"Excuse us, guys." Senior Aylwin said as we walked towards his room. Well, it was basically him who had his arms delicately encircling my waist as he led the way. My mind was blank. Only my body moved in response to gravity and friction. I was shut down, too shell-shocked to even heave a sigh.

Senior Aria's words were like lightning bolts striking my ataraxia. Brutally slaughtering every ounce of my sanity. It was agonizing. A broken tale of my devastated state. The blood coursing through my veins seemed like venom constricting everything within me. Swallowing and tearing my own flesh. Feeding on the walls of my emotional dam.

"Fresher." A light tug on my shoulder startled me. I was met by a bemused Senior, peering at me earnestly.

"Yea?" Had I been so absorbed with my thoughts that I had missed that we were standing in his room. The familiar aroma of his haven, like an antidote, mitigated the venomous annihilations endured by my flesh. They acted as soothing ethereal messengers, carrying the essence of immeasurable calmness. Numbing me to the point that I could feel myself ascending from the hellhole of hallucinations.

"Sit." He had me sit and poured me a glass of water. I smiled warmly at him as I took the glass. Not wanting to take chances with my voice and least trusting my own damn self at the time.

After a few minutes passed with the conversation dwelling in silence, he eventually cleared the way, "Are you all right, Fresher?"

I faced him, only to be assaulted with a barrage of agonizing anguish. When I thought I was on my way back, those ravenous hues of oceanic blue clenched my heart yet again, resurrecting the jaded flashes. The misery inflicted on me was nothing compared to what I had already been through. It was considerably more than that. It was savage. Sadistic. Gruesome. You name it.

The way he gazed at me. Oh, Lord... those unfathomable orbs of abyssopelagic were brimming with brilliant beams of concern and compassion. I served as a stark illustration of the aspectabund in front of him. A blatant display of chaotic emotions.

The constant assassination of my ataraxia was beginning to bear fruit in the guise of despair and unrolled tears. Like a stock, they were ready to come out. Everything within me screamed to be unleashed with goddamn ferocity. However, I had the dam in check... but only for the time being.

So, with the utmost glee and bliss, I plastered on the finest smile I could muster. "Of course, I'm all right."

He said nothing. Words became the roughish demands of the night. And then there was another moment of stillness. However, it only lingered for a fleeting moment.

"I'll ask once again. Are you alright, Fresher? "

No! I'm not! Nothing is alright. I'm broken. Devastated in ways one would hate to even think about. I was over. Nothing's left for me.

I wanted to scream those words. Each thought was like a dagger into my chest, ripping my bosom apart into trillions of tattered fragments. Each broken and bruised. Each burnt and ashen. Each painful and dead.

A part of me wanted to say—ah, it's alright. It's nothing I can't handle. I've got this.

Yet another part—please, don't leave me. Hug me tight. Talk to me. Ease my pain. This is too much. It hurts. Everything hurts. Ugh!!! It's frustrating. Why can't it be over? Why again? Why now??

Nerve-wrecking thoughts piled up in mounds for me. Each greedily waiting to be touched by my left sanity.

Pushing them aside yet again, I feigned a smile, laughingly, "Of course, I'm alright. Why do you ask? Even though, it's you who appear to be off. So, are you alright, Senior? " I retorted, aiming to ensnare him in the web of my words.

However, luck was not in my favor either that day.

He shook his head at me. A gesture that implied he knew where I was going with it. He exhaled, showing his dismay.

"I'll ask you once again, Fresher." He gazed dead into my eyes. Our body proximity was too close for any such conversation. The intensity of ours clashed like the fierce swords of warriors. Fire. Fabulous fire.

"Are you alright, Sophronia Jasper?" My breath hitched. The heart ceased beating for the time being. Everything around me slowed down. Blurred and fuzzy. And the once-clear lines again seemed blurry to me.

It's astounding how a single person can elicit so many conflicting feelings in you. All at the same time. My mind was in chaos. My heart? Having its own tumultuous havoc. The writhing soul of mine didn't stay behind either. They all exploded together. Surging through me like... a loss of words. Loss of words to define the feelings. I was hypnotized. Enchanted by the empyrean artwork of the heavens.

That was the final straw. I was officially broken in front of him. That wasn't how I had envisioned telling him everything. It. Never. Was. Yet the star-struck moment was over and the ring a bell moment smoothly passed by. The curtailed secrets were on their way to the bay.

Besieged in his querencia,

Naked I laid.

In the chivalry of opia,

The brown earth shamelessly rained.

I curled myself into his chest, his warmth pouring through me. The flaming rings of nepenthe encircling my frame were nothing but a benumbing present from my empyrean lord. A salve for my wounds. His flaming form was thirsty. Thirsty to know the truth. Craving to know the answers. Conflicted to distinguish between reality and an illusion.

Hence, the decision was made. A not-so-undoing path.

His lulling heartbeat was all I could focus on. So beautiful. Soul-soothing. Pure bliss. It felt like a nefarious conversation between beatings of the heart. Mine and his. Together. In sync. Utterly and absolutely beyond the realm of words.

Tears cascaded down the frozen glaciers, concealing the earthy brown ground underneath. I sighed. Preparing myself for the next.

However, once again, his ravishing ways left me gob smacked.

"I was 17. A shy, silent nerd. " I slowly raised my head, and ever so delicately, my mascara-smudged eyes collided with the deserted ocean. Clear and calm. A steely, treasured glint securing a peaceful spot in the murkiness of the pupils.

He continued, "A perfect small family, a small group of friends, and a charming girlfriend. High school was going well." What was he doing? I was mystified, flummoxed by his orphic ways. Was he opening up to me...? Right then?

He ran a hand through his unruly locks as the other caressed my cheekbones. A shaky exhale fanning across my lips. "Or at least that's what I thought."

He turned away from me. His hands, no longer grazing my flesh. The warmth hastily fading away within the cloak of ambiance. He stayed like that for a while in Boketto.

"However, everything changed in my junior year." Just as those words drifted away from the shores, the staggeringly majestic hues of the captain fastened onto mine. The brewing rage inside them wreaked havoc within me. Shuddering. So chills giving.

"December 18, 2016. The turning point of my life. The day that changed me. Which changed the shy, jolly Aylwin Eldred to a statue of poker face. " And what started on the ferocious beats of the drum, in a shot, trailed a course of hushed whispers. Slow and serene. Taking their time in reminiscing and reviving.

"Fucking past!" Yet again, the shiver of fury rocked him. Clenched jaws and fisted hands. Knuckles playfully camouflaging between red and pale white. A quirky mixture of hues. Bizarre.

Warm hands enveloped mine. Grazing. Stroking. A pure tease. The eyes of the beholder closed, and his immaculately carved out face had never looked so placid before. "The Eldreds and Wardens were best friends. For years, precisely. However, one awful night destroyed it all. Layla Warden, their first born, was always close to Almer. Perhaps, closer than me, too. It was the end of their senior year at university. A month before their graduation, Layla proposed to Almer. And y'know how fast news travels."

The lids that led me to the realm of fantastical blue were now visiting the regions of recollection themselves. The long coal-colored lashes looked like flaps of birds, flickering slowly. Words kept on pouring out with pauses and exhales.

"So when the news broke out among our families, our dad's wanted them to marry. They were happy, celebrating, oblivious to the fact that the situation was rather wrongly interpreted. I knew Layla loved Almer, but unfortunately, her feelings were never reciprocated. Because that spot was already secured by Tasha. He tried to talk to dad and ma, but the latter left no room for negotiation. After all, it was about their pride and a damn promise. "

Gritted teeth. Fury. A demanding, dictatorial fury of destructive devastation. Nothing but agitation. A veiled wrath.

"The upcoming days flew by in heavy arguments, tensions, and the bitter environment of the house. Finally, the day of graduation arrived. The day when Almer and Layla's engagement was to be announced."

I was baffled as to where it was all going. Trying to keep up with his words and his surfacing emotions, I felt myself draining bit by bit.

"We were at Wardens when Almer rejected the proposal. Amidst the crowd, he acted on his impulse, dropping a bomb on us, stating Tasha was pregnant with his child. Let's just say we had another scene. " He sighed, nestling his face between his palms. His eyes glared at the pristine tiled floors. Laser beams emitted from those graveyard of memories.

"Dad didn't come home with us. We were worried sick. And after an hour or so, we heard him slurring. He looked terrible. Disheveled and devastated. I had seen my dad smile, laugh, be mischievous, heck, even sometimes angry. However, what I saw that day was awful. The vivid image of my furious father still haunts me. The way he had clutched Almer, yelling at him... It was... it was gut wrenching."

His hands trembled. A movement of envisioning. He wasn't in front of me anymore. Mentally. He had long been transported to the times that his lips quivered to convey.

"They got into another heated brawl. Ma and I tried to calm them, but I don't know... I-I... don't know... what happened next. Because the next thing I saw was him, lying down the staircase, breathless. I-I was just... stopping... them... I-I didn't push him... I d-don't know. "

Everything around us shifted. The buzzing energy was nothing more than a show of the raging beast. The gigantic room felt like a small attic crammed with gruesome tales of anguish and lament. The air sparkled with sorrow, a waltz of blood-red menacing memories masked in transparent white. Intensity intensified emanating from him to me. Grazing the peel of skin down underneath, the regions of pure decaying flesh concealing enshrouded secrets. Steams of suffering swelled up like sensual clouds of the wailing night.

"I saw him there. Lying motionless. Blood red around him. I saw my brother shaking his lifeless body. My ma... scolding him to get up. The strongest woman in my life, lying broken on the floor. But, more than that, I saw my dad, the man who was the most cheerful person I've ever seen, silently lying on the floor. I-I... l-lost myself... that day... that very day. I-I..."

Stutters. The man of fluency was stuttering all the way to hell and back. You never know what a little weakness might compel you to do. You never know what your sins might urge you to do. And his ones had clearly broken him. His lips quivered. He had never looked so miserable before. A terrific stage of such a breathtaking creature. A idyllic sight of delicacy swollen with tragedy and grief.

Therefore, I was fast to act. Shushing him with my lips. Letting him go further. Allowing his words to penetrate my soul. And, indeed, he did pour. He poured it out with such ardor and grandeur that I was astonished anybody could have it in them.

I let it go through me. Within me. To the point where I could feel it everywhere. Together, in sync, we moved with each other. So raw. So ardent.

I could hear it. His unsaid words. His messages, which have yet to be perceived, were pouring forth. They surged like a torrent of tides, carrying the dunes of deep sorrow and leaving fragments in my veins. It didn't end there, though. No. It kept moving. It invaded my bosom and then quietly touched my heart. Playing with my rhythmic beats, they even tamed the chaotic stirs. Magical. So fucking magical. I could feel it creeping throughout my body like a luscious yearning. And lastly, till it touched my core. A haughty game of pain and pleasure.

I moaned, the tacenda of misery weighing on me was nothing more than a fragment of his piece. A beautiful piece embellished with scars of flaws. So fucking beautiful to even exist in the vile cosmos.

"Shhh... shhh... you don't have to. I-I trust you. I trust you with all of me. " No hesitation. No doubts. Nothing. No. Never.

The lips had their time. The conversation between them was a vile little thing. Addicting and far too affecting. Unhealthy yet too desirous. Thus, they parted their ways. Only for the flesh to unite in the cavern of fury and wails. Both of us securing each other within each other. The grip tightened. It wasn't a healing process, but rather a grieving process. Brutality beyond imagination. Crueler than one could think of. But then again, unless you grieve, you won't be able to heal. Or was it so? Ah, the misery! Ah, the pain! Oh, the agonies!

I didn't know. I just didn't. Sobbing in his arms with his own damn self on a fucking leash, I bloody didn't know anything.

Oh my God, fuck! Oh my, I got it. Ah, I got it all then. I got it for sure. So fucking sure!

How could I not!? How could I possibly not!? Screams bubbled up my throat, all anxious to escape the torturous prison I'd built for myself.

I chuckled. Yes, I fucking chuckled. Even in the bloody mess I was in, I still chuckled. A chuckle of tremendous pain. A chuckle of epiphany. A chuckle of unfathomable ardor.

And yet again, the empyreal allure of mine had me spellbound by his paradisiacal ways.

Give and Take.

He offered me his part in exchange for a portion of mine. Business. A dirty business of amorists in the coccineous hues of cordolium. The radiance of his amity reigned like an abendrot. He left a hollowness in him. Dug the aflame graves and resurrected the aureate fragments of the past that once rested six feet underneath. He left the vadon for me to water the wild land. To sow the poisonous seed, wrenching my heart for him to nourish and flourish amid his hollowness.

It was about trust. On himself. Myself. On each other. On us, specifically.

It was about healing. A bit by bit. From skin to skin. Pores to pores.

So, exhaling shakily, I put on a bittersweet smile, gazing at him. I cupped his cheeks, caressing them ever so tenderly, and peered earnestly at the crowned orbs of lapis lazuli. The breathtaking display of frailty and fragility. And the whist of the hour was rather tantalizingly tamed within them.

"Tell me, Aylwin, will you hear a story?"

A clinquant blitz on psychomachy,

To put out the izles of sciamachy.

I became a raconteur

Of my own unsaid misery.