I'm kind of a chatterbox and I talk really fast. - Jodie Foster

The cart bumped over a rut. Hank awoke with a cry and a jerk, the latter bumping the lady out of the cart who squeal in surprise as she dropped off the seat.

Thankfully, the tired horse stopped almost immediately as Hank wasn’t confident in his strength to pull it up in his present condition. Still Hank was able to reach down to clasp the lady’s outstretched arm to help her out of the mud. The awkward stretching action caused intense pain to run up his side, and he almost passed out just moments after coming too.

“Sorry, did I hurt you? More importantly, did those rogues hurt you badly?” He enquired politely.

“You mean apart from my pride.” There was a sense of hurt in her words “My wrists hurt something fierce and I really don’t want to walk anymore today, though I suppose I will need to on my way home from the guard station.”

“Home?” Hank asked.

“Yes, my father owns ‘The Duck and Goose’ in Perison. It’s not a large Inn, but it’s the best in Person. Even Uncle Ed says so, and he’s kind of a snob. Though that might be because papa is bigger than him.”

“Right. So how did you get caught up with the rubbish in the back of the cart?” Hank gestured over his shoulder.

“Well the thing is that there was a tournament yesterday and papa said I wouldn’t be allowed to go on account of me being too young for such things and I’m not, really I’m not. And…” She spoke quite quickly.

“Whoa, slow down. There’s a Tournament?” Hank had no idea to what she was referring.

“Hello, what rock do you live under? Every year at about this time there is the annual Play of Champions. And…” Her tone indicated that she thought this was all old news or at least something everyone should know.

“Play of Champions?” Hank asked.

“Yes, keep up, to celebrate the arrival of the king for the summer court. You know, of course, that for almost three months each year they run the kingdom from Perison.”

Hank preferred not to pay attention to politics but knew something like that was the case so he just nodded.

She hadn’t waited for Hank’s response but blithely continued. “But more importantly the winner of the tournament gets to be the champion of Perison until the next one. For the last four years Lord Garth has won, but yesterday Lord Bamreth bested him and he’s ever so handsome and all the girls in town are so in love with him and his eyes are so dreamy and…”

“Stop, stop, stop. Tournament. Got it. Pretty boy won. Ok. So what has this to do with you being captured?” Hank decided to try and limit the fangirling.

“Well, as I said papa said I couldn’t go because I am too young and that I need a chaperone but I’m just 13 and my friend Bonny is 16…”

Hank had to remember game years ran 407 days long not 365 so someone who just turned 13 was probably closer to 15. For the umpteenth time he wondered why the AI had gone with a different year length.

The girl prattled on. “… and she's married with little Tom on her hip so how can I be too young to go to a tournament and the knights in armour are so romantic and….”

“Lady, whatever your name is.” Hank was getting exhausted just listening to the girl. “Please can we stick to the main story? I am sure that the very world will end if you don’t get to see pretty boys in tin cans whack each other with pretend swords. But back to main thing, why you are out here.”

“Well as I was saying. The tournament was on and I wanted to see the knights so me and Megan… She’s my best friend. Her father is the master of the stables for all of Perison. He’s such a nice man, and he said that…”

“I hope this is relevant,” Hank grumbled reflecting on the poor grammar of the girl’s speech.

“Oh well not really but Meg’s dad is nice. He and papa get on so well and when I’ve done my chores Meg and I go and play with the horses in the stables and…” She brightly chattered on.

“Why is this important to your story?” Hank asked.

“Well it’s not really, but I was telling you about Meg and I thought you would want to know who she is and I was remembering all the fun we have riding horses together and…” she paused, obviously deciding to cut off a train of commentary. But it didn’t slow her down at all. “Anyway, she’s been my friend ever since I can remember so I really can’t tell the story right without her and then I was…” She was about to change topic again.

“Do you actually take breaths when you talk?” Hank found the telling of the story more than a little round about which was annoying. This lead to his grumbling under his breath. Unfortunately the girl seemed to have super hearing.

“Of course. My old teacher Mr Murphy said it’s impossible to talk without breathing. But then he says that I've a real gift for talking though he also made a comment about me probably still talking when I have been dead and buried for 3 days…”

“Sound like he knows her well.” The girl missed the comment completely despite sitting on the seat next to him.

“… and he also says I have no chance of getting a job in a bank or anywhere I need maths but that I would be well suited to take over my dad’s business on account of my ‘ample assets’. Which is kinda gross. Besides, I think he’s wrong because I’m good at numbers, he’s super boring so I always got distracted in his class.”

Hank looked at her again, this time not hesitating to really examine her. She had large eyes which were a very light brown. Her face seemed more in the shape of the Fujikians but her hair was a dead straight almond shade of brown and she had faint freckles. If he was being honest with himself, she was very pretty even if she was young.

Coming back to the here and now all he could say was “I am sure he was simply stating the main attraction for any bar drunks frequenting your fathers inn. But perhaps we could return to the story of why you were kidnapped.”

She took a breath before commencing. “Well anyway, as I was saying Meg’s dad is like mine and wouldn’t let us go to the tournament so we decided to sneak out and go so we could watch Sir Colin. Lord Bamreth might have dreamy eyes but have you seen Sir Colin. He is always dressed so well and he comes from the Duchy of Clair and they have the most beautiful accent. They speak with such beautiful words. Even his armour beautiful and he smells so nice. I was standing in an alley way and he brushed past me and he smells so good and he said ‘ello Miss’ and he is sooooo dreamy and…”

“I am sure the sun shines out the backside of the prancing beauty Mr Colin but back to the main event. Are you trying to avoid the story?” This first part was grumbled, but the second was said with a lot more volume.

“No of course not. But my uncle says ‘Your mind is like a humming bird. It runs flat out jumping from idea to idea and back again in the space of seconds. Never stopping long enough to actually land a completed thought. Well not one your mouth can keep up with. Which is a feat in itself.’” She even managed put on a gruff voice as she parroted her uncle. “Do you think that’s fair?”

Hank was hard pressed not to snigger at this. And even though he was rolling his eyes at the ease with which she avoided the subject, he found he was enjoying the young girl’s company. It certainly was making the journey more interesting. But rather than allowing the sidetrack to continue, he decided to pursue the main point. “So you both snuck into the tournament?”

“Yes.”

A one word answer. Hanks was stunned. It prompted him to ask. “And then?”

“Well I liked Sir Colin, and she liked Sir William and so we split up to try to get into their tents to meet them. That being all Meg’s idea. I thought that we should both go together to the jousting lanes to get goods seats and then on the way we met Harry…”

“Who I am sure introduced you to Sally,” Hank was mumbling under his breath again

“Sally!” She paused as if considering “Nope we did not meet a Sally all day…. Who’s Sally?” She looked at him in curiosity.

Hank resisted the urge to whack himself in the head. “Stupid even in real life nobody remembered that reference.”

“Reference to what and isn’t this real life?” She was genuinely interested now.

Great now the girl was asking questions. Hank struggled to not actually say that. “Nothing, you were telling me about your kidnapping by Harry.”

“No Harry would never hurt me. He is my mum’s cousin’s near relative by way of her marriage to uncle Steven. Though he’s not really my uncle and Harry is more like his nephew twice removed but we’re practically family…”

To Hank it didn’t sound like they came from the same country let alone being family. But hey just because his own family was nonfunctional didn’t mean that everyone else’s was.

She continued. “Anyway I ran into Harry, who was all for taking me home, but I pleaded and begged and threatened to tell his mom that he was going out with Celeste and…” she stopped her headlong rush with a gasp. “Oh no I promised I wouldn’t tell anyone. Promise me you won’t let on that I told you. It would cause ever so much trouble and I hate causing trouble though I always seem to get into trouble.”

“You mean like today and those thugs. How did that happened by the way?” Hank asked with smirk.

“Stop teasing me. I will tell you if you stop interrupting all the time,” she actually pouted slightly.

A wry smile appeared on Hanks face. “I am sure that it’s not me who is avoiding that little story,” he mumbled under his breath. “Please don’t let me stop you telling your story!”

“So anyway, I convinced Harry to let me stay, and he was perfectly nice in taking me to the jousting lists and we watched a couple of the jousts but Celeste came over and was getting all jealous of Harry with me and how I was trying to steal her man and that Harry never looked after her and…”

“Do you not know how to pause in between sentences?” Really it made Hank’s head hurt the way she ran everything together. She spoke like it was one long sentence.

“I thought sentences were what judges handed out. And you are interrupting again!” She answered innocently.

Hank’s hand really wanted to smack his forehead until he saw her smirk and realised she was teasing him in return. “Sorry, go on.”

“So as I was saying. Celeste and Harry got into this big argument right there in the stands. Harry saying that Celeste was just being a jealous cow and that we were family and Celeste said that was a lie cos nobody was just friends with someone like me. So I demanded she told me what was wrong with being friends with me. Harry said nothing but Celeste said I was a tramp that stole other people’s boyfriends. So I started getting angry but Harry said that there was nothing wrong with a friend like me and then the footmen came and we were all taken to the marshal and then we were all going to be kicked out. But Harry showed him his guard token, and we were all told to behave and we weren’t kicked out but Harry had to take Celeste off to get sweet meats to make her feel better. So I went off by myself to watch the last of the tournament cos it was nearly over and….”

“Ok, Ok. Slow down. Rule number one. When talking to me you must stop and take a breath every 20 or 30 words. So that I know you can. Now take a breath. Wait. Resume.” Hank needed a pause just so he could catch up.

She nodded “Ok. And I couldn’t get to the good place that Harry had taken me cos it was full and…”

Hank held up his finger. “Breathe”

“So I managed to find an empty box in the high stand and it was supposed to be occupied by the people from the Duchy of Sarness but there was nobody there and…”

The finger went up.

She took a breath. “So I snuck in there in time for the last three jousts of the tournament. How lucky was that, I almost missed it? Anyway, I was about to leave when that weasel faced man back there came in and said his lord was going to be very happy. I asked him why and he said that obviously someone had given his lord a present and I was….”

This finger went up again

She breathed in “… and I was it. But I said no and then he lunged at me and I kicked him like Harry showed me and he went down like a drunk man falling off a bar stool. All surprised and sudden. But Harry says that kicking a man… well there, is the best defence even if it means he might have problems doing his toilet for a day or two.

Inwardly Hank cringed, no male liked to think about getting kicked in the crotch. It probably explained why the rouges had manhandled her a bit. But she continued.

“… So he went down, and I ran for the back stairs only to meet that other horrid little thing who grabbed me and pushed me back into the room.”

“You mean that shorter man who smelled funny with big ears, nose and hands?”

“Yes, him and he kept making funny faces at me and when the weasel guy wasn’t looking he would grab my…”

Here the girl stopped and grew very red in the face.

“… well I’m not saying and it hurt a lot. So they bound me up and said that I would be a nice present for Lord Fenian and then they took me down the stairs and pushed me into the back of that cart and then put all those things on top of me and drove me away.”

“So how did you get out of the cart?” Hank asked.

“Well did you see the poor horse? When we got stuck in the mud, they beat it so hard it could barely move and then the weasel one said that I could get out and push the cart as the horse pulled. And we did that for a long way until you swooped in and saved me. It’s so romantic like in a fairy tale.”

“I don’t know about swopped. I just came over the hill.” Hank was a little embarrassed.

“Oh but you’re a hero. Charging in with your walking stick and they had swords, and you were like swoosh and they were like shwing and you were like prod and the weasel guy was gasping for breath and the slimy guy was like stab at your back and you were like swing and thunk and he was down on the ground and then you were like wapp and the weasel guy was like knocked out. Oh it was magnificent. Huh.”

At this point the girl, having jumped down from the cart to act out all the moves she could remember, raised her hand to her forehead and passed out. Only to jump up back into the cart and say “What did you think of my swoon? All the ladies do it. Why when Lord Oliver was unseated at the tournament Lady Margery was out for a full 5 minutes.”

Hank had no idea how to respond to that. “Ok I guess”

“Ok.” From the pitch of her voice the girl was incensed. “Were you not watching, I will have to do it again to show you properly. Huh” and the hand was raising again.

“No it was great please don’t do it again.” Hank rolled his eyes.

“Why not?” She asked intently.

“Well it’s making your clothes even dirtier and I am sure that your parents will not be happy about that.”

At that she looked down cast. “I don’t have a momma anymore. Oto-san, says that she was a wonderful woman, but she died when I was really little and I don’t really remember her much.”

“Oto-san, who’s that?” It was the second time he had heard that.

“Silly that’s papa in Fujika. Papa’s from Fujiama so we talk Fujika at home sometimes.” She seemed to sadden at this. “Papa gets sad when we speak Fujika. He says that it reminds him of how much my momma loved it and everything about Fujiama.”

Then perking up “Papa says that I look a lot like her and Lady Mary is helping me to be a lady like she was. But it’s awfully boring. I hate sewing and knitting. Why can’t I learn to fight and have dogs and train eagles and swim in the river? After all Dickon gets to do all those things. He also has to learn to ride but Meg and I are already better at that than him even though Lady Mary says I have to ride by sitting on the side of the horse and not like the boys. But Meg and I we learned from watching her Dad train the princes and we learned to do it properly and I can canter and trot and gallop and everything and…”

Raising his finger again. “Breathe”. Thinking about it Hank was sure that there must be a mute person somewhere in the world to equal out the shear volumes of chatter that the girl produced.

“Huh, why do I have to always breathe? Lady Mary says that I need to slow down and let others say things but most of the time it’s really boring or they are telling me off. You’re not going to tell me off, are you? I don’t really know you, but you seem to be a bit stern. Lady Mary says that people are not mean they are stern. Do you know what the difference is? Is it that rich people are one and everyone else the other? I hear that eccentric is like that, though I am still unsure what eccentric means, to me it seems a bit like strange. Do you think eccentric people are strange? After all Lord Damien is always sneaking after Lady Mary but she doesn’t know. Which is completely weird, but Dickon and I keep catching him, which is really funny as he goes red in the face and runs off. And when I asked Dad about him he said that everyone knew that Lord Damien was eccentric, but he should not be following Lady Mary like that. So, I was going to….

“Hang on, hang on. One question at a time. Do you actually want me to answer or do you just like the sound of your own voice?” Hank asked.

The conversation continued in this vein as the cart and the poor horse slowly worked its way to Perison. All the conversation was on one side, which was just as well Hank was in too much pain to be an active participant. His health bar stayed red even though it had stopped blinking. Until they went over another rut, where it would start to blink again.