That was such a surreal experience. I was glad John was there to witness the exchange and break the tension afterward. Had he not, I might have passed out as I finished changing.

Regardless of John’s break of seriousness, my upbeat mood had been smothered by a pillow as it slept. I knew that participating in the matches and trying to get on a squad would get me noticed, but it seemed I was being watched closer than I thought and longer than I realized.

After I didn’t respond to any more of John’s attempts at talking or humor, he left to head back to our room. I sat silently, staring at the floor and trying to determine how they knew about Claire and me and, more importantly, what else they knew. Unfortunately, It was already too late in the evening to do anything drastic. Even though I could move around the hallways without a squad or cadre, the rules were extra strict about being out after lights out.

My shoulder was still in pain, too. I wanted to take another look at it, but I didn’t want to do it in a place I could be discovered or observed. I slowly and painfully got dressed and went back to my room.

There wasn’t a big party like last time, but a few extra people were in the room. Everyone there congratulated me, and I talked to a few people. I kept my answers to one or two words while trying to express my desire to go to sleep. Eventually, I was able to lie down and close my eyes. Due to years of practice, I became adept at getting a few hours of sleep and waking up automatically.

My eyes flashed open at the pervasive darkness of the room. I listened for a few minutes to the steady breathing of my roommates. Occasionally, a grunt or snort would be followed up by squeaking springs and rustling sheets made by someone shifting on their bed. I didn’t need to get off my cot, so I just turned over onto my back.

I unfocused my eyes and activated my power. I looked at my shoulder and almost gasped out loud. The energy pathways of my shoulder were even more mangled than they had been. The motes of light were an angry red that had continued to bunch up. I knew that I was the only person who could see what it looked like, but the cluster of motes was so bright I feared it would wake up the other cadets.

I moved my hand toward my shoulder, which adopted the same color as it approached. I massaged my shoulder, unsure of what I could do or wanted to accomplish. As I rubbed, the streams of energy began to uncrinkle. The motes of light started to flow as more space opened up. As the bits moved through the injured area, they turned from the angry red back to their natural yellowish-white.

It only took a few more minutes of rubbing before the entire space looked normal to my ability. I moved and rotated my arm as best I could while lying on my bed. There was no pain, and it felt rested and strong. I smiled in the darkness. Apparently, I could heal myself.

As happy as that revelation made me, I still had other issues to deal with. I first had to let Claire know if I was being watched and my movements monitored. She was always skeptical that they were watching us that closely but I thought that information would bring her around. Then I needed to figure out how they knew I was always visiting her.

My use of the library was logged, but I knew there weren’t cameras. This made me think that someone was talking to the cadre. I would have to be more aware of my surroundings while there.

Since I didn’t have to participate in physical training the following day, I decided to head to the garden early to complete my morning details quickly. Afterward, I would head to the library and talk to Claire. Confident in my plan, I immediately felt the stress of the night and decided to go back to sleep.

The next morning I woke up in an empty room. It was only the second time since I was in the camp, but I already felt it was something I could get used to. I quickly changed and headed out to the garden to complete my work.

Waking up alone and being able to take my time had put me in a good mood, even though my thoughts were on serious matters. I walked into the garden and paused to look up at the sky. There weren’t any clouds, but the sky was a bright blue and stretched forever.

“What are you doing? Shouldn’t you be taking care of the apple trees?”

My gaze snapped down. Standing a dozen paces away was Sarah. Her auburn hair was tied into a ponytail, and her hands were on her hips. Her face was accusing and hostile as she waited for my answer.

“I’m getting to it. Chill out.” Her tone and accusations pissed me off. I was early, and nobody was supposed to be in the garden, but here she was.

“I don’t have time to chill out, Aidren. We have production quotas and the entire camp to keep fed. If you can’t pull your weight, then you’re useless. Just because you’re good at punching people and the cadre have rewarded you for that doesn’t mean you can slack off on what little you already do.”

I had begun to walk toward our small orchard of apple trees, but I was stopped by her diatribe. I couldn’t take her animosity anymore. I didn’t have to take it anymore and wanted her to know. I had too many things to consider that morning, and I didn’t want to deal with her.

“You think that you’re so great?” I asked condescendingly.

“What do you mean?” she snapped back.

“Just because I can’t be like you and everyone else in our group, you push me to the side. No, I can’t manipulate the plants like you do and make them grow fruits and keep them healthy. So what if I’m not a saint like you, always trying to help everyone around me? Just because you can do it doesn’t mean we all can.”

“I never expected you to be like me or anyone else.”

“No? Then why am I always on the same detail in the garden? I may not be like you, but I can do other things. Why don’t you talk to me like you do the other kids? I’ve tried to be as nice as I can. I’ve tried to be part of the group, but you always shut me down, always belittle me.”

“You think you’ve tried to be part of the group?” She barked a fake laugh. “That’s hilarious coming from you. You’ve been the exact opposite of someone trying to be part of the group." She did air quotes in the last part. "You don’t deserve me being nice to you!”

“What did I ever do to you?”

“You never helped me!” she yelled. “I wanted you - no, needed you to help me, and you never did.” Tears started rolling down her face, and I was shocked. “You think I can do everything great, but I’m struggling too.

"When we first got here, I thought you’d be able to help care for everyone. You were smart, everyone looked up to you for standing up to the cadre, and you are one of the oldest here. But you just kept to yourself. I tried to talk to you. Hell, everyone tried. But you didn’t want any of it.

"Then you started to go to the library and hanging out with that girl. I was glad you found someone to talk to, but then you signed up to fight. Now you’re drinking the kool-aid. I need someone to help me out here. We all need someone to help us survive this place.

"I thought you could be that person, but I was wrong. So, yeah, I became bitter, and I put you on crappy details.” She turned quickly and disappeared into the bowels of the garden like a mist retreating from the sun.

Like a kid caught stealing from a cookie jar, I was inert at the first sign of tears during her outburst. But for her to hold all that all in for so long just made me mad. If all the Carpenters hadn’t conformed and accepted this place so quickly, I wouldn’t have kept to myself.

Was I wrong about how they all felt?

“Screw this,” I said. I turned and left the garden and headed to the library.