, don’t you?! Then come and feast on the blood of your perfect, lovable, god-husband!”

Claire and all of the bats maintaining position over the start of the battlefield… dove straight toward me, leaving the battlefield in an instant.

We won.

And I had a swarm of high-speed fluff rapidly approaching my position.

I was the biggest winner of them all.