“So what shall we do now then?” asked Joel. The brothers had managed to work out the controls of their army spaceship, and had left Imdor without any semblance of a plan.

“I’m not really sure, to be honest.”

Gaz had been fiddling with the radio for quite a while, they had both agreed that making contact with another ship would be useful – as long as it was friendly of course. Eventually he managed to tune into something.

“And so, the war effort is a constant struggle after the loss of our allies, the Rearguard Beagles, in an ambush masterminded by the rebel and traitor who began this whole war - Jake Spencer. He is still believed to be in Crawk, but any information which leads to his downfall will be rewarded handsomely.”

“The news? Is that all you’ve found after all this time?” I’ve managed to work out how to fly a spaceship!” laughed Joel.

“That’s true,” replied Gaz. “But I might have had a brilliant idea.”

* * *

“That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard,” said Joel.

“No, it’s not. It’ll work, I tell you! We know Jake, and I bet we can get hold of him.”

“Maybe we can, but he hates us, Gaz. Don’t you remember how we used to bully him?”

Gaz nodded. “But I bet we’ve been nice compared to those Crawklings. He wouldn’t have done any of this by himself, he’s not brave enough. He’s clearly been forced into it.”

“I guess,” Joel conceded.

“And just think, if this comes off we’ll be made for life. A billion Timorean dollars! We’d be stupid not to try.”

Joel nodded. “Okay, I guess you’re right. Even if it is a long shot, it’s the long shot of a lifetime.”

“Now you get it!” shouted Gaz. “Load up the Death Corps!”

Joel flicked a button, and Gaz was once more on a familiar screen. The screen of his and most of the universe’s favourite computer game, Lapine Death Corps.”

Gaz spent half an hour going through the first few screens, creating a new character. Jake had blocked his normal one a long time ago. “Come on Jaundice, I know you’re gonna log in soon!”

Inevitably, it wasn’t long and Gaz located Jake_45.

“He’ll definitely talk to me, look at our character!”

Joel looked over and whistled. “True, he won’t be able to resist her.”

Gaz had spent a long time crafting what in his eyes was the perfect woman – buxom, with long flowing blonde hair, wearing tight low-cut armour. Jake may be scared of girls in real life but Gaz was sure he wouldn’t be so bad in the virtual world.

He clicked on Jake’s name and started a conversation.

“Hi Jakey,” said Angel_of_Death.

“Do you really think he’ll reply?” asked Joel.

“I reckon so, he’s got all the time in the world for virtual girls. Especially hot ones.”

Joel nodded and waited expectantly. After a few minutes he got impatient, switched the ship to autopilot and began to pace around the room.

“He’s gotta reply. It’s a daft plan, but it could really be the making of us.”

“Don’t worry,” said Gaz. “He’ll reply, trust me.”

“I hope you’re right. I’ll go and make a cuppa whilst we’re waiting. You want one?”

Gaz did, so Joel walked towards the kitchen. Before he had got as far as the door, he heard a whirring sound and spun around to face his brother.

“Gaz! Did you hear that?”

Gaz was still staring at the screen intently.

“Hear what?”

“It sounded like a door opening,” replied Joel.

“Oh, I hear that all the time,” said Gaz. “There must be a faulty door or something.”

Joel shrugged, not 100% happy with the explanation. He’d keep his eyes peeled from now on.

Before he was halfway down the corridor he heard footsteps pounding behind him. He span around. It was only Gaz.

“Jake’s replied! Come and see!”

Joel forgot his misgivings and jogged back down the corridor to talk to Jake through the medium of Lapine Death Corps.

“Hey. Who are you?” said Jake45.

“I’ve never played this before, and I need someone to show me around. I figured that as you were the best player, you might want a beautiful blonde on your arm anyway?” said Angel_Of_Death.

“Yes, I can definitely show you around,” said Jake45. “Let’s go! x”

“Got him!” said Gaz, beaming. “I knew he wouldn’t be able to resist.”

Joel laughed. “He’s a right perve!”

“Ok, so time to put the plan into action.”

Joel nodded.

“Jake, it’s Gaz…”

“Don’t say that,” said Joel – momentarily leaving the ships controls. “Jaundice really doesn’t like you. Tell him it’s me.”

“He doesn’t like you either,” said Gaz. “You posted that can of maggots through his letterbox last month, remember.”

“That’s true,” said Joel, “but he thinks it was you!”

“What?!” laughed Gaz. “You idiot!” Gaz wasn’t bothered at all, he thought it was quite funny. “Fine, I’ll tell him I’m you. You are generally nicer to him than most of us anyway.”

“Jake, it’s Joel here from next door. I’m contacting you because I can help you?”

“Joel? But it can’t be – it says you’re female. And you like baking pies, cleaning up after people, being silent and crochet.”

“Crochet?” laughed Joel. “What on Earth is crochet?”

Gaz thought about answering but decided against it. “I dunno. Some shit girls do I think.”

“Yeah I’m sorry Jake but I knew you wouldn’t answer if I didn’t disguise myself.”

“Do you really like crochet? Cos you can’t lie on your profile, it’s against protocol.”

“No I don’t like crochet! Or any of the other things. I’m just here to help you.”

“But your profile will be deleted if they find out. I’ll have to report you.”

“No! Jake don’t! We’re here to help you, we can help you escape!”

There was a long tense silence, broken only by the appearance of Jake45 is typing on screen.

“Come on Jake!” urged Gaz, getting nervous.

Joel got so bored of waiting he finally went to make that cup of tea.

Jake sat in front of his desk, twiddling his thumbs nervously, weighing up his limited options. He could stay in Crawk where he was imprisoned, pestered by girls all the time, forced to go to work as a War Leader - but he could eat takeaway every single day. Or, he could choose to be rescued by his hated and untrustworthy next door neighbours, who surely wouldn’t follow through with a decent plan.

Eventually, Jake45 raised his arm and gave them his answer.

“Ok Joel,” he said. “I’m in. So what is your plan?”

AngelOfDeath leapt into the air and swung her sword around her head in celebration.