This is Shadyna, performing my first task as a guildmaster!

…Which is figuring out a name for my guild.

In a way, it was amazing how we managed to completely forgot about that. Well, it was secondary compared to bonus bosses, fashion shows, and explosive dumplings, I suppose.

Is my guild going to be okay…?

_ Su: According to the board, you can customize the coat of arms on the banner as well. Since it may be displayed on our armor, let's be mindful.

Oh~ coat of arms. A symbol of hope or fear depending on the prestige of the guild. Also a good way to know who to shoot at in the midst of battle.

In that regard, our guild is already one step ahead with the uniforms. Well, four uniforms, actually, but most players seem to be able to recognize us from a distance without problem. The beautiful service workers are taking "Every day is a battle" quite literally!

If that's the case, I wonder if I can draw Gelly and call it a day?

_ Linny: Sateri-chan won't let you register the coat of arms if it is too absurd however. Something like a bra is out.

What. The. Heck?!

Of course Sateri would reject that design! More importantly, why would you know that?!

_ Elri: *Sighs* tried it, didn't he…?

_ Linny: He sure did.

He is going to get banned someday if he keeps doing that… It is probably not a first offense either, considering his hobby of wearing bras on his head, of which he admitted during our first meeting.

Un. He definitely tried to craft one and was rejected as well!

_ Linny: In the end he went with a stack of three coins. It was most likely inspired by the flag designed by Hessy's dark elf pair.

_ Hessy: That's too bad. We could have pressed for copyright…

That's a dark smile you two are having there… Are you sure you are not some villainesses plotting the heroine's financial ruin to trigger her bad end? Besides, why the hell do we have copyright in this game?!

_ Linny: I'm sure that was the reason why he avoided using the original. He's learning.

He's one of the richest player! What have you done for him to be wary of you that much?!

Catching sight of me silently protesting in my mind, Hessy turns to me to explain. I would prefer you not reading my mind just from a glimpse though…

_ Hessy: Never, EVER, talk to Linny and Mera if money is involved, unless you are absolutely sure you are not paying for anything.

_ Shadyna: Eh? I'll be squeezed until the last coin?

_ Hessy: *Sighs* This is why you should not come to them. Being squeezed to the last coin will be the least of your problems.

It's even worse?! The in-game black company's CEO is actually a CEO in real life or what?!

And Mera as well? Is there anything of her that is normal at this point?

_ Linny: That's rude, Hessy. As heiresses, we just have a slightly larger margin of error in value estimation.

If your "slightly" means three orders of magnitude, sure… Wait, what? Heiress?

_ Shadyna: Royalty? Are you a royalty who eats dinners with golden plates, is protected by secret police 24/7, goes to school in a private airliner, and laughs "Ohohoho!" majestically at your enemies?!

_ Hessy: No, the last one is just your prejudice.

But but… that's how it goes for villainesses in games! How else are you going to identify one if she didn't pull it off during the first encounter with the heroine?!

_ Linista: We aren't royalty, only daughters of people of high social status. This country doesn't have a monarch to begin with.

_ Elri: Shouldn't you deny the airliner thing first?!

Linny has her priorities straight, that's why~

_ Hessy: Because she… Actually, you tell her. I have a headache just remembering how you two arrived at the offline party!

Oh~ Offline party! I wonder if we should hold one for our guild too? We need to be pretty much in the same province in real life to do it regularly though…

Since Mera and Linny are royalty, maybe the two are as gorgeous in real life as they are in-game~

_ Linny: You see, airliners are too big for personal use, and they are only cost efficient when used for heavy cargo…

_ Elri: Deny having one, damn it!!!

I mean, she's not wrong. The big planes were made to carry big stuff. No matter how big Linny and her chest are, she shouldn't need something with four jet engines to commute, right?

…Right?

_ Linny: As you wish, Elri. I don't have it… anymore. I gave it to my employees so they can always travel as needed. As for me, attack helicopter if the destination is in the city, and a two-seater jet fighter otherwise. Both are unarmed, of course.

I don’t think it matters much to the layman whether your transportation is armed or not…

Elri, please cease that orz.

_ Elri: Why can't I ever have a normal friend?!

_ Hessy: I know right?

I'm sure you aren't getting one apart from this normal cute me~

_ Linny: When you think about it, it's normal? After the war, humanity no longer has any use for warplanes. If you are acquainted with the right people, you can buy one for the cost of a luxury car.

_ Elri: HOW THE HELL IS THAT NORMAL AT ALL?!

Elri broke. Welp~

…

After calming Elri down, we are back to the original topic.

_ Falyn: 's is a sword next to a drop of blood. Sums up 's experience of the game pretty well, I think.

_ Hessy: I'm surprised that woman hasn't become a witch yet with the amount of bloodletting she does…

You are probably thinking about plague doctors there. Then again, doctors don't shoot people with a massive bow so… Combat medic? Curing all diseases by shooting all of the bad blood out of your body, combat medic !

Also charged with various medical malpractices and war crimes because people do not survive well with no HP for some reason, but who cares about that anyway~?

_ Falyn: Hmm~ She will look good in a witch outfit but uh… The muscle brains under her also have [Blood Arrow]. Are you seriously suggesting those guys to wear such costumes?

…Dear Sateri why?! Why did you have to say that, ?! Brain bleach! I demand brain bleach NOW!!!

*WHACK* *WHAM* *BONK*

Hessy and Linny proceed to smack ruthlessly without a word. The scary waitress went straight for the face, while the black company CEO body-slammed from the back. Even against allies, these ladies do not hold back at all…

The beating continues until is reduced to a twitching pulp on the ground. Considering how well-coordinated the assault was, it must have occurred quite frequently in the past.

Meanwhile, Su has already passed out on the floor, in a pool of blood. Since others are not batting an eye, let's do the same, un.

Elri looks like she's traumatized for life. Whoopsie?

_ Hessy: Haa… haa… Damn it. It's been a while so our senses must have dulled. , , listen. If you have a bad feeling whenever this maniac opens her mouth, don't hesitate to beat her up until she shuts up for good.

Do you realize what you are suggesting to a pacifist?!

_ Dead (?) Falyn: I was just saying what was in my mind…

_ Hessy: Keep that to yourself! Your mind is a nightmare fuel deposit!

I don't approve of violence, but I'll say that totally deserved it. My innocent mind has been tainted forever!

In other news, should we do something about Su and Elri?

…

_ Su: As for …

Shouldn't you wipe the blood off first? I feel like the bystanders are mistaking you for a serial killer who has just performed the deed…

_ Su: It's a candy in the center of a magnifying glass.

Yes, officer, those suspicious players handing out candies right there!

_ Falyn: To the point, those lolicons.

_ Hessy: Their degeneracy is the only thing straightforward about them.

_ Elri: Fits them so well it's kind of scary.

Su, why are you making that "I know right?" smug face…?

That's three out of the four big guilds. The last one is…

_ Hessy: …What is it, ? Do you want me to craft some candies?

_ Shadyna: Yes, please! …Wait, no! You are supposed to talk about 's banner!

I wouldn't mind some sweets though. A tea party won't be complete without them.

_ Hessy: [Cooking]. Their banner, isn't it…?

Uh, Hessy, why are you reluctant like a sidekick withholding important clues from the protagonist while muttering "Nah, that can't be."? Do you know that doing so lowers your life expectancy dramatically?

_ Falyn: Ah, she doesn't know.

_ Linny: Yup, she doesn't know.

Eh? Seriously? Sure, she's not in the guild so that's understandable. What surprised me is that she does not keep in touch with the old guild while other managers do.

_ Hessy: Well, sorry for being occupied with other urgent matters!

What can I say… This pouting Hessy is cute too~

_ Linny: You see, owner, Hessy was really popular with the common members of , but less so among the management team. Every now and then she would feel lonely and…

*WHACK*

Now Linny is being smacked around for running her mouth. I'm not going to intervene, because I am a true pacifist!

…And because she's in "scary waitress" mode. Good luck, Linny!

_ Linny: Guh! Physical assault is illegal, Hessy…

_ Hessy: That's your own fault! And there's no law in this game!

Well, there kind of is. It is called PK penalty…

Seeing how they fool around with each other, I can't help but feel puzzled: Why did they decide to join different guilds even though they are so close?

_ Falyn: Owner?

_ Shadyna: Ah, sorry, I was just thinking about how you all could have made your own guild instead of joining others separately.

I wonder if there was a tragic reason for all of that? Four lovely daughters struggling to find work in black companies in order to earn money to save their mother… would have been a plausible backstory, if said daughters weren't eating bosses for breakfast and selling the leftovers at wallet-crippling prices!

Instead of beginning a sobbing flashback episode, turns to Hessy with an annoyed expression, the kind that one would make when the waitress forgot the smile you ordered!

…The tavern does not offer that service, by the way. However, you can ask to be glared as if you are trash. Now THAT, is true service, for the degenerate patrons at least.

_ Falyn: What the hell, Hessy? Did you not tell owner the plan?

Eh? What plan? I knew about Hessy's plan to unite the food stores, but nothing about how they ended up separate in the first place.

Don't tell me… it was their plan all along?

_ Hessy: …Ah.

What the heck~

_ Su: Hessy, I thought we had agreed not to hide anything from our soon-to-be guildmaster?

_ Hessy: It just slipped my mind, okay?!

I don't mind if you just forgot some stuff, but just how much stuff do you have behind the scenes that you need such agreement?!

_ Linny: Customer trust is the most important asset of a business. Now pay with your body to regain it.

_ Hessy: I'm going to sell you back to you damn maniac!!!

There are more than enough people trying to pay me with their bodies already! Stop encouraging it!

And human trafficking is illegal!

_ Elri: With friends like these, I can understand why you wanted to split up.

_ Hessy: Don't just watch from the side and help me shut them up!!!

Considering how she is already strangling the bartender, I don't think Elri's help is needed…

Hessy sure is violent around close acquaintances huh. While that makes it easy to know who she has good relationship with, I think I need to upgrade the managers' armors at the very least, or the potion expenses will be horrendous in the long run.

A guildmaster has to worry about the guild's treasury after all!

_ Falyn: Since Hessy is busy, it falls upon us to get up to speed!

_ Su: Oh!

Well, as long as refrains from assaulting me mentally…

Rather than a flashback, what I got was more of a lengthy exposition episode of the first guild war during closed beta.

Back then, when the first guilds emerged after Sateri's update, there were more prominent crafting guilds than there are now. In fact, each [Origin] title owner had their own guild with crafters of the same category. [Alchemy], [Enhance], [Enchant], [Construction], and obviously, [Cooking]. If a crafting skill exists, there's a guild for that, or so how it went at the time.

The [Origin] titles were so powerful, they gave the crafting guilds overwhelming advantages over the rest of the player base. For and , whose guildmaster had no OP title to compete with, it was a losing battle in the long run. How were they going to deal with that? Striking an alliance with one of their enemies, that's how.

happily made a deal with the two combat-oriented guilds, since wasn't happy with the amount of competitors in the market. For reasons unknown, also joined them later. Linny suspected they somewhat foresaw the outcome and decided to be on the winning side.

Then came a virtually bloody war between the alliance and the rest of the crafting guilds. Outside the town walls, the two combat-oriented guilds engaged in large-scale PvP to deny material farming. In the market, hoarded said materials and embargoed their enemies, which gradually starved the crafting guilds economically. By the time the crafting guilds realize what the maniacs were up to, it was too late.

To sustain the war, the alliance made sure to target only one guild at a time, and limit the trade war to one or two essential materials to their target. The crafting guilds themselves were not exactly friendly with each other either. As long as they didn't perceive the alliance as a threat, they would happily turn a blind eye to each other's miseries.

The result was a typical rapid collapse of society when the protagonist is not around. [Construction] guild, being overly dependent on other players for income and materials, quickly fell first. [Enchant] and [Enhance] followed soon after due to their dependence on weapons and armors, which were 's market in the first place. [Alchemy] guild tried to team up with the remnants from the other guilds, but eventually lost the attrition war. Their strong point was alpha strikes using consumables, which did work in the beginning, until they depleted their material stockpile and were overrun by 's superior gear.

Having monitored the situation since the beginning, the [Cooking] guild knew it was only a matter of time before their fall. At that time, their member count was even lower than . Hessy was still normal, and their food buffs were weaker than [Alchemy] buffs in combat. There was no way for them to survive as a guild.

In the end, they fought the alliance in a heroic last stand and exploded in a blaze of glory… not! It would be amazing if they could somehow do a last stand in a game where you can just press "Return to town" after dying though…

What actually happened is a bit more anticlimactic. Knowing they could not win head-on against the powerful alliance, the guild disbanded on their own. Using Su's… preferences as the justification, they made it look like the guild was falling apart similarly to the other crafting guilds, and some were already looking to join the winning guilds. That way, they could keep honing their main craft safely, bidding them precious time.

During that disguised reorganization, my managers liquidated their assets by selling whatever left in their stockpile to the non-aligned players. The new overlords would provide a new workplace for them after all, so the coins became the upgraded gear to help grinding instead. Rather than being crippled financially, the cooks actually came out ahead, with all becoming essential managers/players in their new home.

However, the biggest reason for all of that elaborate dismantling of their own guild was to maintain their place as the best cooks in the player base. The alliance, by constantly preventing the growth of other crafting guilds afterwards, was unknowingly nurturing not only one, but four [Cooking] guilds. The cooks did well for the big guilds, and their guilds in turn let them self-govern in all aspects, including leveling, recruitment, and finance. In hindsight, that's a ticking time bomb waiting to go off, but hey, humanity has a tendency not to pay attention when it matters, so I don't blame them.

In the end, the purge concluded with most members leaving the crafting guilds to play without being embargoed, and the guildmasters with [Origin] titles faded to irrelevance. The [Cooking] guild, with its main force mostly intact, was waiting for the conquerors to be in turmoil, either by internal conflict, new competing alliances, or a cute little girl packing enough firepower to wipe the floor with all of them.

Okay, Hessy and co definitely did not plan for the last one, but that's the gist of it. Of course not everything went as planned, like Hessy accidentally being too successful and made other managers miserable, her getting kicked out of , and Su unnecessarily demanding to begin the glorious revolution immediately to protect me… Not that I'm complaining, since we wouldn't be here together otherwise.

But seriously, what the heck was that superspy movies' level of espionage?! You girls were pretty much plotting a rebellion right under your guildmasters' noses from scratch, without a big bad secret organization backing you up! Even superspies would call you out for being unrealistic!

_ Su: We figured you would never notice if we didn't tell you, but please take it as a gesture of our goodwill. You are our guildmaster and will be with us for a long time after all~

I'm glad you are honest, although I will be worried about being murdered in my sleep for knowing too much for a while…

_ Shadyna: I don't mind either way. Please inform me earlier next time however.

So that I can run away at full speed… Not that I would ever say that to them.

_ Hessy: As I said, it slipped my mind. Do you have any question regarding the issue?

_ Shadyna: Un, what was your old guild's coat of arms?

Guilds have been making their own ever since closed beta in case of guild wars, apparently. If my managers used to have one, I probably should at least keep their old banner in mind and see if I can use some of the details in the new one. Revive, reuse, recycle, or something along those lines~

It's not because I don't want to think too much about the new banner's design, okay?

_ Hessy: Why is that the first thing on your mind?!

_ Elri: Because she will only go at her own pace.

Well, it's not like I can go back to the past and cause some time paradoxes by helping you out… And Elri, that jab was uncalled for~

_ Hessy: *Sighs* It was a steaming bowl.

Surprisingly simple but effective way to make others think of [Cooking] huh. It won't be enough this time, because I don't even main that skill…

_ Hessy: Why are you changing clothes?

_ Shadyna: Hmm? The [Hollow Guild Mark] has turned into [Shining Guild Mark], so I am going to craft our new banner? [Summon]! By the way, does anyone has [Devotion]?

Can't do all-out crafting without Lutena's LDR bonus and [Devotion]'s absurd attribute buff after all!

_ Su: I do~ [Devotion]!

_ Hessy: Just what kind of weapon of mass destruction are you going to make out of our banner?!

_ Shadyna: Special items require special attention! Please cease that orz and accept the party invitation already.

Even if the banner is not a wearable equipment, that doesn't necessarily mean I cannot overki…craft it. Let's make a banner so great, I don't have to make another one ever again!

_ Shadyna: All set! [Creation]!

_ Su: You only need to activate the guild mark item to begin crafting, but this is fine too~

Tell me that sooner, you sneaky elf~!

____________

The waitress in charge, , was serving the customers as per usual when she saw a party of weirdoes entering the tavern. That was her two colleagues and two maids from the new cosplay café.

_ Helen: I'm back, my fair lady.

_ Mera: To our eternal hell of pain and suffering~

_ Inerin: Don't say misleading stuff that makes people think we are a dubious black company!!!

Mera alone was crazy enough, now the poor sane waitress has to deal with maniacs from the other teams as well. In a way, it is indeed an eternal hell for her.

Judging from the maniacs' cheery moods, their errand must have been a success. The depraved maid behind them doesn’t seem to be amused though.

_ Depraved maid: You can take my body, but you will never take my heart! No matter what unthinkable half-breed torture you throw at me, I will not break! SO BRING IT!!!

And the number of crazies just keeps increasing, thinks .

_ Mera: Ufufu, worry not~ My half-dead friends will accompany you all~ night~ long~

_ Inerin: Those two are half-undead… Ah, said she was crafting armors with the new guild banner on them, so drop by the bar later to pick it up.

_ Helen: Can't we just toggle the guild banner on our current armors?

_ Inerin: *Shrugs* Beats me. She probably doesn't like the default placement on armors crafted before the patch, or doesn't know the menu exists.

Personally, she highly suspects it was the latter, but decides to keep that to herself.

_ Mera: Understood~ I wonder if it is similar to the one I made back then~?

_ Inerin: …Back then?

The question was not heard by the weirdo party as they had already moved to the upper floor.

--- Topic: Illusive Sprout General Topic #7 ---

## Teabag Master

Sorry for the wait! We would like to announce that the cafeteria has officially become a guild!

- Guild name: Sapling Cuisine

- Original guild banner: [Pic]

- Replica guild banner: [Pic]

In order to celebrate this occasion, our shop will hold a 50% sale tomorrow. Looking forward to your continued patronage.

##

## OP alchemist

Cheers! ＼(^o^)／

The banner looks cute.

##

## Newbie Charisma build

Congratz! ＼(^o^)／

Why is the original banner literally a sapling in a bowl though? Shouldn't it be a normal flag? (?_?)

##

## Teabag Master

Because our guildmaster wills it.

To be honest, I have no idea why it became that way either. Her crafts are a headache to make sense of.

##

## Manly Warrior

Congrats to you all! (*´▽｀*)

Now there's nothing stopping us from calling you the most game-breaking guild in existence!

##

## Silver Merchant

Not sure if they are actively proving or disproving that with the whacky yet impossible-to-craft banner though. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I am personally more interested in finding out whether the guild name means food for trees, or food made from trees…

##

## Mage of Sin

Black Mantis has tree parts on her head so I doubt it is the latter.

Don't quote me on that though, go ahead and ask her. We uh… will be watching from the bunker over there. (｀-´)>

##

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