Jake had spent all night thinking about how he was going to escape. It had been an easy decision, once Joel had put the idea in his head. What was there for him here, really? He was imprisoned in his quarters, and spent all day trying to avoid talking to the people who co-inhabited them. He had a job which he hated. He’d tried to be an insider and help to defeat Crawk in the war, but he was rubbish at it and he’d basically destroyed the whole Rearguard Beagles army. And to top it all off, his Mom was coming to rescue him. She’d make such a terrible fuss when she found him, he wouldn’t be able to stand it. No, all he wanted was to go home to Schmingleton and hide in his dark little house, avoiding people for the rest of his life.

He was pretty sure though, that to get there he was going to have to talk to some people. He’d started off by asking Green_Turtle_Boy_367 if he could have some flying lessons.

“What? What do you want those for?” he asked. It was most out of character for Jake.

“Well I’m assuming that as the Crawk-King I’m going to be expected to go into battle at some point?”

Green_Turtle_Boy_367 nodded.

“So I’m gonna have to learn to fly a spaceship aren’t I? Yes, I know that it’ll be really funny if I can’t take off, but it’ll be even funnier if I get off the ground and crash into a bog four miles from here won’t it?”

Green_Turtle_Boy_367 was confused but a little impressed. Jake was really starting to settle into life here and understand the Crawkling sense of humour. He’d noticed that Jake and Jaska had started to spend a fair bit of time together, maybe she was having a good influence on him.

So Jake started flying lessons the following day. He picked it up surprisingly quickly, but then he played computer games all day long, and that was really good for his hand-eye co-ordination.

His next step was to gain access to one of these ships out of hours. He needed someone who liked to cause a bit of trouble, someone he could trust, or at least who liked him enough to do something like this for him. Someone who had some influence over others or at least some good contacts.

Jake shocked himself by putting on his earpiece and dialling a number. “Will you come to my office please?”

A couple of minutes later, the door was flung open and a panting and sweaty girl entered the room.

“Leina, thanks for coming so quickly,” he said. “Will you shut the door please?”

“Oh Jakey, I thought this would never happen!”

“What? You don’t know what…”

“It’s obvious,” interrupted Leina. “You and Jaska had a tiff because you’ve realised it’s me you really want. That’s fine,” she said, perching on his knee. “You’ve made the right decision, eventually.”

Jake tried his hardest not to throw up. He needed Leina’s help, and if letting her sit on his knee was what it took, he had to do it.

“You’re right, Leina – but it’s a lot more than that. I need to get out of here. Can you help me steal a ship? We can fly away together.”

“Oh Jakey! Of course I can!” Leina threw her arms around him and they fell in a mess on the floor, Jake’s office chair spinning around empty.

“Get off, get off!” Jake cried, trying to stop Leina from kissing and slobbering all over his face. “We’ve got important plans to make.”

“You’re right,” she said. “I’m sorry. I’ll fetch you from your quarters at midnight. I’ll get us inside the key room then.”

She gave Jake a big sloppy kiss on the mouth, and the nausea became too much. Jake spewed all over her flabby, warty feet – the green flesh exposed through her flowery flip flops.

“Oh Jakey,” she said, bending down to scoop up his vomit. “You’re so hot.” Leina rubbed it into her more-than-ample bosom, and left the room.

“You Crawklings are so fucked up,” thought Jake.

Reflecting on the whole conversation though he was actually quite impressed with his deviousness and cunning. Leina would help him, but would definitely not be coming with him. Jake would be escaping by himself. Maybe the Crawkling spirit was rubbing off on him after all?