Chapter XXXVII

The weekend came and went with the only news about Jay’s condition being that he hadn’t yet woken up and the doctors were doing everything they could to keep him alive. Lilly was happy he was still alive but every time her phone buzzed at all, she was terrified that it would be the call or text from Alice telling her that Jay was gone. She barely slept at all over the weekend and she knew her parents could tell something was up though they didn’t press her for details. As for Alexa, she was nice enough to give Lilly time to herself since she already knew what was going on. The news of Jay’s attempted suicide had, by the end of Friday, spread to almost every student in the school. Of course, Lilly knew it would only be a matter of time before it got out but she had been really hoping that they could keep anybody from finding out. Classes were tense and even the teachers seemed to be kind of distant and emotional. When Lilly got back to school on Monday, there was an announcement that councilors had been brought in to talk to any students that wanted to and that they would be holding an assembly on the following morning. So, come Tuesday right after fourth period, the entire student body made their way to the auditorium to listen to what the principal had to say.

Alice and Lilly both had fourth period chemistry together so they walked side by side as they followed the crowd of students down the halls. Eric, Damien, and Liz met up with them on the ground floor and the five of them went to the auditorium together. Vinny hadn’t come to school that day but, even if he had, she was sure they wouldn’t have seen him. The blonde boy was avoiding everybody and each of them knew why that was. Whether it was true or not, Vinny was blaming himself for Jay’s suicide. While Lilly didn’t think the events with Rina were the sole reason for this, she couldn’t deny that it was likely a factor and so, for the time being, she was content leaving Vinny to figure things out on his own. Eric had already reported that his sense had corrected its perception of him and that the best thing to do would be to give him space.

She found herself more and more grateful to have Eric as a friend with each passing day. The boy had ensured that he was there for her ever since Thursday morning. He would hold her when she wanted to cry and he would give words of consolation. When she didn’t want to talk, he would let her sit in silence but he always made sure he was right beside her. They had met up for coffee both days over the weekend because Lilly had wanted to get out of the house and have some fresh air. Without Eric, she wasn’t sure how well she’d be handling everything. Even now, as they sat on the bleachers, surrounded by students and listening to the principal’s speech, Eric was right by her side, allowing her to lean against him.

She hardly listened to what the principal was saying. It was obvious that the entire point of the assembly was to make it look like the school was doing something. The few times she did check in to the speech, he was going on about what to do if somebody feels depressed and that the councilors and teachers were there to talk if anybody needed it. What he was saying was nice but Lilly couldn’t help but feel irritated by it all. After all, Jay had already tried to kill himself. As irrational as it was, she couldn’t help but think this assembly was too little too late. Their stupid assembly couldn’t do anything for Jay anymore. The damage was done and there wasn’t anything they could do to change that.

Although...I have been thinking...is it possible…

She didn’t finish the thought. Ever since Thursday morning, there had been an idea in her mind that she just couldn’t shake. She didn’t even know if it would work or what the potential repercussions could be but, not wanting to just sit back and do nothing, she couldn’t help but to consider it.

If I did that...could I make a difference? Could I…?

“Alright, you’re all dismissed to go to lunch,” Principal Thompson said. “Remember, go to the counseling office if you need to talk to somebody. Don’t ever think you’re alone. The school is here for you.”

With that, the entire student body packed into the gym began to get up and leave at the same time. Not wanting to fight their way through that mess, Lilly, Alice, and the club members remained sitting until almost all of the crowd had filed out into the hallways. Once it was easier to move, they got to their feet and made their way toward the exits.

“I’ll meet you guys up in the clubroom,” Damien called back. “I left my lunch in fourth period.”

“Alright, see you in a minute,” Eric called back.

Liz opted to go with him and so, the two of them split off and began heading in the opposite direction. Alice also softly excused herself and took off for the bathrooms, leaving Eric and Lilly to walk alone in silence. After sitting through the assembly, Lilly really didn’t feel up to talking and Eric seemed to realize that because he merely stayed by her side, staring straight ahead. The two walked through the corridors and up the stairs, all the while getting hesitant glances from the students around them. This wasn’t unusual for them given their reputation but in the past few days, the stares had been different. They weren’t looks of irritation or disgust but rather ones of pity. Through Lilly’s friendship with Jay, he had begun hanging out with the club members and so, he was branded one of them. Everybody knew that his attempted suicide was hurting them. Lilly was at least thankful that they stayed away and didn’t bother them.

She glanced once more up at Eric but he seemed to be deep in thought. He’d been acting kind of weird since Thursday as well and, knowing him, he was probably thinking of ways he could have prevented it. That was who he was, after all. He loved to help people and now, he was forced to face the fact that there had been somebody in desperate need of help right in front of him and he hadn’t realized. Now, there wasn’t anything he could do. So, feeling the need to be closer to him, Lilly reached out and took his hand in hers. Normally she wasn’t as bold but, desperately needing the comfort of his touch, she found that she didn’t care how embarrassing it might be to hold his hand so suddenly. He seemed startled by her sudden move yet he didn’t try to break away. Instead, he tightened his grip and pulled her closer so that their shoulders were touching. Just that small touch made a big difference for her.

I’m so grateful for him, she thought. I can’t imagine how badly I’d be handling this without him.

They continued walking hand-in-hand all the way up to the third floor and were turning down the hall that led to the clubroom when a voice called out to them. Lilly instantly cringed, not wanting to talk to anybody at the moment but, recognizing the person, she knew it would be rude to not turn around. So she and Eric stopped and looked over their shoulder at the newcomer.

“Hey, Harper,” Matt Briggs greeted. “Reiner.”

Lilly hadn’t spoken much with Matt since the cross country season mainly due to the fact that she had become one of the outcasts. Matt rarely made an effort to reach out to her and she was fairly content leaving it that way. So, if he was approaching her now, she knew as a fact that it was related to Jay. Part of her really wanted to tell him to leave her alone but, judging by the sullen expression on his face, he was hurting, too. She couldn’t just blow him off. It wouldn’t be right.

“Hey, Matt,” she muttered. “What’s up?”

The boy hesitated, running his fingers through his blonde hair as if trying to figure out how to begin. “I...I don't mean to bother you guys since I’m sure you’re all still processing this and all, but...I wanted to ask you something.”

Lilly briefly glanced up at Eric, knowing he tended to handle people better than she did, but one look at his expression made it clear that he was leaving to talking to her. So, she turned back and nodded.

“Okay, sure. What’s up?” she asked.

Matt swallowed nervously, a drastically different demeanor from his normal confidence. “Look, I know Brooks and I were never that close but...well, he’s still a member of the team, you know? I’ve been in cross country with him since middle school so I can’t help but...want to do something for him so...I’m just going around seeing if anybody would donate some money to help his family. I’m gonna ask Alice if she can give it to them at the end of the week.”

Lilly was taken aback. Matt had always been a decent guy, but he tended to seem like he didn’t care too much about anything. He went with the flow and just enjoyed life so Lilly was surprised to see him stepping forward to do something for Jay. She could tell just by the trembling in his voice that Matt was being genuine.

“I…” she stuttered. “I don’t have any money on me right now, but...I can totally bring some tomorrow. Thank you, Matt.”

The boy forced a weak smile and nodded. “Yeah, no prob. Reiner?” He glanced over at the still silent Eric. “You have anything you could donate?”

The taller boy didn’t even hesitate. Within moments, he had his wallet in his hand and was taking out a ten dollar bill. Matt stared in surprise as Eric handed it to him.

“Of course,” Eric said. “I thank you for doing this, Briggs. You’re a good guy.”

Matt hesitated, clearly having expected him to shrug him off since he was one of the infamous Magic Club members. The boy quickly regained his composure and took the money from Eric gratefully.

“No, thank you, Reiner,” he replied.

With that, Lilly suggested he talk to Damien and Liz as well and, despite his clear hesitance to go anywhere near them, he nodded anyway. He bid them goodbye and took off down the stairs, leaving the two of them to turn and continue on their way to the clubroom.

“If only Brooks could see,” Eric muttered, “just how much he was loved. Briggs looked like he was in pain… I don’t think Brooks understood just how many people would be hurt by his death.”

“Yeah,” Lilly whispered. “I was thinking the same thing.”

Eric’s words weighed on her for a moment and she realized just how true they were. Alice was utterly heartbroken, Vinny was so distraught that he wasn’t even at school, Damien and Liz looked like they didn’t even know how to react to it, Eric was blaming himself for not noticing, and she, too, had cried herself to sleep multiple nights since. Then there were those not as close to him. Just looking at Matt and seeing what he was trying to do showed how much he respected and cared about Jay as a team member. Lilly hadn’t spoken to Ellie much but Brad had said that she canceled their tutoring multiple times. The other cross country members all seemed distant. The list just kept going on. Even those who didn’t know Jay were feeling the effects of having a fellow student who tried to kill themself.

You just didn’t get it, Jay, she thought. I don’t know what was going through your mind but...if you could see the school right now...you’d understand that what you did isn’t just affecting you. You’re more important to us than you realized!

Lilly clenched her teeth. What would you think if you saw this? Would it change things? Would it give you a reason to keep living—to be there for us all? Maybe…

When Eric and Lilly finally arrived in the clubroom, they found it empty aside from Mr. Lowe at his desk, typing away on his computer. They passed him by and went to their regular lunchtime spot in the back corner. There they waited in silence, sitting side by side with their hands held together, as they waited for Damien and Liz. When the two finally arrived, they made their way over and took a seat in the desks in front of them. Both noticed them holding hands but neither said anything about it, something Lilly was grateful for.

“Sorry we’re late,” Damien muttered. “Some guy stopped us, asking us to donate some money to help Jay.”

Lilly glanced up in surprise, having expected Matt to opt to avoid Damien and Liz. She found herself pleasantly surprised to know that he didn't just write them off.

“And did you donate?” Eric asked as he stared out the window to his left.

Damien shrugged. “I gave him a few bucks. He seemed genuine enough.”

“Yeah, same,” Liz added softly.

From there, the conversation petered out and the four just silently ate their lunches, leaving Lilly alone with her thoughts again. She just couldn’t get what Eric said out of her mind. How would Jay feel if he realized how much he was missed? Would that give him what he needed to decide to live? After all, just because he survived doesn’t mean he would suddenly decide he didn’t want to die. If they wanted to truly help him then they needed to find some way to make him want to live.

And Lilly thought she might have a way to do that.

But is it really a good idea? How would that even work under these circumstances? Would he even be willing to entertain it? I don’t know, but I just can’t sit around and do nothing! One of my first real friends just tried to kill himself! Doesn’t that mean I have to be there for him? So…?

Her thoughts were interrupted by the buzzing of her phone, causing that familiar feeling of dread to wash over her. She had it sitting on the desktop beside her, its surface facing upwards so all she had to do was briefly glance it’s way. When she saw it was a text from Alice, her stomach churned and she forced herself to reach out and grab her phone. Luckily, when she read the message, she felt a sense of relief.

Jay’s dad just called me. He says I can come visit them in the hospital today and I was wondering if you’d like to come with? I don’t think I can do it alone. I have a shift at the diner after school so I’m heading over afterwards.

Lilly exhaled softly. So they’re finally letting her visit? That means I’ll have an opportunity to…

At that moment, the girl came to a decision. She decided that there wasn’t any point in overthinking it. Given the circumstances, it was a far better idea to just go with her gut and act, especially if it meant helping her friend. She quickly typed in a response.

Absolutely. Let me know what time you get off work and I’ll meet you at the diner...

Then, committed to her plan and not wanting to give herself any time to think it through any further, she put the phone down and looked up at the others. They were all staring at her, clearly worried that the text might have been more bad news. However, she figured that she could fill them in momentarily. She had other priorities for the moment. So, she turned to look at Eric and spoke before her brain could convince her not to.

“Eric, can I borrow the stone?” she asked firmly.

All three of them looked at her for a moment, stunned. Both Damien and Liz looked like they wanted to say something but they seemed to be waiting for Eric to respond first. As for him, he was staring back at her with a curious expression. She was prepared to explain everything if she must but she would refuse to back down. If she had to spend the entire day trying to convince him then she would but she needed the gem. After a moment, Eric seemed to decide how to respond.

“You have a plan to help Brooks, yes?” he asked softly.

Lilly nodded. “I do.”

“Okay then.” Without anything more, baffling Damien and Liz further, Eric pulled the stone from his pocket and placed it on her desk. “I trust you, Lilly. Good luck.”

Wait...that was easy… Why would he just give it to me without even asking what I was going to do with it?! Does he...really trust me that much?

Lilly smiled back at him weakly and took the stone from the desk.

“Thanks, Eric,” she whispered. “Really.”

She then glanced across the desks at Damien and Liz. The bespecticled girl was smiling slyly but Damien clearly seemed on edge, as if desperately wanting to intervene and say something. So, Lilly merely cocked an eyebrow at him.

“Have something to say, Damien?” she asked, knowing how hard he tended to oppose using the stone.

The boy sighed and shook his head. “Even if I did...I can’t really say anything after Liz and I swapped last week, can I?”

Lilly smirked. “Nope.”

Alright, I can do this! I didn’t think it would be that easy and I’m grateful that they’re going to trust me. Now, I just have to hope that everything works out the way I need it to. Soon enough, it’ll be out of my hands.

With that, Lilly began explaining just what she planned to do.

***

The Wilham hospital was located just off of Main Street, nearly a half mile away from Ralph’s Diner where Alice worked. The two girls met up a little after six and walked together to the hospital. All the preparations were in place for Lilly’s plan and now all there was left to do was go through with it. All throughout the day, she refused to allow herself to think about it any further. She knew she just had to do it, for if she gave it any more thought then she feared she would get scared and back out. When she told the other club members about it, Damien and Liz looked at her like she was insane but, as she should have expected, Eric simply smiled and said he would do for her what she needed. She had yet to tell Alice since she knew the girl wouldn’t approve of it so she figured that she’d tell her at the last minute when she didn’t have the opportunity to stop her anymore.

“Here we are,” Alice whispered, the apprehension and nervousness clear in the way her voice shook.

The two walked through the parking lot and began heading toward the visitor’s entrance. Alice had said that Jay’s father would be waiting there for them to take them up to his son’s room. Lilly had never met either of Jay’s parents before and he never once spoke about them so she wasn’t really sure what to expect. Therefore, she knew it would be smarter to let Alice take the lead. They made their way toward the front doors which were automatic so they slid open just as they walked inside. When they entered the lobby, Lilly immediately noticed Jay’s father without having ever seen him. There was a man sitting in one of the nearby chairs that looked distinctly like an older version of Jay. They had the same tight, curly hair and dark brown eyes. Even their facial structures looked quite similar. She had no doubt that it was him.

“Mr. Brooks,” Alice called out as they made their way over to him.

The man instantly looked up and, upon seeing the two of them, he smiled weakly. He didn’t look like he had slept in days and, judging from his suit and tie, he was probably still going to work. He rose to his feet and walked over, immediately pulling Alice into a hug.

“It’s good to see you, sweetheart,” he muttered softly.

“Yeah, you, too,” she replied. Then, after breaking off the hug, she motioned toward Lilly. “This is Lilly Harper. She’s a really good friend of ours.”

Lilly held out her hand and Mr. Brooks shook it firmly.

“It’s nice to meet you, sir,” she said.

He forced another smile and responded. “You, too, Miss Harper. I appreciate that you’d come to visit. I’m sure it would mean a lot to him.” Mr. Brooks then stood straighter and smoothed out his suit before motioning for them to follow him. “Come on. I’ll take you upstairs. We just have to get you girls checked in first.”

They followed his lead and went to the hospital’s front desk where they went through the process of getting visitor's passes. Mr. Brooks explained who they were and why they were there, and once Alice and Lilly had shown their student ID’s to confirm their identities, they were told they could go up as long as they had an adult with them. Once that had been dealt with, Mr. Brooks turned and led them down the hall to their left and toward the elevators. As they walked, Alice asked the man about Jay’s condition and Lilly listened silently. Even after all the time with the club, she still wasn’t the greatest at talking to new people and so, she was happy to stand back and allow Alice time to talk with Jay’s father. When they made it to the third floor, the man took the lead once again and took them down a few hallways before they arrived in front of a door.

“Here we are,” Mr. Brooks muttered.

He took a deep breath, probably preparing himself to go inside, then opened the door. Despite having known about Jay’s condition, it still made her inhale sharply at the sight of him laying in a hospital bed, wires connected to him and a respirator over his mouth. He was still sleeping and if not for all the equipment, he might have looked peaceful. The beeping of the machines showing his heart rate made Lilly tense in fear that the sound might go constant at any moment. His broken limbs had casts on them and were being held up. There were also bandages wrapped around his head, most likely due to the head trauma Alice had told her about. Overall, it was a horrible sight and Lilly felt tears forming in her eyes yet again. A young nurse was standing beside him and looked up at their entrance.

“Hi, could we have just a few moments alone?” Mr. Brooks asked softly.

The woman nodded sadly. “Yes, of course.”

Once she had departed, the three of them walked inside, giving them an even clearer look at the boy.

“Jay,” Alice murmured, seeming to be in an even worse mental state than Lilly was.

“I still can’t believe this happened,” Mr. Brooks whispered. Then, as if remembering why they were there, he cleared his throat and addressed them. “I’ll give you girls some alone time. I need to call my wife.”

Both of them thanked him just before he turned and left the room, closing the door so that they could have privacy. Lilly was grateful that she didn’t have to do anything to get him to leave and so, she knew now that she had made it to the moment she’d been waiting for. If she were going to help Jay, now was the time to do it. She took a deep breath to mentally prepare herself, knowing that she could be putting herself in danger. However, for Jay, she knew it was worth it. She was going to step up this time and do what needed to be done. No matter how much effort it took, she was going to help her friend.

“My god,” Alice whispered as she approached him. She kept a small distance between them, as if not wanting to get too close to the hospital bed. “This is just so surreal. Jay’s always been by my side. I’m not sure I ever told you, Lilly, but our fathers were best friends in high school and, since Jay and I were born barely a month apart, we’ve essentially grown up together. He’s the slightly older one and so, I’ve never known a world without him.”

Even though she addressed Lilly, the girl could tell that Alice was more talking to herself. So, she stayed quiet, content to listen to what she had to say.

“Jay’s always had his quirks but that was just who he was and I loved that about him,” Alice continued. “He’s like a brother to me and...now, I might never talk to him again. He could...actually die at any moment. How could I have been so stupid? I always told myself I knew him better than anybody and that he could never hide anything from me! So how did I never realize he was suicidal?! What kind of blind fucking idiot was I?”

“He was good at hiding it,” Lilly replied weakly.

Alice shook her head. “That shouldn’t matter! I should have recognized it! But I was so caught up in my relationship with Vinny, in that whole debacle with Rina, that I didn’t pay Jay enough attention! The signs were there, damn it! And I misread them all.”

Lilly glanced away from Alice and toward the bed where Jay was laying. Her right hand was in her skirt pocket, gripping the gem tightly as she built her determination.

“Alice...if you could talk to him right now, what would you say?” she asked.

The other girl shrugged meekly. “I don’t really know, honestly. I’d tell him what an idiot he was for trying to kill himself. I’d shout at him for not thinking about everybody else. And...I’d hug him and tell him that he means the world to me.”

“Good,” Lilly muttered. “In that case, what if I told you I could give you the chance to turn things around? What if I said I could give you the chance to help him?”

Alice glanced over her shoulder, her brow furrowing in confusion.

“W-what are you talking about, Lilly?” she inquired.

Lilly smiled sadly, pulling her hand from her pocket and raising it up so that the other girl could clearly see the orange gem sparkling in the room’s lighting. Alice’s eyes went wide and it was clear she recognized it immediately.

“The...Switch?” she uttered. “Why do you—?”

“Eric gave it to me,” she interrupted. “Because I told him I had a plan to help Jay...and I’m going to need your help to do it.”

Alice was obviously shaking and, after a moment, she slowly turned to look back at Jay then back to the stone. Naturally, since she knew what the stone did, she would know what it was Lilly intended to do. There were only so many possibilities, after all. So, before Alice could speak, Lilly put her plan into words.

“In just a moment, I’m going to use the stone and swap bodies with Jay,” she said firmly. “If Damien’s hypothesis is right and nothing physical swaps then, regardless of how damaged his brain might be, if he uses mine as a catalyst for his soul, there shouldn’t be anything wrong. He should be able to interact like normal while in my body.”

As if finally processing everything that was going on, Alice suddenly shook her head in clear panic. “What are you talking about?! You can’t do that! Mr. Brooks said Jay’s condition isn’t stable! What happens if his body dies while you’re in it?! You can’t take a chance like that!”

“I can and I will!” Lilly retorted fiercely. “I understand how risky it might be, Alice! How could I not? But…I’m not going to stand by and do nothing! I’m not going to die and neither is he! And maybe, when he wakes up in my body, the bastard will realize just how far his friends are willing to go for him!”

“Lilly—!’

“This isn’t up for debate,” she snapped. “The preparations are already made! I’ve also made my decision! If you don’t want to help me then that’s fine but I’m going through with it regardless of what you decide. Jay tried to kill himself! For what reason, none of us know! So let’s ask the jackass and find out! Then, maybe we can help him!”

Alice took a step back, clearly thrown off by Lilly’s confident and determined attitude. Her eyes were frantically moving around as she processed what she was saying. Alice then swallowed nervously and looked once more at the sleeping Jay, tears in her eyes. Lilly could tell that she was considering it. She made it clear just how much she cared about Jay and how regretful she was that she hadn’t been able to prevent his attempted suicide. Lilly was giving her a chance to change that so, regardless of the danger it might pose, she knew Alice couldn’t just say no. Luckily, Lilly didn’t plan on giving her a chance to stop her so, once Jay was in her body, Alice wouldn’t be able to bring herself to do nothing.

“And Eric didn’t try to stop you?” Alice asked softly.

Lilly nodded. “He didn’t. He said he’s leaving this in my hands.”

The other girl sighed, absently reaching up to tug on a strand of her hair. “And what do you need me to do once he’s in your body? What’s the plan here?”

“I’ve already called my parents to let them know I’m staying over at your place tonight,” she explained. “What you’ll do is you’ll take Jay there and spend the night with him. Try to learn whatever you can and then, tomorrow, take him to school and let him see what effects his suicide has had. I want him to understand that he doesn’t have the option to just disappear. Then, when school lets out, bring him back and return me to my body.”

Alice listened without interrupting and, when Lilly finished explaining, she shook her head. “And if it doesn’t work? What if he still wants to die even after that.”

“Then we do it again!” Lilly stated. “And we’ll keep coming back every few days and stuffing his dumb ass into my body until he comes to his senses. I’m not taking no for an answer from him. I might not be able to talk to him directly but you will and...I think you can do it, Alice—er, actually no, I know you can do this!”

The other girl sighed. “And how do you know I can even bring a guest over tonight?”

“Eh…” Lilly hesitated.

Shit, I didn’t think about that… I guess I just figured she would!

“Um...can you not?”

Alice eyed her for a moment before sighing once more and breaking out into a soft laugh. “No, I can. I was just curious how far you planned. You were starting to seem too confident and I started doubting if it was even you.”

“Hey,” she grumbled. “What’s that supposed to mean? I can be confident.”

Alice smiled. “I guess so. You’ve really changed, Lilly. Just the fact that you would do something like this for him… I don’t think you would have back in August.”

She’s right, she silently acknowledged. I wouldn’t have done something like this back then. Hell, I wouldn’t have even considered it. But…

“You and Jay are my friends,” Lilly said, clenching her fists down at her side. “And I’ll be damned if I let anything happen to either of you. You were there for me back before you even knew the gem existed. That...meant more to me than I think either of you realized. So, to thank you, I’ll do this. We’re going to help Jay, Alice!"