Kain Anathemas Nekronus, the Abominable King himself, sat upon his throne with his wife, Alexis Draculina Nekronus, sitting beside him. He was currently gazing down upon a pair of children no older than the age of 5 who were kneeling before him and his wife. These two children were, despite their age, far more intelligent, mature and capable than children more than 10 years their senior, but what else could be expected of Raziel and Elizabeth, the twin children of the two monarchs who sat facing them in the throne room?

“Rise. I will not have it be known that I force my own flesh and blood to bow and scrape before me. You both have something to ask of us, do you not? Speak, and if it is my power and if it is something that I am willing to make happen I shall make it so.”

“My love, these are our children. Pamper them a little bit, will you?”

“A ruler must be above the ties of blood and lineage. Within this room I cannot treat them any different than I would any other person at their age. Even if they were not my son and daughter, I would have objected to them kneeling, for youths such as them have enough to deal with aside from pointless displays of submission.”

“So be it.”

Alexis acquiesced to Kain’s words and Kain once again faced his children.

“Now, speak your wish.”

Raziel and Elizabeth stood up, their eyes not fully leveled at their father or mother. Their etiquette teachers had taught them well. Raziel was the first of the twins to speak. Despite being a 5-year-old, his words were fit more for an adult than someone who was barely above being a toddler.

“My King, we wish for more… practical experience regarding what we have been taught in regard to military strategy and combat maneuvers. We ask that the next time either you or our Queen enter the field of battle, we would be allowed to follow you or at the least observe you from afar.”

“Learning the philosophy behind combat is well and good,” continued Elizabeth, “and the training we have undergone is indeed a great boon, but we will never grow beyond theory and the limits of training without having set foot on the field of war.”

“Impossible.” Kain said. His single word refusal showing a bit of his overprotective fatherly side.

“Might we ask why? If it is because of the so-called ‘Heroes’, then as long as we stay in the rear and observe, we should be fi-.”

“No.” Kain said, refusing their request once again. “I will not have those who have yet to reach adulthood, let alone puberty, set foot upon the fields of war. It is not entirely about me wanting to protect my family, although that is part of it. I will not have it be known that I allow children to risk their lives in what could be a battle to the death. Even if you were to simply stay in the camp, there would be no way of knowing if there would not be a surprise action against the camp that we would not be prepared for.”

“But, father, we-!”

“Ahem!”

“But, my King, we are afraid that this war will end before we even have a chance to test ourselves in combat, let alone see both the true horrors and endless glories of war with our own eyes!”

Kain grumbled as he tried to think of a way to dissuade his children. Apparently, the risk of death, torture and even erasure at the hands of their enemies wasn’t enough to deter them. They were as willful as he and his wife were. In that regard, the apple didn’t fall far from the tree. Still, he did want them to have practical experience, and the Dungeon could only provide so much of it. However, he did not want to let it seem that he was willing to risk his own children. If they were older, maybe he could have let them come with them, but they were barely more than 5 years old!

“Perhaps I can be of service?”

“JESUS CHRIST!”

As if to ‘deus ex machina’ the situation away, Lord Wolfenstein had popped into the exact middle ground between the parents and the children. Immediately upon seeing the strange man(?) appear, Raziel’s and Elizabeth’s faces changed to that not too dissimilar to those who had an encounter with Excalibur from the Soul Eater anime/manga.

“And what do you suggest…?” Kain grumbled, now fully expecting LW to pull something out of his ass like a terrible fiction writer would.

“This.”

LW snapped his fingers and Raziel and Elizabeth suddenly looked to be nearly eighteen years old.

“No.” Kain, Alexis, Raziel and Elizabeth said simultaneously.

“Well, so much for trying to help.”

A snap later and Raziel and Elizabeth were back to normal, although they felt a little strange.

“Well, anyways, I wanted to let you all know that the Ititlians were preparing something. I would highly recommend staying away from their original borders for the next few years. They are about to use something really quite nasty for you and yours, and so, for the sake of my entertainment, do not invade Ititlis until the effect has worn off. I doubt either of you two would be able to endure the spell they plan to use for very long…”

“Then,” Raziel asked, “would it be fine to continue the march into the People’s Union of Rusk?”

Lord Wolfenstein shrugged.

“For the military? Yes. For you and your sister? No. Besides, you have more important things to do. Someone needs to get ready for when that happens.”

“When what happens?” Kain asked with trepidation.

“Oh, you know… The time when the guy does the things with the people and makes the things happen like that.”

Alexis sighed and spoke to the mystery of a person.

“You are being very vague. At least give us a clue.”

Lord Wolfenstein’s face changed, or maybe it didn’t, as his clothes were suddenly a bright yellow.

“No.” he said in a charismatic yet uninterested voice as he popped out of the area as suddenly as he had appeared, leaving everyone in the room speechless.

“Ahem… well… I guess the counter-invasion will have to be directed full at Rusk for now…”

Kain’s words were not taken well by his children.

“How do we even know he isn’t just pulling our legs?”

“Because,” Kain replied, “he may like to mess with people, but he has not yet told me to avoid doing something or going somewhere without that action or place turning out to be dangerous. If he says that the Ititlians are planning something, then he would know that and as we currently hold his interest it would be against his desires, or what little that we know of them, for us to invade and be utterly obliterated. He may act like a ‘deus ex machina’ from time to time, but he seems to simply want to make things interesting for himself. Not that I like being yanked about like a puppet on strings, but even I can’t touch him…”

At Kain’s words, the room was silent once again.

“I can’t believe I am doing this…” Elizabeth muttered before yelling out loud. “Hey, LW! Will my brother and I be at any risk at all if we follow our parents to the Ruskian theatre of this war?!”

As if to answer the little girl, a pair of portals opened up in perpendicular points between the family. Out of one of them, a parade marched through. The parade was comprised of a bunch of sign-swingers all twirling big rectangular signs that had the same word on it. Following them was a parade float with the same word as the main part of it. Following the float was a marching band playing an upbeat song while a choir sung a song comprised solely of the same word that was on the spinning signs and the float. As the parade vanished through the other portal, a giant magic 8-ball rolled out and spun about to let both sides learn what had been prophesized. Lastly, as the giant ball rolled into the other portal, a bipedal starfish, sponge, octopus and fish, all wearing different clothes walked in, held aloft a conch with a string attached, and soon after pulled said string.

“No.”

The conch let out the same word that was on all the signs, the float, the libs of the choir and the magic 8-ball.

“THE MAGIC CONCH HAS SPOKEN!” cried the bipedal sponge-person, and the four strange beings walked through the other portal before both of them closed.

As silence reigned inside the throne room, somewhere off in whatever place he(?) was originally from, the being known as ‘Lord Wolfenstein’ did something quite unlike him(?).

He laughed.