RELUCTANCE 4.1

The sun had risen, but the blinds remained drawn, and I must have closed my eyes in the semi-darkness. Taken by sleep, I don't recall what happened in the meantime, but when I woke up, I was tucked under the blankets of Cole's bed and still naked. Comfortable or not, I couldn't stay there; that much I knew for certain.

Swinging my legs off the edge of the mattress, I moved to get up and winced. The small of my back and hips felt stiff from the pummelling I'd taken, and my core ached from all the spasms. Clutching the fitted sheet that wrapped the mattress, I gnawed my lip and briefly processed the night before. It had all started so teasing and gentle, but it hadn't taken me long to beg for more. I shuddered, recalled how I'd screamed for it 'harder' and 'faster'. Cole had obliged and was very thorough in how well I'd be done - indeed, my body ached all over from the exertion, but there was no getting away from the fact that it was in that good way that would keep me thinking about the night before for days.

Looking around his bedroom, I spotted a pile of folded clothes had been left on the floor just shy of where I planted my feet; they were mine. Trying not to put any more thought behind my current circumstances, I got dressed and hoped I'd be able to sneak out unnoticed. If I could help it, I wanted to avoid any awkward 'morning after' interactions, considering I still had 'the walk of shame' back to my flat to contend with. The problem was, how was I going to sneak past Cole when I didn't know where Cole was? Silvering lining's considered, at least I hadn't woken up entangled in the sheets with him! That might have been a little too familiar.

Initiating my exit, I reached for the door handle. Before I had the chance to turn it, I heard voices on the other side and froze. At first, I thought it must have been the telly, but then I recognised one of them as Cole's. I wasn't usually the nosy type, but with my ear pressed to the door, I established that the other belonged to a woman.

Oh fuckin' hell, you've got to be kidding?

My first mortifying thought was that my one-night stand had a girlfriend, or worse, a wife!

"Nick, you've seen the news. Don't you think it's about time you took your circumstances seriously?"

"I think you're overreacting. There's no need to panic yet, Vicky."

"Look, I'm only looking out for our son. I know you haven't had the opportunity to be a normal father to him, but we would both rather still have you in our lives 'til the end than lose you."

"Alright, I see your point, but say I do what you want me to - where would I go? Where is supposedly safer than keeping up the pretence here and carrying on living as I have been for the last five years?" I heard Cole rebut, but it was now apparent that that wasn't his name at all; he had lied and was also the father of the woman's child! The realisation that he wasn't obliged to tell me anything about himself or the truth hit hard. I felt stupid, and my urgency to get out of there grew.

On the one hand, I didn't want to make a scene by bursting out of his bedroom and into their conversation, making myself known and making what we had done the night before glaringly obvious, but I also didn't want to loiter there waiting for 'Vicky' to leave.

What I heard through the door next left me wondering if fate was on my side - my mobile phone's ringtone. It was probably coming from the pocket of my jacket, which must have still been in the entryway.

"You have someone here, don't you?" I heard the woman ask.

"Yeah."

"Right, well, I'll leave you in peace then. But please just think about what I'm asking. I'm only thinking of you."

"You don't have to worry about me anymore."

"I'll always worry about you, love, even if you have altered yourself beyond recognition. Keep in touch, and I'll call before I drop by next time."

The sound of the front door closing echoed through the flat. I heard it from where I sat, on the edge of his bed - I'd decided to wait it out.

When Cole, Nick, or whatever his name was, seemed to go quiet, I got up to make my exit. With my hand firmly grasped onto the bedroom's door handle, it was pushed toward me when Cole opened it from the other side. I looked up to find him peering down at me with an apprehensive expression on his face. I tried my utmost not to ogle him, but he was only wearing grey jogging bottoms, and my stomach fluttered.

Pull yourself together, Ana. He's a dirty liar... A crazy hot dirty liar.

"Ah, you're awake." His expression instantly changed into a friendly smile.

"Yeah, I've got to go. I have a lecture at two," I explained quickly, plucking my excuse out of thin air, although it wasn't a lie.

"Well, you've missed that then. It's already half three." He held out my mobile for me. I took it and checked he was telling the truth. He was, it was three thirty-seven.

"Shit, I overslept by that much?"

"I didn't want to wake you when we'd been up all night."

"That's… thoughtful, but now I have to explain to Benjamin why I missed class." I presented my phone screen to show that I had had fourteen unread texts and four missed calls.

"Is he your boyfriend?" He asked without flinching.

"You're kidding? You're asking if I have a boyfriend now?" I asked, only to hold up my palm up to whoever this stranger really was. "In fact, I don't need to answer that because it's none of your business. I don't owe you any explanations, just like you don't owe me any."

"I'm not judging you; it would just make sense why you seemed so nervous, that's all." He shrugged.

"For your information, I was nervous because one-night stands are not usually my thing, okay?"

"Fair enough, that makes sense too. You're uh- quite a lot pluckier in the daylight, huh?" He smirked. I huffed.

It was true that I was feeling a little defensive. Even if I was a hypocrite because I had found out the snippet of information that made me so irritable through the dishonest act of eavesdropping, it seemed such a pointless thing to lie about; I was annoyed to have discovered that he had given me a false name more than anything.

"I'll take that as a compliment, but I really need to get going."

He didn't stop me from leaving. When he saw me out, he held open my jacket for me while I shrugged it on, but without so much as a farewell, I bolted out of there. In my flustered state, I didn't do so well remembering my way out of the building and got lost a couple of times before I finally found a fire exit.

"Thank fuck for that. At last, the drought is over!" Lindsay cried, raising her hands to the heavens in praise.

I had just told her and Theresa the vague version of where I had spent my previous evening.

"I'm relieved for you too. I bet she thought she had been sewn shut," Theresa said with an amount of grace that made the vulgar nature of her statement seem less shocking. I swatted her arm and chuckled.

"So… How was it?" Lindsay probed impatiently.

"Hey, I haven't asked you how your night with 'hot guy' went."

"Psh, he wasn't so hot after all, and his name's Marc. So, you were about to tell me about the blessed gentleman that ended your dry spell…"

"Ugh, fine." I rolled my eyes; she was going to pump me until I spilt the tea, and seeing as they would probably never put a face to the fake name he'd given me, I told them. "His name's Cole, and he brought a flood, not just a drop of rain." I winked.

"Ooo, naughty! So he was good then? Did you get his number? Are you going to see him again?" Filled with girlish excitement, Lindsay was all but jumping up and down on my bed as the three of us sat there gossiping.

"Oh, fuck yes, but no, and I'm not sure."

"He was good, and you're not sure if you're going to see him again?" T asked, pulling the nail varnish brush back from her pinkie nail and began blowing her fresh black set dry.

Agreeing with her sentiment, Lindsay asked, "Are you bonkers?"

"Oh, he wasn't just good; he was probably the best I've ever had." Truthfully, I was a bit sad about that part because I already had it firmly in my mind that there was no way in hell I'd ever have a one-night stand again.

"Wow..." Theresa and Lindsay said in unison.

"I'm still a bit sore," I muttered. "... but yeah... I don't know if I'll see him again. It was a one-off, y'know?" My shoulders rose in a shrug as I sighed.

"Wait, you had a one-night stand?" Theresa interjected in disbelief.

"I think so," I admitted, biting my lip.

"Wait, but what if he's at the Omen again?" She sounded hopeful. "And you like... 'bump into him'?" Lindsay air quoted.

"I- I don't think I'll see him there again." I lied. Of course, I would. Because he was a fucking bartender!

"Oh, boo hoo!"

The topic of my night of passion passed eventually, much to my relief, and we spent the rest of the day concentrating on our studies as we had arranged to, but by six o'clock, Lindsay was whining about wanting to go out.

Benjamin saved me from bumping into my two named tryst two nights in a row. He texted Theresa to say he could get the three of us last-minute tickets to see his boyfriend's band at a local bar.

We had arranged to attend a friend's recital weeks in advance for that Saturday, and I never went out Sunday night, so just like that, my weekend squared away without the daunting prospect of awkward encounters at the Omen.