It was difficult. How Seth and Nathanael ended their talk the other day, he could barely muster the courage to ask to join Seth in his supply runs. It was beyond awkward.

“If I’m going to stay a while longer, it wouldn’t hurt to continue helping you out outside, right?” Nathanael asked in a pool of sweat.

“I guess. It’s better than having you snooping around the house while I’m not home.”

“R-right…”

You wouldn’t take the opportunity of abandoning me, would you? Nathanael wanted to say but kept quiet in his inner thoughts. I need to stick close to him at all times.

“Why the sudden decision to help me? Weren’t you going to leave?”

“I will, but not right now.”

“Hoping to find something in the bunkers? The villages? Some specific items to navigate on your own through the snow? Don’t worry, whatever you find, you can keep it.”

If you are fine with me finding things that would allow me to leave, then why not help me right away with what you have? I really don’t understand you, Seth.

It was all too confusing. Nathanael just wanted to leave. And he was allowed. But couldn’t go on his own. Seth had no interest in showing him the way. In some parts, the old man wanted to keep him here, and in others, he seemed fine if Nathanael just left. There was no understanding of what Seth really wanted. And there really seemed no gain from this.

“Nathanael, do what you want. You can go out there in the snow with me, go alone if you want to. But don’t continue to pester me about what I can’t tell. There are things better left untold.”

“Right… Perhaps it’s better if I become mute, so I wouldn’t trouble you no more,” Nathanael said with intended sarcasm.

“Perhaps that would be better,” Seth agreed, with a serious demeanor.

“Uhm… I was just joking about that… Please don’t cut my tongue… Or however, people become mute.”

“Don’t worry, nothing will happen. Except for certain conditions that will cause me to act, you likely know what I mean.”

Seth left his own studio after that disturbing remark. Was that a threat? Or did he play around with what Nathanael just said? Whatever that was, Seth showed no signs of it being a joke.

A chill ran down his spine. Even though it was warm inside the studio, it felt rather frigid.

Maybe I shouldn’t have asked to go out on his errands. Staying here and finding out anything I missed might be better. Yet I have already gone so far as to ask this request, might as well go with it… Hopefully, he truly won’t cast me away and abandon me in the snow.

Nathanael looked up at the ceiling. Those eight giant canvases still remained in their places, around a compass. All of the paintings still had off features he couldn’t make out, except for one, of course.

The North, giving him an orange expanse, and a yellow field. The East a gray decay, and a light-green haze. The South with red fractures, and a dark-blue abyss. The West, though, has changed. Just the white picture had different details, the light blue was still there, static sand unnerving. Nathanael could easily tell the white picture was of this place. The plains of snow were there, below a cliff were the trees with no different features amongst themselves. And inside that forest, he could see the crystal clear as day. It was abstract before, did Seth change it? Or did Nathanael miss it the last time he saw it? Yet, though it was clearer now, there was still something beneath the crystal that was nothing but a smudge in all colors of blue.

Weird. Odd. Unknown. Pieces were still missing. And it wouldn’t be found for some time.

Nathanael has kept his guard up for the next two long weeks. Every day he was allowed to go out with the old man. Every day he felt that same feeling of being left to die. There was still a chance Seth would truly leave him. Yet it never happened.

On the days they went out, Nathanael would keep Seth in view. Just a moment of losing sight would cause him to panic, and he would start to frantically look for him. In those times that have happened, Seth was always around the corner. Never once has the man taken an opportunity to disappear. He even told Nathanael to quit running around and continue to search that abandoned house in a village.

Was there really no ill intent? There was some good there after all, yet still elusive about things he wouldn’t share. Nathanael couldn’t see through him at all. He felt no tricks being created, no lies. But even though he saw nothing that would make him end up dead, he still couldn’t trust him fully. He was never going to let that thought leave him. For his sake and Etta’s.

The trips have consisted of abandoned villages and bunkers. Never did they leave the plains of snow. And in a thorough search of crates and chests, Nathanael has found nothing useful. Most of the time there was just empty space, others a small portion of supplies. There was a rare instance of a tool is found, but it was only a rusty shovel.

It has been over a month already since Nathanael woke up in the snow. And he has had enough of it. He wanted to leave this place already. He wanted to skip his plan, go off without directions, and hope to find salvation. But he knew that would only be suicide. He needed to go on, he needed to wait for that moment, to hopefully find what he needs. Or he could try asking Seth again, to beg him to help. But that wasn’t going to happen no matter how pitiful he sounds.

Two weeks of searching. Or has it already been three? There was no miracle shining before him. There was nothing. Etta has asked a few times when they were going to leave, Nathanael could only tell her to wait some more. There were no signs of her feeling better in the cold, she always sounded the same. Drowsy, sleepy, always the same. Nathanael had tried to help Etta walk through the snow alone, but she could only do around twenty steps.

This was going nowhere.

Time and time again, Nathanael tried to ask him in a single sentence, “Will you help me find the city?” but only got worse and worse answers. Though Seth had felt irritated by the same question, he still allowed him to do what he wanted.

Seth wasn’t evil, but he wasn’t good either. Those two thoughts circled around Nathanael through the days with him. There has not been much talk, only short conversations about current events or situations when they were out. Nathanael has stopped asking questions, except for the old man’s help. But nothing has happened.

Another day passed. Another day came. Nathanael searched through every house, every room, every chest, and box. Nothing of value was found.

He took up what he believed to be a snack bar. The wrapper was still there, untouched. He has seen that similar one too many times, and he couldn’t keep himself from throwing it to the wall in front of him. It fell to the ground once the impact was made, creating a small thud against the wooden structure.

“I hate this. Why am I still here? Why won’t he just help me?” he said in a low tone to himself. Just barely managing to not yell in anger and irritation. “This is ridiculous, how have I found nothing? There is nothing that could help me. Two weeks have passed, are tools really this rare? Only a shovel was found, and not in good condition either. Nothing else. Nothing else… This truly is going to make me insane. Is that what he wants? Does he want to go nuts? Does he want me to fight him? Does he want me to hate him? I just don’t… don’t understand.”

Frigid. The air felt oddly colder than usual.

“Nathanael, come on, on to the next stop,” Seth said, once again.

“Right…” Nathanael answered. He didn’t try to hide how demoralizing he sounded. He didn’t care anymore.

They were about to leave one of the village’s few houses, but something caused them to halt. He has seen this once before, never did he think it would happen again, here in all places as well.

When this happened before, Seth told him to not follow. He held a rifle at that time. Whatever this red color is, it made the old man act more than before.

The snow, the clouds, the air, all color of white and gray faded, and in came the hues of red. That similar whirring sound, its high pitch lowered through the seconds. The thrum came next, causing the building to slightly shudder.

This was called the red event, but what it consisted of was completely unknown to Nathanael. All he knew was to get ready for whatever would come. Seth had a rifle last time, but not now. That didn’t make the old man unarmed, though.

Seth brought out a pistol from under his garment, it took him a few seconds to unveil the weapon. Has he always had that on him? Nathanael hasn’t seen it outside of the house.

The old man looked over to Nathanael, he was about to speak but was interrupted by the boy.

“I know. You want me to stay put, right?”

“Even when the white and grey come back, don’t go anywhere.”

With that, Nathanael was left alone.

“As if.”

He waited there for a long minute. The urge to immediately run out after the old man was kept back. Seth could easily be waiting outside to see if he was being followed.

If this is something seriously important, he must have left, right? He wouldn’t wait to see if I didn’t listen to him, right? If I wait any longer, I would lose him. I need to know where he would go in times like this.

There was not much sound to be heard. He didn’t hear the gun going off. Or it has yet to be. There is something out there. Something that scares Seth. It makes him pull out a lethal weapon. He must know what it is. And this was his only chance. Who knows when this happens again. This moment was perfect, Lydia wasn’t around to stop him. Only he and Seth were around. No one else.

“Screw it, I can’t wait,” Nathanael said, pulling himself together. He walked towards the entrance of the building, and slowly reached for the handle of the door.

It didn’t budge.

Eh?

Something was suddenly thrown inside from one of the open windows. Nathanael didn’t have time to react. Whatever it was, it already did what it was intended for.

The cylindrical object erupted into a smoking surge, quickly filling the room with its contents. Nathanael immediately held his breath, covering his mouth and nose. This thick smoke filled the house in only seconds. Even when Nathanael tried to move quickly, and throw the object back out, it would be too late.

He already began to feel his consciousness wavering. His body became weaker and weaker. There was no escape from this, his fate was already sealed once Seth went outside, blocking the door from being open.

Before he would fall and lose his awareness, he couldn’t help but be thankful it wasn’t the toxic gas from the forest.

He woke back up. The red was gone. He felt as if something was causing him to move, the plains of snow were moving oddly. Nathanael carefully looked around and saw he was laying on a sled. Seth was driving that sled.

Nathanael knew fully well it was Seth who made him fall asleep. This was definitely not one of the ways he thought he would do though.

Seth still didn’t abandon me despite it. He had a chance but didn’t do it. He only didn’t want me to see what the red was all about.

Whatever has happened, Nathaneal wasn’t going to know on this day. Perhaps he would never know.

Though he wasn’t going to know now, he still saw fragments of what happened. He could only see the back of Seth, but he saw something unnatural. On the old man’s shoulder, was something dried and red. A small hole was punctured there, big enough for a bullet. He wasn’t bleeding, perhaps he was bandaged up beneath his white coat. Questioning this was likely not going to happen.

He wanted to just lay there and rest. Letting himself known would cause Seth to make him stand up and walk. Would the old man talk as if nothing has happened? Or would it become awkward?

Nathanael tried to make little to no noise to find that perfect frame for his body. Little movement, little ruckus. Might as well take this advantage while going back to the house.

We are going back, right? Nathanael suddenly thought, stress slightly building up once again. He isn’t going to throw me in a ditch somewhere, right? Of course not, Nathanael, he didn’t do it before, so why would he do that now?

As he moved around, something oddly hard made his chest ache. Whatever it was, it was inside his coat. He slowly moved one of his hands towards his collar and searched for the object. He managed to slither it out and held the metallic, circular thing against his palm.

“Wha…” he choked on his word. The sled suddenly halted with no warning. He hurriedly placed it back inside his clothes. His eyes met Seth’s a moment later.

Nathanael’s blood pumped harder than before. This couldn’t have been even more stressful than it has before. His anxiety must have spiked higher than normal. All because of what he had hidden. How and why? How could he have obtained what he needed by not being conscious? How could that even be possible? If he didn’t have it on him now, maybe he could have held a straight face. But as pathetic as he was, he was too jittery. And Seth clearly knew and saw that.

“Didn’t think you would wake up so early. Guess you only inhaled a smaller amount…” Seth said in a too dubious manner.

“You… aren’t going to kill me, are you?”

“Why would I do that? There is no point.”

“But…”

“Look, Nathanael. That gas was far more efficient than using brute force to make you unconscious. You should be grateful that I luckily found it in one of the other houses, otherwise brute force was necessary.”

“Well… thanks for that, I guess… You aren’t going to answer why you would do that in the first place… Ah, screw it, it doesn’t matter.”

“Exactly, it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters.”

His sinister look gave everything he needed to know. Or what he didn’t need to know. Nathanael wasn’t going to ask about the obvious wound on the old man’s shoulder. Just glancing over at it made Seth’s stare even worse.

The clouds were still hiding everything that was behind them, still no small speck towards the supposed blue skies. Yet it felt as if it has unveiled just slightly, and Nathanael finally had a chance to unveil it all. The compass inside his coat, he was going to take real care of it. Though he still didn’t understand how he has it. Did Seth give it to him? Or did a miracle happen? Did angels come down and give him what he needed?

Maybe there is a god out there, helping me guide the way. Thank you, whoever gave me this chance.

Nathanael was told to stand up from the sled, he did so without a second thought. He knew he wasn’t going to lay there the entire journey, but he wished he could.