I make my way through the lonely halls of the estate, stopping at one of the windows near the entrance to my room. I grab one my stools from my room and go to I look out.

I can’t help it. I haven’t been out of my room this late at night, and haven’t seen what the view looks like. I’m not necessary a person that really enjoys nice views, but I need to at least know what it looks like from right next to my room.

Outwards towards the town that surrounds the estate, and into the distance.

The full moon shines above, half-hidden by the sky by the clouds as it shines a dim blue glow, which colors the entire world below a tint of blue.

It paints a beautiful picture. It’s a sight I don’t think could be quite as beautiful in most places on Earth. The sky is perfectly clear, devoid of any pollution in the slightest.

I think this is in the perfect place to make this view an enchanting one.

I can see the walls of the estate, with a single pathway going out in that direction that seems as if it’s winding around a straight line that goes from me to the moon.

The path continues until it becomes the main street in the village. It doesn’t twist and turn, so I can see all the buildings that line the way.

The main street leads straight out of the village, and begins to curve slightly back and forth again, winding between the irregularly-shaped fields that line it.

A river flows past on the other side of half of the fields, which continues downstream to become a natural barrier on two sides of the town.

The road meets up with the river upstream, and follows it as the terrain breaks into the forest.

The area around the river and the road are kept clear of trees though, and I can see it all the way until it reveals the source of the river, a massive lake.

The moon’s reflection shines across the lake’s rippling watters.

Yea. A breathtaking scene.

I look up at the moon and the stars.

It makes me think.

About how I died.

About my life from before.

About things I don’t really want to think about. Things I’ve been avoiding thinking about.

It looks almost identical to the moon from home. From Earth.

A sad smile goes across my face.

A few tears drip from my eyes. I wipe them off.

I want… I want to go back. I want to go back home.

Back to Earth. Back to my family.

It’s enjoyable here… but it’s not the same.

I remember Earth. I remember the people I know there.

I instinctively try to push my emotions back in again.

No, it’s not good to bottle things up.

I’m bad about that.

I always bottled up my emotions, and put on a mask.

I’ve been putting up a mask to myself since I was born here, haven't I? A mask that hid my real emotions from myself.

I shut my eyes.

Why did I die? It’s blurry, but I’ve regained some memories of what happened that weren’t there before.

Waking up in the middle of the night.

Feeling like I was drowning. A pain in my chest.

The same feeling I was feeling on a lesser level for the past month previously.

The same feeling I was feeling since the fire which burnt my family’s house down.

The fire that burnt nearly everything I knew down.

I think only one person died, since nearly the entire town made it out on time…

But…

The buildings that contained the hopes and dreams for the future. The buildings full of memories.

I distinctly remember what it looked like when I was taken back to the town after the fire passed.

What it was like, walking down the streets with a triple layered mask compared to normal decked out in winter gear, as it had started to snow as the last of the fire was burning. The hope when I saw rows upon rows of homes looking completely fine and covered with a thin layer of snow, thinking, was the fire really that bad?

The wind picked up and white ash that looked like snow drifting by, making a thin layer above the actual snow.

Passing by my neighbor’s house, which was on a turn, I didn’t notice it right away.

I walked into what looked like an apocalypse.

My neighbor’s house was half-missing. And my own home…

Gone.

Not even standing.

The husk of my dad’s old truck that we were going to scrap last year and every month since but never got around to, and the gray ash just below the snow.

...Home, was gone.

...

The houses starting from there were in various stages of being gone. Some had a few walls left, some had a single room, burnt to a crisp, but still standing.

I don’t remember crying. Not quite absorbing what had just happened within the span of less than a single day. Not feeling it was real.

After that, the school that somehow made it through the fire reopened after a few weeks.

I got sick after visiting what was left of my family’s home once and taking my mask off because I had trouble breathing and not a single soul other than my family and people in hazmat suits was around.

It got worse when going from place to place trying to find a home.

I couldn’t go to school anymore.

I started to feel that pain in my chest.

A month later I died, and reincarnated back here.

Even through that though, I still want to go back.

I want to go back and see if my family’s doing okay. I want to go back and see if they made it through.

I want to go back and see them once more.

I open my eyes again, and wipe away my tears.

I need to guarantee I can get back properly though. I don’t want to kill myself when I’m in this advantagous position, where I have a good enough life and a high status. Where I have the resources to find my way back. If I screw up once, who knows? I might be too late to see them once more.

I’ve heard a lot of stories about different times between dimensions and it would make sense.

If this world is faster than Earth, I’d be screwed regardless. I have no idea how to control my reincarnation, so I need to figure it out first. Who knows how long that will take?

If it’s a place on the same scale as Earth, then I just can’t take decades and decades. I just want to see them again.

If it’s faster, then screwing up and killing myself again in hopes of blind luck guiding me back to Earth, then I also run the incredible risk of ruining any chances I have now.

…I also want to try to enjoy my life here in this world.

I’m at least 5 times as in-efficient in my thoughts when I’m in a bad mood. So it’s more efficient to try to enjoy my life still.

Plus there’s apparently many ways. I’ll try to find one by luck, I’ve always had a good amount of pride in my higher than normal luck, so it could work out.

So I’ll take my time to do this properly and get home in one go.

I get off the stool and head to bed, my semi-plan laid out.