He was terrified more than ever before. Was it Seth just playing with him at this point? Having fun messing around with his emotions? Telling him that he won’t go anywhere? It was a cruel message. A terrifying way to say, “Fooled you.” The old man would likely not say it like that, though.

But why would he just put that eerie smiley face instead of actual words? Was it really him that put it there? Or someone else? It was made with red paint, and Seth has all colors of paint inside his studio. That is why Nathanael immediately suspected him. It was too odd though to put nothing but those two dots and a curved line.

Perhaps it was a coincidence, this bunker wasn’t the desired place he was supposed to find, and it was the wrong location altogether. He likely missed the real one or didn’t go far enough.

Nathanael felt his morale beginning to break once he headed back to the house. He was getting tired. This day was a complete mess.

It wasn’t all that bad, though. He still had the compass, and he knew full well it worked. And the map was possibly correct. It was a successful day, but also a dreadful one. He managed to go through the snow and find the bunker, albeit finding nothing of value inside. At least there was a slight plus.

Coming back to the house from the bunker has drained him fully of his stamina and sanity. He couldn’t even believe how he managed to hold his thoughts in check when venturing back. Though he did make some missteps, and nearly went off in the wrong direction. Thankfully, he noticed the house in the corner of his vision.

He laid down on the couch in the living room, not bothering in leaving his winter clothes and shoes at the entrance. He rubbed his face hard, knocked on his head a few times, then did nothing but lay there for a few minutes, staring at the wooden ceiling all the while.

There was no holding it in any longer. He cried. Finally, all his welled-up feelings were let out. How he managed to hold it the entire way back, he was unsure. Perhaps he should have cried earlier, he didn’t want Etta to see him like this. A complete mess.

Nathanael was certain Etta would come to him, but that didn’t happen. She was likely upstairs, in her room, sleeping. With no clue that he was back. She heard no sound, she wasn’t disturbed. But even if she managed to go to deep sleep, she would always wake back up in the same drowsy state. Never changing, never different.

The living room finally was quiet after some time. Nathanael later cleaned his face, he didn’t bother looking at himself in the mirror, or he just had no intentions to check on how he looked.

He wanted to lie on the ground the rest of the day, but he knew nothing would be done that way. He felt horrible, he felt like shit, he wanted to throw up. But there were things that needed to be done, preparations.

A few hours, two or three, enough time to sketch a map. He wouldn’t want Seth to see him looking through his window, so he acted quickly. Doing it on another day would likely be a better choice, but doing nothing on this day would only ruin his mind even further. Waking up Etta would be rude, so he left her be.

He grabbed the ladder in the workshop, made his way to the side of the house, and climbed it once situated correctly. Quick and efficient. He held out a piece of paper and pencil he found in the living room, and he got to work.

It wouldn’t be a perfect replica, he saw the map from an angle, and there were missing pieces of the map itself. But he needed to try, and if he found himself lost, then that would be fine. Just trace your way back with the compass, adjust the map, and hope it would all work out.

There were several locations he could go to, most were likely bunkers and villages, and some could be of other places, such as the crystal cavern. The mountains were clearly on the top left, it wasn’t hard to discern those pointy peaks. And the forest was directly left of the house. The locations had some features, but it was too small from the window to tell what they were.

He traced the lines across the dots he created, scribbled the area of the forest and mountains, and did a rigid stroke of the cliffs. Nathanael didn’t try to make it fancy, he had little to no interest in doing so, but he did as he could to make out what was what. He would later update his map according to the places he finds. He made small checkboxes on the areas, to make sure he visited them.

Done. Now to quickly place the ladder in its place inside the workshop, and head back inside the house.

This took no time at all. Not even an hour. Seth wasn’t back. Lydia was nowhere to be seen. Everything was fine.

He looked over his map a few times. Unsure if Seth made the orientation correct for a compass. But a quick check on the mountains sealed that thought. Nathanael sketched the cardinal directions around the central point. For now, it was ready. But was likely needed to be drawn time and time again, every time he went outside. There would be moments when there would be nothing to find, so he would need to go back and change the angle of his compass.

Days. Maybe weeks. Perhaps even months. During those times, he would spend fixing the map, training his movement across the snow, and helping Etta. He knew full well he wasn’t going to find his way now or tomorrow. It wasn’t easy at all. Seth would allow this to happen, no point in hiding it. After all, he was the one who said he could go. Nathanael wasn’t truly a prisoner, even if he did feel like he was one.

The rest of the day was spent thinking of where he should go next, there were many locations he could travel to. He had to choose one, for now, and focus on it until he eventually mastered his route. Then to pick another place, and perhaps take a single trip to the other places. He needed to get used to it. Was this the way Seth did it? Did he find a map himself, and train to journey through the snow?

“…Mm.”

Startled, Nathanael turned towards the ever sleepy girl. He somehow didn’t notice her approaching him.

“Hi, Etta, I’m back.”

“…Mm,” she simply voiced and sat beside him on the couch. “…Did you… find it?”

“Huh?”

“…You went away to find something. Did you find it?”

“Well… yes, I guess. I did. I did find it.”

Etta gave a slight smile and hugged him. Was it because she wanted warmth? To praise him?

“…Please… don’t show that face.” Or because of that. His expression. Pure loss. Devastation. Maybe she even knew he cried when he came back, he couldn’t know for sure. Nathanael thought he was showing a better face, a cheerful one, or at least neutral. But that wasn’t the case. He couldn’t do it, even for her.

“I guess I have to show a better face, I wouldn’t want to make you worry,” he said, smiling, hiding his other emotions.

“…Mm.” She managed a slight smile of her own.

It started to become a sort of routine. Nathanael would go off alone, following Seth’s map, seeing different, yet familiar bunkers and villages. On some days he would go out twice, on others only one, or just stay at the house and think more and more.

It was hard the first few trips. As he thought, he didn’t find anything at first, his recreation of the map was truly awful. But once he changed slight direction with the compass, he finally managed to find one of the places on the map. Just a small bunker, with little to nothing inside.

He felt relief, Seth’s map was correct. When he found his first place, he created a checkmark on the map and wrote down the degrees to find it easier the next time with his compass.

Every time he went out alone, it happened again and again. His thoughts go wild due to isolation and because of the silence. But it gradually decreased, and his mind was becoming better and better. Yet there were still times it would worsen, he becomes nearly lost when he begins to think of the incident in the forest, remembering those scenes made him lose his way. There was a time when it became so unbearable, it nearly became night when he found his way back again. Just a few more minutes outside, and he would most likely stop moving and become solid ice. When he finally makes it back every day, his thoughts become joyful and saved when seeing Etta welcoming him back.

A village was found. Broken and damaged beyond repair, abandoned and forgotten. He still didn’t understand these places. They felt so close, yet so far from each other. Why were they here in the plains of snow? Did people really live in them? What happened to them? Nathanael didn’t want more things to think about, he already had a box filled with questions unanswered.

Nothing of value, already looted, nothing to help him. Why weren’t there more common places than just bunkers and houses in the snow? Why no other landmarks? Were there places Seth didn’t want to travel to? Were they rarer? There must be other man-made structures around. There didn’t even seem to be normal houses like Seth’s. What about roads? Were they beneath the snow? Any signs? Fuel stations? Power lines and pylons? A radio tower? Anything else at all?

He hated this. His memories of things were coming back to him, but only what should be general knowledge. Still nothing of himself or other people. Nathanael didn’t need to try anymore to remember what he didn’t want or need, the last days it has been coming back to him.

The crystal caverns, he wanted to find his way there again. But he couldn’t remember which way he and Seth went. He wasn’t going to ask for the old man’s help, one of the markers on the map must be it. He was beginning to stink, he really needed to take a bath.

The time he decided not to go out of the house, he spent those days helping Etta face the snow on her own. She needed to be able to walk for longer than a few seconds. She couldn’t do it no matter how many times she tried. Yet, when Nathanael keeps close and holds her hand, she can oddly enough walk around, but still is rather slow…

Even if she wasn’t getting better at it, he still tried to push her forwards. He needed her to carry herself if something happens. Nathanael thought on… borrowing one of the sleds for Etta, but it could get damaged, and carrying the little girl a long way around the snow wouldn’t be ideal, it wouldn’t be ideal at all.

He has been ignoring Seth most of the time, he has started going outside even when the old man was still at home. And just as Nathanael thought, he didn’t care at all, Seth allowed him to do whatever he wanted.

A week. Two weeks. Three weeks. This same routine for nearly four weeks. Everything was the same, nothing special had happened at the places he found on the map. No equipment that would help him, only a short amount of rations. But these experiences have made him more confident to journey forth. He now feels as if he could make it out alive.

“Here. That is the place you are looking for.” The day was thought to be similar to the rest, but Seth changed it.

Nathanael was in the living room looking over his drawn map. He has covered nearly half of the places, mostly bunkers, and some villages. The old man silently found his way next to him, and he pointed toward one of the markers with his index finger. Nathanael didn’t hear him come close at all, perhaps because he was too deep in thought?

“Huh? What do you mean?” Nathanael asked, not sure what place he was talking about.

“The crystal cavern. You wanted to find it, didn’t you? That is where it is.”

And with those few words spoken, after many days of silence, Seth left him with his next destination.

“Should I even ask? Or should I not bother why you just told me that?” Nathanael said without thinking. He felt slight irritation, but also that anxiety. “Are you playing with me? Are you lying to me? Is it a trick?”

There wasn’t a chance he could trust what he showed him. He just came up and told him where it was? How did he know Nathanael wanted to go there? Or maybe he didn’t know and wanted to give him the location out of his unseeing kindness? It was too hard to believe.

“Have I ever lied, Nathanael? Take my words as you will. Trust me or trust me not. It’s your choice.”

“I don’t understand you. Do you want to help me, or don’t you? I just… It’s all too confusing.”

“I have said this before, and I’ll say it again. This world is confusing, answers are hard to come by, that is how things are around here.”

He left for his studio. No more words would be spoken between these two for the next few days. At least what the old man told about the crystal cavern was true, it wasn’t a lie as Nathanael initially thought.

North-West. That was the direction. The view of the mountain was constantly there in front of him, but also slightly left of his central view.

After taking missteps for two days, he found the sinkhole. It was nearly invisible to the eye, looking at it its top from afar would not make a difference in the landscape. People would easily walk around it without knowing it was ever there, perhaps that exact thing happened to Nathanael yesterday or the day after that.

He stood on top of the ridge, looking over the frozen lake beneath. He remembered about a ravine somewhere close by, that should be the entrance to go down. But it was too concealed for the eye to see.

A walk around the top should be enough to find it, the entrance was a ravine, after all, he only needed to find an opening and follow it to the end to enter it. Or so he believed…

Nathanael didn’t go far in his search around the hole, just a few steps were enough for his legs to be consumed by the snow more than they should. A second later, the ground collapsed, and the ravine was revealed beneath him, directly beneath him. It was hidden by a veil of snow, an invisible white trap. And he fell right in.

A yelp was heard from his mouth, he couldn’t find anything to hold onto as he descended below the surface. The chasm wasn’t large, thankfully. His legs and body found something to wedge into, though unintentionally. And by god did it hurt once his fall ended.

The sound of the snow hitting the ground beneath was heard in rhythm, mostly the entire ceiling of the ravine collapsed once it was disturbed by him. The grey clouds could be seen from the crooked line of the ravine. It looked like he fell double his own worth of height down.

His breathing became ragged. He coughed, inhaled, and exhaled quickly. His heart pumped faster than ever, his adrenaline reached its near max. It was a horrible feeling, falling really didn’t feel good. For a moment, he thought he was back at the cliff, but actually falling this time instead of descending at the right and safe pace. This was seriously awful. And the feeling of his skin scraping against the rigid ice walls only worsened the experience.

“Shit. God, that hurt.” After some continuous curses and spouts of him hurting, he took a moment to calm his nerves. But in this rare situation, it was too difficult to relax. At least he could still think and look around.

The walls were made of pure ice, rigid and uncomfortable. It was vertical, with little to no bumps to hold onto and climb. His legs and body were wedged in this terrible ice, and moving around wouldn’t help him get unstuck, the worse case would be when he moved around could cause the ice to break and his descent down the ravine would continue. A horrible end that would be. At least his arms were free and could be moved around slightly.

He only came to scout out the crystal cavern, he wasn’t going to bathe immediately in the hot springs right away after finding it. He knew the place was in a sinkhole, and that is why he was so grateful that he brought with him ice axes and crampons. Perhaps it was the spiked boots that slightly helped him descend slower… but only slightly, or maybe little to none. He could see the scrapes along the wall that his boots caused.

Nathanael managed to get a hold of his ice axes that were situated around his waist. The grip was firm on both hands as he released them from their straps. He began chopping off bits of the icy wall around his right leg. Once that felt loose, Nathanael used the spiked boot to try and get a foothold on the ice. He felt secure and satisfied, then began working on his other leg.

His knees were bent upwards, his arms outstretched high above him, and with all the strength that he could muster, he slowly pulled himself out. His main central body still felt stuck, chipping away in front of him was a hassle, but thankfully he managed to break free.

The wedge was undone, he could move around freely, but still had the problem of climbing the rest of the way. He secured his tools from his hands, placed his back and freed hands against the wall behind him, and lifted himself up with his legs in front. His knees began to hurt, exercise was something he did little to nothing of. At least he had some training while walking through the snow the past days.

The grey clouds look to expand before him, his outstretched hands touched the snow as he struggled to crawl out. A heavy breath of cold air, he laid there for mere moments. Nathanael wanted to just lay there, do nothing but relax, but damn was the frigid land hitting him.

“Okay, you’re fine, Nathanael. Phew… You’re fine. You. Are. Fine. Just some needed adrenaline to get your blood pumping, no big deal.” He stood up from his position, his body hurt a lot more than anticipated. He stared down into the ravine. “Yup, that is a long drop. Good job, Nathanael, you somehow managed to avert your eyes down as you were climbing up. I give you a big plus on that one… Good job… me… umph…”

Nausea began to fill his head, and soon the white snow turned into the color of his last meal. He wiped his mouth and finally began to trace the end of the ravine so he could enter the bottom of the sinkhole.