“Commander!” bellowed Captain Scheider across his radio. “Where is your backbone?”

“It’s in my back, Sir, and that is where I intend it to remain,” said Horace, Commander of the Eternal Warriors.

“Commander, if the Crawklings get past you, your backbone will be anywhere but in your back.”

“In a stew is far more likely,” muttered Ivan under his breath, referring to one of the more substantiated rumours about Crawkling etiquette.

“Commander,” stated Captain Scheider, with the kind of gentle assertion in his voice that was all the more convincing due to its lack of volume, “if you do not man up and defend your outpost with the kind of dedication and bravery your race is known for, we are all doomed. You are our last hope. You did it last time - do you not remember the seven day-Siege of the White Centre which your ancestors heroically survived even though the Tuesday afternoon delivery of crisp multipacks had been unable to get through?”

“I do remember it, Sir, we are all taught it as children.”

“And did your multipacks get delivered this week?”

“Of course Sir.”

“So you are ready. Gather your soldiers and your packets of emergency crisps. Stand united, eat your crisps now to save time in an emergency. Fight the Crawklings, forever courageous until we can get there and back you up. You must hold them off for now, and if you can buy us the time, we will defeat them together.”

“I….I’ll see what I can do Sir,” replied Horace, and the line went dead.

Captain Scheider put his head in his hands. “We’re doomed…” he said.

Ivan knew it must be bad, as Captain Scheider had never shown doubt in his entire life.

“But, Sir,” he said. “They’re the Eternal Warriors, the single greatest race of fighters known to man. They will hold the White Centre, that is why they were put there.”

“Gah… In theory you are right, but did you hear him? They have gone soft. The Eternal Warriors have got so comfortable knowing that there has been no war for hundreds of years, that they haven’t even been training. In Horace’s own words, well we’re in the middle, even if there was a war they’d have been defeated before they got to us. And if they do hold them off, more Crawklings will come. Who are we going to send to help them? There’s no ships left.”

“OK then,” said the defiant Ivan. “You need a swift reminder. You are Captain Scheider, the greatest military leader in the universe. You can do this. You will find another way.”

“My boy, you’re right!” said Captain Scheider, sitting up straight and alert once more. “I don’t know what came over me. I knew there was a reason I gave you a promotion though.”

“A promotion?” said Ivan, beaming broadly.