Act I, Part XII: Final Farewells

By Antuul Dralosi, Scavenger

I think I’ve got an hour or so before the guard comes to drag me out to the Gallows and you know, I’ve had my time to make my peace with the fact that this is it. This is how I’m really going to die. I’ve had so many brushes with death before that they all started to feel kind of numb, but this is different. It’s not numb. I feel—scared? Sad? Angry? I feel a lot of things and it’s kind of confusing trying to sort through it all, but it’s not going to matter in too long anyways, so I guess I shouldn’t pay these feelings too much mind. But I did say I would write my farewells and I do intend to do that even if it’s the last thing I do and you know—I just hope that whoever cleans up this cell does me the small favor of delivering my farewells to all the people I have them to. They probably won’t, but I can hope—even if I know it won’t happen. That’s the thing about life, you’re always hoping for something and it almost never happens. My mother never came back for me when she sold me off. I never got to see Bravora again when I finally came back. I never did make something of myself like I always said I would to the old gang. But that’s okay. All of these things are okay. Everything will be okay.

So, I don’t really know where to start this, so I guess I’ll just go in order of importance I guess and I’ll save the best for last. That’s probably a good idea.

To my mother, wherever you are, I hope you’re well. I barely knew you, but I hope that you eventually kicked your habit and found yourself a nice man like you used to talk about. You know the one. The one who was going to change everything for us. Wherever you are, Mom, I hope you’re okay.

To Skriiva, I promised you that I’d kill you for betraying me to Sero and you know, a part of me wishes I still had the chance, but I think a bigger part of me doesn’t want to anymore. I was angry. I felt betrayed, to be honest; I sort of looked at you as the mother figure I didn’t really have growing up and that was my fault. At the end of the day, even though you were always nice to me before that thing with Sero went down, it was always about business and I was the one who forgot that. So I hope you’re doing okay. I hope your casino is still popping and I hope the other rats pull good hauls so you can take your cut at the Tables. Good luck, Skriiva. I’ll always miss you, even if you did try to get me killed.

To Sero, I don’t know what to say to you. You put a bounty on my head because your men got out of hand with one of Skriiva’s waitresses and I got in the middle of it. It wasn’t personal. I never intended to cause you problems, but you didn’t see how your men were acting with that girl. They had her cornered and wouldn’t back off; she was so scared, Sero. So damn scared. And you know, maybe it wasn’t my place to get involved, but she didn’t know what to do and everyone knew they were your people so nobody wanted to get in the middle of it either, but—I don’t know, Sero, I just wasn’t going to stand by and watch someone else go through what I have. Hopefully you can forgive me for that, and for all that stuff that went down your little ‘arena’ as you called it. If not, that’s okay—I don’t much mind.

To Councilor Vedrano, I understand why you’re doing this and I’m not mad. You’re afraid I’m going to stir up things that are better left forgotten and you don’t want panic to spread. It’s completely understandable from your position to do what you’re doing. I don’t like it, but I understand it. That said, there is a confession I need to make to you. I loved your daughter more than anyone I had ever met in my life—Bravora was—my everything at one point—and I abandoned her. So I owe you an apology, Councilor; I was the one she was waiting for who never came back and I hope that knowing this eases any guilt you feel over what’s coming for me. I just want to say thank you though, because I imagine you already knew that, but you never let it on. You could’ve had me locked up years ago on some equally trumped up charges just for talking to your daughter, but you didn’t, and more than that, you let her spend time with me even though I was nothing but a thief, so thank you, Councilor. I know you’re the one signing away my life, but I feel I owe you more than I could ever repay because your daughter—she’s the one who made it worth living in the first place. Thank you for letting her be a part of my life and please know that I’ll cherish her memory in this life and the next and every one to follow. Thank you.

To Dro’garra, I spent my childhood and adolescence about how I’d kill you and I want to tell you that my biggest regret about coming back besides not coming back sooner, is that I didn’t follow through on that. I should have slit your throat in your sleep years ago, but I was always so afraid. I was always afraid of what could’ve gone wrong and what you’d do to me if I failed, but that’s the thing, you took a scared little boy and you broke him into a thousand pieces and then you ground those pieces to dust. I should’ve killed you then and I regret not killing you when I stood outside that manor. Those boys deserve better. We all deserved better. And know this Dro’garra, my spirit will find you and I will torment until moon becomes dust and all becomes not. You are a blemish upon this moon and a blight upon all who have ever crossed your path and though I face the Gallows in less than an hour’s time, know that I will come for you in the next life and I will do what I failed to do in this one. I swear it upon all three of the Reclamations; I will be your undoing, Dro’garra. I swear it.

And finally, to you, Bravora. There’s so many words I want to say—so many things I should say, but I don’t know how to—I suppose it would be best to just let my heart talk, but even it falls silent at the thought of what to tell you. I love you, Bravora. You were the only person who ever saw anything in me and the only person who ever really understood me. Shakes and the gang, we were close, but what you and I had was different. It was special and I hope wherever you are, you know that. I hope you know that I never stopped loving you even if I didn’t show it like I should’ve. You were always the light to my life and my reason for being and I’ll die on the Gallows, my heart will forever beat for you. I just wish I could hold you one last time and brush my hands through your hair and just smell that god-awful bug musk you used to love one last time. You were the best thing to ever happen to me and I abandoned you; I just hope you know that I’ll never stop regretting that just like I’ll never stop loving you. I’ll live a thousand thousand lives before I let go of this weight on my soul, but for you, it’s worth it. For you, anything and everything is worth it.

I love you, Bravora, more than I could ever hope to describe. I just hope that wherever you are, you know how much I love you. But who knows, maybe we’ll meet again in the next life. That would be nice. That would be very nice indeed.

It seems I’ve either spent my hour or I didn’t have as long as I thought, because I hear door opening. I guess this is it. So, to whoever finds this, thank you. Thank you for reading. Thank you for getting to know me. Thank you for—I don’t know—not just tossing this old book like most people would. Thank you.

-Antuul Dralosi, Executed on 21st Day of Last Seed, 5E 331