Through everything that I’ve survived, everything that I’ve done, and with everything that’s coming for me, I’ve come to accept that my life is now firmly set in the bizarre. I have gathered together a harem of young woman who love me, and started an empire made up of escaped prisoners, colonial settlers, and a swarm of gremlins.

Yet, recently I’ve also been doing things much more ordinary, such as avoiding therapy while pretending that I’m not.

“So, how have you been since you’ve returned here?” Gemma asks, sipping at a steaming cup of tea. She’s set up the room with soft cushions and a few flowers, to maintain a calm atmosphere in the room. She hasn’t yet complained about how long I’ve been putting this off.

“Busy.” I reply. “There’s still so much to do, and I’ve only got two hands and twenty-four hours in a day. Well, it’s different here, but you get what I’m saying.”

“You’re working hard.” She says smiling and nodding. “It’s not too much for you? You’re not feeling like you’re pushing your limits or anything?”

“Not really.” I say, “I like being busy. If I sit still all I can think of is everything that needs to get done, and I just can’t stand it.”

“It’s a rather common tactic among people with trauma.” Gemma says with a nod. “Many people find that the panic attacks, and other symptoms don’t occur as frequently when they’re busy, and they work every moment of the day just to keep themselves busy.”

“Well, if it works…” I say with a shrug. “I don’t see the problem with it.”

Gemma doesn’t immediately reply, thoughtfully sipping at her tea before continuing.

“There are any number of tools to assist a person in getting through their everyday lives.” She finally says when she’s ready. “None of them are perfect, and it’s important to be aware of the issues of the tools that you’re using. Can you imagine a situation in which this tool would become troublesome for you?”

“If I can’t work, or don’t have anything to do, I guess.” I say, “Or if I can’t do my work properly because I work myself to the bone. Also, if it stops working and I have fits or panic attacks while I’m busy that’d be a problem, but that hasn’t happened.”

“Are you sure there’s been no other problems that you’ve encountered?”

“I mean… there is the violent voice in my head, but that’s been quiet for a while now.” I say, explaining the details of the violent streak I had going on. The voice only really showed up when I was dealing with Loekan, and it’s been quiet since.

“It sounds like something that you wouldn’t want to return.” Gemma says, nodding slowly in thought. “Then you need to consider what it was that made you feel that way, what made you think those thoughts.”

“I don’t like losing control.” I say, “The people that I care about being put at risk. It bothers me.”

“That’s not an uncommon feeling, in fact, it’s quite normal.” She says, “So, all you would want to do is better manage your emotional state when in such a situation. I can work with you to develop a few tools.”

For the next hour she walks me through a number of breathing exercises and thinking processes that might help me regain control when I’m in a difficult situation. I’m not sure how useful any of it will be but if it makes her happy, I’ll work on it.

“You’re still working on organising this city?” Gemma asks as we take a break. “How has that been going?”

“Ah… if I’m being honest, I’m trying not to think about it.” I admit. “There’s so much I have to work on in external politics that I’ve been leaving management of this cavern to others. Slan and June have developed our management organisation and they’re currently discussing what organisations we need to establish while looking at personnel.

“I’ve advised that they take a minimalistic approach in management. I don’t want to be like an overbearing parent, I just want to make sure that there’s enough oversight to keep everything peaceful and workable. I want everyone to have an opportunity.

“Slan and June are doing good work to that ends, but it’s as if I’m not doing anything and I really should be. I get the feeling that this happens a lot, it’s why the president of the republic isn’t changing anything. He’s doesn’t seem at all interested in changing his republic for the better, just keeping things going on as they are. He’s not restructuring his society to help his citizens, he’s just using his role to give his family and allies a better position within their cavern.

“Leadership in this universe is decided so much by pure strength, so it makes sense that all the leaders end up using their civilisations to gather resources to strengthen themselves. It’s not about making a good civilisation at all; it’s about making a useful resource farm.” I grumble. “Though at least there are a few exceptions. Oliver seemed to be interested in making a good society for his people.”

“It really just sounds like your average politicians to me,” Gemma says, nodding as she sips at her tea, “If you want my unprofessional opinion about things, there’s a mad chaos in this city of yours. An enjoyable chaos. People are exploring different arts and professions; I’d call it a renaissance of a sorts. So long as there is food, water, safety, and freedom to explore these things, I don’t think any of the people here will judge you poorly.”

“Thanks,” I say, letting out a long sigh. “I can’t help but have self-doubts about everything. I know that there’s things I could be doing better right now, problems I could be solving before they’re even problems. I just don’t know enough to see it all.”

“We all make mistakes.”

“My mistakes will cost people their lives.” I say, “I just want to do better.”

“What sort of work do you think I do?” Gemma asks with a difficult smile. “Many of us can make mistakes that lead to deaths. Starting off in this line of work, I found myself challenged more than the once. Lives depend on me as well, and I’ve failed my patients before.

“In my first year working as a therapist I had a patient suicide. It was… difficult to deal with. I pushed them a little too hard at times, and I didn’t listen as well as I could have. I made dozens of little mistakes, and in the end… I failed.” Her voice is frail, as she gazes into the distant past.

“For a while I wasn’t sure if I even should keep on in this career, but I decided to keep going to try and do better. Since then, there are hundreds of people that I’ve helped because I decided to stay on this path.” She says, “You need to ask yourself if you are prepared to make up for the mistakes you will make. Are you ready to improve yourself, to become someone who can save people?”

“Yes.” I reply easily.

“Then you need to be prepared to make mistakes.” Gemma finishes. “And for your mistakes to lead to terrible consequences.”

“That’s the part that bothers me.” I admit, taking a deep breath.

“I’ll help you develop some techniques to deal with stress and allow you to deal with your emotions.” She says, “Is there anything else that you’re concerned about? Anything that you’d like to bring up?”

“Shouldn’t we be talking about all the bad shit that I’ve done?” I ask. “All the people that I’ve killed?”

“Are you ready to talk about it?” She asks, and I sink deeper into my seat. “For the moment, I think it’s best to develop a few techniques for dealing with stress before we start stirring up your emotional state with those challenges.

“Unless you’re concerned that you’re going to go out and murder more innocent people once we’re done with this session?”

“No, not unless there’s some desperate situation that calls for desperate action.” I reply. “That’s the only reason I’ve been killing anyone in the first place. There’s just been so many desperate situations, one after another.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not now.” I say, “I’m working on some other things right now, and I should be focusing. Actually… what are your thoughts on spying?”

“Spying?”

“As in, I’m currently peeking into every home and every street in this city.” I say, “It’s… I wouldn’t want others to peek in on me, but I just… I can’t give up this power. There’s too many people trying to work against me, too much that could go wrong while I’m not looking.”

Gemma pauses in thought, looking up at the ceiling before closing her eyes and considering the matter for me. It’s strangely satisfying to know that I have someone here willing to judge me for my actions.

“Why is it that you don’t want others to have this power over you?” Gemma asks eventually. “There are countless spy agencies on Earth constantly collecting data and spying on people, too. It’s not uncommon.”

“I… I don’t like them having power over me. They can spy on me and use that information to hurt me and those I care about. I really don’t like people having power over me; any sort of power.”

“So then, to begin with, if you are going to continue with this spying then it’s important that you don’t use the information in a harmful way.” She says, “It’s also important for you to keep considering this problem from different angles. Try to consider how others feel about your intrusion into their privacy.”

“I do.” I answer quickly. “I just want to keep them all safe. I want to make sure that nothing can hurt them, I want to be here to watch over them.”

“Stalkers often think the same, but it frequently develops into something more harmful for the target of these emotions. It’s important that you understand your own motives in this, and perhaps you would do well to ask these people themselves if they want this. Some may prefer to keep their privacy and do without your help in protecting them. It would be a fair thing to ask, wouldn’t it?”

“Yes…” I admit, staring down at my own hands. I’ve already considered the thought before, but I’ve been hesitant to go through with it. I don’t want to let go of this particular power. “I’ll keep thinking about it. For now, I think I’m out of time.”

“I won’t hold you up, then.” Gemma nods. “Please do come back for your next session.”

I say my goodbyes and leave her office, which is situated in just another building along the main street, just a little down from the markets. She could’ve made an office in any luxurious building available, but this is where she’s chosen to reside.

It’s a short walk back to my home tower, Adler is waiting for me inside, walking with me up to our meditation room where the others are waiting.

“I’ve had some thoughts on ethical farming.” Adler says. “I believe that we should avoid the farming of beasts that are of certain intelligence. I have a draft of a test that can be used to try and decide how developed a beast is.”

“A sensible proposition.” I say, nodding slowly as I look through the papers she hands to me. “How do you think it will affect the farming operations we already have?”

“Not greatly. The animals and fish being farmed are harvested before they have a chance to form complex intelligence, and plants tend to take even longer to form an intelligence. It would essentially only ban certain farming methods for higher quality, higher density products.”

“So, it could affect how well we can produce high quality goods?” I ask, rubbing at my head. “We’ll have to look into the other potential consequences that we’ll have to work around, but I like the idea. We’ll have to be careful with the test though, people will be looking to try and trick the test and farm intelligent beings anyway if it’s so profitable.”

“I… yeah. That could be a problem.” She says, bowing her head, her ears falling flat and her tail slowing.

“You did good.” I say, resting a hand on her head and messing with her hair. “I should’ve considered this myself, but…”

“You’ve been busy with other things.” Adler says, standing a little straighter. “You’re relying on me to stand in for your broken conscience.”

“I mean, I wouldn’t go that far but… yeah, sort of.” I admit as we enter the meditation room. Nel is already leading Eshya and Vii through a few things, working to try and get more Skills working.

I take a deep breath and focus, joining them.

Hours pass as I explore the Skills that I’ve stolen, and I am making progress with a few things, but space magic remains terribly stubborn. My use of force magic is coming together a little better at least, and Eshya is excited to take me out and try fighting using it.

Apart from that, I’ve developed my ‘De-tagging’ Skill and ‘Hidden Bug’ Skill to the point of Mastery. These two Skills are incredibly important in allowing me to spread my ‘Eye’s of an Empire’ Skill as far as I can and preventing others tagging me with their own versions of the Skill.

Before finishing up, I continue to press on my ‘Eye’s of an Empire’ Skill to try and make it more efficient. There are a dozen different directions I can take to make the Skill better. One of the primary concerns I have is the fact that I can’t focus on everything at once, but my progress in that regards is slow.

Instead, I use it to listen in on my people. I look for those who are grumpy or frustrated and try to understand what’s bothering them. I try to find the people that I’m failing, and I find countless gremlins struggling to find a way in this society.

Not all of them talk to themselves, but their slouching walk, their lack of energy, and just the general way they hold themselves suggests that they’re not doing all that well. Fodder is out and about trying to get them working, not all to do with actual labour or anything either. He arranges for hobby groups and other things just to keep them busy so that they don’t spend their days brooding.

Listening in, I try to imagine standing in their shoes, living their lives. I imagine life under Loekan, the vicious bloody life that it was, and I imagine the terrible uncertainty of living in this city of mine, not knowing what will happen tomorrow. Their future is no longer in their own hands, and many are struggling with that fact. I can sympathise, I’ve experienced the same emotions.

“I want to fight something. Bring back food for my tribe. What am I, if I can’t support my tribe? Do I have any reason to live at all?” The thoughts float through my mind as I listen, as I walk through his life.

More and more voices join him as I listen.

“There’s no point in anything.”

“Stack one stone, on another stone, then one more stone on the wall.”

“She doesn’t want me, why doesn’t she want me? Am I ugly? Stinky?”

“There’s a world outside these walls. I want to see the monsters, I want to fight them. I’ll be a hero, and everyone will love me.”

The thoughts float through my mind, stolen from the minds of my people. I don’t know exactly how it functions, but I’m not surprised. These support devices do influence our thoughts, it makes sense that I could make a Skill to leverage that.

It does however make me squirm at the thought of my own actions. Instead of relaxing my use of spying, I’ve just taken it further, to ridiculous new levels.

“I’ll show them. I’ll show all of them. She can’t just take everything from us! We’re the rulers of this cavern, and I’ll prove it. I just have to use this magic thingy to destroy that tower. There’s more of us, and we can take back our city. I’ll be the new King!”

“Ah, that doesn’t sound good.” I say, focusing on the gremlin as he approaches our home. A small group of others follow him, each of them thinking much the same thoughts.

“Emergency!” I shout, “Some stupid gremlins are coming to blow up our tower.”

Eshya is first on her feet, rushing down the stairs just ahead of me. A few memories flood my mind as I recall being on the other side of this battle, burning this city down just to take it for myself.

I don’t slow my step. I won’t let my people get hurt, no matter what.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Stats and Skills

~Mana Form:

Current mana density: 30,059 / 60,892 units

Current mana volume: 14,940 / 30,266 shards

Mana volume at crystallisation density (Max. mana volume):

Kyra: 30,266 shards

Kyra’s armour: 20,777 shards

Kyra’s throne: 1,109,298 shards

~Forms

Mana Canon

-Annihilation Heart (Adapted)

-Blood Fuel (20,000 mana shards)

-Bone Magic Storage (40,000 mana shards)

-Nail Shifters (50,000 mana shards)

Dancer

-Flash Nerves (8,000 mana shards)

-Quick Perception Mind (Adapted)

-Burst Reflex Muscles (35,000 mana shards)

-Layered space Muscles (80,000 mana shards)

Turtle

-Rebinding Tissue (Adapted)

-Catalyst Sweat Glands (140,000 mana shards)

-Repulsive Skin (80,000 mana shards)

-Prehensile hair (10,000 mana shards)

-Fatty Tissue Blood Storage (100,000 mana shards)

Investigator

-Wide eyes (5,000 mana shards)

-Wide ears (5,000 mana shards)

-Sharp nose (5,000 mana shards)

Misc.

-Clean bowels (Adapted)

~Favourited Skills:

Magic:

-Annihilation Magic (Customised)

-Fire Magic (Functional)

-Space magic (Broken)

-Force magic (Functional)

-Ice magic (Broken)

-Wind magic (Broken)

Movement:

-Hand-to-hand casting (Functional)

-Mana surge movement (Functional)

-Stealth (Functional)

Senses:

-Eyes of an Empire (Customised)

-Combat Awareness (Functional)

-Watchmen (Functional)

-Hidden bug (Mastered)

-De-tagging (Mastered)

-Anti-stealth sight (Mastered)

Special:

-Spirit Transformation (Broken)

-Conformity (Broken)

-Training mana form (Functional)