Merlina flashed Agent Caliban, who seemed to Eric more and more like a VIP troubleshooter than anything else, a dimpled smile before continuing.

“I’m here to tell you that if you’re looking for stability, safety, and the chance to earn an incredible return with the absolute best chance of keeping your profit stream not only for the next year… but for centuries, if not millennia after the final battle has played out and Earth has crowned a new king or queen, then you’re in good hands with Blue Corp!”

These words brought the murmuring adventurers to a silent stop, all of their focus now on Merlina’s brilliant smile.

“Because we have an edge that no other group can claim.”

“Yeah, you fools have never won a single world!” The largest orc snorted. “Who would want to sign up with you?”

The girl’s smile grew. “I’m so glad you asked, Redtooth! It does, in point of fact, have everything to do with us deferring all noble titles or any pretensions of direct rulership upon any world in contest, taking on purely administrative roles instead.”

She turned to the crowd. “And we can say with pride that for the last thirty seven conquered worlds it has been our privilege to help administrate and maintain, we have never once fired a strategic spell, Mind Blast, or bullet in pursuit of conquest. Because as over 2630 galactic treaties will attest, our goal isn’t conquest… it’s profit! Sustainable profit that’s both extremely ethical, following the galactic ideals regarding both wages and economic exploitation, and with an eye to sustainability and growth. Not just for the next quarter, but for centuries and millennia to come!”

“That’s right,” said her husband. “It’s only thanks to brave adventurers, noble mercenary bands, and savvy war leaders like yourselves that we gain any foothold in any disputed world whatsoever! For this reason, our offer has to be enticing. And it is! Because we provide a unique opportunity that no other faction can duplicate!”

The eyes of an accountant peered intently into their own. “It’s all about the numbers, my friends. There are multiple leagues and dozens of factions now struggling for supremacy. What are the odds, do you think, that any one faction will win out over all the others? What are the odds that the one you would risk your very life to back, in the desperate hope of future payoffs, will even be around to deliver?”

The man then turned to gaze almost sadly at the goblins. “A 40% profit share sounds incredibly sweet. And I’ll be the first to say that there’s nothing wrong with locking in interest free loans, regardless of whatever else happens. But that doesn’t change the fact that, all other things being equal.. the goblins have less than a 1 in 10 chance of coming out on top.”

“That’s a baldfaced lie!” Screamed the Goblin known as Glrrtch, glaring daggers at the Blue Corp diplomat.

Johnathen Brooks flashed a regretful smile. “I am sorry, friend Glrrtch, but numbers don’t lie. All other things being equal, having claimed less… and let’s be honest, far far less than 10% of the opening positions on this board, your odds of coming out on top are 10% at absolute best. And as any mathematician will tell you, 40% profit share is worth very little indeed, if you only have a one chance in ten of ever collecting.”

His wife nodded, her gracefully pointed ears seeming to quiver with sympathy for poor Glrrtch, as she spoke soothing words and gently gathered the little goblin up in her arms, looking for all the world like a beautiful young maiden seeking to give comfort to her ugly little gremlin teddy bear.

Eric blinked, quickly looking around, seeing that he wasn’t the only one struck by the odd tableau. One that didn’t make the goblins seem like any fearsome threat to be loathed and despised at all… merely sad little munchkins in way over their heads who were to be pitied, perhaps. But certainly not creatures to entrust with something as precious and hard-fought as the territories that would forge a new world order.

Eric couldn’t help it, he grinned at the girl who had somehow managed to get a sniffling Glrrtch to accept a hug as she stroked his sobbing back, whispering the soothing words of a mother comforting her child all the while.

And the way Glrrtch’s partner was glaring with red-eyed hate at his compatriot and the way Merlina’s eyes twinkled, made it clear that this perception had been exquisitely calculated.

And Eric couldn’t help cracking a smile as even Glrrtch’s sniffles were more desperate inhales, his ugly green nose right between her breasts as she patted his back and stroked his head.

It seemed like everyone was a part of this amusing act, save perhaps for Glrrtch’s furious-looking partner. And when Merlina eventually stepped back and gave Glrrtch an almost motherly smile as he slinked away, Eric couldn’t even say the little green goober hadn’t come out ahead by the calculated flash in the goblin’s own sparkling eyes. The ones in steepest debt to his faction were still his, he was unlikely to win any others, and he had just gotten to spend time being mothered between the breasts of a strikingly beautiful and savvy elf.

And a quick look at the crowd, half the guildheads looking horrified or disgusted, others looking amused, made it clear to Eric that at least some of the other members present got it too.

“Little shithead was just copping a free feel,” said a hot-eyed Annie.

The skinny arcanist by her side shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. How many guilds are on the hook with the goblins? And who else is going to join their faction, with the odds stacked that badly against seeing any return? Can’t say I’d do it any differently myself,” he said with a dreamy smile, before wincing at the look the captain gave him.

“What? I’m just agreeing with you’re earlier comment. With elves that hot… well, even an old otaku like me can dream, can’t he?”

Eric grinned, deciding that besides keeping him alive against countless threats, a focus on Perception was a damn fine thing for catching juicy bits of gossip no one ever expected him to hear.

Johnathen, completely unfazed by the scene that had just played itself out with his wife, flashed the crowd another 1000 megawatt smile. “Of course you might ask yourselves, and should ask yourselves, what makes Blue Corp different? What’s that priceless edge that we have to offer that makes us the clear choice over what will soon be dozens of competing factions?”

“It all has to do with treaties and contractual obligations,” his wife explained. “As a result of Blue Federation’s unique designation as a non aggressive faction, our peerless track record of fair treatment of employees, subcontractors, and business partners, and of course, the fact that we help administrate large swaths of territory on countless worlds in almost all empires of significance, it has been conceded that our territories may make use of everything up to Basic Bronze Tier defenses, to be used in a defensive capacity only, against any potential aggressor. Even on newly assimilated worlds such as the one we all now call home!”

Johnathen nodded. “To put it in perspective, a magical sword blessed with lesser enchantments, or an orcish flintlock, or even their 24-pounder cannons, are all weapons to be respected and feared on any White Tier battlefield. Weaponry I have no doubt that most of you who dare the path of conquest will face, or use, to your own advantage. But should any opponent dare to bring such weaponry against a Blue Tier territory, should they ignore the polite request to withdraw, they will face complete obliteration at the hands of an elite tier wizard Corpse on the cusp of Bronze ascension as well as arcane taser shockwave denial systems and, for the truly stubborn and stupid, batteries of rail guns.”

The man flashed a brilliant smile. “Of course, iron-hard treaties are enforced. These defensive weapons are part of stationary fortifications, and may not be deliberately aimed at targets outside of Blue territory. But that being said, I am happy to report that in the last 175 years, on only 3 worlds have multiple opponents successfully taken over any territory we held in trust.”

“Because it is all about trust,” Merlina said. “Trust that we will treat our employees and the future ruler fairly. Trust that we will continue to follow centuries of tradition. It is that centuries-long trust in us in our competence, capability, and most especially our integrity, that has led to the common designation of Blue Territories being declared neutral. Because we are neutral in all other respects. We take no part in politics or factions beyond that which facilitates the profitability of our territories.”

“But how the hell does that even work?” A frowning Lady Grey asked. “I mean, if you have rights to advance tech and crews of talented mages, if almost no one successfully grabs territories you have flying your banner, how the hell is it that you’re not ruling half the galaxy?”

The pair exchanged beaming smiles.

“An excellent question!” Johnathen said. “It’s because whoever claims the most territory outside of Blue territory becomes the nominal head of all Blue Faction territory. In short, they win the board.”

Annie frowned. “Wait, so you just roll over and surrender?”

Merlina shook her head. “Not at all. Because the understanding we have struck with all major powers is that in return for our support, the new ruler agrees to allow Blue Corp to continue doing what it does so well. Managing our territories for maximum profit! In return, we get a 20% cut of all profits earned, the new emperor or empress gets to enjoy a 20% cut of pure unadulterated profit without having to deal with taxes, shortfalls, insurrections, or any administrative headaches at all! 40% of all profits go to the hardworking employees and entrepreneurs who gain access to top tier efficiency and tools to maximize their own profitability, and last but not least, dear adventurers, the final 20% goes to you and your designated heirs, in perpetuity!”

Her husband nodded. “We’re a source of headache-free income for any ruler who finds that the glory of conquest inevitably becomes the daily grind of troubleshooting any number of problems, issues, shortfalls, and demands that soon eat away at the majority of time that he or she would rather spend working towards their own ascension and class evolution. In fact, it’s not at all uncommon for fledgling rulers to cede all the headaches of territory management upon our capable shoulders, a duty which we gladly take on, for an agreed-upon percentage of all profits!”

The powerfully built Vincent furrowed his brow. “So what, the emperor’s just a figurehead? You’re ruling behind the scenes?”

This earned an adamant shake of Merlina’s adorable head. “Not at all! We merely give him or her the choice of profiting mightily and headache free by granting Blue Federation administratorship and free charter to any city or territory that a given ruler wishes to increase the profitability of. They will always be revered as the rulers of their lands, and may act as they wish. The areas we directly administer, however, do best if the day-to-day tasks are left in our humble hands, and very few rulers have a problem with this precedent.”

Redtooth snorted. “Blue totally pacifies whatever world it touches. Before you know it, the emperor’s acting like a goddamned boardroom executive! They’re allowing Blue Corp to set terms. Not even allowed to take more than 40% of the spoils!”

Johnathen sighed, shaking his head with his smile still firmly in place, like a brilliant teacher patiently trying to reach a particularly thick-headed student. “Please understand, dear Redtooth, this is no random, arbitrary number. We have centuries of experience indicating that for maximum profitability and stability, reserving 40% of the profits for the workers and entrepreneurs themselves leads to maximum profitability and stability for all.”

The giant orc crossed his arms. “I think you snakes just want to get your fangs in every piece of pie you can! I know for a fact that you only put Bronze tier embankments in place upon your most valued pieces of territory, and my friends have made it clear that you fools are stretched very thin here on this Earth!” Redtooth looked around in wide-eyed mockery. “This so-called ‘Blue Palace’ in your tiny little corner of Freetown demonstrates the extent of your reach on this entire continent! Where are your contingents of armored elite shock troops? Your arcane cannons? Your rail guns?”

The orc snorted. “You fools don’t even have a chartered bank here on Earth! You’re standing on hopes and dreams and offer no rank, no privilege, no glory! Just imaginary profits based on only those tiny slivers of land that only idiots would cede to you! Slivers of land that will be relying on your reputation a hell of a lot more than any actual high-tech defensive batteries to keep them from falling into the hands of a dozen factions! And not all of us have ties to the Blue, girl!”

Both husband and wife had paled at these words, and Eric couldn’t help but wince in sympathy at the hawklike stares of the entire crowd.

It seemed like Blue Corp was hardly the perfect safe bet the pair had implied. Especially when one took into account that the Blue had no offensive charters at all. Any growth at their end would be entirely thanks to adventurers actually daring to claim territory on their behalf. And if Redtooth was right… Blue Corp was stretched so thin here, that opposing factions might just be able to grab it right back.

To her credit, the elven girl smiled through her discomfort, with one final jab to deliver. “My, Redtooth. You speak almost as if your Bloodchiefs and Warleaders have no truck with Blue Corporation at all.”

The orc blanched and glared. “Watch your words, girl! If you dare to insult our tribe in front of outsiders...”

Merlina quickly flowed into a bow. “I would do no such thing, honored and revered Redtooth.”

The orc snorted and looked away.

And Eric immediately understood. They were diplomats, recruiters… their job was to better their position here on Earth. Sure as shit, they wouldn’t dare risk that by insulting a party whose worlds they were clearly already invested in. And Eric had no doubt that any number of prickly psychopathic orcs would love any opportunity to break free of whatever constraints of decency Blue Corp had slowly incorporated into their worlds.

Far better to be embarrassed in front of a dozen strangers who might not claim a single territory between them, than to risk their secured standing on multiple worlds ruled by touchy psychopaths, Eric thought.

But still… even after baring her metaphoric throat, it was clear that Blue Corp was a major power, even on worlds ruled by Eric’s most hated foes. Even if their power on Earth was minimal indeed.

For now.

Of course, the other factions weren’t going to resist an opportunity to put the competition in its place either.