My throat was dry, and my entire body was sweating profusely. The nightmare that haunted my dreams immediately disappeared as the ray of the morning light, coming from the open window, blinded me, getting rid of that dark shade feeding on my strength.

I take steady breaths and start composing myself, realizing that it was all just a bad nightmare that I was forced to relive. It isn't the first time it's happened. What happens afterward is the same as well. It's becoming less frequent with the passing days, but I don't know if that's a good thing or not. To forget all that and move on.

"Are you alright now, Johann?" asked a voice that sat on a chair next to my bed. His hands were clasped together as he looks at me with worry.

"I'm fine, Leo. Thanks for worrying about me."

"Don't worry about it. Here, have some water first and clear your mind. I have breakfast all ready for us," he said, handing me a glass of water, refreshing me almost instantly.

I wipe my sweat-filled palms on the linen and get up from the bed, stretching my entire body. I shake my head in order to remove the last ounces of fatigue from my system and close my eyes for a while, collecting my thoughts.

"It's the same nightmare, isn't it?" he asked.

"It always is. I can't seem to dream about anything else other than that moment. I should have gotten used to it by now, but I think that's just a bit impossible to do."

"It'll all be over soon, Johann. Those days of waiting are almost over. We'll finally be able to put everything to rest once we succeed. Your nightmares will go away, I'm certain. But more importantly, we'll be able to avenge your sister, Julia, and my mother," he said grimly.

"I'll make sure of that myself. I have a constant reminder painted on my back. I feel it always throbbing with pain, waiting for that time to finally end for good." I place a finger on my back, tracing and feeling the end of a deep blade wound I got from the past. It stretched from my left shoulder blade until my right lower pelvis. "So, I have no other reason, nor choice. This is the only way for me to go."

Besides the other countless scars I have on my body, the one on my back had the greatest reminder. It's been a few years since then, but it still feels like I got it yesterday.

"I'll wait for you downstairs, Johann," said Leo, leaving through the door and disappearing downstairs.

I changed my clothes to a light, white shirt and brown pants. I look around the room, always feeling new to it every time I wake up. I keep trying to tell myself that this is my new home, but I can't help but feel attached to my own home in Asielle.

It had the bare necessities, making it fit to be a home. But aside from that, that was it. The place was just an ordinary home without any sort of fond memories hiding within it.

This is Leo's house in the village of Yulm, one of the few lasting settlements safe from the grasp of the tyrant. It was previously a village, but eventually one of the people governing the land made it into the last stronghold of their household. And so, the people here were kept safe from harm, just barely, however.

I stand in front of the mirror and looked at myself. I had changed a bit on the outside. My somewhat blonde hair had been cut short, and my body... Filled with countless scars, burns, and blisters, I had trained it to the brink of exhaustion and collapse. I poured everything into becoming stronger, and the results weren't as I hoped. I was still lacking. It wouldn't be enough at this point, but even with that, things will keep moving forward.

Am I really prepared to face my nightmares?

I head downstairs, putting the question to the back of my head for now. The resolution itself wasn't far off, in fact, the days are to be counted by one's fingers. I can hardly wait myself for the moment I avenge them.

What greeted me is the scent of a hot, welcoming meal. The kitchen and dining room were in the same area. Though the house was two-story, it was rather small.

"It seems like you're getting better with cooking. I knew you'd get the hang of it, Leo." I sit down in front of the table and looked at the meal with a bit more sentiment than usual. I wanted to take my time since I felt that I wasn't going to have much left. It wasn't because I had an incurable disease or anything like that. I've thought of the possibility of losing against him even after I've gambled everything to become someone who can stand up to him, like all those others who were in the same predicament as I.

I don't want to regret anything, not after all I've been through. But If I do lose my life there, then it'll be after I've given it everything and have succeeded. No matter what, I'll win and avenge them. I swore to her, to everyone I met along the way. It's been a long journey, and it makes it right to be a bit sentimental about the things we've been through.

"Eat to your heart's content, Johann. I know it'll never be as good as your cooking, but I hope it fills you up at least. I gave everything I had on this one, so I think it'll help you out a lot." Leo sat across from me and started to pay his respects. After that, he started scarfing down the meal he made, making easy work of it as he made no reservations about seconds, thirds, or even fourths.

But he was right. I took a bite of the meal he made. It was mashed potatoes with pork strips, corn, and carrots, then a side of eggs and soup that wasn't heavy for the morning, but in fact light and not too thick on the stock. It was a hearty meal finished off by the main course, a perfect meal to start off the day.

"I'd say you've already passed me, Leo. You're always full of surprises, so I never doubted that you'd make a fine cook."

"You're also full of surprises, Johann. But thanks. I'm glad you liked it."

We finished off breakfast and started preparing ourselves. I wore the outfit prepared for me: a silver light armor set with red finishes, a long, blue, royal coat tied together by a golden braid near my neck, and a special longsword crafted for me which hung by my waist.

I stood in front of the mirror once more and looked at myself. I never thought that this is how things would end up. I thought my life would be normal until the end as I made sure it was as mundane as possible, but now, that all changed. I pictured myself wearing the same plain clothes I usually wore, but they faded and revealed the present me once more.

"Not allowed to hide in the past anymore, am I?" I muttered to myself.

"Hey, Johann, sorry to barge in, but you have a visitor waiting for you downstairs. It's lady Cantelle." Leo came in wearing his own set of armor. It was less flashy than mine, but it didn't mean that his stakes weren't the same as everyone else's. I'd say the title I carried was a useless medal that hung around my neck. It wasn't worth anything, but it gave the people hope, and so I kept it begrudgingly.

"Thanks, Leo, I'm almost finished. Tell her I'll see her when I wrap up."

With a nod, Leo closed the door. The name Cantelle was one that Julia told me long ago during that same festival. She was her mentor and role model that's only a few years older than her. A simple teacher and doctor dedicated to helping the ones who've lost their way, that was all the people thought her to be. But no, it's much more than that. She became my mentor as well, but in terms of spellcraft and magic. I never thought that it'd be possible for any normal man to learn and use magic since I carried no special blood, but under her tutelage, I was able to break those boundaries, even if it was just a crack in the surface.

I went back down and saw her sitting on one of the dining chairs, sipping on what seemed to be coffee. She wore a marine colored uniform with a skirt stretching until her knees. She was a tall woman with long, dark hair and a youthful figure that'd be the envy of almost every woman. She's boastful of that fact, mostly towards me, but I never really bothered with that part since nothing interested me other than what she taught me. Needless to say that she's a woman of character with "bountiful assets," as I've heard the others whisper.

"Good morning, Johann. I heard from Leo that you had another nightmare. Still can't keep your demons in check, can't you?" she said, sipping on her cup. She was without a doubt beautiful as if age never hindered her. I didn't really know her exact age since she wouldn't tell me, but I was too occupied to care about that meticulous stuff. I heard rumors, and she's wasn't all too old for them. I had no time for anything idle, however, so I left it at that.

"It's the same as every other day. So, what are you here for this time?"

"How cold of you to ask a question like that to your own teacher. You should be a bit more grateful, you know? Try showing more emotion for once. It's like I've been tutoring a dead man. I can't believe someone's this desperate that he'd lose every other motivation other than to kill off a tyrant sitting on a high chair. You have the face for it, why not find a girl and smile a bit more? Maybe make a family while you're at it."

"I don't have any need for that. I can't find happiness if there are still people feeling the pain of that damn tyrant. I've told you before, Marlena. This life I've been walking ever since that night, there's no way for me to ever experience any sort of happiness. I don't deserve it. I prepared myself for that, and eventually, I became accustomed to it."

"That's just torturing yourself. You're the only one restraining yourself with lies, after all with those chains made from your mind. And what did I say about you calling me by my first name? I'm still your teacher, so don't forget that."

"As if I'd forget someone as loud and intrusive as you. What'd you come here for anyway?"

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that first part. Is the teacher not allowed to see off her own student?" she stood up and walks up to me. "This is going to be the toughest challenge you'll have to face, in fact, it's the challenge that you've been training so hard for. I can't say for certain if you're ready or not, but all I'm going to have to do is trust that you'll come back, alright?"

I stood silent for a while, staring back at her. She was expecting an answer, but I couldn't give a proper one.

"Hey, give me an answer already. You're keeping a girl waiting. Hasn't anyone taught you about etiquette and delicacy?"

"You're not exactly a girl anymore."

"Oh, give it a rest with that. Just come back, Johann. You don't need to be a saint or a martyr by dying there. You can come back and live for their sakes, if not, then for your own."

"It's not like I can decide and just go back like you say I can. I know how strong the Kaiser is, and because of that, I can't be confident that I'll be able to beat him through and through. Not because I don't trust those I'm going with, but because I still fear him. I'm going to be a liability at some point, so before that comes, I want to end things."

"You don't know how well you have it, Johann. You've saved a lot of people, you've brought a lot of them together. I'd say for certain that you're partly responsible for bringing this massive coalition together. I don't think it'll be here if you hadn't done anything. But they've only all come together through their differences because of you. Are you really going to abandon that?"

"You know what I'm about to go through. I probably won't be able to fulfill that, but I'll give it a thought--" just before I could finish, she stood on her toes and forcibly kissed me. The feeling of her soft lips was enticing, so was her scent. I didn't know this kind of sensation until now, but it seemed addictive. Every part of her was a warning to me, and so I avoided her whenever she tried to pull something like that. But it seems like she got the best of me this time.

She pulled back looked down, becoming a bashful person of which I didn't know she could be. Her character was always that active, confident, and impressive person that everyone looked up to because of how she'd become the one to raise everyone's spirits, a dignified and inspiring figure. But this time, I saw a side of hers that I never thought possible.

"Why did you do that?" I asked, dumbfounded. As far as I knew, she never harbored any real feelings for me, and if she did, I would have never really taken notice. Plus, she would never do something like this as a joke. Maybe she'd often tease and tempt me, but aside from that, that was it, nothing more. Those moments would end up with her laughing and mocking me for being uptight and emotionless.

"I don't know," she muttered. "My body moved on its own."

"That's hardly a reason for it."

"Can't you just accept it, idiot? Take a hint, will you? It's your own fault for being like that! I don't even know why I fell for someone like you in the first place. I thought I understood myself the most, but then you come around and defy everything I know," she said, briskly turning around and heading for her coat, which hung on a dining chair. "I've never met anyone who will put so much devotion and sacrifice for someone else's sake. I always thought that every single one of us was selfish, but you... I can't bear to see you like this."

I took her by the wrist and forced her to face me. I was a bit rough, but I guess this was on impulse, too for I had not meant for it to be that rough. That expression of weakness was still on her face. I let a few of my emotions out, owning it up to later when I have to.

I tightly embraced her and returned the favor. I don't know what I've done to get this kind of treatment from her, or to even have her do that, but all I know is that I'm more than grateful to her for all that she's done for me. Maybe without her, I could've turned out worse. But, I can't voice that. Maybe if I do come back alive.

"Thanks, for everything, Marlena. I couldn't have gotten this far if it weren't for you. No matter what happens, I'll always remember you. But I'm afraid I can't return your feelings. I'm just not the right person for it. That doesn't mean that you're any less of a person, but part of me just doesn't want to lose any more people precious to me. If I start caring too much for someone, my past will come and haunt me again. I'm sorry for being selfish."

"Who would've thought that the first person I felt something special towards would reject me. You really are lacking in delicacy, Johann, you hard-headed idiot. Don't die, alright?" she whispered, pounding my chest lightly. Her warmth was something I've been missing, but not just hers, just the warmth itself of being around others. I've kept myself away from anything that could make me forget what I went through, and because of that, I've grown worse, in truth.

She embraced me back and then pulled away, coming back to her usual, dignified self. She fixed her clothes and cleared her throat.

"It's all up to you and the others now, Johann. Since I know that you have a deep, personal grudge, I know you'll do something reckless. It's going to be stupid to try and stop you from doing anything rash, but be sure to leave that trump card I taught you as a last resort. When everything's all but lost, you're going to be everyone's last hope."

"I know. Leave it to me. It'll all end here, I'll make sure of it."

She pinched her temple and turned away. "Ahh! I knew I shouldn't have taught you that in the first place. It's risky, and even if it does grant you the power you want, there's a chance that an even greater power will surpass it. Something that dabbled in the arcane arts isn't supposed to be in the hands of those without the blood inheritance, nor the capabilities for it. I don't know how you managed to pull it off, but you even got a hold of a few spells. I thought you were only a good for nothing guy when Julia kept talking about you, and she's right. But you're a special kind of good-for-nothing."

"You're not the first that's said that. I'm used to it. Now go ahead and give me some peace. I know you're skipping out on work right now, so go back and do whatever it is you do. I'll stop by somewhere before heading out."

"You don't have to tell me to leave, I was about to. But let me guess, it's that place again, isn't it?"

"Where else?"

"Alright. I won't say goodbye, so I'll expect to see you back, alright? No stopovers anywhere. If you don’t come back, I swear you’ll wish that you’d come back sooner."

"I’ll keep that in mind. Well, I better go while I have the time. Goodbye, Marlena. I'll at least make sure that they don't come near this place."

"But if they do?"

"Then I'll be here to save you. You're my teacher, after all. I'd be a horrible student if I let anything happen to you, right?"

I take my rucksack and hang it over my shoulder. I made sure that all my belongings were in order, and with that, I make for the door where Leo waited for me outside with two horses readied for departure.

"How did you get here already? I thought you were still inside."

"I went through the back door. It’d be really awkward if I just showed up and disturbed that little rendezvous you two had. But, it reminded me that I need to change the floors. I almost made a sound when I snuck by."

"I already told her what she had to hear, so there’s nothing between us now." I approached my horse and saddled up, tying my belongings to it tightly. I patted him on the nose and closed my eyes for a while, calming myself and the horse, who breathed rhythmically.

"Are you sure, Johann? You could have had what you wanted, someone to go back to. Not just her, but a lot of others. Why’d you turn them all down? Isn’t that a waste of happiness, something you’ve been missing?"

"I’m not worth the trouble. I’ll probably die there, so that means there’s no need for anyone to remember me. I made sure that my purpose remained the same no matter what. Whenever it seemed tough, I kept moving forward, never forgetting why I was in that situation. If I answered them back and returned those feelings, then it’d only made them anxious about what’s to come. All the more unfortunate to those who've already passed and are waiting for me. You can call me a brooder all you want, but that's just how things are now."

"I'm not going to, but aren’t you confident that you’ll come out of it alive?"

"No. Even with all that I’ve dedicated and sacrificed to become strong, I feel uneasy. I can’t seem to muster that confidence that I should have. I know how strong he is. Those following him are just as strong that most of us might not be able to even handle them. But still, that doesn’t mean I’m not taking the bastard down. I’ll die trying, no matter how grim things seem."

Johann had his horse trot up next to me, then he placed a hand on my shoulder. “I’ll be with you all the way, Johann. We’ll see this through, together. It's been that way for a while, hasn't it?”

I nod. We then make haste to the site we were supposed to go to, the place where my grief was the strongest. I had hesitated in the past to go there, but now I visited it often to pay my respects and to say my last farewell to them, finally.