saturday

11:02 pm

I don't really have anything to write, I just opened up a new page because I could feel myself getting down and pitiful. I was watching a k-drama, 1% of Something, and spoiler lol, there was this moment where the main couple temporarily broke up and the female lead was talking about how she wished there was a reason for them do still be in touch so at least she could talk to ml or see him properly. It got me thinking about how I've been so quick to cut people off. I wish I was more intuitive when it came to social situations. For example, I keep thinking about this case in particular maybe because it was the most recent, but also because I miss them as friends, or maybe I just miss having friends beyond dbsy, or maybe deep down I just wanted to feel wanted, or wanted more. Honestly, its probably all of the above. Anyway, it wasn't even a real relationship, it was just me giving mixed signals and being closed off and not knowing what I wanted and being passive aggressive as a result. It was just the normal month-ish long talking stage from MORE THAN A YEAR AGO. And is literally in a relationship now, like girl get over it. I think I am over it in the sense that I don't want anything from him, but I do miss having someone to play league with. Maybe that's what I miss. No, that's not all. I miss that whole quarantine friend group. Too bad life is real and it can't be like that anymore.

I somewhat resent the idea of becoming a grown, independent adult. I tell myself I'm good at keeping myself company, which I do believe, under one condition, that is having internet access. I am nothing. I really do just exist to consume in my eyes, and quite frankly there isn't much to refute that.

sigh

I think I'm just going to make myself throw a bit of a pity party ramble that I've either talked about here already or I just think about so much that its irritating to type out all over and over. ugh, I hate this.

OH I started stretching again months ago :) sadly i tore my lobe again (of course i did) but i ordered some glass half sizes, that are in my ears now. I ended up spending 50 dollars bc freebies and this 15% coupon, which tbh probably wasn't the best deal, but damn I was stuck at the same size for MONTHS when i tore my good ear. my lobes are literally a full size apart now (again not much of a surprise there), but i saved money by getting glass flare singles lol. i also finally got those clear kaos earskins that i've liked the look of every since i started stretching yay. in 2g though to in a couple of months i can finally wear YAY. tbh that one of the few things keeping me going rn. i know i need to be patient unlike how i was 2020/21 ish when i first stretched a tapers. AHHHH waiting is hard. ok thats it now i think. goobai