Chapter 1- Park and Reminiscence

And heeere we are on the park, but honestly there is really nothing interesting here. How do i put it. It's the ''i got used to it'' feeling. Seriously, i have seen this park for so many times that i got used to it. Heck, i can walk around here blindfolded and i'm confident that i would still reach the location of where i want to be. This park is like a backyard to me. Evey nook and cranny and everything that can be use here is something i can put a good use for.

Firstly, the fountain, oh the fountain, the most crowded area of this park. Families and lovers

comes to hang out on this place for sightseeing and chitchatting. Even at this time, there are a lot of people currently crowding this place. I say ''lovers and families'' but there are still a bunch of nasty groups here. Gangs and street prostitutes seems to like the dim lighted part of the park. Of course since i'm usual bystander in this place. I came to know some of them, when i was still on high school they used to mess around with me all the time. They did extort money and such from time to time but the good thing is that they never really use violence against me.

Well, there was a time when one of the arrogant recruit who just joined approached me when he was drunk and did slap and pick on me. And at the time i was experiencing my constant sudden mood shift and the lose of my emotions..and well because of that, i snapped and grabbed the bottle his holding and then smash at his head. Then lose in rage, i keep on beating his face until one of them grabbed and hold me back.

It turned bloody, it was not my choice. Everyone on that place knew how bad my anger issues are. Even the leader of that gang knew my issues and tended to avoid me. Oh and don't get the wrong idea. He can easily beat the shit out of me. It's just that an angered kid trying to beat the living shit out him was something he wants to avoid. But despite that, i think i found it assuring that they aren't that bloodthirsty to me. Well some of them still have grudges, but the gang leader kinda holds them back. And they really don't want to fight that guy. I heard rumors that the gang leader has a connection to the biggest and influential mafioso in this town. The other gangs once tried messing with the gang leader and somehow they suddenly disappeared without a trace and was disbanded. After that incident, most of the gangs in the town, either laid low or disbanded. Trying to going against the gang leader is suicidal.

Anyway, the street prostitutes aren't that nasty. They are a bit talkative and tempting but without money or the looks they won't even bathed a single eye towards you. Some of them know me and teases the hell out of me, but that's only it.

Now moving on, i shall introduce the Tavern of this park, Yes, since the old days this tavern has existed since the founding of this town . It wouldn't be an exaggeration, that it may even be older than the town itself. It's a popular place for having a such cultural heritage. Also, its well protected and even the entertainment district or the mafioso's won't touch or make trouble on this place. Well anyway, the food there is the best in the town and you can even rent the rooms and beds upstairs in case your a tourist, a runner from home or trying to do it with the gals on the park.

For now i don't really have plans to go in there, so lets move on and go the playgrounds. The playgrounds is the one thing i love the most on this park. Since young, aside from school and home. This is the place which i spend the fourths of my life. Me and my friends use to play on this place and made both happy and painful memories here. But even so, none of my friends ever go to this place anymore. In high school we use to stay in this place wasting our precious times.But yet today, they won't even put their shoes on this place. After all, once they have gone to university's, they rarely even come to this town. You could say that after graduating from high school, they have move on and focused on their futures instead of playing around. Well because of that walls have been formed around us. But not to the extent that we slightly hate each other. We do still talk,but that's only when we play multiplayer and coop games online.The time i have spend ed with them are my treasure. It was a time we were worry less fools who laughs and glee like idiots. It was a time were our only problems were test,projects assignments and grades.

Yet now i am alone here, standing on solitude and goal less. Hah, i really do envy them for having such goals in life. I would be lying if i said im not jealous of their healthiness and their dreams.I once thought that ''Hey! If they can do it, i can do it too!''. But yet reality is harsh. Not even the day before university classes starts that i collapsed. I was deficient and weak, my immune system is brittle. Heck, the only reason why im walking around now is mainly because i still maintain my medications. But as if my parents were blind to them, they still continue asking me why am i so unmotivated and selfish. When i heard them say that awhile ago, i froze and feel so horrible.

How do you expect someone who may not live pass 20 to feel being told about things like that? I always wondered if they are just becoming senile but my parent still thinks that all of these are nothing and seems to assure so much that i would be perfectly healthy. I can't blame them for being such hardcore believers of God. I myself have agnostic views and doesn't have that much faith.

I came here in this park to swing down memory lane, but why am i feeling so shitty right now? Instead of nostalgia i an now depressed. I don't even know anymore...why i am drowning in such self pity.

Is it because i think that the world is unfair? Is it because of my shitty health?....Ah whatever, i guess just continue on to the seasides. for now to calm this eerie feeling in my heart.