I took fed and took good care Here Boy and Eli, knowing that my time to leave again and go up north was coming soon. Here Boy did not take kindly to baths; although I did my best to clean his fur. I arranged my paints in my satchel and got my canvas ready, getting ready to explain to Adlai what I was going to do and why, as I had been unsure how he would react to me doing so. I didn’t want him to worry too much about me being in the city, as I had Svetty’s help by my side.

However, he seemed to have plans of his own. One evening, as I raised a heavy basket full of yams over my shoulder, he made his way through the cornstalks and carried it for me without a word. As we silently began to walk back to the cave, he squinted his eyes in the heat, beads of sweat dripping down his face. He kept giving me short glances, with his head low. I wiped my forehead and paused to stretch my back.

“You like this land?” Adlai softly asked.

“Pardon?”

“You…you like this place?” he repeated. “Reckon it reminds you…somewhat of your home.”

I stared at him for a moment, confused. Thunder rumbled in the distance, the air was humid, yet the scent of upcoming rain was approaching. Flies and gnats buzzed in the air. He loudly slapped a mosquito that had settled on the back of his neck, then faintly chuckled. The sound of his gentle laughter made toads jump in my stomach.

“I…I figured…maybe I could build a house.” With a swift motion, he immediately set down the basket and walked off to the middle of a field, his arms stretched out. “H..have a kitchen out here. And this here would be the living room, the bathroom.”

”Why are you saying all these things?” I signed, looking out at the green field. “You know I can’t help build a house.” A faint smile fell on my face, though I wasn’t sure why he wanted to do so when we already had a shelter. “I can’t be much use to you with making anything, not even the bathroom. Not with only one arm, you know.”

“I can’t build it with half a brain, either.”

“Now you’re being silly,” I replied, giggling.

He briefly smiled, but seemed to be on edge; still fumbling in his muddy hands. I wondered why he appeared so nervous, jumpy more than usual.

A hummingbird landed on a branch, catching my attention. Adlai paused, keeping his gaze low, before approaching me. His chest and neck were glistening with sweat. As I looked up at him, through the mass of red hair on his face, he had a hand buried deep into his pocket.

”Who’s the house for?”

”You,” he softly said. “Us, if you’d like.”

“I will try to help you any way, but you must first give me a bit of direction.” I pointed to the trees. “What would like for me to do? Where do you want me to gather wood? I can go look for tools in Navu if you wish…” I stopped for a moment, taking in what he said. “It’s ours?”

When he slowly knelt down in front of me on one knee, it took him a while to whisper the words. “Will…will you marry me?”

He seemed to hold his breath, firmly bracing himself for my reply. His deeply relieved face was a bright shade of red when I warmly smiled, clasping a hand over my mouth. Taken aback, I finally nodded and got down on the grass, trying to sign coherent words, suddenly overwhelmed with water beading in my eyes. Not having the courage to look at me, he clumsily fished into his pocket and slipped a small metal band on my finger. When he started to apologize, stumbling over his words, and promised he would get me something prettier soon once he had some money, I immediately pulled him into a hug, not even letting him finish his sentence. Surprised at my reaction, he sat there, still. He sank into my arms and we closed our eyes, smiles on forming our lips, our heads rested against each other; the grass tickling my legs.

It was a rainy day, with clouds gathering in the sky. We were drenched in the rain, and when he tried to again explain that he wanted to get a better ring, I immediately shushed him, kissing him all over his still red face; telling him that there was no need. That day was the best one I ever had. And a few weeks later, we disguised ourselves as civilians and snuck into Flanders, where he obtained fake paperwork and we both signed a license in a run down courthouse. It cost twenty rupees in total to acquire the documents and to have a legal officer have us exchange vows. The false surname he created for the both of us; Bennet, soon became my new identity. I never had a last name before, and when I told Adlai that it was nice to have two names for once, he deeply smiled. His handwriting was neat and organized, in comparison to my chicken scratches.

We swore to each other keep our marriage a secret, although I never planned to take off the metal band he had placed on my index finger. He wore an identical one on his hand, and once we got back home, we spent our first evening as husband and wife near the fireplace eating a rabbit I had caught and roasted; him weeding the garden and me quietly sweeping the cave with a straw broom I had fashioned. Afterwards, we both laid on our backs in the tall grass amidst the fireworks and watched the stars together, our heads facing opposite each other.

* * * * * *

He had developed a stutter.

Color returned to his cheeks, he smiled and laughed far more often. He had gained a healthy amount of weight, although I worried he was still far too thin. When he spoke, which was usually very quietly; his accent had not disappeared. Yet a guilty look was in his eyes, as if he was hiding something, although I was curious and wanted to know. He always seemed to wash his clothing a lot—far too often, and I wondered why. Whenever a villager somehow stumbled upon our humble abode, he waited until they had disappeared before descending from the shadows. Those next few weeks were simple, and our routine was in harmony. I tried new recipes, wanting to fulfill my wifely duties the best I could. A man deserved good meals through the day, and I made sure I delivered it throughly. He devoured all the food I made for him like a wolf, and although I pleaded to tell him what his favorite meals were so I could cook them, he simply replied with, “Everything.”

Four years had taken a toll on him; his body was muscular and slim, but the limp he had worsened, so much that he needed a stick to get around. He woke up to me during most mornings massaging his ankles, trying to bring some relief to his blistered bare feet. I was sick of him pretending that they weren’t killing him in front of me. Before he could speak, I shushed him with a gentle kiss, refusing to let him walk around another day with such pain. Ignoring his gentle protests; I made sure to do this task twice a day, applying a herb paste I had made to his toes, the callouses that laid on the soles of his feet. I could make out something stained on his hands, which he always kept tucked into his pockets. I couldn’t help but wonder if he had walked all the way down here; and why he went out of his way to avoid any villager that wandered around. However, I could tell that he had a deep desire to know where I went, although he never asked, not even once.

One morning, I finally mustered up the courage and told him I had gotten a job up north, painting portraits for Red Mamba generals. Due to Svetty’s advice, I managed to pass as a civilian. With any military information that they had in their homes, I took it. I proceeded to show him the documents I had stolen and stashed away in my satchel, dumping them out on a wooden stump. Many I did not understand the content of, but when Adlai studied them, his face went pale. He suddenly rushed forward and placed both of his hands on my shoulders, panic settling in his wide eyes.

“Where did you find this?”

I stared at my bare feet. “Their offices.”

“D-does anyone know?”

”Only Svetty is aware. But she is a friend. You can trust her; she is a civilian. She’s in the village, with Jene’s group. She was the one who saved my life after she found me in the woods.” I eagerly took a step closer. “She helped me with my mannerisms. To blend in with the city. This is my fourth time going up there. I’m going to get more for you. I see how you help the others. I want to be as much assistance to you as possible.”

A bewildered look fell on Adlai’s face.

I picked up the papers, and, after quickly gathering them in a neat stack, handed them to him. “Here, give this to George. You write notes—tell them about these. They need this with their men. These are a few maps, plans they have regarding the remaining occupied cities. They will help you. You can see the lines they drew on the maps.”

He didn’t look at the documents. Instead, he immediately pulled me into a hug, which caught me off guard. As I slowly embraced him, I signed in his hand one sentence.

”I go back there again soon, Adlai.”

His silence unnerved me.

* * * * * * *

In any moment of free time I had; I made sure to explore my new home at any chance I could get. The green hills and fields were vast and wide, reminding me of the ones at home, where I would play with Benny. I knew Papa would be able to find some decent game. The thought of the both of them made a lump rise in my throat; I longed to know where they were, how much taller Benny had gotten, if he was taller than Papa now? He would have been fifteen this summer. Ignoring the heaviness in my chest; I decided to push the thought at the back of my mind for now.

This place was beautiful, filled with possibilities to create new paintings, and I told eagerly Adlai so, but he didn’t say a word; just gave me a small smile. Confused by his reaction; I could not fathom how he barely gave the glorious flower fields a side glance. I had never seen such color and variety in my life; the blues, oranges, yellows, pinks. I could bask there all day, lying on the ground on my back, and I wanted to capture each landscape. It was as if the environment had conjured up unpleasant memories for him. While the scenery astonished me; he didn’t seem to be too excited about the multiple species of birds that gathered in the branches, or the various creatures that I eagerly gazed from afar, trying to sketch them while awkwardly balancing on a tree.

I washed our clothes and blankets, made sure to have clean smelling blankets on our bed so that my husband wouldn’t suffer so much from head lice, which had come back yet again. Tired of seeing him scratch his head so much, with a deep sigh, I got out my comb made him sit so I could begin the process of removing them. When I made a new paste for him to put on his scalp to help eliminate the wretched little critters for good, he politely refused, laughing a great deal as he slowly backed away. Annoyed and fed up with his games, I began to chase after him in the woods to convince him to do it just this once, his deep snickers at my expression only irritating me more.

And each time I cooked, I handed him a new sketch I had drawn for him that day, next to his plate. As we ate together, I kept telling him about the birds; and I think I gave him so many of my drawings he didn’t know what to do with them. I could not stop chatting about the different species I found, pointing to each sketch I gave him, beaming. But he never appeared to be bored or annoyed, rather he seemed to drink it all in. He listened a great deal to my excited ramblings. And I was surprised that, after he had set down his plate, to feel his large hand rest around my waist, before both of them settled on my hips. He gently guided me so that I found myself perched on his lap, facing him, the skirts of my dress hanging off the edge of the tree stump he sat on. Mulch clung to my bare feet.

As his arms slowly circled around my waist, I stopped signing once I saw a deep longing in his eyes. The dimples had appeared; the small smile had formed on his lips. I suddenly was shy, him never holding me like this. I smiled back at him, and he looked down for a moment; his face a bright red color. Orange leaves from a nearby tree rained down on our heads, our shoulders.

Adlai didn’t talk, rarely spoke more than a few sentences if I were lucky to hear them in a day. I worried if he was getting ill; and although I asked him if anything was wrong, he assured me that he was fine. But his eyes traveled all over my body, and as he saw me working on the portraits for my clients, he simply sat and watched the way my hand guided a layer of paint on the canvas. He watched me in an odd way. When I turned and realized he was there, he warmly smiled at the sight of paint streaked across my face. Licking his thumb, without a word, he wiped it off, his hand slowly traveling down the side of my face, before dropping his arm. A brief silence passed between us; he silently made his way through the trees. Unsure what to make out of his strange behavior, I figured I stank real bad. After sniffing myself, I wrinkled my nose. I was usually covered head to toe in paint after finishing my projects, and started to bathe far more often than before.

I saw how careful he was whenever he saw me, as if he was deeply afraid of startling me, whether it was holding my hand or helping me carry an item that he thought was too much for me. I had placed a bright yellow hyacinth I had spied on the ground in my hair; I couldn’t resist its beauty. As I scrubbed soapy clothing against a washing bat, enjoying a strong breeze against my sweaty body, I felt his shadow near me. I waited for him to speak, but he said nothing. Instead, he crouched down behind me, his large hand wrapping around my pink one in the soapy water. He planted a deep, unexpected kiss on the back of my neck, his lips soft against my skin, his warm breath causing goosebumps to rise and for me to freeze. Before I could turn around, he had already disappeared, leaving me not knowing what to do with myself and a tingling sensation all over my body.

It was if he was trying to find an excuse to touch me as much as possible, hands always brushing against my hips. As we embraced, his arms seemed to ache to hold me a little longer, his long fingers lingering against my skin and clothing, down the line on my back.

He was horribly shy around me; and each morning I woke up to find a bundle of sweet smelling flowers by my side. Very rarely was he here at night, or the afternoon. The way he studied at me made butterflies rise and float in my stomach, mainly because of that soft smile--the dimples were visible on his face. He had been more quiet than ever since our first kiss, but I was too nervous to do it again, wondering how he would react. He spoke so little; but his eyes stayed on me when he thought I wasn’t looking.

* * * * *

As I washed my filthy scalp and paint off my body in the stream one night, the cool water trickled down my body, between my breasts. My dress was crumpled up on the ground. I heard Adlai’s soft footsteps against the grass, his bare feet streaked with dirt. That longing look was more prevalent in his eyes than ever. He leaned sideways against a tree, and I wondered how long he had been watching me. When I rose through the surface of the water after rinsing my hair thoroughly, I finally noticed his form. To my dismay, he appeared nervous once he realized I was staring back at him. After saying a quick apology, he began to limp away, back through the trees. My heart sank; I realized how terribly I had failed him as a wife, how I had failed to pay attention to him because I had been so selfishly occupied with painting lately.

I quickly signed my words, eagerly beckoning with my arm. He seemed a little taken aback by my reaction; that I didn’t appear nervous to be unclothed in front of him for the first time. I deeply wondered why he would expect me to; that men instantly went to bed their wives on the first night. I was surprised he had not done so himself. I had been bracing myself for it, worried that the exchange would be painful. At my village, it was expected that the each married woman satisfied their husband as soon as the wedding ended. But then it dawned on me that he had been waiting for me to first initiate intimacy, which I had not been aware of, nor anticipated until this very moment. And I had been too foolish to realize how he had watched me the whole time.

When he slowly pulled off his shirt, it was a bit hard to see him in the dark, as he was mostly concealed in the shadows. As he slipped off his pants and stepped into the water with me, I saw how his bright red hair, which was usually up in a bun, tumbled down his back, his waist like a waterfall. I was shocked to see how long and thick it was. A lily pad floated nearby, followed by a loud croaking bullfrog. He slowly pulled me into an embrace from behind; in his strong arms. His body was relaxed to mine. Having never seen him naked, I could not pull my eyes away from his defined muscles; weeks of laboring in the sun had given him somewhat of a tan, although he was still quite pale. Beads of water dripped down his elbows; he played with the strands of my hair; before his fingers lightly touched my breasts.

His lips faintly moved; he whispered in my hair, “Is this…okay with you? You don’t have to. If you’re not ready, that is more than fine.”

“I didn’t mean to keep you waiting for so long.” I stared at my reflection in the water, devastated. “Oh…I…I’m so sorry.” Immediately, I turned to face him, creating a soft splash. “I will do better, I promise.”

Adlai intensely shook his head, a disturbed look on his face. “No, no, no.” He slowly pulled me close to him. “You decide, not me, when you’re ready. Don’t apologize. Nor is there any rush. I’d never force you to do something you’d never wanted to do. No, my love. Never. Please, don’t think of it that way.” His voice seemed crushed. “Please don’t.”

“You…you are not disappointed?”

“Disappointed?” He held me a bit tighter. “Oh, Honda. No. It’s okay. It’s okay.”

The way he spoke it made butterflies go through my stomach. The soft hair between his legs brushed against my thighs, his pale white skin smooth, a jagged scar that traveled down from his belly button. I could see how pronounced his penis was under the water. His strong and gentle hands stroked my waist, my hips, my buttocks. He kept his head low, avoiding glancing at me.

I placed a kiss on his face, eventually finding his mouth. A faint sigh came from me as his hand lingered once more between my legs, his lips against my collarbone. A deep longing, hunger was in his eyes as I gazed at his face. He kissed me like a man starved, like he was fighting to hold back.

Having never been with with anyone before; I wasn’t quite sure what to expect. I wanted to give him everything I had. The sensation that he started made me desperately crave more of his touch. As I drew him into another deep kiss, he delicately scooped me out of the water, carrying me in his arms, through the fields, back into our cave. A small puddle had formed between our feet. As he gently laid me down on my back on our moss bed, he suddenly lightly kissed where the fuzz between my legs started, eventually making his way up to my collarbones, leaving a trail of wet kisses on my skin. His warm legs settled around my own, and the sensation of his fingers stroking my scalp made my muscles relax. The thick hair on his arms and legs reminded me of a fur on a bear. I was surprised how gentle he was; I could almost fall asleep from his touch.

When he began to kiss my stomach and breasts more strongly, I felt my nipples rise. He was slow, careful, rhythmic, moving down my body, whispering over and over again in the dark, “It’s alright. It’s alright.”

I planted a kiss on the side of his neck. His chin rested on my bare shoulder; his hands were wet and heavily calloused from scrubbing furiously at his clothing at the river, which I had seen him doing in the middle of the night far more often. His chest fell up and down, and beads of sweat trickled down his temples. When I turned to the side, he immediately kissed the tip of my nose. His scent was strong, smelling of grass and weeds and flowers. The blanket was warm and heavy, and when he drew it closer around us, his large, round brown eyes met mine. I found myself snuggling close like we had done so many times before, my worries rolling off my shoulders. I laughed when I felt his mouth trail across my breasts.

”That tickles,” I signed, giggling.

He softly smiled. Due to him being so quiet I could only hear his breathing. When he shifted his long, slender legs, his bare feet brushed against my soles. Yet I could sense how his body was reacting to mine. Thick strands of red hair fell over his face. His breath was hot in my ear. The blanket felt good against my skin, and we looked at each other and remained still for a moment, before we both simultaneously smiled again.

As he gently rested his arm around me, my breasts pressed against his chest; causing him to release a very quiet moan, which he attempted to hold back from me. To my surprise, he planted a slow kiss on my forehead and leaned forward for another one; drew me closer to him as we sank into more of them. When he placed a row of kisses down my neck, I momentarily closed my eyes, enjoying the feel of his hands across my back. As he paused and gazed at my nude form, he kissed my lips, slightly biting on my lower one. The feel of his skin against my own was warm. I could see the scars and bruises that were hidden present on his body, as if he had taken a recent beating. When I tried to ask him about them and to suggest we go to the river so I could help him; he simply placed a muddy finger on my lips. A small smile gathered on his mouth as I stared at him. As I observed the healing purple marks on his skin, he distracted me with another kiss, sensing my panic.

”Amore,” he whispered, his deep, husky voice barely audible. He kissed my chin. “It’s okay. Please, don’t be afraid. I’m here.”

His calloused hand gently cupped the side of my concerned face, eyes deeply looking into mine. His large hands rested around my thighs, and he softly kissed my small breasts, his lips sending shivers down my spine. When he finally looked up at me; his face was illuminated by the moonlight.

”Amore,” he whispered again. “My amore.”

The endearment of the word surprised me; he had never called me that before. I was curious about what it meant; knowing that it was a part of his native tongue. But before I could ask him so, he had spoken again.

”Can you promise me something?”

”Anything,” I signed. “Tell me.”

“Please…” It was a faint whisper. “Be careful. Don’t…don’t want to lose you.”

Not understanding what he was saying, I furrowed my brow. The blanket around us slid to the ground, cold air settling on our nude forms. His heart was beating quickly, his hands on my hips. Silently, I positioned myself, my legs wrapped around his waist, arm settled around the back of his neck, seeing how he was erect. The dark thick hair between his wet legs brushed against mine. His arms steadied my hips, resting on my buttocks. The metal band on his finger was cold against my skin. Our lips were locked; I was not sure if it was his first time, as it was mine. As he adjusted himself, he breathlessly tried to speak, but couldn’t form another word, his face red. He brushed the tip of his hardened, long penis between the against wet folds between my legs.

I was too flustered by the sensations he left for me to sign anything. He softly exhaled and gave me another desperate kiss, I knew how badly he was trying to still restrain himself. I hooked myself onto him, allowing my hips to rotate and causing him to slightly moan. The back of Adlai's hand caressed my pink face, and I felt him gently but firmly enter. A deep gasp escaped from my mouth, and he paused and held me in his arms for a moment. We remained still, listening to an owl hooting outside, him inside me. The way he held onto me was as if was holding a precious item, afraid of damaging it. And how his fingers were lightly tracing my bare skin—they were hungry, and I had a feeling that he had not held anyone like this in a very long time. I was unable to see his face well in the dark, only his lips and nose. I rested the side of my head against his collarbones, realizing he had a nice looking mouth.

”Does that hurt?” he quietly asked. His voice seemed a little sad. “I’m….I’m sorry.”

I was deeply confused at his apology. In a daze, I rapidly shook my head, inhaling his familiar scent, and roughly kissed him on the lips. He eagerly returned it, the kiss long and drawn out. The cigarette smell was there, only very slightly, mixed with the earth and grass. His wet red hair glowed in the light. A wave of heavy bliss washed over me, and I found myself really wanting more. I gently kissed his face; I drew myself closer to him, my hand settling on his back. Our skin was wet and slippery, and as we slowly collapsed on the bed, he suddenly hoisted me onto himself. I gripped the blanket at the sensation, kissing him profusely, desperately wanting him inside me again.

Adlai delivered another very slow, deeper thrust than before, easing in smoothly. I widened my legs more, gasping uncontrollably once more, my mouth open all the way, and as he gently slid in again, a deep moan came from him. He exhaled, kissing me with great hunger. The sensation was glorious, inexplainable, and as we slowly rocked our hips back and forth, my breaths were heavier, unstable as I caressed his face with my hand. Each thrust was stronger, heavier, with increasing force.

I could hardly make sense of the sensations he sent up my body. His larger, veined one pressed against the side of our makeshift bed, his large brown eyes looking into my face. As I clung onto him, he pulled me into an embrace, continuing to heavily kiss me, his parted lips brushing against my neck, my ear. Some strange noises came from me, a wave of intense pleasure seizing control. His face was a bright red color, muscles glistening with sweat, him softly grunting. His left hand lightly trailed across my skin, and when he placed a deep kiss across my breasts, he propped me up a bit higher on his lap, sensing his frantic movements, as if he deeply desired to give me more. I tightened my grip on him as he penetrated me deeper. Beads of sweat fell on his forehead, his brows were knitted.

Another loud noise came from me. As he began to drive harder into me, applying more and more force with each thrust, he tried to ask me if I was in alright, but he was breathless and gasping. I kissed his open mouth, before a loud groan fell from his lips. His face was coated with sweat, and my fingernails dug into his skin. We leaned our foreheads against each other as our hips rapidly rocked, although the lines between his eyebrows were visible. The slapping sound of our buttocks and heavy breathing were the only sound in the night air. As we rolled across the ground, our legs and arms were tangled. I released a moan, and a small smile gathered on his lips before he kissed my ear, gently clearing the hair that had settled on my face. Somehow, he ended up behind me, us both in a sitting position, bunches of moss on our makeshift bed strewn about from our frenzied, awkward movements. As he continued thrusting at a slower pace, his breathing was labored.

And it suddenly fell on me what he had meant earlier.

When I bent my knees and spread my soaked thighs wider, Adlai delivered a deeper, heavier thrust. I loudly gasped, and his hands were settled on the thick, now sticky hair between my legs, his lips kissing my neck; the stump of my missing arm. He moaned, his face red, gently guiding himself further into me, before a stifled gasp came from his mouth. I could sense how his body tensed up, and as I held his hand and placed a kiss on his palm, his eyes closed momentarily. To support myself, I leaned my back against his naked chest and as he slowly descended into me, making me cry out. He managed to whispered something sweet in my ear, but I could barely hear him. I could barely restrain myself, losing control. As we moved in rhythm, I held on tighter to him as he began to thrust much faster and harder, causing my breasts to bounce. His chest glistened with sweat. He kept driving in with so much force he released another noise. I groaned uncontrollably, feeling his lips against my back, my hair.

A few moments later, as we rested in each others’ arms, completely exhausted and drenched in sweat, Adlai lightly kissed my forehead, strands of his disheveled red hair tumbling and spilling down on my chest. A gentle smile formed on his mouth, I returned it, and we exchanged a smaller kiss. The first rays of sunlight began to peek in through the cave. After planting several kisses all over me, he buried his face in my shoulder.

”I promise,” I signed, kissing his nose.

His eyes beaded with water, but he said nothing and held me a bit tighter.