《Phenomena the Basic Witch and The Mind Safari》Chapter Eleven: Scalia Snaps Back

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That night, Mena had a wonderous dream. After a groundbreaking reception at the play for the BourgeBeasts, Tal, sporting a magnificent black tuxedo beckoned to Mena. He stood at the edge of the open-sky theater with a horse drawn carriage for two.

“Mena,” he said with a handsome grin. He turned around to reveal a lengthy coat-tail draping over his rear end. She soon realized he wasn’t wearing pants either, only boxer briefs. They were jet-black with white spades along them. “How do you like my tailcoat?” he asked. “Or as I call it, my Tal coat.”

Mena giggled in her after-reception dress. It was the same one her mother wore to homecoming—the soft purple homecoming gown with the plastic jewel at the center.

“Since we’re both dressed for the occasion…” Tal remarked.

“Especially you…” Mena smirked while waggling her eyebrows.

“How about a starlit ride?” Tal asked.

Mena gasped. “Well, it’s my dream come true,” she said, the cloudless night sky reflected in her eyes. “How can I resist?”

Tal grabbed Mena’s hand and before she knew it, she was flying through the cosmos. Their carriage was riding along a road of neon rainbows, highlight the galaxy before them.

Mena gazed out onto the purple and orange nebulas that glowed gaseous against a dark velvet sky. The stars were so close they dazzled her. Everything was so perfect until she snorted. There was something lodged up her nose. She had to get rid of it. Making sure Tal wasn’t looking, she stuck her index finger up her nose. Reaching around her nostril, she located it and removed the pest. But when she saw what was on her finger, she screamed. It was a tiny version of Caligari’s head who muttered, “All you ever do is pick out boys and pick your nose.”

“That’s not true,” Mena screamed, aghast at the Caligari booger, but it was too late. The words echoed in her ears and all she could do was scream “NOOOOO” over the ruined night until she awoke with a start.

Mena screamed, causing both of their friends to jump from their beds. “What’s wrong?” they both asked.

“I had another bad dream,” Mena cried holding her pillow.

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“Did you peep on your evil self again?” Janus asked

Mena gripped her pillow tightly. “That’s the only thing that could be worse. No…”—the young witch shook her head—“I didn’t tell you guys last night but Caligari and I got into a fight.”

May rolled her eyes as she untangled her messy bed head. “Doesn’t that happen every semester?”

Janus snickered. “Isn’t she contractually obligated to get annoyed by you?”

Mena tossed her head back, her long thick hair flowing everywhere like a spilled birch beer float. “I know, but this time it’s for real. She blames me for Gemini’s disappearance. I don’t even know how that’s possible.”

May and Janus fell into silence, both turning to each other. Attempting to fill the silent void, Mena added. “I’m not Anguish, after all.”

May gave an uneasy smile. “We did kinda go to Wormwood on our own and they had to rescue us.”

Mena craned her neck towards May; there was an incredulous look on her face. “But we did that save Iris’ sister and Dede…”

May puffed out her cheeks, releasing a sigh of warm air. “I know. But we did kinda screw everything up.”

Mena grabbed her hairbrush from the nightstand and began frantically brushing through her knotted hair. “She would have done the same thing if Gemini was in danger. I had no idea what her deal was with me, but now I can see that it was a very shady deal.”

“Are you going to apologize to her?” May asked, but Mena shook her head.

“I can’t believe her,” Mena muttered, finally combed through the unruly forest on her head. “Blaming me for this. I wasn’t the one who kidnapped Gemini. Why can’t she see that?”

The breakfast bell chimed, but Mena wasn’t hungry. She was already filled with a questionable helping of Caligari’s questionable beef with her.

After forcing a few spoonfuls of Hex Mix cereal down her gullet, Mena and May headed down to Scalia’s classroom. As soon as Mena saw her aquatic professor, her demeanor changed. Scalia’s eyes were as murky as deep currents, and Mena had a feeling that today she could do something about it. At least he’d be helping one of the teachers who actually liked her. “Goodbye Wena,” Scalia said, and Mena snapped the rubber band on her professor’s fin.

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“Ow,” Scalia gasped. “I mean, hello Mena. Thanks for that. Because of you, I’m ready to teach.”

“I’m ready to learn,” Mena said, breaking into a grin.

As she sat down, the Tessellation’s stuck their tongues out at Mena. “Oi,” the silver haired Laetitia said, jeering at Mena. “Zee peasant eez brown nosing so much, she got a poo-poo snout.”

Mena ignored them as Ashlan passed her by. She gave Mena a kinder smile, quite bereft of superiority. Mena managed one back. It wasn’t the lioness’ fault that the elves had estranged them.

As the class settled down, the aquatic professor stood up and strolled to the blackboard. “Let us continue where we left off, shall we”—Scalia eyed the Tessellations. “And this time, we’re going for the full twenty five minute session.”

With a flick of her wrist, Mena stretched Scalia’s rubber band and slapped it. “I mean, fifty minute session,” she said, massaging slightly red fins.

Laetitia eyed Mena suspiciously, having seen her raise her hand at Scalia. Mena quickly sat on her hand and whistled an innocent tune.

For the first twenty-five minutes, Scalia did better than anyone expected. Every time she was wrong about something, Mena scanned her history textbook, and then gave her professor a friendly physical reminder.

As class passed the halfway mark, Scalia’s face practically glowed with confidence. “Wow, everythings going swimmingly,” she said, looking at Mena. “Pardon the pun. Now to the capital of the Dula Mind Jungles. Founded in 117 AD, the BourgeBeasts called their central hub, ‘the Best of The West’”.

Mena immediately looked down at her textbook. It was actually ‘Beasts of the East.”

She quickly raised her hand and snapped Scalia’s wrist band.

The fishysauz professor leaped in pain. “I mean the Beasts of the East.”

Suddenly, the rubber band on her wrist expanded again and snapped on her hand. “Ow,” Scalia cried. “I mean, Best of the West.”

Mena looked around in shock. She hadn’t done that. She turned her head and noticed the silver haired elven sister with a mischievous smirk on her face. Her hand was raised directly as Scalia. Mena angrily raised her hand and snapped Scalia’s rubber band again.

“Beasts of the East!” she shouted, her eyes bulging.

Laetitia snapped Scalia’s wrist again. “Best of the west!” she gasped.

Things devolved into a war over Scalia’s rubber band. She kept changing her answer back and forth until she screamed at the top of her gills, “FINNLAND!” and began gasping frantically. “Too…much…pressure…” she said, her eyes veiny. “Too much AIR PRESSURE!”

She ran over and dunked her head in the bucket of water. Everyone burst into laughter except for Mena and May.

After Scalia pulled her head out and learned to breath again, her eyes were misty with tears. She dropped her head. “Class dismissed,” she said.

Laetitia used her victory as a chance to chortle obnoxiously with her sister. Ashlan laughed too but it was a nervous kind of laugh.

Once everyone was gone, Mena and May used this as a chance to approach their dejected professor. “Well, I’m up a creek again with a paddle,” Scalia muttered to her remaining pupil. “Seemed the rubber band trick didn’t work out after all.”

“Professor,” Mena said. “It’s those terrible Tessellation twins. They were behind the trickery again.”

“I had a feeling,” Scalia pouted. “But Stellaris told me their mother pays the school too much jems to expel them. Besides—” Scalia said, resting her head in her fins. “This isn’t a true solution to my guppy’s memory. If only I remembered things as well as a helephant, we wouldn’t have this problem…”

“Miraculous magicaps!” Mena exclaimed, an idea sparking in her eyes. “I might have a remedy.”

“You do?” Scalia and May both gasped.

“Hold on teach,” Mena said, all smiles. “I’ve got it in my room.”

Mena scampered off to her dorm, remembering the science project from yesterday. She prayed for her sake and Scalia’s that it would help her forgetful professor once and for all.

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